Kids and Health: Today, I realized it isn’t my 5-month-old son who has the issue...

By MamaMia - 25/11/2018 15:30

Today, I realized it isn’t my 5-month-old son who has the issue sleeping without me, it is I who cannot sleep without him. This is his first night in his crib and I can’t fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 581

You deserved it 611

Kids Health

Empathy lives

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

How? Why? What?

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 00:30 - Canada

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my finger nail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 748

You deserved it 2 940

By sealy - 28/12/2010 07:44 - United States

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 977

You deserved it 7 844

Trust

By Anonymous - 14/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out from some guy that he and my wife had been having an affair for over year. She confessed to everything, and said they had already broken it off. She also admitted that she would've never mentioned it to me if I'd never found out on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 72

By satanworshipper - 18/10/2012 04:58 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 112

You deserved it 2 724

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 10:51 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 216

You deserved it 1 882

By Anonymous - 12/06/2017 02:00

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 499

You deserved it 304

By feelthelove - 02/11/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 474

You deserved it 5 559

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 2 710

By coffeeshopgirl - 08/05/2012 00:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 773

You deserved it 4 467

By Rowansgonnarow - 05/07/2014 20:19

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 344

You deserved it 15 922

Unrequited lover

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 11:31

Today, I had to give advice to my best friend and love of my life. What kind of advice? What to wear while on a date with some guy. We're roommates, and she wouldn't stop telling me about everything when she got home. This happens on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 879

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 01:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 3 052

Time to run

By wastedtime - 13/09/2020 10:57 - United States

Today, things were going great with my girlfriend of six months. She knew I had kids and it seemed to be getting serious, so I decided to introduce her to them. After dinner, I walked her to her car and she said, "That’s real nice but what are you going to do with them once you and I have kids?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 104

You deserved it 179

By shugberry - 01/09/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 115

By Cyberella - 17/07/2009 05:36 - Australia

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 164

You deserved it 9 618

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 07:02 - United States

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 320

You deserved it 2 772

By hlewrn - 22/06/2016 01:52 - United States - Centreville

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend for another girl. This other girl helped me break up with her so we could date. After it was all done, she promptly rejected me and in front of everyone, saying how much of a douche I was for leaving my girlfriend for another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 900

You deserved it 33 142

By yupthissucks - 13/04/2015 09:00 - United States - Newnan

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 059

You deserved it 2 761

By NotYourFriend - 24/10/2016 19:53

Today, I had to kick my husband's friend out of our house after a week. He left lights on, played video games all day, ate all of our food and laughed when his son hit my dog. He was only invited over for one dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 031

You deserved it 830

By Anonymous - 11/04/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, my cat brought yet another chipmunk into our house. She never kills them, so they stay in our house until we either capture them or they escape. So far, she's brought in three squirrels, four chipmunks, four mice, and a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 956

You deserved it 7 031

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 320

You deserved it 66 627

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 10:00 - United States

Today, after closing down the gas station I work at, I went to unlock the door to the building. Turned out the lock broke and I was locked inside until my boss could get there to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 880

You deserved it 481

By :( - 06/06/2013 23:37 - United States

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 822

You deserved it 4 732

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 00:51 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 000

You deserved it 2 911

By canucks_chick - 23/10/2011 05:45 - Canada

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 525

You deserved it 20 992

By disheshateme - 18/11/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 618

You deserved it 3 963

By :-( - 17/07/2013 05:22 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 376

You deserved it 3 629

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 148

You deserved it 3 041

By esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 692

You deserved it 8 297

Free Playboy for the guy that can't even use it. Oh, cruel fate.

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 02:00

Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 275

You deserved it 719

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 00:56 - United Kingdom - March

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 3 281

By Erin - 10/05/2016 02:18 - United States - Springfield

Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 399

You deserved it 1 256

By Dave - 10/09/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 405

You deserved it 3 555

By unluckybirthdaykid - 11/09/2017 23:15

Today, my birthday, was going great until my boyfriend received a text from a girl saying he gave her chlamydia. Now I have no boyfriend, but at least I have the chlamydia keeping me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 438

You deserved it 390

By Anonymous - 14/04/2013 14:22 - United States - Big Lake

Today, I asked my grandmother to hem my prom dress for me. I'm her oldest granddaughter so I thought she'd be happy to do it. She said no. Her occupation is a seamstress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 193

You deserved it 7 964

By badmom101 - 16/05/2009 11:26 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 606

You deserved it 6 380

By TooTallNiCo - 28/11/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 975

You deserved it 35 972

By Anonymous - 22/07/2015 06:18

Today, a girl with a picture of One Direction as her desktop asked if I wanted to partner with her on a 70% law assignment. Two hours after saying no, I found out that she's a legal genius with a guaranteed job in the field and a near perfect GPA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 079

You deserved it 52 587

By kristine29 - 03/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 2 792

By rapturezz - 06/06/2011 07:55 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend told my entire family and all my friends that we broke up because I came out to her. They all believe her. Twenty two texts and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 964

You deserved it 3 742

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Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Thursday 8 November 2018 21:29

This is kinda sweet. I think. Try replacing him with a teddy bear until you're able to fall asleep without it. And please, don't turn into one of those moms who refuses to believe anyone will love him as much as you do, so you sabotage his relationships.

TCRII 29

Sunday 25 November 2018 15:41

Try setting up his baby monitor close enough to hear his breathing. That really calmed my nerves when my son started sleeping on his own.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Thursday 8 November 2018 21:29

TCRII 29

Sunday 25 November 2018 15:41

Try setting up his baby monitor close enough to hear his breathing. That really calmed my nerves when my son started sleeping on his own.

fjvitt 14

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Sunday 25 November 2018 16:30

I bet you could fit in the crib too!

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 25 November 2018 16:47

College is going to be awkward.

Envy22 32

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Sunday 25 November 2018 16:47

Try either putting the crib your room or setting up a baby monitor.

TumblrweedPasses 11

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Sunday 25 November 2018 19:05

This is totally normal, especially if you've grown accustom to sleeping next to someone close like spouse or kids It'll take some time but be proud that you helped your little one leave the nest

slkeithh 12

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Sunday 25 November 2018 19:43

oh my god. really??? grow up...

rebelwithmouseyhair 16

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Tuesday 27 November 2018 15:50

I hope you don't have kids

fde2blknimout 18

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Sunday 25 November 2018 20:48

This way you won’t roll over on the baby and kill it.

AmbrosiaFan 18

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Saturday 1 December 2018 16:23

Unless she is a heavy sleeper, heavy drinker, or drug addict, most moms are hyper aware of their child in bed with them, and they take precautions so as to not roll over on them. I was constantly aware of where my son was and is and have never rolled over onto him.

1ninjanina 7

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Sunday 25 November 2018 20:57

Be strong. I’m sure you know it’s best for both of you that he learns to sleep alone, or it wouldn’t be an FML. My cousins’s two year old still “needs” to go to sleep with his mother, and it’s all kinds of trouble.