Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned...

By Anonymous - 10/4/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML

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Miscellaneous

Breaking Badly

Spooky

Great guy

By EmbarrassedDaughter - 23/5/2010 07:27 - Canada

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in saying "Thats an expensive bed." FML

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By D - 3/9/2013 18:04 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

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By hey-ooo - 28/10/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2010 21:56 - United States

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

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By JohnBlack - 12/6/2012 03:56 - United States

Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML

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By thanksgrandpa - 8/3/2016 20:08 - Canada - Concord

Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I got an angry text, asking me why I wasn't at the staff dinner. I've been gone for the last 2 weeks, and I wasn't told about it. FML

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By hate - 6/7/2017 11:58

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

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By OUCH. - 17/11/2011 21:27 - United States

Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2009 12:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

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By JesusLaidAnEgg - 10/9/2019 14:02

Alexa, play "A Forest" by The Cure

Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML

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By stanDman - 21/1/2009 20:06 - Canada

Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

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By Uh oh.... - 5/5/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2016 21:35 - United States - Middleboro

Today, my daughter posted a poem on Facebook about how her father and I abused her for years. It's a complete lie and an obvious attempt to impress her boyfriend, whom she thanked for "rescuing" her. I've received several hateful messages already, along with threats to report me to CPS. FML

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By NotTheFavoriteChild - 3/4/2016 16:53

Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me today. She reluctantly said, "I guess". I showered, shaved and did my hair and makeup. When I came downstairs, she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. "I'm just lacking motivation to go," she said. Glad you're so excited too. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2011 18:37 - United States

Today, I had to call AAA because not only did I lock my keys in the car, I also locked in my toddlers. FML

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By mackamuir - 1/4/2016 13:01 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my roommate played a crazy April Fool's joke on me by not paying his rent this month. Good one. FML

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By busted - 5/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I told my mum that the reason I hadn't contacted her for 3 days was that my internet was broken, when in reality I'd gone off for a dirty weekend with the guy I'm having sex with. I forgot my older sister worked for my internet provider. FML

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By Zero_TAlent_ - 29/3/2016 20:27 - United States - Gettysburg

Today, the drummer from my band stole the $200 deposit for our rental practice space and used it for a trip down to Maryland with his girlfriend. A few hours ago, my brother and I found him passed out in his cousin's house, very hungover. His first words to us were, "Can I borrow 20 bucks?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 22:00

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

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By werewolfoflondon - 3/11/2010 02:16 - Canada

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2014 18:16 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2016 21:57 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

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By anonymous - 6/3/2016 05:33 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 17 year old daughter told me she was going to bake a cake. When she finished she offered me one and it was crunchy. I asked her why and she said the recipe said to put eggs in. She put them in whole. FML

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By silencio - 24/5/2012 10:44 - Canada - Ch?teauguay

Not a real doctor

Today, my mom watched a Dr. Phil episode. She's now hysterical because she assumes me and my friends are involved in sex parties. All because a man on the TV said so. FML

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By herpmonster - 23/6/2012 16:59 - Italy

Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2009 12:54 - United States

Today, I received an envelope from verizon. I assumed it was my bill. I opened it and saw a visa credit card offer so I quickly snapped it in half to prevent identity theft. Only after playing with the pieces for 10 minutes did I realize that it was my $100 rebate from my new phone. FML

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By Lalalala - 6/9/2020 02:02 - United States - Austin

Post-it

Today, my boyfriend told me to stay home, because he wanted to come by to give me a birthday surprise. Later on, he came by, posted a note, rung the bell and left. The note was a break up note. FML

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By Dinho - 15/5/2009 21:22 - United States

Today, I was in a public bathroom, and a little boy walks in and he has an accident. He asked if I could help him clean it up. So I decided to help. I started to walk to him to assist him. That's when I walked straight into the pee and I slipped. My whole back was covered in pee. FML

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By nowork - 28/8/2013 03:21 - United States - Liverpool

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2015 02:34 - United States - Yellow Springs

Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML

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By onlyme123 - 27/6/2018 15:00

Today, I got a phone call. I thought it was just one of these toll free numbers that were always calling so when I answered the phone, I said, “City morgue: you stab 'em, we slab 'em! How may I help you?” It was my college calling to discuss my grades. FML

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By LizP40 - 27/8/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2011 06:20 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML

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By wtfmama - 4/5/2013 12:51 - United States - Hudson

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML

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By random0605 - 29/9/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML

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By messyfamily - 19/9/2010 07:31 - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

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Top comments

By cucuto89 | 0

#100255 - Friday 10 April 2009 23:48

"hello, is my pizza ready yet?" all you had to say.......

By red_wings | 0

#100262 - Friday 10 April 2009 23:49

Pizza Hut has one number and they then ask you the area you are in and dispatch you to the closest one!

COMMENTS

By cucuto89 | 0

#100255 - Friday 10 April 2009 23:48

"hello, is my pizza ready yet?" all you had to say.......

By MooKee | 0

#100257 - Friday 10 April 2009 23:48

Hah, was the pizza atleast good?

By red_wings | 0

#100262 - Friday 10 April 2009 23:49

Pizza Hut has one number and they then ask you the area you are in and dispatch you to the closest one!

ZleveL | 0

#970945 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 7:06

310 10 10

it's that easy

night_fox88 | 24

#5865166 - Friday 21 February 2014 21:25

not necessarily I'm a driver for the minot ave one in auburn maine and people mix us and the center st one up all the time. each store has a different number

By EffinWhosLife | 0

#100263 - Friday 10 April 2009 23:49

If you order online it'll pinpoint the pizza hut nearest to you.

By mel319 | 0

#100279 - Friday 10 April 2009 23:51

this is not at all FML worthy .

By nomadxx7 | 0

#100288 - Friday 10 April 2009 23:53

Agree about the pinpointing the nearest one to you. Plus your FML is really a YDI. Waiting so long you could have asked if it was ready AND in 25 minutes they could have made you the pie right then and there.

TattsNdVodka | 0

#2364327 - Sunday 17 April 2011 20:36

true

By Jaxro | 6

#100297 - Friday 10 April 2009 23:55

You failure....

By bennylove | 0

#100305 - Friday 10 April 2009 23:58

Really not that bad.

By Quinnjamin | 0

#100312 - Saturday 11 April 2009 0:00

YDI dumbass

By Libbyy | 0

#100318 - Saturday 11 April 2009 0:01

I can see how that would be inconvenient