Animals: Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent...

By meow - 30/10/2013 07:03 - United States

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 133

You deserved it 4 902

Animals

Good kid

Vulture

Values

By imscrewed - 29/07/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 274

You deserved it 4 109

By well damn - 29/02/2016 22:17 - United States - Columbus

Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 893

You deserved it 1 825

By JubileeBee - 28/09/2011 10:46 - United States

Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 294

You deserved it 2 400

By married to a nerd - 07/06/2018 20:30

Today, I asked my 4-year-old daughter where her father went. She said, "Out to have fun with Zoe." Acting on suspicion, I followed him and did a stakeout. Hours later, I barged in and caught him playing Dungeons and Dragons. "Zoe" is the female wizard he plays as. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 3 920

By facepalm - 28/12/2009 10:35 - Singapore

Today, my husband was fired for chatting online for the third time in a month during office hours. Who was he chatting with? Me, telling him to get off the chat programme so he wouldn't lose his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 131

You deserved it 12 889

By T3kM4n - 20/09/2016 06:08 - United States - Spokane

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 828

You deserved it 1 220

By bmaas - 17/03/2010 16:53 - United States

Today, I was playing volleyball in gym when I went up for a spike. As I was coming down, I elbowed a girl in the face. It turns she's the second most important lead in our school musical, which we perform on Thursday. Her nose is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 804

You deserved it 6 066

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 568

You deserved it 4 723

By j - 04/06/2009 03:36 - Australia

Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 283

You deserved it 6 531

By Anonymous - 17/07/2014 15:57 - United States - Lancaster

Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 333

You deserved it 13 582

By she knows - 08/10/2013 16:30 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 113

You deserved it 3 271

By MitchFail - 23/07/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 671

You deserved it 73 928

By trackgurl - 21/02/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 653

You deserved it 2 967

Always carry around a pencil with you

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while at work, I took one of the biggest dumps I've taken in my life. The turd was so big, I took a pencil and chopped it into small pieces because I was afraid it would clog up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 197

By fml - 03/09/2013 06:31 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 432

You deserved it 12 076

By fmldailyyy - 18/09/2010 23:13 - Ireland

Today, my husband told me he had been cheating on me for the past 8 months. Twenty minutes later, he asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 934

You deserved it 3 060

By Jake - 07/03/2012 11:14 - United States

Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview at 9:30. I went to Walmart. They told me they didn't have any interviews set up. I went back home and listened to the voice-mail on her cellphone. It was the Subway in Walmart. I've been looking for a job for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 084

You deserved it 5 341

By HM - 06/04/2011 17:28 - Germany

Today, I found out that my entire class, me included, has to rewrite the painfully difficult midterm we wrote last week. All this because the Professor left the exams strewn across her desk. The cleaners thought it was trash and disposed of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 713

You deserved it 3 565

By mcfaily - 27/02/2010 20:45 - Canada

Today, I arrived at work to find an email from the manager whom I had bought concert tickets from the night before. He said he had actually sold those tickets to someone else. He still expects to be paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 751

You deserved it 2 395

Sorry Pat

By Kronic - 02/07/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 290

You deserved it 48 551

By mandy - 10/04/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 175

You deserved it 3 543

By Lilragu97 - 26/07/2012 05:14 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 303

You deserved it 2 380

By anonymous - 22/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 831

You deserved it 2 532

By Sadmom - 14/09/2016 02:15 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 911

You deserved it 1 402

By samboob - 01/09/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 092

You deserved it 44 429

By Anonymous - 10/12/2015 13:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I fell asleep while using my laptop. The next thing I know, it's 8am and my dad is screaming at me for posting "u skank-ass cunt-face" on my mom's Facebook timeline. I never made that post, but he won't believe me. My asshole brother, meanwhile, can't stop smirking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 867

You deserved it 2 463

Nice try, Karen

By munchkin77 - 15/12/2021 20:01

Today, as a pizza delivery driver, I delivered to a customer with young kids. She gave the pizzas to one of her kids to take inside, where the kid dropped them and it went everywhere. She then rang the store and claimed that I'd dropped the pizzas, then told her to "suck it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 17:45 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I overheard my friends laughing about how my anxiety means I'll be single forever. I was too anxious to confront them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 895

You deserved it 1 563

By Anonymous - 29/06/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 224

You deserved it 8 321

By losing the plot - 08/04/2015 19:36 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 563

You deserved it 17 458

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 595

You deserved it 15 598

Nice try

By Anonymous - 02/11/2020 13:59

Today, after spending days writing up an offer for a condo so my boyfriend and I could move in together with our 9-month-old, we found out they accepted a different offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 280

Investing in the future

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 23:00 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, after years of being underpaid, I received my first paycheck at my new job. My new employer offers excellent benefits and a 401k. But after I invest in all these wonderful things, and after a $4 an hour pay increase, my net income is less than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 149

By grossgross - 26/09/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 484

You deserved it 5 511

Leave some for the rest of us

By Fourth Wheel - 15/07/2021 11:01

Today, I met up with a couple I know, who wanted to introduce me to someone. I thought they were setting me up with her, but no. They were coming out as polyamorous, and she was their new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 116

Mix and match

By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:01

Today, as I was getting ready for church, I couldn't decide between my black or white shoes. I put one of each on, then my son started crying. Fast forward, I'm at church, I look down and I'm wearing one white shoe and one black shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 326

By elizio - 04/08/2015 11:59 - United States - Trenton

Today, I went to a high school reunion. An old friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly came up to me and gasped, "Oh, thank God!" I was about to greet her and catch up when she added, "I'm not the only one who gained weight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 580

You deserved it 2 901

By stunned - 15/03/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 734

You deserved it 3 918

By egsrox95 - 01/11/2017 00:30

Today, my best friend had the balls to call me an alcoholic. She snuck vodka on a cruise ship in a Listerine bottle. I've never had a drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 752

You deserved it 326

By VelocityMary - 30/07/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 202

You deserved it 6 857

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Top comments

ChenEighty 20

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:56

I'm surprised a stranger was on your Facebook in the first place... Maybe you should look into that.

SgtAssCheeks 21

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:56

Brace yourselves, cat jokes related to female genetalia are coming.

ChenEighty 20

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:56

I'm surprised a stranger was on your Facebook in the first place... Maybe you should look into that.

leonchen7498 12

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:58

Could've been a friend of a friend, they can see the picture whenever a friend commented on it.

ChenEighty 20

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 16:00

I was more referring to the fact that they were paying attention to it. She also said "stranger", not "friend of a friend", and lastly, my comment was mostly a joke.

NeatNit 32

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 16:21

I want to say YDI for friending a stranger, but I don't use Facebook at all ever, so I don't know if someone has to be your friend to comment on one of your pictures.

upallnight11 19

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 16:32

You don't have to be friends with someone to comment on their picture.

nightbirdblue 27

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 16:56

Well it depends on how you have your posts set up to be viewed by. There is just me, friends only, friends of friends, everyone, and then custom. If you have it on everyone, then anyone who looks at your wall can see all posts. You can change it for singular posts, including pictures.

KimJongIllest 8

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 17:24

It doesn't say they commented it says they sent a message which means it could've been some random ass person going thru people Facebooks

nightbirdblue 27

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 17:35

You can set up messaging with same type of limitations. It is slightly more limited with only friends, friends of friends (I'm pretty sure it is option for messaging, but I may be wrong), and everyone as options. My point is people can view pictures and posts only if you allow them to. If I posted a just me picture, no one could see but me. If I posted a friends only picture, only people I friended and myself could see it. You cannot view something you're not allowed to view. You can't message some random person, if that person has the option set to friends only.

crackz12 10

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 17:47

This is turning into Facebook 101 and all because op doesn't like to share the pussy with stangers.

gc327072 30

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 19:23

30- if you're just going to comment and make a qualifying statement that cancels out the premise of your comment, then why comment at all? What a waste of energy.

speckledots 29

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Thursday 31 October 2013 3:53

I have mine set up where only friends can message me or see my posts. No one else at any time can message me or comment on anything. If I don't have you as a friend you cant get ahold of me unless I accept your request.

NeatNit 32

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Thursday 31 October 2013 6:30

#70 - I was actually commenting while walking. You'll be happy to know I hit a pole a few seconds later. FML

Kiki242 19

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:56

They just want that pussy.

Welshite 39

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:57

I knew it was only a matter of time. We couldn't make it to five comments this time without using that "pun".

mario2012 18

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 16:31

Calling it a pun is an insult to the word.

firefighter925 18

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 16:31

Yea don't be a pussy

suplarai 12

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 21:01

I'm so confused by your comment, but hey, it wasen't that bad of a pun it was actually pretty punny.... I'll go now

SgtAssCheeks 21

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:56

Brace yourselves, cat jokes related to female genetalia are coming.

Ambient25 24

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 16:00

Coming from the username "SgtAssCheeks"...

SgtAssCheeks 21

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 16:00

Unrelated, stick to the point. never judge a book by it's cover.

Peachy2392 26

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 16:10

You're late. #2 already made the joke unfortunately.

BunnyStar 14

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 22:01

Coming being the operative word, yeah? ;)

Faddyy6 17

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:57

horn dogs..

BriCx 8

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:57

That's why I have my profile and picture set to "Friends Only." I would be freaked out too OP. FYL.

leonchen7498 12

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:57

maybe he was talking about some other picture? or did he literally say "your cat"? in that case fuck your cat's life

RedPillSucks 31

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 17:32

I believe that's what the stranger wanted to do.

Keevarou 17

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 18:07

All 9 of the cats lives?

JustBeingAwesome 22

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:57

Well you know they say the pets are like their owners... You can take that as a compliment, or beastality if you're more fond of pessimism...

Ambient25 24

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:58

Some guys just try to get pussy anywhere they can...

ryanthecheeseguy 18

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Thursday 31 October 2013 0:11

Not every cat related FML needs this pun.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:59

meow.

Anth6ny 9

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Wednesday 30 October 2013 15:59

A cat gets hit on more than me.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 6

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 787

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 1 020

Always carry around a pencil with you

Sorry Pat

Nice try, Karen

Nice try

Investing in the future

Leave some for the rest of us

Mix and match

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