Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded...

By Anonymous - 12/4/2016 15:44 - United States - Ridley Park

Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML

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Work

Cold-blooded old times

The opposite of a good idea

Great boyfriend

By gross - 9/4/2015 16:00 - United States - Muskegon

Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini bottom out of the box first, only to find a pubic hair stuck to the hygienic liner. FML

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By twofade - 24/10/2018 23:00 - United States

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2019 14:03

Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "2 minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML

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By oh dang /: - 25/5/2011 11:34

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

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By pinkplasticjesus - 20/6/2009 03:17 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

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By qhorin halflung - 22/7/2015 17:35

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my "stupid fucking prank". FML

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By Mycardoesn'tevenwork - 22/2/2016 20:16 - United States

Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2018 17:30

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. Being dumped wasn't the reaction I was expecting. FML

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By gmanbuilder - 8/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Louisville

Today, I determined that the only reason I still have a membership to my gym is that the special gummy bears they have in the vending machines are amazing. FML

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By me - 21/8/2013 23:45 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2015 06:18

Today, a girl with a picture of One Direction as her desktop asked if I wanted to partner with her on a 70% law assignment. Two hours after saying no, I found out that she's a legal genius with a guaranteed job in the field and a near perfect GPA. FML

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By UnSupported - 14/8/2014 15:28 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, I excitedly told my family that, after years of studying and dedication, I've been awarded a full scholarship to Germany. My mom's reaction was to start sobbing about me becoming a "heathen" and my dad and brother started telling Nazi jokes. FML

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By Jjh99q - 3/10/2017 22:30 - United States

Today, I stayed until 11 PM washing, wiping, and mopping up the entire restaurant. I forgot to clock in. FML

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By NeverGonnaHappen - 19/5/2019 12:30

Dumbest Ultimatum Ever

Today, my boyfriend told me I had to get rid of my cats, or he would leave. He punched a hole in my wall when I told him I chose the cats. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2014 21:06 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

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By sexyfail - 26/1/2010 08:59 - Australia

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

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By sigh - 21/12/2011 12:39 - United States

Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML

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By Bald - 21/10/2014 15:41 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2013 23:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML

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By RetroDayDreamer - 10/9/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, my parents overheard me having sex with my girlfriend. They thought it would be funny to barge in with nothing but underwear on. This has happened twice now. FML

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By a little less poor at least - 21/4/2013 16:03 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML

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By emilyxoxoxo - 21/3/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, my friend and i thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

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By analinguist - 20/2/2010 19:04 - United States

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

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By disconnected - 23/9/2014 20:19 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, we spent an entire day without being able to do work because our internet connection was down. Turns out, only the router had crashed and nobody bothered to reset it "to avoid doing further damage". FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2013 23:36 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

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By i suck, this i know :( - 26/7/2013 22:11 - Malawi - Blantyre

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

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By geena - 27/10/2012 06:42 - United States - Washington

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

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By crushed - 30/11/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend had sex with three different guys in one day. All at a party. A party that I was at. FML

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By Kat - 8/3/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 07:25 - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2015 15:22 - United States

Today, I told a customer to have a nice day. Little did I know it'd make her have an emotional breakdown and nearly cause me to lose my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2009 03:34 - New Zealand

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

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By ThanksDog - 5/6/2016 21:26

Today, after months of planning the perfect night with my brother, who was coming home for 2 weeks from the military, he cancelled because he "missed his dog". FML

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By BuspassBob - 10/9/2012 16:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

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By horribledriver - 1/12/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, I was driving down a highway during rush-hour. I heard my phone ring and couldn't find it. I bent down to feel around for it and got in an accident and totaled my car. The ringing? A commercial on the radio. Where was my phone? On my dresser at home. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 21:33 - United States - Carrollton

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 23:22 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML

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Top comments

By DownFaLL57 | 23

#6579210 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:43

Did you really need to say anything?

By False_Stupidity | 41

#6579217 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:48

Hey, the advice still applies!

...although a little awkward.

Comments

By DownFaLL57 | 23

#6579209 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:41

Wow

By DownFaLL57 | 23

#6579210 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:43

Did you really need to say anything?

By Kurby14 | 21

#6579212 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:44

whoops! sorry Op but this is hilarious! XD

By sugarshugar | 11

#6579214 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:44

Well you're not wrong

By False_Stupidity | 41

#6579217 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:48

Hey, the advice still applies!

...although a little awkward.

mazor | 22

#6579334 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 8:31

Yeah same thing, just different hole.

By cedarpoint4ever | 7

#6579229 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:56

I about spat my drink clear across the room. That was hilarious

By Tripartita | 44

#6579233 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 3:01

Nothing would've been funnier than a joke based on a conversation you weren't technically part of. Now instead of, "Wait, how do they know where I'm going?" your coworker's internal monologue sounded more like, "Freak. Wait, how do they know where I'm going?"

By HoboMeth | 32

#6579238 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 3:05

What's your gender OP? That info can change a lot about the FML.

deathrise007 | 22

#6579243 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 3:18

Not exactly. It would be awkward either way...

militarybrat | 21

#6579283 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 5:06

10 because if its a woman it would be considered a camaraderie joke whereas if it was a man, it would be seen as crude, possibly even sexual harassment. I got where you were going with it.

the_real_dvd | 21

#6579329 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 8:07

15 is right. I don't understand why the downvotes. This could go from something slightly awkward to a horrifying case of sexual harassment or getting fired if it's a man. Definitely a different type of FML.

By HollyQuinn | 21

#6579241 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 3:08

That is hilarious and amazing.

By swaglesshipster | 23

#6579247 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 3:34

At least you were supportive... In an odd way I suppose!