Love: Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers....

By very punny - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

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Love

Proactive

Messed up

Triage

By SoupCanoe - United Kingdom

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

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By brownunderwear - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

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By hellishome

Dad priorities

Today, as he was going out, I asked my father if he stop by the store and buy some tampons for me and toilet paper for the house, because we have been out for the last 5 days. He came home with a 30-pack of beer and cigarettes instead. I just started my time of the month and we have no more money. FML

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By 404 justice not found - United States - Whitehall

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

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By its_all_legit - United States

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

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By Rescheduled - United States - Daly City

Today, after waiting months for an appointment with a doctor who specializes in the disease I have, I showed up at his practice, only to find the cops executing a search warrant. FML

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By weirdlove - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

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By ??? - 19/7/2020 05:01

Double crossed

Today, I found out the best man at my wedding was banging my wife after years of being married. My best man was my brother. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

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By unlucky_vee_13 - United States

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got an angry text, asking me why I wasn't at the staff dinner. I've been gone for the last 2 weeks, and I wasn't told about it. FML

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By GeofftyGeoff

Today, my former boss, a landlord, came through on his "parting gift" to me. I thought he was joking when he said he'd send a deranged tenant of ours cross-country by bus to stay with me for a week. It wasn't a joke. Send help. FML

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By muffintop - Canada

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

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By delamer - United States

Today, I found out we have new neighbors in our apartment complex that park in the stall next to our truck. Turns out their car is the same make of our truck. And it also turns out that when I unlock our truck it will set off their car alarm - every time. FML

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By sadday - United States

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

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By Anonymoose - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

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By PukinFireman - United States

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

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By marquez_jasmine - Canada - Kingston

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

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By ThePidgeon - United Kingdom

Today, I was ordering food at McDonalds when a condom fell out and onto the counter. The server looked at me funny before my friend turned around and said, "It's okay, he's never going to use it." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML

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By Username

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

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By ShowerGirl - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

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By JBK06262009 - United States

Today, I was informed by my boss that he has been stealing quarters out of my change bowl to pay for his bus rides. He makes six times the amount I make. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Irving

Today, my mother in law accidentally cc'd me on an email she was sending to my husband, telling him that his youth is fleeting and that he should leave me while he still has time. FML

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By Dragoness11 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML

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By PizzaPants - United States - Denver

Today, I dropped a pizza I made. Don't worry though, I caught it between my hands and legs. I no longer have fingerprints on my right hand. FML

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By suchagoodholiday - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I've been in Bali for 12 days. We have done nothing but sit around because my whole family is sick, and they won't let me do anything because it's supposed to be a "family vacation". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winter Springs

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

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By GeorgiaBOYY - United States

Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

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By stephiexbabexx - United States

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

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By Archie - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad forgot me at cross country practice. When he got there two hours late, instead of apologizing, he said, "Hey, that's only the third time I've forgotten you at practice. You should be congratulating me." FML

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By ice4eva

Today, I was eating pizza and I started bitching about how our campus doesn't have any healthy food choices, and that I was forced to eat this disgusting, greasy pizza. My friend then pointed out that I was standing next to the salad bar. FML

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By Humiliated & Heart-Broken - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

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By scooterbyrd - 31/8/2020 02:01

Don't follow by example

Today, I found out the psychiatrist who treats me for bipolar disorder died. He committed suicide. FML

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By nybaby - United States

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

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Top comments

By xivoricbutterfly | 25

#6055514 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:34

At least she said yes.

By TheNoobySpartan | 13

#6055517 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

She sounds awesome. Good job OP!

COMMENTS

By xivoricbutterfly | 25

#6055514 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:34

At least she said yes.

SkittlesGoRawr | 19

#6055516 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

Actually, she said " Kay ".

Tuffmuffin | 10

#6055520 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

It never said that.

CamBen42 | 29

#6055565 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 15:59

#6 Not sure if badly trolling or just very stupid....

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#6055573 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 16:15

Zales

JMichael | 25

#6055580 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 16:23

I agree.At least she said yes and haa a sense of humor about things.

RedPillSucks | 31

#6055600 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 16:46

@2 if I were OP, I would choose to believe that "Kay" was short for "Okay".

yep...

schhichick | 14

#6055647 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 18:24

K? Like potassium?

Khaleesi_26 | 30

#6055684 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 19:30

thats pretty much the same thing as sayin yes

enginsteve | 17

#6056083 - Thursday 4 September 2014 6:43

maybe it was southpark refetence, mmmkay?

3046200873 | 6

#6056914 - Friday 5 September 2014 4:01

You gotta admit tho. It was pretty funny

By TheNoobySpartan | 13

#6055517 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

She sounds awesome. Good job OP!

noah_1234 | 24

#6055708 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 20:02

#39 haha

TechFire | 25

#6055765 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 21:08

Stop before you get the comments closed... for some reason...

By nlow79 | 3

#6055518 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

cinskeep43 | 15

#6055533 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:54

maybe she just has a sense of humor... though it could have been better timed

mvc3ftw | 17

#6055561 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 15:47

most of the time, "he's a keeper" is meant sarcastically though.

jazzy_123 | 20

#6055917 - Thursday 4 September 2014 0:49

^^^ maybe people say "he's a keeper" sarcastically about you and that's obviously not a good sign

By RenoTheRhino | 30

#6055519 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

Every "yes" begins with Kay?

Melix | 31

#6055709 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 20:03

This is the best comment I have ever read in FML.

ThongWarrior | 17

#6055730 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 20:23

Same meaning?

RenoTheRhino | 30

#6055903 - Thursday 4 September 2014 0:23

Thank you, Melix, but I respectfully decline that claim.

amisenho | 11

#6056624 - Thursday 4 September 2014 22:05

Actually, every "yes" begins with "why".

By PerditaDessa | 38

#6055521 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:37

FML where even if your girl doesn't turn down your proposal you still have a right to complain.

baseballbv | 17

#6055673 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 19:16

Doesn't everyone complain about finding the girl of their dreams and then her accepting the proposal?

Fuhkyoo | 17

#6055892 - Thursday 4 September 2014 0:12

give it 20 years

WhoopteDo | 26

#6110196 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 12:19

Fair enough things went well we can assume (though we aren't sure) but I'm sure the moment was ruined for him and it probably meant a lot to him. That said it was pretty funny..

By WCARlover | 34

#6055523 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:38

I think that's adorable! Congrats on the engagement :)

By FelixJC | 14

#6055524 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:40

I thought that was kinda cute. At least it's a yes! Congrats!

By fsomelife | 26

#6055525 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:41

I laughed so hard at this I almost had to excuse myself, too...

By FireDragonV | 6

#6055526 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:42

Sadly that actually sounds like something I would do, I laughed too hard at this

schhichick | 14

#6055645 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 18:22

There's no such thing as laughing too hard!

tiger8255 | 13

#6055858 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 23:27

It's possible to die from laughing. That's usually too far, but it depends on the joke.

amisenho | 11

#6056625 - Thursday 4 September 2014 22:07

I was hoping I'd see someone say this. This totally sounds like something I would do.

By Vahex | 19

#6055529 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:50

Well look on the bright side you're engaged!