Miscellaneous: Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I... - FML

By kjmsit - 16/06/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 635

You deserved it 23 374

Walk the line

Best teeth in the game

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

By fisherman - 23/01/2010 10:12 - United States

Today, I went fishing with friends looking to catch big redfish. During the trip, one of the men caught a 50 pound monster which I put away. At the end of the trip they wanted to take a picture with it. I went to wash off the fish in the water. Apparently the fish wasn't dead and swam away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 904

You deserved it 35 131

By screwedupfuck - 27/03/2015 21:19 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 396

You deserved it 6 038

Ouch, ouch, ouch

By Teh_Moo_fml - 13/03/2021 00:30

Today, I learned that you can actually sprain your groin for real. It hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 101

By andromeda80 - 28/03/2012 13:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 412

You deserved it 2 794

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 875

You deserved it 3 959

By E or - 13/07/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 860

You deserved it 40 161

By Anonymous - 03/12/2018 12:00

Today, I came home to find my entire action figure collection was gone. My parents told me I am too old for toys, so they opened all of the packages and donated them to Goodwill. I had an original Boba Fett, and my entire collection was worth more than twenty thousand dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 922

You deserved it 362

By caramelkarma - 15/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 234

You deserved it 65 548

By goatvideosarelame - 24/05/2011 07:31 - Singapore

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 369

You deserved it 3 455

By Liz - 09/04/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I had to watch my neighbor's daughter for 10 hours. She wouldn't eat anything I had to offer, so I ordered a pizza for $19 + a $5 tip = $24. Her father came by to pick her up, thanked me, and gave me a $20 bill. I effectively just paid to watch his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 850

You deserved it 19 129

By Anon Y. Mous - 02/10/2015 04:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned what being stabbed in the leg by an ex feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 733

You deserved it 2 389

By Anonymous - 23/04/2014 07:17 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my teen son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 212

You deserved it 6 609

Spooky

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 04:01

Today, I went to visit an ex-boyfriend in New York and slept at his place. In the night, while he was asleep, I had to pee really bad so I went to their one bathroom and found his mom passed out asleep on the toilet, leading me to pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 177

Don't hate the player…

By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 03:31 - India - Bangalore

Today, I went on a Tinder date with a guy who insisted that I go with him to his friend's house party to meet people and socialize, as I'm new to the city. When I got there, I realised he had invited two other girls as his date as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 132

By jack - 23/04/2012 02:43 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out why my girlfriend comes over for dinner so often. She thinks my dad is a real babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 915

You deserved it 2 293

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 19:53 - Romania - Bucharest

Spicy

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 636

You deserved it 30 676

By anonymous - 21/11/2012 18:16 - United States - Tucson

Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 191

You deserved it 7 631

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 719

You deserved it 4 742

Traumatic

By cuz803 - 07/09/2021 17:01

Today, despite working out and training in combat sports routinely as a lifestyle, I continue to have nightmares of those who bullied me in middle school in the past. These people can no longer torture me in real life, but still can in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 24/08/2009 11:33 - Romania

Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 569

You deserved it 8 909

By Anonymous - 06/10/2016 18:59 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my toddler son walked up to my older daughter and kissed her chest, then said, "I kissed the boob." I have no idea where he learned that word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 873

You deserved it 976

By Stigmamma - 13/05/2019 20:00

Today, I asked a hairdresser for an A-line bob. I was left with wavy bangs and hair, which is not A-line at all, it's 1 cm shorter on one side. She says she did my hair right, I just need to "style it properly." Not only is it fucked up, I later realised it's the EXACT same haircut as my mother-in-law's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 06:49 - United Kingdom - Middlewich

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 350

You deserved it 3 207

By countryblumpkin - 01/08/2013 18:06 - United States - Grand Rapids

Spicy

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 901

You deserved it 7 136

By dre_bro11 - 06/11/2011 12:17 - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 004

You deserved it 12 448

By Isabelle18 - 19/07/2009 14:14 - Canada

Today, I was walking to work when I saw an empty pop can. Angry at whoever left it, I kicked it out of the way. Turns out it wasn't empty; it was filled with hornets. I had to run 2km to work while being attacked by a giant swarm of wasps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 311

You deserved it 29 487

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 23:38 - Bangladesh

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 253

You deserved it 21 379

By fml9124 - 19/02/2021 19:58

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because her two kids got into my pool. They scaled a two-meter wall to get to my backyard. They used a tree in her yard that hangs over the wall. I guess I could install razor wire on top of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 46

By LostSoul - 10/07/2019 02:06

Today, I found out my daughter was planning a wedding and invited everyone but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 442

By NickC - 29/11/2009 00:40 - Malaysia

Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 093

You deserved it 14 928

By Georgia - 13/05/2011 01:02

Today, my boyfriend turned down a shower with me because he didn't want to get his hair wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 494

You deserved it 6 033

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 079

You deserved it 316

By Eh... - 19/07/2009 07:25 - Ukraine

Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 317

You deserved it 8 020

By APetsPet - 05/10/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 351

You deserved it 4 423

Freakout

By anonymous - 21/07/2021 00:01

Today, my soon-to-be step-daughter had as absolute meltdown at our rehearsal dinner, screaming that I ruined her family. Her parents were divorced 10 years before I even met him. Her mother was there because we’re friends. She’s 23 years-old. I honestly don’t know which one of us was more embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 23:50 - Brazil

Today, I had a going-away party because I am leaving the country forever. Out of the 130 people invited, 60 were a resounding "Yes! of course I will go!". After paying $300 for everything needed at the party, 2 ended up coming. And left because nobody else was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 045

You deserved it 5 733

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/06/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 385

You deserved it 915

By Brenden - 14/05/2013 23:52 - United States - Massillon

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 120

You deserved it 6 997

By FUCK, NO. - 26/05/2019 06:11

Today, my pasty white boyfriend told me he intended to try and grow dreadlocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 294

By Queensland - 18/10/2014 07:20 - Australia

Today, I woke up to find "Fuck you, Harry" painted on my car. Harry's my neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 031

You deserved it 2 562

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Top comments

neverland_fml 0

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:03

Oh man, nasty! That's why meat goes on the bottom. Hope you don't get sick.

redbluegreen 40

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:05

Are you vegetarian? That'd be even worse.

Comments

neverland_fml 0

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:03

Oh man, nasty! That's why meat goes on the bottom. Hope you don't get sick.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 19:18

nasty!

jonnyplayzaguita 0

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Saturday 20 March 2010 7:55

yuumm i love drinking cows blood its really good ans works well for rituals

DarkPrince_fml 0

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Friday 2 April 2010 18:13

ZOMG as soon as I read this I literally tasted cows blood

IMTHEGREATEST 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 18:18

who cares? whenever you eat meat, the blood is inside it. some cooking techniques actually turn the blood into sauce

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Friday 6 August 2010 3:41

ydi 4 not putting steak on a plate

tencentsakiss 19

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Thursday 16 September 2010 2:26

225: it matters because they could wind up with E. coli or something.

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Monday 22 August 2011 6:29

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit after reading this FML

CaptainCommenter 6

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Thursday 4 April 2013 19:54

#225 Cooking the food kills the raw bacteria. Eating it raw is like a death wish for your stomach.

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:03

bloodah!

smiles1234456 0

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:17

HAHHAHAHAHAHA BLOUUD

gntfmlingnow 12

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Thursday 21 July 2011 8:45

tasty

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Tuesday 19 June 2012 22:08

Bohoo where's the fml?

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:05

wont that make you sick?

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Saturday 20 June 2009 5:30

Agreed, should see the doctor.

redbluegreen 40

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:05

Are you vegetarian? That'd be even worse.

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:17

on the plus side if he's a vampire, then it'd be good...

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Thursday 18 June 2009 6:31

why the hell would a vegetarian have meat in the fridge?

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Friday 19 June 2009 23:45

Might live with others who are not vegetarian

BrightSidegirl82 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 12:53

that's the situation I'm in

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Thursday 9 June 2011 6:54

If she was vegetarian, why would she have a steak in her fridge?

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:06

That's gross. It's more gross that you had blood-dripping meat on a high shelf. Agree with #1

Avenging_Angel 0

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:07

What on earth would possess you to do that?! Just grab another can if one has stuff on the top! YDI!!

Christonarhino 0

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Wednesday 9 February 2011 4:19

So do you just throw away the can with "stuff" on it or let someone else worry about it? Then again,,it is easier to just grab another than walk to a sink .

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:09

do you defrost meat in the fridge?? i thought you did it on the table?? i have no idea

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 18:39

you can do it either way, the fridge takes a little longer.

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Sunday 18 November 2012 7:48

No, it's supposed to defrost in the fridge cause if you leave it on the table it has higher chances of transmitting food borne illnesses. Sorry for my nerd out.

vaxc 17

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Friday 27 May 2016 21:46

we use the sink

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:11

hahahahaa! i would easily react the same way, it was just bad luck, that it wasn't soda. so FYL.

Syoungblood07 0

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:15

ROFL OMG LOL That is so disgusting/funny!!! Ewwww! Next time, put the meat on the bottom, stupid.

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Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:16

Ewwwww. That is fucking GROSSSSSSS!

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Monday 5 April 2010 2:58

twilight is gay. the only good character in it is the one who played Cedric diggory in the, I think 4th Harry potter

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Thursday 5 August 2010 22:56

just so you know Harry potter is fucking gay too.

vaxc 17

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Friday 27 May 2016 21:49

just so u know ur fucking gay as well

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 112

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 95