Intimacy: Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike... - FML

By Katrina641 - France

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

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Understandable

Season finale

Crowded House

By I hate nasty people - United States - South Bend

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

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By lizownsvirgy - United States

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

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By oh my soul

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

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By username - United Kingdom - Leatherhead

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I gave my friend a ride to town so she wouldn't have to pay the $10 to park. While waiting to pick her up, I grabbed a bite to eat. Upon returning to my car, I found a $55 parking ticket on my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Modesto

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML

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By voyagevoyage - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 02:02

Two sides to every story

Today, my grandpa told me that he and grandma had an open relationship, because, "it isn't satisfying to have sexuality with only one person your whole life.” According to grandma, he just cheated on her constantly and she couldn’t do anything to stop him. FML

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By HistoryHasEyes - 4/9/2020 23:01

That makes sense

Today, I was working in the produce department at my work. A lady came in to return some mangos. I asked her what the problem with the mangoes was. She said she didn't like the way they were talking to her. FML

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By wish.was.single - Canada

Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML

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By IAmACoolCat - United States

Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML

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By UnwantedDisappointment

Today, I accidentally saw my boyfriend's sexts to a guy he's friends with. He's been turning me down for sex for months. FML

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By shewantsmedead

Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML

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By Wetarse - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

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By TearfulDaughter - United States

Today, I planned on introducing my fiancé to my parents. After the introductions, and telling him how I hoped our relationship would have the same amount of love and commitment that has lasted my mother and father for 25 years, my parents awkwardly announced their imminent divorce. FML

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By wtf mom?!

Today, I completely lost it when I found out my mom was driving around with my 20-month-old daughter not sat in a car seat. She told me I was overreacting, and that everything was fine since she “prayed for a safe journey.” FML

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By anonymous - United States - Havelock

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

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By Cyrah - United States

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

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By wheelmaker

Today, the girl I've had several passionate encounters over the past few weeks admitted we cannot entirely be together as she is married. She wants to make it work with me but cannot divorce as she would lose her visa. FML

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By houdini - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

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By mog907 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I got fired from my first job because of the herpes on my lip. It was actually a 2nd degree burn from soup that splashed on to my lips when I was serving it but my manager doesn't believe me. FML

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By Pouya - United States

Today, it was my first day as a promoted manager. I got fired for being late. FML

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By Maju - Netherlands

Dumb, but relatable

Today, I hit my toe against a table. Out of frustration, I kicked the table and broke my little toe. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I could see my own mustache out of my peripheral vision while I was eating. I'm a 23 year old woman. FML

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By drugsforthugs - United States - Sierra Madre

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Akron

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I had leg surgery. While I was recovering in the hospital, my boyfriend dumped me. I then had to ride home, a 2 hour drive, listening to my mother and aunt tell me he was the best thing to happen to me and I will never find a better man. Then the morphine wore off. FML

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By Galaxy - Belgium - Guigoven

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

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By stupidboss - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Houghton Le Spring

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

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By Fuzzy - Australia

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

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By Leaving Early Fail - United States

Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Inverness

Today, after months of helping my mother with bills because she claimed she had no money, I found out she makes way more than what I do. She just wanted my money for alcohol and drugs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

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By iDontLikeMySiblingsThatMuch

Today, my husband of 10 years decided only after I told him I wanted a divorce that his niece is also his daughter. FML

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Top comments

By rldostie | 19

#893538 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:09

Time to open that mouth and tell the men in your life what you like. Men aren't mind readers. if your sexually unsatisfied, it's up to YOU to speak up and try to change that.

By Thatguywhotrolls | 0

#893541 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:10

That would be an awkward threesome.

COMMENTS

By NotMeh | 0

#893529 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:06

wow...

Reply

brantzilch | 0

#893544 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:10

haha

Reply

jdomfml | 0

#893585 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:19

I wanna see that exercise bike!!

Reply

purgarus | 6

#893657 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:58

HAWT! ;) Also pics or it didn't happen!

Reply

bettadenne1 | 0

#893664 - Friday 26 February 2010 10:02

he needs a bigger dik. hahaha

Reply

Fedor_fml | 0

#893792 - Friday 26 February 2010 12:11

ditch your bf and marry the bike, problem solved

Reply

ey3seecold | 0

#893819 - Friday 26 February 2010 12:26

maybe ur just fat !!!! or give him some handle bars...

Reply

sublimaze | 6

#893913 - Friday 26 February 2010 13:50

I bet there's more miles on her bike than her car

Reply

Mehness | 0

#893980 - Friday 26 February 2010 14:30

Bike fetish? I think so.

Reply

killerviral | 0

#894061 - Friday 26 February 2010 15:40

@sublime ahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaaahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaaahh she can ride her bike with no handle bars no handle bars ahahahahahajajajajajjaja

Reply

thecbake4 | 0

#894227 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:31

I like to ride my bicycle...I like to ride my bike...I like to ride my bicycle...I like to ride it where i like...

Reply

paul924 | 0

#894636 - Friday 26 February 2010 19:45

or just get him on the bike

Reply

Dr33zy_fml | 0

#895503 - Saturday 27 February 2010 0:24

it could just be sweat YDI

Reply

chely_95 | 0

#896231 - Saturday 27 February 2010 5:02

epic fail

Reply

baby_val | 0

#896561 - Saturday 27 February 2010 7:07

hahaha nice

Reply

Austino713 | 0

#896709 - Saturday 27 February 2010 8:05

"his anaconda wont want none unless you got buns hun!!!!"

Reply

LforLove | 0

#898072 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:32

and he probably gets more turned on by melons then he does by you

Reply

jamiebuczko | 0

#900128 - Sunday 28 February 2010 10:37

lol #55

Reply

Aj4710 | 0

#933435 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:27

21 is the man.

Reply

blo0_starZz | 0

#1115614 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 22:57

u knw theres this psychological problem [email protected] rare in ppl. it mayks ppl think furniture is sexy ;)
no joke x]

Reply

JohnnyHobo | 0

#1132210 - Saturday 24 July 2010 8:14

Yup, Handlebars, and Bicycle both popped into my head when I read this. Hahhaha. Classic.

Reply

qwerty8788 | 4

#1341003 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:51

is it the Bruno bike? lol

By clumsyjazzy | 0

#893530 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:06

awww that sucks!!

Reply

garrettjordan | 0

#893535 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:08

haha wow think of it as a huge vibrator

Reply

jimmychunk | 0

#893616 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:29

where is snickerdoodles? it's a miracle!

Reply

purgarus | 6

#893661 - Friday 26 February 2010 10:00

Don't mention her name you might jinx it!

By rldostie | 19

#893538 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:09

Time to open that mouth and tell the men in your life what you like. Men aren't mind readers. if your sexually unsatisfied, it's up to YOU to speak up and try to change that.

Reply

CyrusTheBlue | 0

#893686 - Friday 26 February 2010 10:20

Listen to this man.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#893895 - Friday 26 February 2010 13:39

Yeah. And don't feel bad about telling him; I'm pretty sure he was giving you the runaround with the treadmill anyway.

Reply

rldostie | 19

#894065 - Friday 26 February 2010 15:43

I'm a woman :)

Reply

myownenemy | 0

#894538 - Friday 26 February 2010 18:35

that doesn't change much then, she still needs to listen to you.

By ctuck311 | 0

#893539 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:09

that's sad

By Thatguywhotrolls | 0

#893541 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:10

That would be an awkward threesome.

Reply

eduardo2k | 0

#893553 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:12

lol

Reply

northerngirl | 0

#893575 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:17

thatguy........ awesome!!!! lmao

Reply

perdix | 29

#894025 - Friday 26 February 2010 15:14

Wait til the BF busts in on her riding the stationary bike while inflating the tire of a road bike with her mouth.

By Mnemic | 5

#893542 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:10

Your boyfriend is doing it wrong! :-o

By ilovethatfreak | 0

#893554 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:12

well, your bike probably is faster.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#893886 - Friday 26 February 2010 13:34

..but it has stamina for a marathon!

By snipersdelight | 0

#893555 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:12

damn I love the way that sexy exercise bike looks mmmm!

By BrownSugar_fml | 5

#893556 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:13

bikes are so sexy

Reply

chachachaBang | 0

#896336 - Saturday 27 February 2010 5:36

hell yeah they are. ...apparently.

By GTR10 | 0

#893561 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:13

that's sucks!!!! u should talk to him.. let him know wut goin on.