Miscellaneous: Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has...

By sosadstudent - 20/04/2011 20:52 - Netherlands

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 652

You deserved it 4 349

Miscellaneous

Late term

Hiding from the drama

This is us

By pon-3 - 22/06/2012 21:13 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 861

You deserved it 2 302

Size zero

By Hannah - 27/03/2021 05:01

Today, I have been trying for 5 days to gain weight. Which for me, requires stuffing myself to the point of exploding. I haven’t slept in days because I'm constantly digesting food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 232

By Anonymous - 18/08/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, my new $100 electronic cigarette came in the mail. I was so excited to try it out, I used it on the drive to work. The people who sold it to me weren't kidding when they said it looked and felt real. I threw it out the window when I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 482

You deserved it 64 144

By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 19:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 945

You deserved it 6 750

By Brandon - 04/08/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me from her parents' house where she is visiting. They were BBQing outside when out of the blue her childhood friend Adam showed up at the door for the BBQ. She asked her parents why he was there, and her dad replied that he "wants her to know that she has options." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 607

You deserved it 2 965

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:06 - Kazakhstan

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 018

You deserved it 3 670

One man and his lawn

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 16:00 - United States - Little Rock

Today, my husband, who rarely helps with big projects around the house, offered to help me with our mess of a backyard. An hour and a half into the project, and an hour and a half after he disappeared from the backyard, I found him mowing and edging the front. Our front yard was immaculate and didn't need mowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 95

By pissed off - 02/07/2014 21:52 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my dad finished installing our new home security system. One of the features lets him control any light in the house from his phone. He keeps trying to piss me off by turning my bedroom light on at random intervals. I don't know how to make it stop, and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 672

You deserved it 4 927

By Anonymous - 02/02/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my husband’s crazy ex girlfriend has not only moved to our area, but has also landed herself on his patient list. He’s a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 406

You deserved it 362

By Jess - 04/05/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 775

You deserved it 3 529

By QuicksilverMaximoff - 30/01/2011 14:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 823

You deserved it 3 101

Sludge factory

By fmyactuallife - 03/05/2020 08:00

Today, I'm on my second day of a week of antibiotics to treat a bad urine infection. Incidentally, the pills seem to be giving me extremely loud, frequent, gut-wrenchingly painful and smelly diarrhea. Only 5 more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 106

By Blackberry - 10/07/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I paid $80 to change my cell number because my ex-girlfriend had been stalking me. To inform all of my friends of the change, I sent a mass text message to everyone in my phonebook. Including my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 740

You deserved it 82 995

By Wtf - 03/11/2015 22:06

Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 695

You deserved it 3 483

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 475

You deserved it 59 278

By lisa - 29/11/2015 16:04 - Australia - Kensington

Today, my sister accused me of "leading on" her creepy best friend and said I should apologize to him for making him think he was going to get lucky. I haven't talked to the guy in over 5 years, except for one random encounter 2 days ago, where all I said was, "Hi, how have you been?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 683

You deserved it 1 380

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 154

You deserved it 2 995

By roundemup - 11/02/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I was helping some neighbors corral and tag their cattle. Deciding to take a break, I turned my back to all 3 men and jumped down from an old, rusty gate. Luckily, the sharp piece of metal sticking out of it barely missed my skin. Instead it tore off the ass of both my pants and undies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 607

You deserved it 5 185

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 20:21 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 197

You deserved it 17 448

It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 20:00

Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 294

By sugar baby24 - 28/06/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 6 254

By Anonymous - 14/01/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law started shit-talking me on Facebook, and we got into a heated argument. She called me later in the day, saying I'll be lucky if I ever marry her son and that, "You'll suffer to your last breath." I'm now terrified to set foot outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 137

You deserved it 6 008

Sex Ed is broken

By asnolt - 24/05/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 581

You deserved it 9 327

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 05:17 - United States - Muncy

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 759

You deserved it 6 140

Tinder surprised

By NatchezParadox - 09/10/2019 18:00

Today, I watched as my Tinder date arrived at the coffee shop and mistook another woman for me. He never realized she was the wrong girl, and they spent the entire date together before leaving. The only similarity between me and the other woman was our hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 878

You deserved it 602

Slot machine addicts

By Hospoh8r - 24/03/2021 18:01 - New Zealand

Today, I'm working in hospitality. I was serving a customer when another customer came up to cash in from the pokies. I told them I'd be there in a minute, and they said OK. By the time I got to them, they were complaining to my boss. Guess whose side was taken? FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 50

By Anonymous - 11/08/2019 04:00

Today, my drunk neighbor informed me that if I don't keep my skunk out of his yard, he's going to call the cops. I live in town, and it's a wild skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 90

Bunch of bankers

By WTF - 30/10/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 356

You deserved it 2 237

By crucets - 06/10/2010 04:37 - United States

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 165

You deserved it 57 241

By phreshrice - 07/04/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 886

You deserved it 22 504

By ouch - 05/10/2015 19:20 - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 812

You deserved it 3 736

By nV1ous - 17/09/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 090

You deserved it 56 843

By Buggy - 12/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Atmore

Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 137

You deserved it 5 043

By Wet Britches - 24/11/2016 01:32 - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 632

You deserved it 1 552

By coffeeshopgirl - 08/05/2012 00:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 771

You deserved it 4 466

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I finally left a one-star review for my doctor’s office. I mentioned my doctor was epic, but called them out on their poor billing practices. I got a call saying my awesome doctor actually owns the clinic. My next appointment is going to be so awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 291

By BigMouth McRedface - 14/05/2010 02:11 - United States

Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My cell phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 795

You deserved it 33 853

By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 05:58

Today, while out with my family, I happened to run into "the one who got away." She smilingly introduced herself to my wife, who definitely noticed that she and our daughter share the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 571

You deserved it 7 884

By BMike - 11/07/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 504

You deserved it 2 961

By Anonymous - 19/12/2014 10:41 - United States - Athens

Today, I was shocked to notice that my hair has started growing out entirely silver, supposedly due to pregnancy. I'm 19. Apparently, according to my aunt, "It runs in the family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 563

You deserved it 6 703

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Death_From_Above 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:45

that's a bit disturbing

chickunkey 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:49

You should expand your talents for all to see. Get your own show.

Death_From_Above 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:45

that's a bit disturbing

mars28 4

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:46

a bit?

360XBOXFTW 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:50

sarcasm FTW

eddieyes 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 10:31

shut up , if I dont get the sarcasm then it's not one

KittehGirl 3

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 10:33

very disturbing...

overthelimit 3

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 17:54

you know your roommates too well.. time for new ones :D

esu 5

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 23:48

that's fucked..

ptxace 0

Send a private message

Friday 22 April 2011 10:42

Nast.

alex1502 0

Send a private message

Saturday 23 April 2011 5:57

I dont think that's a good thing...

cda2090 6

Send a private message

Sunday 24 April 2011 6:29

supa fun orgy time

chickunkey 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:49

You should expand your talents for all to see. Get your own show.

MrsLender_fml 3

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 9:12

She is a poop dweller!

iSitt 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 9:36

get a job at the colon clinic

iSitt 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 9:35

get a job at the colon clinic

mmmskittles 3

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 13:46

Scotland yard can use someone with such abilities.

racer337 2

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:50

Maybe you should get out more?

FriskyTaco 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:50

Buy some febreze or a scented candle...you obviously have a keen sense of smell..it's a gift

misssarahfina 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 13:14

Infamous_Hawk 6

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:53

The fat one? Even though they say it isn't them, it is.

briidontgive_ 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 9:14

Haha, that's what I was thinking

anabuddy123 10

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:57

weird...

Nimmrodel 11

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 9:11

It's all down to diet.

CheckMyProfile 17

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 15:44

Agreed!

louiseyanna 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 8:59

worst fml I have ever read.

Andrewlostnow 3

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 9:01

Sad..

ceddyz17 10

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 9:04

your mom is*

whosdatchick 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 July 2011 10:21

what's sad is your pic

ceddyz17 10

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 9:02

and I can tell how far away by how strong the tuna smell is

denvan 0

Send a private message

Thursday 21 April 2011 9:05

Wow your smell sense is like a hounds. Are you mixed or pure breed?

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 5

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 1 530

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 184

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments