Miscellaneous: Today, I moved out of my parents basement. After I hugged my... - FML

By neverStopLaughin - 04/10/2009 20:31 - United States

Today, I moved out of my parents basement. After I hugged my parents I walked out the door only to remember I left my phone in the kitchen. I open the door and see my parents dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 124

You deserved it 14 041

Walk the line

Dysfunctional

Today, on Asshat Bosses…

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 824

You deserved it 14 549

By pyrosythan - 20/07/2009 05:40 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's dad chased me with a baseball bat because he found a pair of my boxers in her room. They were not there because I left them there, they were there because she stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 264

You deserved it 3 135

By notcool - 15/09/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 267

You deserved it 3 308

Get back to work

By wavenixv - 27/08/2021 10:01

Today, I got an email from our district manager, telling me I cannot use my vacation days as sick time. I've run out of sick days and I have a severe injury that I've taken medical leave for. When it flares up, it feels like I’m being stabbed. He knows this, but doesn’t acknowledge it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 48

Bean.

By BeanThereRuinedThat - 22/03/2017 12:00

Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 288

You deserved it 1 023

By xxccruzxx - 29/06/2012 13:30 - United States

Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 132

You deserved it 29 750

By smh - 13/05/2012 22:30 - United States - Sacramento

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 235

You deserved it 36 281

By Wtf - 29/04/2011 16:09 - Canada

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 247

You deserved it 3 005

By fail - 15/06/2012 15:36 - United States - Greeneville

Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 011

You deserved it 2 910

By callerid - 03/08/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 359

You deserved it 3 762

By Rev - 18/03/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 031

You deserved it 8 955

By dantko - 01/01/2014 05:04 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 046

You deserved it 5 299

By Livewire - 01/01/2012 01:22 - United States

Today, it's New Year's Eve. My husband and I weren't invited to any parties, and we don't have a sitter to be able to go out by ourselves. Instead, I'm watching "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2" on the Disney channel with our 5-year-old, and my husband has passed out on the couch from sheer boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 860

You deserved it 7 509

By anonymous - 24/09/2016 13:10 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 116

You deserved it 2 315

By Dunzo15 - 02/05/2009 06:28 - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 024

You deserved it 51 591

Stuck on amber

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 07:58 - United States - Greensburg

Today, my wife and mother of my kids said she doesn't want sex. Or a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 169

By Thanks Honey - 05/06/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 508

You deserved it 5 180

By Irritated - 12/09/2016 15:29 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was sitting in a drive-thru with my girlfriend waiting for our food and the idiot behind me rear-ended me. I got out of the car to tell him he'd rear-ended me. He then argued with me, saying he "didn't feel it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 760

You deserved it 857

By Wealthyparrot - 10/05/2013 08:24 - United States

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 540

You deserved it 3 506

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was hanging out at a friend's house. Her adorable 5 year-old sister came up, gave me a hug, and said, "You're fat. When are you going home?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 713

You deserved it 6 041

Karma sucks

By gagus123 - 12/11/2019 14:00

Today, I pretended to be sick at the office and went home early because I wanted to attend a party. On the way to the said party, my car caught fire on the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 2 089

Priorities

By elly - 08/04/2021 14:00

Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 144

By whyme - 07/02/2012 06:38 - United States

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 675

You deserved it 2 106

By sexychica - 21/07/2009 17:45 - United States

Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 297

You deserved it 6 331

So romantic!

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 190

You deserved it 257

By Halle - 01/11/2011 07:41 - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 036

You deserved it 6 677

By ismerf19 - 22/12/2010 00:05

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 387

You deserved it 7 345

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 234

You deserved it 14 408

By Buttscratcher - 03/03/2012 16:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 849

You deserved it 31 713

By Anon O'Mous - 02/01/2012 15:38 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 5 677

Give Me Novacaine

By implantme - 11/05/2017 14:00

Today, I learnt that my tooth is cracking due to a crown that was put in this past October to prevent the previous crown from doing that. Cheers to an implant at 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 002

You deserved it 231

By frosho - 09/03/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a restaurant with my best friend. We had just competed in a pageant together earlier this month. A lady comes up to my friend who got first alternate and said,"You were robbed of that title. You deserved to win. I hated the winner." I was the winner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 367

You deserved it 5 589

By katgib13 - 10/03/2015 22:38 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 277

You deserved it 2 294

By thismakesmesad - 07/09/2011 16:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 319

You deserved it 7 541

By burnt - 13/08/2012 04:43 - Australia - Middle Swan

Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 063

You deserved it 3 330

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” Everyone laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 627

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 03:36 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 818

You deserved it 3 281

By ebe - 15/05/2019 14:08

Today, my landlord, due to a past of being an asshole and now enhanced with dementia, suddenly jumped down my throat for parking incorrectly in the driveway, because there's no room for their two cars. He hasn't had two cars in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 139

By Joe thomas - 24/07/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I was riding on my bike when I saw a homeless guy holding a sign saying, "Need money, stranded from Oklahoma." I decided to be nice, and hopped off my bike to give him $2. He took the money, and then jacked my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 912

You deserved it 9 417

By atleastshelldiefirst - 13/10/2012 00:18 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 1 781

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Top comments

fretforyerlatte 0

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:16

oh cry me a river. they're happy to have the house to themselves. now they get to have sex whenever they want. don't be such a baby.

n3rdzgotskillz 29

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:12

What kind of dance? Just interested. :D

Comments

n3rdzgotskillz 29

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:12

What kind of dance? Just interested. :D

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:20

LOL, "After I huged my parents" What did you give them, Viagra?

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:24

OP, are you surprised? My parents have repeatedly told me they'll be happy when I'm out of the house. All parents do this.

Reyo 2

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:26

Do you blame them? You lived in their basement.

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:12

Dude how old are you ?

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:16

seriously... dancing? unless that is some sort of euphemism for sex? still, if OP is using a euphemism, maybe its a little early to move out. and if they are dancing because they are happy OP moved out, this is extra lame... of COURSE they are happy OP is finally entering the real world and they have the house to themselves. op needs to get over himself.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Monday 5 October 2009 4:04

Seeing as how he was in the basement, that means he was probably trying to have a life of his own while still living with them. I'd guess college age, maybe older? At that point I would be dancing when he left too!

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Monday 5 October 2009 13:39

Euphamism? Probably not. Foreplay? Quite possibly!

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:14

And that was THE first thing you did in your new place!

fretforyerlatte 0

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:16

oh cry me a river. they're happy to have the house to themselves. now they get to have sex whenever they want. don't be such a baby.

babygraprefruit 0

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:38

Married people don't have sex, do they?

lahp 0

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:54

why would they hav sex? they might make another one that takes years to move out the basement

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Monday 5 October 2009 2:05

Because condoms don't exist? Idiot. And if he's that old, I'm sure his dad would have had a vasectomy.

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Monday 5 October 2009 2:22

You kidding? Even when I still lived in my parents house in my high school days, my parents had sex whenever they damn well pleased. Sex isn't always a factor with parents wanting their kids to move the hell out.

babygraprefruit 0

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Monday 5 October 2009 2:41

Obviously a joke. Some of you people take this way too seriously.

lahp 0

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Monday 5 October 2009 2:45

yes obviously a joke thanks :)

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 14:21

word!

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Sunday 29 July 2012 8:45

Yes, yes they do my parents were married before I was born

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:16

Yeah, they should have been sad that their son was not going to be living with them any longer... In their basement. This is about the worst thing that can ever happen to any parent. They fear the day the their offspring goes out into the world to forge his own destiny. I wonder how they would feel if they knew he was whining about them on the internet; they'd probably be ecstatic. You should e-mail them a link to this, to give them the great news.

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Wednesday 19 May 2010 14:57

haha, your pic made me laugh :)

CrunkCupcake97 2

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:18

o.O

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:21

Huged them? Does that mean you made them huge, like with some kind of antishrinkray gun or something?

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Monday 5 October 2009 4:09

No, it means he fattened them up and made them do the seasoning ritual dance before he ate them . [:

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:24

OP, there is no verb called " to huge" there is one called " to hug" so please spell huGGed correctly next time

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:29

There are these things called typos. Everyone makes them.

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Monday 5 October 2009 2:26

There are these things called double checking and spell check. Most people use them.

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Saturday 19 November 2011 15:34

If teachers could have the ability to control and teach then they would know how to spell correctly. If you are not a teacher then shut up and ignore the minor mistakes humans make

possiblyapotato 10

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Friday 30 January 2015 15:26

I don't regularly unless I'm talking to someone important...

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:26

Hah! When I moved out my mom was still trying to convince me to live in their home and pay them rent for the rest of my life. At least they're not clinging to you like that, right?

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Monday 5 October 2009 4:07

Ooo haha ouch, good point. I'd rather my parents encourage me than smother me :P

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Monday 5 October 2009 14:12

Yea my parents did that too...they were devastated when I moved out to live with my fiance and they were happy as hell when I temporarily moved back in while he was in Iraq...lol...

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Monday 5 October 2009 1:31

*hugged. lol. oh well, they're parents, they'll be happy you're gone. then be sad 'cause they'll probably miss you eventually :D

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 15

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 101