Miscellaneous: Today, I realized how lonely I am when I got excited over receiving... - FML

24/09/2012 17:01 - United States

Today, I realized how lonely I am when I got excited over receiving my daily weather update from the Weather Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 565

You deserved it 2 814

You tried

Empathy lives

The runs

Kinkshaming

By no way! - 29/08/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, my funny, handsome, intelligent, caring, all around awesome boyfriend and I broke up. He introduced me to his fetish and wanted me to participate. His fetish? Dressing, talking, and acting like a baby. He wanted us to both wear diapers and pretend to be babies together. Fuck that noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 200

03/12/2016 09:54 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, I was the DJ for a company party that was supposed to end at 11 p.m. The company ended up wanting music late and my boss made me stay there until they got tired, which ended up being 3 a.m. I start work at my other job at 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 511

You deserved it 985

11/12/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 617

You deserved it 2 593

11/04/2012 03:49 - United States - Moreland

Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 610

You deserved it 2 058

10/10/2015 04:50 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 589

You deserved it 1 829

10/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to park. Assuming that no one saw, I moved my car and parked somewhere else. Hours later I get a call from the university police. While backing up to go to the police station I hit another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 730

You deserved it 55 853

30/08/2014 06:44 - New Zealand - Wellington

Spicy

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 678

You deserved it 6 239

20/03/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 204

You deserved it 4 562

27/02/2015 20:20 - United States

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 597

You deserved it 2 889

30/08/2011 09:35 - United States

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 174

You deserved it 3 616

Coming soon, to a place near you…

By Loner_Lou - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, my new colleagues took me up on my idea of a group night out. Perhaps they'll actually invite me along next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 940

You deserved it 3 150

19/01/2012 05:14 - United States

Today, I explained to my dad that I think I have a vaginal infection. I asked if he could take me to the doctor. He responded by saying, "Just shove some ice up there. It'll go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 111

You deserved it 3 781

12/07/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 377

You deserved it 2 704

You all sound the same

By kaitlin - 04/06/2021 14:01

Today, I got my first job interview since the pandemic started, with Dollar Tree. The interview was going great, until I accidentally said ,"Dollar General." Safe to say I’m not getting that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 183

29/07/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 312

You deserved it 51 916

24/09/2013 04:47 - United States

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 468

You deserved it 3 437

13/09/2013 17:06 - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 902

You deserved it 7 174

29/08/2017 23:15

Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 680

You deserved it 257

04/12/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 652

You deserved it 2 337

Stuck in a rut

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I realised my wife has been slowly phasing out most elements of our previously active and inventive sex life. These days, it's missionary once a month or she tells me to whack one off by myself in the bathroom. When did we get so boring? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 928

You deserved it 286

05/12/2011 22:30 - Canada

Today, my mother "borrowed" money from my stash to help pay for her vacation to the Dominican Republic. The same trip I'm not allowed to go on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 363

You deserved it 2 562

11/08/2009 12:17 - Australia

Today, I was alone with a work acquaintance at lunch. A noise came from his pocket; he whipped out his iPod Touch and said "Sorry, I have to take this," before walking away with the iPod to his ear. Not only did he not want to talk to me, he thought I was stupid enough to confuse an iPod with a phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 625

You deserved it 14 702

19/09/2017 01:30

Today, some wisenheimer hacked my Facebook account and posted that I just won the Powerball. I now currently have 284 "friend" requests and 142 tags as "family". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 298

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 15:00 - United States - Garner

Today, after I finally recovering from being ill, my husband complained about the house being messy, that I needed to clean up after myself. I filled 2 large tote bags with his stuff laying around the house, and one small stack of medical bills for me. It took me hours to clean. But I'm the messy one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 83

06/06/2016 02:43

Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 100

You deserved it 1 345

05/08/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 793

You deserved it 8 439

15/10/2016 08:51 - Sweden - H??r

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 400

You deserved it 971

Most good songs are

By Cicie - 27/01/2017 03:06 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I discovered that one of my favourite, relatable sad songs is actually a song about gay sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 597

You deserved it 1 883

22/02/2010 11:28 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 008

You deserved it 3 030

Snitches get bitches

By d for vendetta - 21/04/2021 23:00

Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 211

15/06/2019 09:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was walking in the mall with my friends when one of them pointed at a store and commented, "Bae Goals." My fat ass thought she said "bagels" and I actually got excited at the thought of eating a bagel, even after I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 434

03/07/2013 09:09 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 011

You deserved it 5 289

20/01/2012 15:15 - United States

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 540

You deserved it 11 603

20/11/2015 23:52 - United States

Today, I drove to my cousin's house so he could help me fix my broken tail light. On the way there, I got pulled over for having a broken tail light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 272

You deserved it 3 714

14/06/2012 17:42 - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, it's my mother's birthday. She received the ultimate gift from my brother, who told her he had just been accepted into medical school. I bought her scratch-offs. She won a dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 114

You deserved it 29 603

26/08/2013 04:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 257

You deserved it 16 545

Sandwiches rule

By Sebastian Bonaparte - 11/02/2021 00:30

Today, it's the fourth day since I got home from hospital in a wheelchair after a car wreck. It was also the first day that someone in my house offered to do something for me. My father-in-law visited and offered to make me a sandwich. My response? I cried. My wife and kids laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 78

11/10/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 487

You deserved it 4 257

The bell's end

By Anonymous - 14/07/2021 08:01 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, I dinged a desk-bell at head office and everyone burst into a round of applause for me. I was reamed by HR and served written notice to not ding the bell, because, "Only agents are allowed ding the bell, and only when they close a sale." Sorry, I didn't know about the bell guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 136

26/04/2012 12:08 - United States - Indianapolis

Spicy

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 785

You deserved it 2 933

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Top comments

graffitied_love 20

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:44

Err so hows the weather?

perdix 29

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Monday 24 September 2012 23:03

Go to your local Kohl's and give them your email address. You're going to feel suddenly loved and popular. So much so that you might even miss your former solitude.

Comments

graffitied_love 20

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:44

Err so hows the weather?

Futacy 29

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Monday 24 September 2012 23:07

Cellphone: Beep! Beep! OP: OMG, OMG!!! a weather update, the weatherman knows me! Popularity, here I come.

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 1:46

I get excited when random people send me chips on poker for my iPhone :). Forever alone!!!

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 2:02

Hey, weather is important.

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 4:51

OP just hit rock bottom.

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:48

Did it at least tell you it was going to be a beautiful, sunny day? If you got excited over a text telling you it's going to rain, that would be even worse.

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Monday 24 September 2012 23:57

But I love the rain. I hate the bright sunshine!

flockz 19

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 0:22

i hate when people say they love the rain. i'll be inside enjoying my dry self while you smell like a wet dog's ass for the rest of the day.

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 0:28

23, although I agree with your opinion, it's likely that most people that say that mean they enjoy observing the rain from an indoor, dry vantage point, or listening to it patter on the roof like dangling dismembered kitty paws.

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 0:35

"dangling dismembered kitty paws" #25: You've ruined all my relaxing book-reading rainy days. Now all I'll be able to think about are bloody, dripping animal parts when it rains.

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 0:45

I am an expert forger of descriptive similes, painting imagery with words like a semantic artist. *Bows*

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:48

Well when make a friend you at least know what to talk about.

ALlamaOnFire 20

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:49

Go outside and meet some people. Go have fun:)

GothickNihilist 15

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:54

Well maybe the fact that you had an FML posted will cheer you up . Just think of all the people commenting . Or maybe not .

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:56

Look at it this way... At least you know when are the best days weather wise to go out and do something new and fun!

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:58

Could've been worse. Weather report could've said tornados.

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:59

Ahh yes, the dreaded tornadoes.

perdix 29

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Monday 24 September 2012 23:03

Go to your local Kohl's and give them your email address. You're going to feel suddenly loved and popular. So much so that you might even miss your former solitude.

Send a private message

Tuesday 25 September 2012 0:15

You think Kohl's is bad? Try Bath & Body Works.

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 5:33

Send Apple your email, you'll be popular every hour on the hour.

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Monday 24 September 2012 23:07

Now is a good time to learn more about yourself.

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 0:47

I think learning about/of other people is a much better recommendation for the use of OP's time...

mikeofthunder 13

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Monday 24 September 2012 23:09

If the Weather Channel is an app on a portable device, then you should know there are plenty of social apps on a wide range of portable devices. Get onto your app/android store and get some! Or go out and meet new people..

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 62

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 149