Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only... - FML

By Gagging - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

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Expanding universe

Reverse psychology

Time's up

By j_babydoll6520 - Australia

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

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By mybad - United States

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

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By andthatshowitgoes - United States

Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML

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By Steve - New Zealand

Today, I had a car accident. In the same place, at the same time, and with the same friend in the passenger seat as last week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

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By Alisha-_-

Today, I found out that the love of my life had been pleasuring himself to pictures of my ex-boyfriends. Yes, he's bisexual. He says it's ok because I'm dating him now. Great. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

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By Mewsmash - United States - Dublin

Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Detroit

Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML

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By bellaskyeb - United States

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

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By Tree - France

Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because it's cheaper than paying child support." FML

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By carless - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 23:01

Like the beginning of a porno

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

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By uneek14 - Canada

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

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By Spockx - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

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By Benji

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I received a $20 gift card to Tim Horton's as a prize, and decided to use it. At the register, I was told that I'd essentially won an empty gift card. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a plane with my grandma. A cute guy sat down next to her. She asked his age. He told her he was 16. She said, "Oh, that's how old my granddaughter here is." She then turned to me and said loudly, "You should switch seats with me, he's HOT!" Well, at least Grandma loves me. FML

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By ohhmydamn - United States

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

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By sparkle - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her Twitter account to complain about me. FML

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By whyme - United States

Today, my friend and I were eating in my car in a McDonald's parking lot, when an angry, drunk man stumbled out of the restaurant and into his car. He then hit the McDonald's wall, turned around and sped straight into my car. I only bought it a week ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 11:01 - Luxembourg - Mamer

Not that sort, I swear

Today, I threw out a bunch of Coca-Cola bottles that had been in my room for who knows how long. My mother noticed them in the recycling and promptly told our neighbours that I have a "coke habit." FML

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By poopooppachuu - United States

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

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By A girl - Netherlands

Today, it has been 8 months since I started a photography project in which I would take a picture of the same tree every day for a year. I just heard a noise outside. They cut the tree down. FML

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By comphone - France

Today, I went to work 300 miles away from where I live. I couldn't find my customer's address, so I decided to call him. I'd picked up my wireless house phone instead of my mobile. FML

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By Lovesickgal - United Kingdom

Wrong number

Today, my ex-boyfriend texted me, saying, "I love you." Stupidly, I was very excited and replied, "At last! I still love you", to which he replied, "wrong number sorry, I don't love you." FML

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By dadyoureacunt - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

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By Nomoresandwish - United States

Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML

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By NickDrakeFan - United States

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

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By OutOfTheCloset - United States - Clifton

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

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By presidont - Switzerland

Today, it was the elections for Student Council President. I decided to be nice and vote for the only other competitor because it was her birthday. I lost by one vote. FML

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By Anonymous - Estonia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my crazy stalker got a crazy stalker too. And she's also stalking me. So basically, I'm in some sort of a stalking triangle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing basketball outside in my driveway. I saw three cute girls walking by, so I thought I would try to show off a little by doing a backwards slam dunk. I jumped, completely missed the rim and hit my head on the backboard. Then my mom ran out to help me up. FML

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By Earths_Venus - Australia

Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it- and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML

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By Mary - Czech Republic

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs onto cement and had to get stitches in my knee. The class I was running to was Buddhist Philosophy where I was supposed to give a presentation on how we all need to slow down and stop rushing through life. FML

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Top comments

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6321560 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:42

Welp, time to amputate. There's no other way.

By pleasedie | 22

#6321544 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:33

Now that's just gross

COMMENTS

By AirBusDriver | 23

#6321535 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:29

Well that just plain stinks.

Reply

tinytyler | 12

#6322457 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 17:25

No clue why this got down voted. It's only a pun for gods sake

Reply

AlwaysWatching | 27

#6322497 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 18:52

You must be new here, #68

By Birdclawz | 17

#6321539 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:31

Sounds like a pretty stinky situation.

Reply

kendallm505050 | 12

#6321911 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 0:54

Stop.

Reply

PePziNL | 20

#6321973 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 2:02

IN THE NAAAAME OF LOOOVE

Reply

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6322056 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 4:21

BEFORE YOU BREEEEAK MY HEAAAAARRT…

Reply

43bubba34 | 25

#6322527 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 19:33

THINK IT OOOVER!!!!

Reply

Ava_Darkflame | 26

#6324175 - Thursday 18 June 2015 15:54

What the fuck happened here?

By dantee2005 | 33

#6321543 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:33

Is she hobo or hobbit?

Reply

PePziNL | 20

#6321975 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 2:03

Bitch my gurl aint no Hobbit!

~Kanye West

By pleasedie | 22

#6321544 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:33

Now that's just gross

Reply

sunnyskys | 25

#6321989 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 2:28

Don't play footsie you might catch something and it isn't a big toe lol

By Schala360 | 27

#6321545 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:33

urmahgerd, air freshener that shit

Reply

bdsmslave | 18

#6321933 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 1:07

It's time to give her a foot massage... using industrial cleaner as massage oil.

Reply

Ms_ValS | 27

#6322251 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 9:45

You would be willing to touch them?

By nonononononono_fml | 16

#6321548 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:37

Better learn to keep the air freshener handy!!

Reply

Schala360 | 27

#6321639 - Monday 15 June 2015 19:36

I honestly cant see why our posts are getting down voted, just because we aren't sucking up to OP doesn't mean we have to get down voted

Reply

chinaski7628 | 32

#6321646 - Monday 15 June 2015 19:42

Why cover up the smell when it can (most likely) be eliminated?She may have a fungus. Or it's bad hygiene. Both of those are easily taken care of. Either way, air freshener will only mask the problem. The girlfriend needs to fix the problem.

Reply

nonononononono_fml | 16

#6321714 - Monday 15 June 2015 21:08

Well I was thinking more Febreeze, covering it up and eliminating it all together but either way I was just kidding.

Reply

drrobotnik1 | 18

#6321854 - Monday 15 June 2015 23:59

unfortunately, that's the rule around here.

Reply

Schala360 | 27

#6322254 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 9:49

#44 yeah well its a shit rule

By 19990231 | 29

#6321550 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:38

Get her some foot powder or something to take care of that...

By tranced_ | 44

#6321551 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:38

time to take her to the shower and slyly wash her feet ;)

Reply

cfojo | 19

#6321561 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:42

Or she can go wash her own damn feet cuz that's nasty

By Darkness_Hate | 29

#6321552 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:39

Get kinky then give her a feet massage.

Reply

sstahpp | 33

#6321762 - Monday 15 June 2015 22:30

Would you like some toast with that jam?

Reply

DFMLharsh | 20

#6322278 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 10:54

^ wins

By lulinator | 40

#6321555 - Monday 15 June 2015 18:40

Someone needs a shower. Or some Dr. Scholl's.