Work: Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 113

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 1 506

12/11/2009 01:54

Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 021

You deserved it 42 427

Vulture

You tried

Hiding from the drama

21/09/2011 12:38

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 453

You deserved it 5 421

20/05/2015 12:03

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 521

You deserved it 14 179

29/12/2016 05:09

Today, I had my very first interview and pretty much got hired right away. Then I found out I have to drive 2 hours away for training. I don't have a car, license, or money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 739

You deserved it 570

03/02/2009 12:40

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 269

You deserved it 35 935

How d'you like them apples?

By an Apple a day my ass! - 11/10/2021 08:00

Today, in an effort to curb my drinking, I’ve tried eating an apple whenever I got the urge, which worked wonderfully for a couple of days, until the sudden influx of fiber in my diet caused me to violently shit myself miles from home. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 181

15/06/2009 07:45

Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 922

You deserved it 3 998

22/06/2016 14:29

Today, I told my friend I'm going vegetarian. He's now calling me "Reek" after the guy from Game of Thrones, because I'm apparently a "dickless loser" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 251

You deserved it 5 209

28/04/2013 03:16

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 146

You deserved it 3 428

25/07/2012 19:46

Today, my mom got a new puppy and named her Olivia. Which would be fine, if that wasn't the name I had been planning to give my baby, who's due in 3 weeks. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 529

You deserved it 2 536

04/11/2009 05:05

Today, the guy I've been dating texted me to say he joined an online dating site. He must have thought I was the best person to share this information with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 179

You deserved it 2 687

03/01/2015 01:46

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 599

You deserved it 2 473

19/08/2019 02:00

Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 397

04/10/2009 09:42

Today, after weeks of therapy for severe depression, my therapist thought it would be helpful to confess my deepest problems to my friends, to prove that it was alright to trust people. I did. They laughed. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 453

You deserved it 3 989

16/08/2011 06:44

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 417

You deserved it 4 598

18/07/2009 20:10

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 331

You deserved it 3 124

12/01/2013 08:14

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 022

You deserved it 44 144

14/03/2013 08:52

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 362

You deserved it 2 595

01/05/2011 07:03

Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 381

You deserved it 7 949

26/11/2014 20:45

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 883

You deserved it 3 669

04/10/2009 07:03

Today, my computer stopped working. Me, the technology challenged one, decided to do a system recovery on it hoping that I could make it better. Turns out, system recovery means deleting all the files off the computer including family photos, music and assignments and starting fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 630

You deserved it 54 600

17/09/2009 13:59

Today, I got my period. 10 minutes into a 3 hour exam. Apparently they are serious when they say you may not leave the room under any circumstances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 125

You deserved it 3 979

07/09/2010 19:16

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 453

You deserved it 3 660

25/09/2012 07:08

Today, I had to pay my manager $10 just to take my stalker's order so I didn't have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 880

You deserved it 2 382

04/10/2009 13:40

Today, I found a letter in the postbox at my new flat which ran something along these lines of: "Hi. We're the gas company. You owe us £1,229.79 and have 7 days to pay us. Lotsa love, dated 7th September." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 3 892

The Force is weak with this one

By fuck Star Wars - 14/09/2020 10:02

Today, I sat through 9 gruelling hours of Star Wars with my boyfriend. I hate those movies with a passion and frankly would rather get a pap smear from Wolverine than watch them. Afterwards, he dumped me for yawning, saying that I didn’t take a “serious” interest in his favorite things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 848

25/03/2013 18:25

Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 565

You deserved it 7 471

27/01/2010 10:20

Spicy

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 296

You deserved it 3 527

22/09/2013 05:45

Today, I hit a new low in my financial troubles when I left my work to retrieve twenty-five cents after seeing someone drop it across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 097

You deserved it 4 487

31/07/2009 15:10

Spicy

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 565

You deserved it 7 141

01/11/2012 11:48

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 820

You deserved it 4 892

21/11/2015 13:47

Today, my deadbeat dad threatened to press charges against me for harassment if I ever contact him again. I've contacted him twice in the last two years, once to tell him he was going to be a grandfather, and once to send him a birthday card from my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 633

You deserved it 1 809

30/05/2012 20:25

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 695

You deserved it 4 397

18/03/2010 15:22

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 375

You deserved it 6 314

18/07/2019 04:00

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 151

24/12/2014 14:43

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 036

You deserved it 3 963

29/11/2010 14:22

Today, a woman laughed after hearing my voice for the first time. This happens whenever I meet someone new, without fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 941

You deserved it 3 232

25/10/2010 00:36

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 566

You deserved it 3 453

20/07/2009 07:07

Today, I had an important powerpoint presentation for ALL the big execs at work. It seems that during my lunch break, my boyfriend IMed me on my mac saying "Feeling so horny right now, come home for a quicky like last week?" I didn't see it until the presentation. So did the executives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 932

You deserved it 10 422

14/12/2010 23:24

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 970

You deserved it 3 055

Ouch

By anon - 14/04/2015 00:51

Spicy

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 367

You deserved it 3 754

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UsernameHere_ 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:09

Get a fucking life atam. And yes, you should probably avoid talking to your boss via skype without pants on. Did you at least have on underwear?

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:18

I sense a raise in your future.

Comments

Thursday 12 November 2009 9:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Tuesday 6 April 2010 9:17

aaaannndd she got promoted

danyfuckinheatle 0

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Tuesday 22 June 2010 1:21

expect a raise soon.

UsernameHere_ 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:09

Get a fucking life atam. And yes, you should probably avoid talking to your boss via skype without pants on. Did you at least have on underwear?

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Thursday 12 November 2009 16:22

Were they at least clean?

hayleyblack2u71 21

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Friday 26 December 2014 22:23

Was OP a girl or boy? If OP is a boy, they will probs be fired or shamed. If OP is a girl...then looks like a certain OP has a upcoming promotion.

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:09

Haha funny. I hope he enjoyed the show

latkematzoball 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 16:46

or she hopefully for the op......

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:10

hot!

Nakedsquirrel 5

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:29

I'll bet her boss didn't want to stand up, either.

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Thursday 12 November 2009 17:04

LoL. Awesome. Also, promotion?

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Friday 13 November 2009 2:36

if you're hot this is hilarious :D if not its an fml for ur boss not you

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:11

There's so much you could have done to prevent him seeing things, I mean it's a web cam, couldn't you just move it out of view when going to grab the files? Derrr.

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:44

Err, maybe she didn't realize.. duhh :| Try not be a smart ass about stuff on here

concealedhavoc 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 18:37

haha that's probably not actually the sequence of events she would've wanted to go with. like maybe pausing prior to standing up. but it's a moot point because i would think the OP didn't just decide, oh fuck it, i'll have to show my boss my girlie bits. probably just completely forgot about her lack of pants.

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:13

well I hate to break it to ye hun, but I think you should try to but on a night gown or something from now on in the mornings

brown4lifejot 1

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 8:27

I also hate to break it to ye too but the only person i know who wears a night gown to sleep is my mom. -.-

allmidnighteyes 10

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:16

What if your boss was in their n00dies too? Then this suddenly turns into something MUCH more than a simple eConference...

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:18

I sense a raise in your future.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:21

she already gave her boss a raise ;)

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:25

hahaha, that made my day :D

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:27

Senses tingling indeed.

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Sunday 10 November 2013 5:02

Does this raise include his dick?

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:19

Uh, why do you and your boss Skype? o_O

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Thursday 12 November 2009 17:48

She probably works from home. Pretty common.

NickyK 25

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Tuesday 16 August 2011 7:18

Ever heard of the Skype Business Bundle? :/

cmac86 23

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Thursday 12 November 2009 9:31

usually acceptable for girls, unless you don't shave.