Love: Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year... - FML

By dwellswithin - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

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Family values

Dangling modifier

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

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By secretpornstar - United Kingdom

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML

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By ADD - Bulgaria

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with "Who the hell are you?" FML

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By Nearly Crashed - United States - Lake Hiawatha

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

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By Anonymous

C'est la langue de l'amour!

Today, my French teacher set up a role-play scenario to act out in front of the class. During one of my lines, I mispronounced a phrase and called my teacher sexy. FML

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By braceface - United Kingdom

Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I've been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML

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By marenthehollow - United States - American Fork

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for saving them money. FML

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By actor my ass - Canada

Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Orleans

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

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By Celeste - Singapore

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

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By Jack W. - United States

Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

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By Ghostly - United States - Madison

Today, while filling out paperwork at the dermatologist, it asked what color I would use to describe my skin tone. When the nurse saw I chose fair, she mumbled "Ghost is more like it." I have a severe sun allergy. FML

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By nicetoknow - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I was showing my crush/co-worker how to operate a particular piece of machinery. She exclaimed out loud, "Oh! This knob pulls out," then mumbled under her breath, "unlike my boyfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Greenville

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

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By moosemay - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

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By lactose intolerant - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my little sister thought I was making up I’m lactose intolerant, so she swapped my dairy-free milk with regular milk. I’m writing this from the toilet and I’ve been here for at least 20 minutes, with cramps and diarrhoea. She’s also complaining about the foul smell coming from the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Nashville

Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML

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By Cat lover

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Philippine

Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

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By You're Not a Wizard

Today, I earned the nickname of "Harry Potter" for all the wrong reasons. I got locked in a storage cupboard for most of my shift, and couldn't get out. FML

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By Bigbaby - United States - Ontario

Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML

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By Madzison - Australia

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

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By nokitchenforme - Canada

Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, after leaving my workplace, I realized that I forgot some important work papers. When I went back to get them, I was faced with the sight of my boss and a coworker getting it on against my desk. FML

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By Anon - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

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By Hungry - Australia - Brisbane

Cheat day

Today, I conveniently "forgot" to write down a bunch of stuff, including a huge kebab, in my Weight Watchers food journal. FML

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By Jules7594 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, an ultrasound tech complimented me on my "exceptionally full bladder". That's probably the best compliment I've received this week. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML

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By thismakesmesad - United States

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

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By meg - 7/2/2021 00:30

Nice

Today I got my senior pictures back from the photographer. When my boyfriend saw them, he said I look creepy. Not pretty, not beautiful, not even decent. Creepy. FML

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By spandexwiener - United States - Export

Today, I finally finished my summer assignments for three AP classes. My schedule also arrived. Turns out my school can't place me in any of them, and I just wasted the last four weeks of my summer. FML

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By moron - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

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By Pooper scooper - Guam - Yigo

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

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By Foosa801 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I woke up my friend and had him take me to the ER. I had trouble breathing and my chest hurt, so the doctor put me on an EKG and took X-rays. I had strained my chest lifting weights at the gym earlier that day and pulled a muscle, and now thanks to my massive anxiety I have a $700 hospital bill. FML

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By Durrrrrr - Canada

Today, I went to a "party" with the boy whom I am interested in. It was the first time I met his friends. Turns out he and all his friends are hardcore Christians who don't drink and are celibate. FML

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By KN - United States

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

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Top comments

By DirtyParkBench | 0

#414794 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:51

He could've just come back to visit, smart one.

By fxdxhk90 | 0

#414779 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:48

The "I'm moving" excuse, that's a classic.

COMMENTS

By fxdxhk90 | 0

#414779 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:48

The "I'm moving" excuse, that's a classic.

Reply

ManImCool | 0

#415245 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 4:37

post #69, omg lol i win!

Reply

unlucky_angel02 | 0

#415376 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 6:06

Dipshit

Reply

kaitRAGE | 0

#415390 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 6:15

@69, LOL. /highfive.

Reply

ChrisWasHere | 0

#415407 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 6:24

What a gay FML. The OP is a retard.

By onlycusimbored | 0

#414788 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:50

He could've moved and came back, dumbass.

Reply

fosizzlemynizzlE | 0

#414797 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:51

or he could have been visiting.

Reply

wut_fml | 0

#415173 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 3:44

LOL seriously, this one is stupid.

By DirtyParkBench | 0

#414794 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:51

He could've just come back to visit, smart one.

By melodyalam | 0

#414795 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:51

How do you not notice that he never left? He could have just been coming back.

By Mellieexbabee | 0

#414798 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:51

Agree with # 3! i was gunna say that haha. yeah he could have been visitingg!

By smellanie | 0

#414802 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:52

he probably left and came back.

By CaptainStew | 0

#414812 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:55

Why are you assuming?
Besides, it's been a year. He could have moved back or is visiting.
If it was a week, yeah sure FYL to the max.

FYL for breaking up with him, but YDI for assuming.

Reply

Plumppotato | 3

#415302 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 5:19

well if it was a week then he couldve just not moved yet...

By plexico | 3

#414816 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:56

Florida is overrated and it sucks. I call it Flori-duh for all the stupid people that live there. A lot of people go there and hate it and go back home.

You suck for putting your boyfriend through all that pain and heartache just to get rid of you!

By jaybrown | 0

#414827 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:00

10th!!!

By brown_eyed_girl | 0

#414842 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:02

and u didn't realize it until now that he wasn't gone? stupid.

Reply

MzMegs | 20

#415520 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 7:54

Fail.