Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged... - FML

By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 04:29 - Korea Republic of

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

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Rock, hard place

Season finale

Not a cheating!

By xkal174 - 15/11/2010 11:33 - United States

Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML

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By Rosie - 28/7/2018 05:00

Today, I got off a long shift and went to the bus stop. Upon arrival, I saw a girl giving a guy a blowjob. Disgusted, I tried to avoid them and sat on the bench to wait. The girl popped up angrily and looked over at me. "Can't you give us some privacy?!" This is the only bus stop nearby. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, I thought it would have been funny to cut off my friend's rat-tail. He thought it would be funny to put a brick through my windshield. FML

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By Dante - 7/1/2011 00:26

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

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By Iman - 4/5/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

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By Username - 29/5/2011 04:41 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of something I said 2 years ago, as a joke. I guess she took a while to get it. FML

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By Carrie - 28/3/2020 02:00

Stuck in the middle with you

Today, I had to beg and argue with my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This has become a recurring argument now we're confined together. FML

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By AccidentalFlasher - 8/1/2016 02:08 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2010 00:46 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

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By wdavi022 - 5/1/2011 09:01

Today, I found out my identity was stolen. The person got credit cards in my name and didn't pay the bills, which has ruined my near perfect credit. The worst part about all of this is that I can't turn the person in. It's my mom, and sending her to jail wouldn't really work out for anyone. FML

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By mumfordandsonimdisappointed - 29/8/2015 05:09 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

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By Skylan - 13/11/2008 10:31 - France

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

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By hmb - 16/9/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2017 12:00

Today, I was playing with my hedgehog and he started licking my face. I thought it was super cute, until he latched onto my eyelid with his teeth. He then created a ball of saliva and blood and coated his body in it. FML

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By gutted - 7/5/2012 02:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2014 22:03 - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

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By Wow - 4/9/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me to come to her college, so I did. I was greeted by the campus police who told me to stop harassing her because she no longer wants to be with me. Then they told me I was no longer welcome on campus and hereby banned. She used campus police to dump me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 13:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML

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By panickygrl - 6/11/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

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By parishiltonsbff - 4/2/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

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By Fuck's sake! - 25/4/2016 01:34 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

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By Jae_Hellyun - 8/1/2014 04:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

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By webperson04 - 27/7/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 06:24 - France

Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2015 17:28 - United States - Macon

Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML

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By teejayrn - 15/12/2012 11:48 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2010 12:53 - United States

Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to where I now scratch and pick at my face while asleep. Now I get to sleep with oven mitts taped to my hands. FML

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By wenchfucker - 18/6/2012 19:49 - France - ?pinal

Today, I was once again passed over for a promotion. I'm now the assistant to a kid who has failed to meet almost every single responsibility he's been given before. It's my job to make sure he's successful, and if he isn't, I'll lose my job. FML

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By man-period? - 2/3/2016 06:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

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By Katy3225 - 6/6/2018 15:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

First Impression

Today, it was my first day teaching economics to a university class of 150. For the first 5 minutes, a bunch of students snickered. I asked why. One said, "Your zipper's open, but it doesn't matter because your blue panties are showing through your white pants anyway." FML

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By ayeyieyie - 26/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Hypocrite move

Today, my boyfriend of eight happy months suddenly broke up with me via text. He'd always insisted that texts were too impersonal. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2018 11:00 - United States - Twin Falls

Today, I went to the park to read “The Book Thief”. I fell asleep and when I woke up, my book was gone. FML

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By Cody1324 - 4/12/2018 15:30

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years is better friends with my younger sister and when she has free time to go out and do something, she would rather spend it with her than with me. FML

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By sweetsixteenyay - 25/6/2015 19:16 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, the new girl told me that a guy at the back of the class was being creepy. I looked over and saw him picking his nose and flinging boogers at the girls sitting in the front. That guy is my boyfriend. FML

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By milked - 27/2/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2016 16:19 - United States - South Sioux City

Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "we follow the book". That book's older than I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

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By Me - 20/12/2016 01:40 - United States - Canyon Lake

Today, while reading out loud in front of my entire class and teacher, I learned that I can't pronounce the word 'success'. It came out as 'sex', and when I tried to correct myself more slowly (multiple times), it came out 'sexsex'. FML

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Top comments

By 1Tsk | 0

#176612 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:06

did you, or did you not, slap her in the face?

By plethora | 3

#176613 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:07

Stupid woman. Can you get her to explain that it's her fault and waive the waiting period?

COMMENTS

By 1Tsk | 0

#176612 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:06

did you, or did you not, slap her in the face?

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#1197744 - Friday 6 August 2010 9:55

sometimes you just gotta slap a ho -.-

right #1?

Reply

davizv | 0

#2846957 - Friday 8 July 2011 10:47

well, if u put into perspective u don't feel the need to slap that ho. this could've happened while he or she was already over seas

By plethora | 3

#176613 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:07

Stupid woman. Can you get her to explain that it's her fault and waive the waiting period?

By ShoShenron | 0

#176633 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:18

LOL. I really feel sorry for you. I hope you get your passport in time.

By bittersweets | 2

#176634 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:19

Shouldn't a passport be laminated? And therefore survive a coffee attack?

By dodorawr | 0

#176638 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:22

passports are .. basically thick paper and they aren't really laminated. the coffee would've definately spilled through. :|

By hamzy | 0

#176648 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:29

Depending in which country you live in you can get your passport relativly quick. Usually no more than 5 working days.

Reply

teozac | 0

#1877554 - Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:11

This was in Korea :/

Reply

abasio | 1

#3301924 - Saturday 17 September 2011 4:01

I guess that isn't the case in Korea.

By bittersweets | 2

#176653 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:31

#6: Different strokes for different folks I guess...

By 24788 | 6

#176659 - Thursday 7 May 2009 12:37

Talk to a manager next time. I hate when people eat or drink when you're discussing something very important.

By crazyginger | 0

#176689 - Thursday 7 May 2009 13:07

that sux
slap that bitch in the face
then get her fired and a new passport

By Jimboom | 11

#176697 - Thursday 7 May 2009 13:14

Spilling coffee. Thats a slappin.

Spilling coffee on your passport in a way that almost taunts you. Thats a full on Double-Palmed MacGyver Bitch Slap!