Miscellaneous: Today, I overheard my mom talking on the phone with my sister... - FML

By Anonymous - 05/11/2012 11:36 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom talking on the phone with my sister about how much they hate my fiancé. My wedding is in two weeks and my family has been pretending to like my future husband for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 039

You deserved it 2 116

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Squatters' rights

Catching up

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 23:01

Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 19:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 010

You deserved it 86 532

By I'm screwed - 13/01/2013 01:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 555

You deserved it 3 487

Vultures

By Anonymous - 12/05/2020 20:00

Today, after spending a few weeks getting to know my birth father and thinking he seemed decent, he's realised my adoptive parents aren’t rich and no, I can’t lend him a few grand. Now, he’s vanished and written several nasty Facebook posts about not being able to trust family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 216

You deserved it 228

By meep - 16/03/2017 00:00

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 762

You deserved it 413

By TheAnnoyedNeighbor - 03/10/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 408

You deserved it 3 261

By HotACE - 22/04/2011 05:08

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 864

You deserved it 22 661

By blumaster04 - 22/12/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 270

You deserved it 4 023

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 578

You deserved it 5 808

By babygirllxo - 13/07/2010 18:28 - Canada

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 469

You deserved it 7 140

By lft - 06/06/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 862

You deserved it 10 140

By Stuckism - 15/09/2009 17:16 - Malaysia

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line tells me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I've got a headache, my legs are stiff and my date must think I stood her up. The tech finally arrives, pries the door open, then rudely asks, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 320

You deserved it 3 540

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 04:40 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 776

You deserved it 3 530

By RejectRaven - 29/12/2018 04:00

Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping and destroyed $700 worth of my makeup from Sephora. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 564

You deserved it 1 512

Stir crazy

By Anonymous - 11/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was so bored under quarantine, I spent 2 hours on a colouring book for toddlers. I need human contact, any human, desperately, before I start talking to the walls or seeing pink elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 226

By Username - 08/07/2011 20:02 - United States

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 130

You deserved it 3 601

By Danners88 - 11/11/2009 04:36 - Australia

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 289

You deserved it 2 830

By kk - 09/01/2013 16:07 - United States

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 643

You deserved it 5 300

By Anonymous - 10/01/2014 16:12 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 224

You deserved it 5 664

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 583

You deserved it 3 695

By failed brood mare - 17/11/2013 17:46 - United States - Hollywood

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 506

You deserved it 3 100

By metalmusic - 05/07/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the beach. His parents relentlessly tried to hook him with other girls, all the while knowing that we're dating. Their reasoning is that I'm not a 'real girlfriend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 842

You deserved it 4 391

Carry her home

By Anonymous - 16/05/2014 19:02 - Canada - Gander

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 290

You deserved it 4 311

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 17:03 - United States - Gladewater

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the reason he won't have sex with me is because "condoms are too expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 069

You deserved it 6 387

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 17:39 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 520

You deserved it 41 739

By LadyDeadpool88 - 04/02/2014 14:50 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 855

You deserved it 7 262

By uninvited - 04/02/2016 15:16 - United States - Boston

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 192

You deserved it 1 735

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 04:10 - France

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 034

You deserved it 38 243

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, for the first time in a week, a customer entered my store. He needed to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 413

You deserved it 2 363

By anonymous - 17/01/2017 20:00

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and had to go to the bathroom in my dorm. After coming out of the bathroom, I realized I'd let my auto-locking door close behind me. I had to go through the whole dorm, sprint across campus in my bra and underwear, and ask someone for my spare key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 327

You deserved it 1 848

By Interrupted - 27/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a chair less than two feet away from the bed. She made idle conversation with us for the next 15 minutes. My fiancé was still inside me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 718

You deserved it 8 102

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 05:14 - Canada - North Battleford

Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 207

You deserved it 1 712

By 2fast4U - 21/03/2016 10:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, some of my coworkers have complained that I don't do my share of the work, though they can't specify exactly what I'm not getting done. Apparently, being too efficient and finishing first means I mustn't have done anything at all. The supervisor sided with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 388

You deserved it 1 622

By Frenchgirl - 16/09/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 176

You deserved it 6 193

Understanding

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 709

By notabeliever - 29/07/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 686

You deserved it 7 190

By justmeagain - 11/12/2018 12:00

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She sent me a link to a story online about a woman who abused her dog to the point of death and I didn’t vomit while reading it. According to her, that makes me a “heartless monster.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 605

You deserved it 239

Nice place

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 15:01 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 168

By Gustav Fjorder - 04/07/2011 07:27 - Switzerland

Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 796

You deserved it 10 298

By Stinky. - 09/04/2012 03:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 618

You deserved it 2 729

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:14

You don't live to make them happy..live your own life.

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:13

I feel bad for you. Talk to them and maybe you can make them think positively.

Comments

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:13

I feel bad for you. Talk to them and maybe you can make them think positively.

Lucia_Malpense 14

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:56

I think that OP should ask why they don't like her future husband in their little talk.

StalkerChick 13

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Monday 5 November 2012 17:01

I don't see why this is so bad. OP's family isn't trying to sabotage their relationship. They deal with OP's fiancé because she loves him.

patrickalamo 47

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Monday 5 November 2012 17:52

Op, ask why... Then shut your mouth and open your ears... They may save your years of heartache. Hopefully, they will have your best interest at heart.

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Monday 5 November 2012 18:42

It would be nice if OP's family liked her fiancé but if they don't like him and they are not trying push you away from him or make his life miserable then OP's should stop thinking only about why they don't like him, and start thinking also about what her family is doing just to make her happy

emilyjgraham 34

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Monday 5 November 2012 19:06

I think that was extremely well said 52!!

aussieaccents 7

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Monday 5 November 2012 23:48

As long as you to get along and love eachother it shouldn't matter what they think.

TrailblazerSS 5

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:13

Just one big happy family..

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Monday 5 November 2012 18:36

It's our god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved, loooooovvvvvvveeeeeeeddddd.

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Monday 5 November 2012 22:17

It just wasn't a Jason Mraz moment.

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:13

Well it's your life.

ScarletFever67 6

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Monday 5 November 2012 18:22

Exactly! And at least they don't hate him to his face! Like insulting him, and hurting your feelings...that would suck.

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:14

You don't live to make them happy..live your own life.

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Tuesday 6 November 2012 12:14

From the sounds of this fml , OPs family doesn't sound overly concerned with having to deal with OPs fiancé .. They may be slightly annoyed with having to put up with him.. But after the wedding , they're only going to have to deal with him at Christmas and birthdays and stuff:p

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:15

And what's new about that!? It's like 50% of the time that the family likes the bride/groom. At least they are not trying to be rude and show that they hate him. He may grow on them.

sammyjanette 17

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Monday 5 November 2012 22:55

I agree with everything you said except for the he might grow on them part. It's been three years it's safe to say that their opinion is solidified.

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:15

Yeah who cares what they think? If you're happy then marry him. If you question whether you should marry him or not just because your family doesn't like him, then he probably deserves better.

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:19

It doesn't matter that they don't like him. At least they are nice when he's around and they are supporting you with it!

redneckguy429 1

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:16

THOSE BITCHES who know what movie that's from:)

BellaBelle_fml 23

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:26

I'm pretty sure that phrase has been used in several movies.

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Monday 5 November 2012 18:36

Mean girls!

gdam 4

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Thursday 8 November 2012 4:49

Army of skanks!

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:24

My mom doesn't hide her 'disgust' for my boyfriend or any of my friends. Then again, my mom is a bitch with huuuuge personal problems. Still, I'd rather have fights with her over her not approving of anyone I meet than her trying to get everyone else I know to hate him.

emilyjgraham 34

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Monday 5 November 2012 19:23

I think you've missed the point. OPs mum or sister isn't trying to turn anyway against him. They dislike him but have quite a bit of decency not to be arseholes to OPs or his face. I'm sure they would say something if was an abusive relationship just sometimes it's better to leave people to get on with it.

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:25

It's not that bad . I absolutely hate my best friends boyfriend . But I love my best friend and they seem to love each other . So who am I to interfere .

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Monday 5 November 2012 16:26

I think it's actually kind of nice of them to not voice their negative opinions of him. Maybe they just find him annoying, and it's not like they hate him over something important like knowing he cheated on you?

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 97

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 287