Miscellaneous: Today, I noticed my new neighbor had taken the liberty of putting... - FML

03/03/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I noticed my new neighbor had taken the liberty of putting up signs all around their lawn overnight. There are at least a dozen signs detailing the various reasons everyone on the planet is condemned to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 3 107

Dementia or hate? You decide

Leave us alone

Nutshot

22/03/2014 07:18 - Canada - Kitimat

Today, once again I was told I looked a bit like Lindsay Lohan. I can't figure out if they mean the young, good looking one, or the current cracked out rehab version. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 153

You deserved it 4 460

25/04/2016 18:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 688

You deserved it 6 858

The X Factor

By Tajjali Fatima - 13/09/2020 22:58

Today, I was singing in a terrible voice on purpose during a Zoom call from school, thinking I was on mute. I carried on, until a message saying, "The host has muted you" appeared on my screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 1 575

Square eyes

By comedybreak - 30/10/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 172

You deserved it 2 736

04/01/2015 01:30 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 163

You deserved it 5 901

15/08/2016 04:07 - United States - Huntingdon

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I had cheated on her. She didn't tell or get mad, oh no. She looked at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing and called me a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 799

You deserved it 13 873

03/03/2010 16:22 - Canada

Spicy

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 711

You deserved it 7 779

13/01/2010 21:40 - France

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 224

You deserved it 42 271

08/04/2012 05:17 - United States - Billings

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 308

You deserved it 2 662

17/02/2014 02:29 - United States - Hedgesville

Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 507

You deserved it 62 815

08/02/2013 06:24 - United States

Today, I pointed out to my boyfriend how Valentine's day, my birthday, and our one-year anniversary were all coming up in the next few weeks. He then promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 875

You deserved it 8 964

27/12/2013 14:01 - United States - Appleton

Today, I got written up at work for clocking back in from lunch early. Yesterday I got a verbal warning for coming back late. I'm scared to go to lunch at all now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 810

You deserved it 4 664

10/11/2016 02:45 - United States - Leawood

Today, I saw an older gentleman running through my store. I wasn't sure why he was running towards the front door until I looked at the floor and saw a poop trail behind him. The trail went from the front of the store all the way to the back of the store. Guess who had to get the mop and bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 264

You deserved it 570

18/08/2012 04:51 - Australia - Forestville

Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 175

You deserved it 2 072

16/06/2011 13:20 - United States

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. So I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 146

You deserved it 5 948

26/06/2015 17:42 - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 124

You deserved it 2 365

27/08/2013 04:36 - United States - Arlington

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 946

You deserved it 4 538

WTF VHS?

By Anonymous - 18/09/2019 04:02 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, a teacher asked me to edit a video of her class. Unfamiliar with cameras that work with video tape, I accidentally recorded over her video. The footage is impossible for me to get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 953

01/09/2010 23:11 - United States

Today, my minivan broke down on the side of the highway. I'm out of work and can't afford a cell phone, so I resorted to standing at the back of my van holding a "HELP" sign. About an hour went by, in which time I was passed by a cop car, a firetruck, and a car that said "Roadside Assistance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 841

You deserved it 3 665

Get the message

By Confession - 16/05/2016 02:07 - Belgium

Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 276

You deserved it 3 840

05/08/2011 14:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 207

You deserved it 69 402

01/09/2011 14:40 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum yelled at me for wanting to apply to university courses that she doesn't approve of. I'm applying for Biomedical Sciences and Microbiology, she's an unemployed Jehovah's Witness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 941

You deserved it 2 958

Richard

By hot sweet.... not - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with Play-Doh and made a sculpture that looked like a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 587

You deserved it 6 153

30/01/2010 09:40 - United States

Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 768

You deserved it 4 106

15/10/2014 23:36 - United States - Gainesville

Spicy

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 281

You deserved it 4 363

29/12/2009 07:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex asking if I would go out with him that night. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 831

You deserved it 28 114

Ten years, going strong

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, it's the 10th anniversary of the last time I had sex, and that was a drunk pity shag down an alley that lasted less than 30 seconds, due to me getting my period and his whiskey dick. Since then, all my sexual encounters have included the internet and rechargeable batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 283

09/03/2013 18:50 - France - Livry-gargan

Spicy

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 147

You deserved it 66 050

04/01/2014 23:43 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 755

You deserved it 17 589

25/12/2010 13:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 530

You deserved it 9 508

16/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 069

You deserved it 433

21/08/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 620

You deserved it 3 391

15/07/2016 15:43

Today, I bought my mother an expensive TV she had been looking at. After I bought it, she continued browsing for more stuff. I told her I couldn't afford the extra items. She got mad and called me "selfish". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 617

You deserved it 1 096

08/04/2009 12:32 - Canada

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 473

You deserved it 110 426

Dumb, but relatable

By Maju - 31/10/2019 04:00 - Netherlands

Today, I hit my toe against a table. Out of frustration, I kicked the table and broke my little toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 2 613

12/12/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 411

You deserved it 2 417

12/08/2009 02:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 701

You deserved it 3 268

22/02/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 843

You deserved it 4 412

24/05/2010 16:14 - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 167

You deserved it 6 657

20/03/2015 14:38 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I disproved a scientific theory created by my supervisor. He was furious and said that I shouldn't have tried to disprove him. He told me to continue working with his theory and now he threatens to fire me if I publish my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 2 953

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:03

Tell them to move to Kansas and join the WBC.

asbmf 7

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:23

The key words here are "their house." Your neighbors can do whatever they want on their own property as long as it's not illegal, which this isn't. It's not your house, and it has nothing to do with you, so as long as you don't just sit there all day staring at your neighbor's yard, this shouldn't really affect you at all.

Comments

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:03

Wouldn't be the same if people didn't have a crazy neighbour?!

iSitt 0

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:25

there goes the neighborhood

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Sunday 6 March 2011 14:50

it wouldn't be the same and I luv neighbors like that

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:03

Guess ull be seeing her in hell then

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:21

No, Westbro church. Where cool stories are made every day.

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:06

What does this have to do with you

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Saturday 25 June 2011 0:03

at least ur neighbor doesn't tell you to stop playing basketball when it's 8:00 (p.m.)

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Saturday 6 August 2011 23:02

ya how is this f your life?

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:03

Tell them to move to Kansas and join the WBC.

NancyDeebensDPDS 0

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:13

westboro church? yes.

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:33

I'll bet the person who voted your guys' comments down has absolutely no idea who those people are and what they stand for.

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:46

Joke is on them. Hell doesn't exist.

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Friday 4 March 2011 0:15

it does if your a satanist

AlucarDraculA14 0

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Friday 4 March 2011 0:59

it is not Westboro Baptist Church. its Westboro Baptist Cult.

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Friday 4 March 2011 1:00

They are extremists. Extremely extreme extremists.

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Friday 4 March 2011 1:05

#1, when I first read this FML, I thought of the exact same thing, instead I was going to say "Is his/her name Fred/Shirley Phelps?"

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Friday 4 March 2011 2:55

Similar thing happened to me when mel Gibson came to visit. He threw rocks at children claiming they were devils and would throw boiling water on nuns trying to give them exorcisms. However I got to say his cooking was fantastic

ovechkinisbeast 9

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Friday 4 March 2011 5:30

world baseball classic? XD

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Friday 4 March 2011 5:44

amen.

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Friday 4 March 2011 6:12

No, Westbro church. Where cool stories are made every day.

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Friday 4 March 2011 10:20

I hope hell is real, and LMAO

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 7:49

wow. how insensitive are you guys? aren't you doing the exact same thing by saying rude things about another religion?

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Sunday 3 April 2011 7:14

The WBC is not a religion, it is a cult of racist homophobes and their children that try to cover their hatred with religion.

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:08

You can probably report it to the city as an eyesore, and then they might make him/her remove them.

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Friday 4 March 2011 9:58

neighbor claims religious reasons. city can't do anything... shitty, but that's all that'll happen.

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:10

If it's in their own house, how does this affect the OP? Not an FML, more of an "I'm a peeping-tom".

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Friday 4 March 2011 0:01

I hate peeping toms. Every time I go out on my lawn to do naked pilates

QueenOfBoredom 0

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Friday 4 March 2011 1:18

haha i see what you did there

heyred 11

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Friday 4 March 2011 3:15

It's on the lawn, not in the house.

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Friday 4 March 2011 3:32

oh I get it. so if happen to be passing by someones house and a sign catches my eye and I look that automatically makes me someone a peeping Tom. it all makes sense now.

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Friday 4 March 2011 3:32

oh I get it. so if happen to be passing by someones house and a sign catches my eye and I look that automatically makes me someone a peeping Tom. it all makes sense now.4

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Friday 4 March 2011 4:13

Well, you still don't make sense. ^

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Friday 4 March 2011 8:55

you need to be a home-owner to understand what op is trying to say. or at least have had a bad neighbor before... it sucks. fyl op! I can just imagine the chats over the fence you'll have!

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 10:01

I agree with you totally

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:08

You should be thankful. He knows what's up. probably just wants to make everyone aware that they should all stop being shit fucks.

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:15

Psycho neighbor is psycho. Stay away from him/her.

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:15

Psycho neighbor is psycho. Stay away from him/her.

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Thursday 3 March 2011 23:22

Make his/her life a living hell.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 269

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 69