Work: Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new... - FML

By stupid - 24/11/2014 19:21 - United States - Middleton

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 211

You deserved it 8 097

Taking stock

The smell detective is on the case

Real housewives

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 08:05 - Poland

Today, I was at the Polish border when I found my passport was gone. I contacted the last place I stayed at and the owner said he would handle it. I reluctantly agreed as I was being charged international rates. Apparently, "taking care of it" means telling the embassy I'm retarded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 442

You deserved it 6 343

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 111

You deserved it 10 454

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 946

You deserved it 50 396

By Clumsy - 04/08/2018 15:00

Today, while baby-proofing the stairs so that my toddler wouldn't fall, I slipped on his toy car, broke the brand new gate while grabbing it so I wouldn't fall down the stairs, and broke my wrist and a rib. My husband should mom-proof the house for me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 159

You deserved it 356

By Anonymous - 16/10/2014 19:30 - United States - Traverse City

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 742

You deserved it 5 902

By Just_Me_88 - 14/02/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, the mafia is out to get him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 244

You deserved it 3 211

By ryanlogan - 31/08/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 594

You deserved it 5 690

The more things change…

By J.O.S - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the '90s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 073

You deserved it 9 501

By Anonymous - 20/08/2019 20:00 - Canada

Today, I was refereeing at a kids' soccer tournament and a deer ran across one of the fields. Some of the parents then claimed that a deer on the field meant a free kick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 110

Temper tantrum

By "QueenCortana Tiffany Turner" - 07/02/2020 14:00

Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 248

You deserved it 277

By Anonymous - 08/11/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, I took a major test, worth half my grade, not realizing that there were questions on the back of the sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 816

You deserved it 38 544

Jesus Saves

By workaholic - 06/03/2014 16:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I thought I'd finally finished the special project my boss gave me of changing the eligibility details on several hundred loans. My coworker later pointed out that the document was the same as it had been hours before, and that the changes I made hadn't saved at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 403

You deserved it 7 426

Burning rubber

By Anonymous - 16/05/2021 00:01

Today, I bought a car that literally caught fire seconds after I started the engine. The dealership then fobbed me off, saying I'd driven it off their forecourt (by about 3 yards), so it was entirely my problem, but they still expect my monthly payments to be on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 20:47 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 053

You deserved it 2 773

By JenniWearsPrada - 20/04/2011 08:27

Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 932

You deserved it 26 213

You big child

By Immature - 10/01/2021 05:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my girlfriend of six years burst into tears and said yes repeatedly when I presented her with a ring. I then had to explain that it was a promise ring, not an engagement ring. She looked me in the eye and dumped me on the spot. Apparently, promise rings are for teenagers, not couples in their 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 7 951

By unlucky - 08/10/2012 16:39 - United States - Alpena

Today, I'm going to be helping the love of my life pick out an engagement ring for my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 277

You deserved it 4 106

By littlelottie - 17/01/2012 17:04 - United States

Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 528

You deserved it 3 582

Shit's going down

By oGxFoopFoop - 28/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was taking a shit in my friend's bathroom when his brother's girlfriend walked in. Nobody decided to tell me that the lock didn’t work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 150

By geedeewhy - 01/01/2019 04:00

Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 518

You deserved it 744

By Kelleee - 30/09/2017 20:00

Today, I paid £200 for a car service to make sure everything was running okay. I got the all clear that everything was perfect and all necessary fluids topped up. I then wrote the car off 20 minutes later in an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 101

You deserved it 434

Mom gets some

By not a photographer - 21/06/2020 08:08

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 129

By she has dumbcuntitis - 03/06/2015 06:03 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 119

You deserved it 1 996

Don't feed the trolls

By pathetic - 23/04/2012 22:06 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote, "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 155

You deserved it 56 308

By Aisu - 08/05/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, my mother called me a bad son for not telling her "Happy Mother's Day". When I told her Mother's Day wasn't until the 10th, she said that I would have forgotten anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 765

You deserved it 3 052

It's called fashion Susan, look it up

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 23:01

Today, I thought it'd be funny to give my younger brother a wedgie. I found the thong I thought I'd lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 397

By Anonymous - 17/11/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 509

You deserved it 8 746

By disgusted - 23/02/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 392

You deserved it 3 661

Slasher

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 08:01 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I made some burritos when a photo frame fell and smashed over my pan. I'm pretty broke so I thought I got all the glass out of the meat and ate some. I reheated the meat for dinner too and well, I found the glass that time... FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 803

That's not a child, that's a bio-hazard!

By Anonymous - 08/01/2018 09:00 - United States - Thomasville

Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 718

You deserved it 781

By dentistvictim - 16/10/2009 07:27 - Norway

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 703

You deserved it 2 696

Keep your secrets, do your own laundry

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 242

Assumptions

By friendless - 30/08/2021 22:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friend casually asked if she could “gift” me to her husband for his birthday threesome. I told her she was being rude, and made me feel cheap and objectified. She scoffed and said, "What’s the big deal? Aren’t all you bi chicks into that anyway?” No. No I’m not. So much for friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 811

You deserved it 290

By Beaky - 12/10/2011 05:09 - Canada

Today, I found out it takes no special training to put a large glass marble up my nostril but may require someone with a medical degree to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 098

You deserved it 49 880

By Now Single - 03/04/2011 08:06 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118 534

You deserved it 8 351

By deathbysnoosnoo - 24/11/2009 21:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, while showing my art work at a festival, a very old cougar walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up later. After refusing more than one time, the woman walked away with my business card. I've been getting emails with naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 807

You deserved it 5 550

By Anonymous - 08/09/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 335

You deserved it 7 984

By Anonymous - 20/01/2014 20:23 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 329

You deserved it 33 831

Denial

By Anonymous - 02/05/2020 20:00

Today, I got told repeatedly to "stay in my lane" by a woman in her 40s. Why? Because I politely asked her if she had a mask when she entered the retail store I work in. Our policy is that everyone must wear a face mask in the store at all times. One hour down, 8 more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 299

Depression boulevard

By BigDreaded - 14/11/2021 22:00 - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, after thinking that if I had a good job I'd be OK, I just started a job making almost 30$ an hour. I still pray for death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 181

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Top comments

Dlzq 22

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:30

Well, it might be your own fault..

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 2:36

#3 and 28 are you new or just stupid ?

Comments

Dlzq 22

Send a private message

Monday 24 November 2014 23:30

Well, it might be your own fault..

Send a private message

Monday 24 November 2014 23:32

I agree

Send a private message

Tuesday 25 November 2014 0:42

#3 There's a button for that. Called thumbs up

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 2:36

#3 and 28 are you new or just stupid ?

Send a private message

Tuesday 25 November 2014 6:04

Yeah, OP has to be doing something wrong... remember eggs on the top.

nevm 12

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 7:32

.

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 14:51

Or eggs by itself. Same thing with the bread

jelrid 30

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:31

Man, I totally have that same problem!

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:36

Wink wink. Nudge nudge. Say no more

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:32

In that case I feel like you might really be doing something wrong... But good luck for the future!!

rekkas 16

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:32

Maybe theyre stupid

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:33

They're*

euphoricness 28

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 0:52

Thare*

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 2:06

He did have it spelled as there

cherry_popper69 11

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 6:16

#40 trying to redeem yourself?

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 8:54

dare*

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 22:26

*pear

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:32

What do you do at your job?

Epikatz 22

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 4:23

Nothing, apparently.

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:33

the cusomer is always right! (just kidding)

CoGhostRider 31

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:34

I think we have compiled enough data to say you're not new so....

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 8:55

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

coming back in the future 30

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 10:52

And?

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Thursday 27 November 2014 0:45

I want to say that #69's comment was a joke but...

skittle_QUEEN_YO 15

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Friday 28 November 2014 7:07

Gathering from the newly recieved data we have proof to confirm 68's hypothesis, the proof you may ask? 69. This information can help us better understand the world of the idiots.

homesuckfucker 28

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:35

It's possible that you just have rude customers, but just as likely that you're doing something wrong! Ask for advice from more experienced coworkers. It also wouldn't hurt to ask customers why they think that, they could have valid reasons. If you learn what you're doing wrong, you can easily better yourself.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 3:19

I agree, if you're having problems ask a coworker or the boss to help you out. Just tell them you don't think you have enough of a solid grasp on it and that you want to try and work harder, no one will fault you for that. The longer this goes on though without getting help the more trouble you may get in if the boss finds out. The first thing the boss will say is "why didn't you ask for help?"

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:36

Not your fault op. They are just jerks! Some people don't learn as quickly as others and sometimes they may ask for something that you can't do. Just keep your head up!!

glabberfasted 16

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 3:10

No, I think OP is just stupid.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Tuesday 25 November 2014 3:21

While it may not be Op's fault that he doesn't understand what he is doing, it is Op's fault for not asking for help.

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Monday 24 November 2014 23:39

That sucks because you can't really say too much back without repercussions. I have to know why they keep saying this to determine if you deserve it or not.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 17

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 107

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 1 258