Miscellaneous: Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move... - FML

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 802

You deserved it 3 183

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Leave us alone

Sorry…

By rewarded - 20/10/2010 14:33 - India

Today, for the second time in 5 months I was recognized for my hard work, sincerity and all the adjectives that they use to describe good employees. What was my reward? A piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 464

You deserved it 4 603

By LukesSkyWalker - 22/06/2015 20:35 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 601

You deserved it 3 007

By puppielover - 21/08/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 894

You deserved it 3 707

By Disappointed - 09/03/2019 18:00

Today, my brother came up with what he thought was a genius idea for how to make money. I then had to explain to him that insurance fraud is illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 277

You deserved it 159

Slippy!

By mud - 29/11/2019 05:00 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I was on my way to class and it was muddy outside, so I slipped and it looks like I shit myself. I'm wearing white pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 577

By Mark - 27/02/2015 18:24 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 776

You deserved it 2 708

A ghost

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 20:01

Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 341

By Chamorru - 04/10/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I have so much ass-acne that it hurts to sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 313

You deserved it 6 263

By badhairday - 26/12/2010 01:38 - United States

Today, after months of her begging me, I let my girlfriend cut my hair for the first time. It turned out so badly that we are now "taking a break until it looks normal again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 639

You deserved it 5 884

By linda - 22/11/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I went to get my hair highlighted at the salon. The salonist mixed up my blonde hair dye with some other girl's hot pink and violet dye. Now I look like a cheap hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 624

You deserved it 5 396

By qwerty - 27/11/2018 22:08

Today, I found out my little sister took a picture of me taking a shit and showed it to her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 18

By onedollar - 24/07/2010 21:56 - Venezuela

Today, someone gave me 13 dollar bills. I rejected one because I'm very superstitious about the unlucky 13. Later, I waited half an hour in the car for someone to bring me exactly 1 dollar because I did not have enough for the parking fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 668

You deserved it 65 548

By Anonymous - 30/05/2018 15:00

Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 561

You deserved it 281

By Robert - 06/04/2018 05:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 860

You deserved it 669

Appearance matters

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 23:00

Today, I tried thinking of the best way to kill myself without leaving my body intact enough for people to continue to judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317

You deserved it 371

Thanks, I'm cured!

By fuauntflo - 07/07/2020 17:01

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 168

By Mary - 16/12/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 299

You deserved it 3 427

By Rebecca - 16/04/2012 18:49 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 602

You deserved it 2 142

By Anonymous - 20/03/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 206

You deserved it 4 564

By 2fast4U - 21/03/2016 10:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, some of my coworkers have complained that I don't do my share of the work, though they can't specify exactly what I'm not getting done. Apparently, being too efficient and finishing first means I mustn't have done anything at all. The supervisor sided with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 391

You deserved it 1 623

By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 07:19 - United States - Reno

Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 238

You deserved it 28 784

By ko - 09/12/2012 00:25 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 009

You deserved it 2 151

Customers from Hell

By fmcsl - 08/09/2019 00:01 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, a customer got an additional discount, so his total came to $61. He said, "It says they're 3 for $66!” I tried to explain the discount, saying it’s cheaper, but he still insisted on paying $66. I couldn’t modify the price at my end. He left without buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 12/05/2011 21:45 - United States

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 833

You deserved it 5 325

By nofriends - 19/10/2013 21:57 - United States

Today, we had to give a surprise speech in speech class on two of our best and closest friends. My first friend was my mom. I had to make up the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 204

You deserved it 5 260

By Anonypiss - 22/07/2015 16:21 - Canada - Pembroke

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 617

You deserved it 26 523

By LDL - 26/01/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 474

You deserved it 5 496

Use your socks

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 05:01 - Norway

Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 199

Leaving makes sense

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 21:30

Today, I finally left my bitch girlfriend with her son, who has difficulties and violence issues. Now everyone is telling me I should go back, because the kid needs a father, never mind that I’m depressed and in therapy for suicidal urges. Guess my mental health doesn’t matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 30/11/2016 10:48

Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 143

You deserved it 5 749

Sex talk

By Bellagirl - 19/07/2010 07:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 411

You deserved it 5 466

By neckcrack - 07/09/2010 10:18 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 146

You deserved it 23 985

By Anonymous - 22/02/2014 02:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 849

You deserved it 8 220

Douchebag Alert!

By amy - 02/04/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my brother bragged about the number of break-up texts he sent this week while driving. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he was dating 3 girls, that he broke up with them over text, that he was texting and driving, or that he's proud of his actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 597

You deserved it 277

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 15:18 - United States - Milford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 091

You deserved it 2 417

By jenni6488 - 22/02/2012 07:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 481

You deserved it 23 225

By Coach - 30/10/2009 13:19 - United States

Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 323

You deserved it 41 529

By Ihadnoidea - 12/12/2015 19:41 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 319

You deserved it 7 044

The road to hell…

By carlyalexia - 28/08/2020 20:01

Today, I was trying to do a nice thing and let my friend's mom borrow my car. I went to move my mom's car that was parked behind me so that I could get my car out, and then proceeded to back into my dad's new company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 572

By Whipped Cream - 24/11/2012 05:38 - United States - Charlotte

Spicy

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 295

You deserved it 49 519

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Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

Tell them its time for a nursing home :D

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:02

Send them a rent bill

Comments

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Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

Tell them its time for a nursing home :D

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:09

Scare them off, letting them hear your homucide plan..

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:13

OP, it's time to change the locks and get some guard dogs.

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:15

I'm guessing they didn't come to visit.

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Monday 5 September 2011 17:57

Borrow their car and other expensive 'things' and forget to give it back.

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

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Monday 5 September 2011 18:19

Do these said parents also happen to have contemplated on how to kill cat?

IndigoAcrylic 9

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Monday 5 September 2011 19:09

13- Homicide**** :$

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Monday 5 September 2011 19:18

Sounds like it's time for you to use the attic as a dungeon. :-)

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Tuesday 6 September 2011 0:00

Or... Simply ask them up front when they were they planning on getting their own place? If you have your own place it is safe to assume you are of an age where you either have a family or can start one, use that old gem as your clincher and you should be sweet ;)

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Tuesday 6 September 2011 11:14

Any1 else get scared of 94's pic?

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 21:58

Sounds like it's time to tell them to gtfo

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:01

Well dang, they tryin 2 bully u out the house

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:02

Good luck OP, hope you don't get grounded!

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:02

Send them a rent bill

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:14

Haha, yeah, that's a good idea!

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Tuesday 6 September 2011 5:32

best idea lol

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:02

Maybe they did it on purpose.

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:03

mail them to Florida like everyone else

tj4234 35

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:10

or Australia

mfjkr 10

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:55

Fuck off we're full

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Monday 5 September 2011 17:29

Hawaii's nice this time of year

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Monday 5 September 2011 18:08

30, you just gave me another reason to like Australia. Your clever, friendly, witty people, and I love every, single last one of you!

aussie_gemini 5

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Monday 5 September 2011 18:39

I'm with 30... We have enough asylum seekers rocking up ATM

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Monday 5 September 2011 20:05

The hell you are. Your population density is like at the bottom of the list. Just let the world dump our old in your deserts.

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Monday 5 September 2011 23:05

#72, the population density of our deserts is comparable to that of America's. Go dump your old people over there.

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Monday 5 September 2011 23:42

Got a better idea: Dump the old people in Antarctica. It's relatively empty.

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Tuesday 6 September 2011 0:53

But we use our deserts to raise cacti. Old people would impede that.

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Tuesday 6 September 2011 14:35

Aww, thanks. It's nice to know we have a good international reputation :) Come and visit; we need tourists! Don't overstay your visa though, or we might ship you off to the slums of Malaysia ;)

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:04

Charge them rent, if they want to live in your house. Bet that will get them to leave. :D They sound like moochers. Also, are they senile or something, so you can't get rid of them?

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:04

Ahahhaahahah

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:04

over where? Ohhh you mean their*?

Glitterhinoceros 14

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Monday 5 September 2011 16:04

Lock them out of the house, and turn the sprinklers on.

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Monday 5 September 2011 21:32

Yes!!!! Ha that's a way to showem

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 35

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 68

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 716