Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers....

By very punny - 3/9/2014 03:18 - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

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Love

Serious times

Out of it

Last dates

By Anonymous - 6/6/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend of 5 months runs a website where men can submit nude or semi nude pictures of their ex's for revenge. FML

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By Nice Guy - 29/10/2012 07:55 - United States - San Diego

Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML

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By carsuck - 11/11/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 10:08 - United States

Today, I came home from my 2 week trip to Florida. At the airport, the door said "Enter Only", while a sign above it said "Do not enter." Long story short, I got arrested for "disobeying signs." Nothing says "Welcome home" like being arrested. FML

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By doody - 30/12/2010 22:42 - United States

Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

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By CB4 - 5/2/2009 22:34 - United States

Today, I woke up to my car covered in shaving cream and tampons and the word CHEATER written on my windshield in lipstick. The guy a few doors down from me in my dorm has the same car as me. I'm a virgin. FML

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By notthesame - 18/8/2016 04:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2015 17:54 - United States - Brandon

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

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By djangle - 2/11/2010 23:34 - United States

Today, my marriage counselor told me I have the communication skills of a Lou Gehrig's patient. FML

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By Curly - 9/1/2013 00:26 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

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By tman - 14/10/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2013 18:27 - United States - New Orleans

Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

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By fuckered519 - 6/12/2014 19:53 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

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By Meghan Elise - 2/3/2019 16:00

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

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By bloody - 15/6/2013 08:57 - United States

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

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By me - 4/4/2013 20:07 - United States - Parrish

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2017 10:00 - United States - Medina

Today, the toilet in the IT department basement broke and flooded the room with a foot of water. In the process, it destroyed a $7000 server and an equally expensive power supply. FML

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By vegeta - 24/12/2018 20:00

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

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By Bigfoot - 2/9/2017 01:30

Today, I participated in an obstacle course. As I was going over a set of monkey bars, my balls got crushed between the bar and my gut. I barely managed to get down before blacking out in the middle of the road. FML

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By Hit-and-Run - 13/12/2012 08:01 - Mexico - Ju?rez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

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By haunted - 23/10/2015 20:41 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I woke up at 2am and went to use the toilet. I sat there doing my business, when I heard a voice whisper my name from behind me. I live alone and the toilet is right up against the wall. I screamed and ran back to my room, then went without sleep for the rest of the night. FML

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By Morgan - 22/6/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found it under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

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By LostFocus - 11/12/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, after five months of working overtime and doing my own repairs around the house, such as patching my own roof to save money, I walk into my home office. I find my $2500, week old, top of the line laptop won't turn on because it's drenched in water. Apparently there's a leak in the roof. FML

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By alwaysxgettingxshitxon - 3/7/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML

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By Shaun - 16/6/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

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By Female Struggles - 16/5/2014 23:20 - United States - Denver

Today, while I was waiting at the bus stop, a car that looked like my mom's pulled up. Thinking it was actually her, I walked up and jokingly asked what she was into. The guy inside now thinks that I'm a prostitute. FML

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By jeremiah - 6/11/2011 08:21 - Australia

Today, I let my brother borrow my car, as he had a job interview. I told him the tank was nearly empty and gave him $20 to put some petrol in it. Ten minutes later, he calls me, saying the car won't start. He filled it up with diesel. It's a petrol car. FML

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By caswell 1 - 28/2/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

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By inthefamily - 23/10/2012 13:29 - United States - Washington

Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

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By UnderConstruction - 4/5/2012 14:34 - Canada - Pickering

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

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By blind_date - 13/9/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2012 07:23

Today, I had my end of year physics exam. I wasn't sure about some stuff, so I hid my notes and textbook in the bathroom. Halfway through, I got up, went to the bathroom, and as soon as I picked up the book, forgot what I was looking for. I can't even cheat right. FML

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By atsukobo - 10/3/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

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By G. Briones - 23/11/2011 19:14

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

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By blkchkrm - 25/12/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

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By Chard of Glass - 4/10/2016 12:45 - Canada - Marystown

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2018 18:30

Today, I was in school when a guy grabbed my breast, so I swore at him and shoved him away. I got detention and he walked away unpunished. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2019 18:00 - United States

Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2012 02:02 - United States

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

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By pooh anne - 26/2/2013 20:26 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

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Top comments

By xivoricbutterfly | 25

#6055514 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:34

At least she said yes.

By TheNoobySpartan | 13

#6055517 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

She sounds awesome. Good job OP!

COMMENTS

By xivoricbutterfly | 25

#6055514 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:34

At least she said yes.

SkittlesGoRawr | 19

#6055516 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

Actually, she said " Kay ".

Tuffmuffin | 10

#6055520 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

It never said that.

CamBen42 | 29

#6055565 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 15:59

#6 Not sure if badly trolling or just very stupid....

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#6055573 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 16:15

Zales

JMichael | 25

#6055580 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 16:23

I agree.At least she said yes and haa a sense of humor about things.

RedPillSucks | 31

#6055600 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 16:46

@2 if I were OP, I would choose to believe that "Kay" was short for "Okay".

yep...

schhichick | 14

#6055647 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 18:24

K? Like potassium?

Khaleesi_26 | 30

#6055684 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 19:30

thats pretty much the same thing as sayin yes

enginsteve | 17

#6056083 - Thursday 4 September 2014 6:43

maybe it was southpark refetence, mmmkay?

3046200873 | 6

#6056914 - Friday 5 September 2014 4:01

You gotta admit tho. It was pretty funny

By TheNoobySpartan | 13

#6055517 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

She sounds awesome. Good job OP!

noah_1234 | 24

#6055708 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 20:02

#39 haha

TechFire | 25

#6055765 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 21:08

Stop before you get the comments closed... for some reason...

By nlow79 | 3

#6055518 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

cinskeep43 | 15

#6055533 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:54

maybe she just has a sense of humor... though it could have been better timed

mvc3ftw | 17

#6055561 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 15:47

most of the time, "he's a keeper" is meant sarcastically though.

jazzy_123 | 20

#6055917 - Thursday 4 September 2014 0:49

^^^ maybe people say "he's a keeper" sarcastically about you and that's obviously not a good sign

By RenoTheRhino | 30

#6055519 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:35

Every "yes" begins with Kay?

Melix | 31

#6055709 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 20:03

This is the best comment I have ever read in FML.

ThongWarrior | 17

#6055730 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 20:23

Same meaning?

RenoTheRhino | 30

#6055903 - Thursday 4 September 2014 0:23

Thank you, Melix, but I respectfully decline that claim.

amisenho | 11

#6056624 - Thursday 4 September 2014 22:05

Actually, every "yes" begins with "why".

By PerditaDessa | 38

#6055521 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:37

FML where even if your girl doesn't turn down your proposal you still have a right to complain.

baseballbv | 17

#6055673 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 19:16

Doesn't everyone complain about finding the girl of their dreams and then her accepting the proposal?

Fuhkyoo | 17

#6055892 - Thursday 4 September 2014 0:12

give it 20 years

WhoopteDo | 26

#6110196 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 12:19

Fair enough things went well we can assume (though we aren't sure) but I'm sure the moment was ruined for him and it probably meant a lot to him. That said it was pretty funny..

By WCARlover | 34

#6055523 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:38

I think that's adorable! Congrats on the engagement :)

By FelixJC | 14

#6055524 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:40

I thought that was kinda cute. At least it's a yes! Congrats!

By fsomelife | 26

#6055525 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:41

I laughed so hard at this I almost had to excuse myself, too...

By FireDragonV | 6

#6055526 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:42

Sadly that actually sounds like something I would do, I laughed too hard at this

schhichick | 14

#6055645 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 18:22

There's no such thing as laughing too hard!

tiger8255 | 13

#6055858 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 23:27

It's possible to die from laughing. That's usually too far, but it depends on the joke.

amisenho | 11

#6056625 - Thursday 4 September 2014 22:07

I was hoping I'd see someone say this. This totally sounds like something I would do.

By Vahex | 19

#6055529 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 14:50

Well look on the bright side you're engaged!