Love: Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly... - FML

07/03/2013 17:10 - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 261

You deserved it 2 624

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Empathy lives

Don't do favors for strangers

25/03/2015 19:00 - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 778

You deserved it 4 914

23/04/2015 13:43 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 035

You deserved it 9 031

10/02/2012 21:07 - Belgium

Today, my mother used global warming as an excuse for not remembering my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 082

You deserved it 2 732

30/09/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 322

You deserved it 3 213

27/10/2010 17:19 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to stay just friends. Not only did I get denied, apparently we're also "just friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 266

You deserved it 3 575

28/08/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 271

You deserved it 6 059

19/12/2012 23:31 - United States - Winder

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 428

You deserved it 3 138

26/08/2009 05:12 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 043

You deserved it 4 078

Can't stop, won't stop

By Matt8 - 07/12/2012 01:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 335

You deserved it 2 093

27/04/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 762

You deserved it 53 184

Age ain't nothing but a number

By why lie - 04/06/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend renewed his driver's license and showed me the picture. I told him he needed to go back because they'd put the wrong birthdate. Turns out the idiot forgot he’s been lying to me about his age the whole time we’ve been together. He’s not actually 30. He’ll be 43 in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 671

You deserved it 472

Doofus

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 13:58 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the father of my son cheated on me, but with fake sex bots that pretend to be real people. I don’t know whether I’m more disappointed in him cheating, or the fact that he couldn’t even get it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 164

03/03/2013 08:27 - United States

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 145

You deserved it 3 056

Bathroom break

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 02:31 - United States

Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 300

You deserved it 8 219

08/01/2014 04:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 954

You deserved it 4 335

23/10/2015 22:33 - United States

Today, I received the honorary title of "student of the month," because I'm the only quiet kid during class. Truth is, I just have no friends. I was given an award for being socially awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 724

You deserved it 2 494

24/01/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 600

You deserved it 2 491

21/06/2016 23:24 - United States - Winder

Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 466

You deserved it 1 071

26/12/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 041

You deserved it 2 910

03/03/2009 03:20 - United States

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 051

You deserved it 7 690

31/03/2014 17:15 - Japan - Takarazuka

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 439

You deserved it 3 055

28/07/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 818

You deserved it 125 986

Thanks.

By Anonymous - 09/06/2018 13:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 394

You deserved it 492

05/07/2012 01:48 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, what started as my mom calling my grandma for a recipe turned into them discussing the philosophical reason behind my baking. I apparently picked up baking because I'm depressed over unemployment. And here I thought I just liked the smell of baked goods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 101

You deserved it 2 008

14/08/2014 19:50 - United States - Powell

Today, after having multiple dreams where I have a daughter with my boyfriend, I'm now emotionally attached to a child who isn't real, and I get depressed when I can't be with her in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 804

You deserved it 9 092

05/09/2011 01:27 - Singapore

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 228

You deserved it 12 293

19/01/2011 14:55

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 076

You deserved it 3 961

20/09/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 248

You deserved it 4 050

25/03/2011 23:05 - Canada

Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted music and screamed at the top of my lungs so it sounded like I was having a party. My residence manager slapped me with a noise violation, and demanded to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain why I was by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 145

You deserved it 60 019

Bad encounter

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 05:00

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a called street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature and we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay and he made my kids cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 315

07/10/2015 16:46 - United States

Today, the AC broke in the kitchen of the restaurant I work at. Temperatures reached over 100 degrees and one of my coworkers nearly passed out. Our boss accused us of being "dramatic" and only let us step out after I collapsed. I need this job too badly to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 950

You deserved it 1 705

Public Freakout

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, my partner was driving. We were coming up to a sharp bend up a hill when suddenly a girl and a boy came speeding down the hill on a scooter. My partner stopped well before, but they fell off the kerb. We got out to check they were OK. The girl blamed us and kicked me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 72

14/05/2012 05:26 - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 286

You deserved it 2 451

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 14:29

Today, I discovered that pictures really make a person look more attractive than they really are. Besides the downgrade in attraction, we got to spend the next two hours playing an awkward game of 20 questions. This from a guy that wanted nudes right away. So much for online charm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 571

28/12/2008 09:50 - France

Today, someone I used to know got in touch with me, after I hadn't heard from him in years. He insisted that we met up as soon as possible, and wanted me to go to his house that afternoon. I spent the afternoon repairing his computer. Since then, no news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 752

You deserved it 2 912

25/10/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention, and have asked me to go to rehab. What they want me to go to rehab for? World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 838

You deserved it 68 110

23/03/2011 04:56

Today, I walked in on one of my housemates pissing in the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 634

You deserved it 3 914

02/11/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 011

You deserved it 31 547

15/01/2013 20:56 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 880

You deserved it 8 548

You made them use coasters, Monica

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 183

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:37

... What did she find?

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:35

Well sure sounds like your mother is excited for you.

Comments

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:35

Well sure sounds like your mother is excited for you.

Alleged_Cranium 7

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Friday 8 March 2013 4:20

OP, it's not all about you.

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Friday 8 March 2013 19:51

I think she found your proposal to be a bit...corny ;)

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:37

... What did she find?

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:42

I'm sure many of us want to know.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Friday 8 March 2013 5:16

A nickel, a bottle cap, an acrillic nail, an action figure...

da_directioner39 17

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Friday 8 March 2013 5:51

The engagement ring she wanted OP to use.

ButterPopcorn 14

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Friday 8 March 2013 9:26

This certainly needs a follow-up.

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Friday 8 March 2013 9:48

_

tsent8 15

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Friday 8 March 2013 13:54

That vibrator that went up a little too deep last week.

Zeldafreak101 3

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:38

Tell her you don't want her at your wedding then!

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Friday 8 March 2013 3:09

Thats a bit harsh even if she wasn't very excited or supportive about the proposal

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Friday 8 March 2013 3:15

3, You sound like a wonderful and forgiving child. I can only hope to have one like you later in life.

tjv3 10

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:39

Umm that's TMI lol but hopefully it was interesting

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Friday 8 March 2013 5:13

You think this is THIS is TMI? Sweetie, remember. You're on the site where we find grandma's old sex toys, shart during 69, and where EVERY OTHER ENTRY IS SHIT RELATED.

kawaiisakura 12

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Friday 8 March 2013 6:52

There have been worse FMLs. For example, moms or dads telling their kids in great detail about their sex lives. I, for one, would much rather listen to them talk about their bowel movements rather than their sex lives. On this site, bowel movements are the lowest of the low on the scale of TMI(if that makes sense.)

LemonandLime 13

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Friday 8 March 2013 9:21

What does TMI mean? Am I the only one who doesn't know?

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Friday 8 March 2013 9:24

Too much information. And yes.

SomeRandomGuy15 18

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:40

It sounds like your mother was desperate to change the subject... That, or she genuinely thinks the contents of her poop rates more importance than her child's engagement...

lostcrazydiamond 10

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:42

Perhaps she does not want to play an active part as a mother-in-law? *crosses fingers*

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:44

Best mom ever.

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Friday 8 March 2013 3:41

Makes me wonder what your moms like

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Friday 8 March 2013 5:15

Judging by his/her picture, she seems to be a bitch.

asdfjkl123456 13

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:47

She has great priorities apparently.

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:48

How did she transition to that? Did you propose by hiding the ring in your girlfriend's turd?

maz95 17

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Friday 8 March 2013 2:49

Sounds like your mum isn't too excited. Lets hope she doesn't make your fiancé's life a living hell!

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Friday 8 March 2013 3:10

fiancée*

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Friday 8 March 2013 5:19

**pheeonsay

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Saturday 9 March 2013 11:09

***Beyonce

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 27

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 454