Holidays: Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged... - FML

By Anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

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On yer bike

Near the knuckle

Can they do that?

By distracted - Australia - Pymble

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML

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By life_sucks - New Zealand

Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML

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By Liz - France

Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went "meow". FML

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By ThanksAsshole - 28/3/2020 20:00

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

Today, I got fired from a business I ran for almost 6 years. Why? The new owner refuses to close, despite our governor ordering non-essential businesses to close, and for people to stay home. I told her I wasn’t comfortable working, and that it was technically illegal. So she fired me in a group chat. FML

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By whatever mom - 23/7/2020 14:02

Everyone's an expert

Today, my mother scolded me for undressing my son and giving him Tylenol to break his fever. She insisted I wrap him in several layers to increase his body temperature in order to let him "sweat the fever out." I’m married to a pediatrician. My mom didn’t finish high school. She swears we're wrong. FML

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By Pooperscooper - France

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

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By Aleial - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's "therapy" meetings have been with my best friend, in his truck. FML

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By fannylover - United States

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

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By Whatthehell - United States - Soddy Daisy

Today, I completed driving school. After 30 hours of classwork, 6 hours of driving lessons, and a very tough driving test, I passed and can now get a 15% safe driver insurance discount. My friend just told me he only had to watch a 15 minute video to get the same discount. FML

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By Matt - United States

Today, I was late for the bus. I chased after it for 3 blocks until I realized that the bus driver was laughing at me trying to catch her. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

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By cacheson

Today, after being single for a year, I finally have a boyfriend. Today, my chronic nightmares also started up again after being gone for a year. Apparently I'm allowed to have either a love life, or sleep. Not both. FML

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By Katelyn - United States - Folsom

Today, I was pumping gas, when my daughter called me. After I hung up, I put my phone on the car roof while I grabbed my bag. I completely forgot about it and only realized when it shot off the roof as I braked at a traffic light. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

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By MyLife

Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML

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By hrs220 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I gave a presentation for my final on class. While I was giving the speech my shirt strap broke. I ended up flashing everyone including the teacher. At least I got an A. FML

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By depresso - Canada

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

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By kjcarey123 - United States

Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML

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By Ouchie - Ireland - Celbridge

Today, in an effort to be more active, I jumped out of bed ready for a morning jog. Or, that was the plan. Instead, I twisted my knee so badly standing up, it's now locked, and I can't move it. So much for activity. FML

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By prince232 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after having a second interview with a club I want to work for, the interviewer ignored my work references. Instead, he told me he was going to call the only manager I never got along with, for reference in a job I left 5 years ago, because he knows her personally. FML

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By dominator152 - United States

Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML

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By MGZ - United States

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

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By SupposedlyAverage - United States

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML

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By Dummy

Today, I found out that the little red dots all over my body aren't some horrible disease like I originally thought. They're bedbug bites. I've managed to not notice a huge infestation for 5 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Bloomfield

Good boy

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

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By Charon - United States

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouts "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

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By Filingfordivorce

Today, it seems my husband didn't realize that "Office Space" is just a movie and began to act like the characters in a pathetic attempt to, "stand up to the establishment!" Perhaps he also didn't realize that attempted arson is considered a federal crime. The bail is $20,000. FML

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By Gangnam - Sweden - Bromma

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

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By belladonna - United States

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

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By jonasister - Sweden - Lund

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

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By prettybich - United States

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

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By DosSantos

Today, I returned from a trip to Budapest with more condoms than I had brought with me. FML

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By no boobies - United States

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

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By heronlydaughter - United States

Today, I went over to my mother-in-law's house to have dinner. I was excited she invited me, since I thought she didn't like me. I ended up hanging her Christmas lights in a snowstorm while they had s'mores by the fire. FML

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By UnicornPancake

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

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Top comments

By 1Tsk | 0

#176612 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:06

did you, or did you not, slap her in the face?

By plethora | 3

#176613 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:07

Stupid woman. Can you get her to explain that it's her fault and waive the waiting period?

COMMENTS

By 1Tsk | 0

#176612 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:06

did you, or did you not, slap her in the face?

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#1197744 - Friday 6 August 2010 9:55

sometimes you just gotta slap a ho -.-

right #1?

Reply

davizv | 0

#2846957 - Friday 8 July 2011 10:47

well, if u put into perspective u don't feel the need to slap that ho. this could've happened while he or she was already over seas

By plethora | 3

#176613 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:07

Stupid woman. Can you get her to explain that it's her fault and waive the waiting period?

By ShoShenron | 0

#176633 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:18

LOL. I really feel sorry for you. I hope you get your passport in time.

By bittersweets | 2

#176634 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:19

Shouldn't a passport be laminated? And therefore survive a coffee attack?

By dodorawr | 0

#176638 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:22

passports are .. basically thick paper and they aren't really laminated. the coffee would've definately spilled through. :|

By hamzy | 0

#176648 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:29

Depending in which country you live in you can get your passport relativly quick. Usually no more than 5 working days.

Reply

teozac | 0

#1877554 - Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:11

This was in Korea :/

Reply

abasio | 1

#3301924 - Saturday 17 September 2011 4:01

I guess that isn't the case in Korea.

By bittersweets | 2

#176653 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:31

#6: Different strokes for different folks I guess...

By 24788 | 6

#176659 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:37

Talk to a manager next time. I hate when people eat or drink when you're discussing something very important.

By crazyginger | 0

#176689 - Thursday 7 May 2009 13:07

that sux
slap that bitch in the face
then get her fired and a new passport

By Jimboom | 11

#176697 - Thursday 7 May 2009 13:14

Spilling coffee. Thats a slappin.

Spilling coffee on your passport in a way that almost taunts you. Thats a full on Double-Palmed MacGyver Bitch Slap!