Intimacy: Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike... - FML

By Katrina641 - France

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Spreading

Backstabbing

By bender - Canada

Today, I decided that it would be good exercise to shovel the ice on the backyard patio. Now I can't stand up. FML

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By [email protected]

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellingham

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

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By Thalassophobic - United States

Today, I went to the beach. I was in the ocean and I looked over my shoulder and saw a big black spot. Knowing that there were big crabs on the beach, I screamed. Everyone in the water heard including the lifeguards. It turns out it was just my shadow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a hummingbird somehow got into my house. I spent two and a half hours trying to get it out after finally using a blanket to catch it. I run outside to release it from my hands, and it flew back into my house. FML

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By greatly disturbed - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went over to my friend’s house while she was sick. In order to show me how bad her sense of smell was, she took a handful of VapoRub and rubbed it all over and inside of my nose then said, “Can you smell that? I can’t.” Yes, I can. But I can also feel my nostrils burning. FML.

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

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By really - United States

Today, my parents told me they don't think I'll ever find a boyfriend, and insist on referring to my future cats as their "grandkids". FML

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By pornstorebitch

Knock yourself out, dude

Today, I got told I was a bitch because I wouldn’t let a homeless man dig through my dumpster at work, even though he was hungry. We don’t even sell food. I work at a sex store. FML

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By pasquale - Australia - Parramatta

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

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By Kasey Eames - United States - Oceanside

Today, I told my husband to tell me his wildest fantasy. He told me it was to put on fake antlers and "do it like deer". FML

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By Sarah_Mow

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public bathroom. As I was about to put the tampon into the sanitary bin, I dropped it and it rolled under the stall next to mine. It was occupied. FML

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By magicalDEATH - United Kingdom

Today, I flew a toy helicopter into my face. FML

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By J-Sauce - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, I went to a club with 6 girls thinking it would be awesome. As soon as we got there, they all said they wanted to go dance and asked if I could watch their purses. FML

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By not eyelid - Spain - Manresa

Today, at work, I quickly bought plane tickets on an iPad. I should have taken my time doing it, because now, thanks to autocorrect, I have two tickets for a girl with the first name of Eyelid. FML

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By mandygeegoesnom - United States

Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Secret sex

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

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By bitches. - United States

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML

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By disturbedgd - South Africa

Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML

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By Nish - United States - Kent

Today, I got my cats a new scratching post. They completely ignored it and tore apart the new felt on my pool table. FML

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By Kidsthesedays - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had breakfast at a hotel in Jamaica. The bill came to $1087 Jamaican Dollars, which is roughly $8.30 USD. When they swiped my Visa card, the hotel accidentally charged me $1087 USD. That's the most expensive omelet I've had in my life. FML

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By sunshine19217 - United States

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

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By SpontaneousAM - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML

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By snidpea - France

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

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By Jason - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that conducting CPR and saving a man's life means nothing if you break his ribs. He is suing me for $10,000. FML

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By me - United States - Bronx

Today, as a part of my autobiography project for school, I needed to have 2 friends and 2 family members each write me a letter. I ended up having to forge 3 letters. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2am I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML

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By Ken - 10/5/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Swindon

The Talk

Today, I asked my 13-year-old son if he thought he was mature enough for a talk about "the birds and the bees." His response was, "They fly, so what? Why would I care?" FML

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By rockstarohyeah - United States

Today, I was given the best news of my life. I am cancer free and am not, at the ripe age of 23 going to bite the dust. My husband left his journal on the nightstand in our bedroom. He wrote, "I feel like a bad person, but if she dies, I don't have to get divorced." FML

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By kfoehslfns - United States

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

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By WtfDidIPayYouForThen - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I asked my dermatologist why my acne has been getting worse, despite following her directions and spending hundreds of dollars on medicine. She just shrugged and told me they can't actually cure my acne. However, they can prescribe me a bunch of stuff and hope one works. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a letter from the Navy saying that they accepted my application to join the Navy. I never applied. FML

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By Mary

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML

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By scaredinnyc - United States - Trenton

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

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Top comments

By rldostie | 19

#893538 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:09

Time to open that mouth and tell the men in your life what you like. Men aren't mind readers. if your sexually unsatisfied, it's up to YOU to speak up and try to change that.

By Thatguywhotrolls | 0

#893541 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:10

That would be an awkward threesome.

COMMENTS

By NotMeh | 0

#893529 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:06

wow...

Reply

brantzilch | 0

#893544 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:10

haha

Reply

jdomfml | 0

#893585 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:19

I wanna see that exercise bike!!

Reply

purgarus | 6

#893657 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:58

HAWT! ;) Also pics or it didn't happen!

Reply

bettadenne1 | 0

#893664 - Friday 26 February 2010 10:02

he needs a bigger dik. hahaha

Reply

Fedor_fml | 0

#893792 - Friday 26 February 2010 12:11

ditch your bf and marry the bike, problem solved

Reply

ey3seecold | 0

#893819 - Friday 26 February 2010 12:26

maybe ur just fat !!!! or give him some handle bars...

Reply

sublimaze | 6

#893913 - Friday 26 February 2010 13:50

I bet there's more miles on her bike than her car

Reply

Mehness | 0

#893980 - Friday 26 February 2010 14:30

Bike fetish? I think so.

Reply

killerviral | 0

#894061 - Friday 26 February 2010 15:40

@sublime ahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaaahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaaahh she can ride her bike with no handle bars no handle bars ahahahahahajajajajajjaja

Reply

thecbake4 | 0

#894227 - Friday 26 February 2010 16:31

I like to ride my bicycle...I like to ride my bike...I like to ride my bicycle...I like to ride it where i like...

Reply

paul924 | 0

#894636 - Friday 26 February 2010 19:45

or just get him on the bike

Reply

Dr33zy_fml | 0

#895503 - Saturday 27 February 2010 0:24

it could just be sweat YDI

Reply

chely_95 | 0

#896231 - Saturday 27 February 2010 5:02

epic fail

Reply

baby_val | 0

#896561 - Saturday 27 February 2010 7:07

hahaha nice

Reply

#896709 - Saturday 27 February 2010 8:05

"his anaconda wont want none unless you got buns hun!!!!"

Reply

LforLove | 0

#898072 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:32

and he probably gets more turned on by melons then he does by you

Reply

jamiebuczko | 0

#900128 - Sunday 28 February 2010 10:37

lol #55

Reply

Aj4710 | 0

#933435 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 23:27

21 is the man.

Reply

blo0_starZz | 0

#1115614 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 22:57

u knw theres this psychological problem [email protected] rare in ppl. it mayks ppl think furniture is sexy ;)
no joke x]

Reply

JohnnyHobo | 0

#1132210 - Saturday 24 July 2010 8:14

Yup, Handlebars, and Bicycle both popped into my head when I read this. Hahhaha. Classic.

Reply

qwerty8788 | 4

#1341003 - Friday 3 September 2010 2:51

is it the Bruno bike? lol

By clumsyjazzy | 0

#893530 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:06

awww that sucks!!

Reply

garrettjordan | 0

#893535 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:08

haha wow think of it as a huge vibrator

Reply

jimmychunk | 0

#893616 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:29

where is snickerdoodles? it's a miracle!

Reply

purgarus | 6

#893661 - Friday 26 February 2010 10:00

Don't mention her name you might jinx it!

By rldostie | 19

#893538 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:09

Time to open that mouth and tell the men in your life what you like. Men aren't mind readers. if your sexually unsatisfied, it's up to YOU to speak up and try to change that.

Reply

CyrusTheBlue | 0

#893686 - Friday 26 February 2010 10:20

Listen to this man.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#893895 - Friday 26 February 2010 13:39

Yeah. And don't feel bad about telling him; I'm pretty sure he was giving you the runaround with the treadmill anyway.

Reply

rldostie | 19

#894065 - Friday 26 February 2010 15:43

I'm a woman :)

Reply

myownenemy | 0

#894538 - Friday 26 February 2010 18:35

that doesn't change much then, she still needs to listen to you.

By ctuck311 | 0

#893539 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:09

that's sad

By Thatguywhotrolls | 0

#893541 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:10

That would be an awkward threesome.

Reply

eduardo2k | 0

#893553 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:12

lol

Reply

northerngirl | 0

#893575 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:17

thatguy........ awesome!!!! lmao

Reply

perdix | 29

#894025 - Friday 26 February 2010 15:14

Wait til the BF busts in on her riding the stationary bike while inflating the tire of a road bike with her mouth.

By Mnemic | 5

#893542 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:10

Your boyfriend is doing it wrong! :-o

By ilovethatfreak | 0

#893554 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:12

well, your bike probably is faster.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#893886 - Friday 26 February 2010 13:34

..but it has stamina for a marathon!

By snipersdelight | 0

#893555 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:12

damn I love the way that sexy exercise bike looks mmmm!

By BrownSugar_fml | 5

#893556 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:13

bikes are so sexy

Reply

chachachaBang | 0

#896336 - Saturday 27 February 2010 5:36

hell yeah they are. ...apparently.

By GTR10 | 0

#893561 - Friday 26 February 2010 9:13

that's sucks!!!! u should talk to him.. let him know wut goin on.