Today, I moved into my new apartment. As I sat in my living room... - FML

By curtain buyer - 9/3/2015 01:05 - United States - Albany

Today, I moved into my new apartment. As I sat in my living room watching Netflix, I found out that my window has an excellent view of my new neighbors, who just so happen to like to shag with the blinds open. I guess I'll be buying some curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31830

You deserved it

3640

Tweet

Share

Proactive

All in the family

Headache

By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 11:55 - Australia

Today, it's been months since I dropped out of college to escape constantly being bullied and being miserable. Ever since then, I've been having recurring nightmares with the same people bullying me, after which I wake up crying and feeling miserable. My brain is a douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36467

You deserved it

4842

Tweet

Share

By OrlandoZ6 - 25/5/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I was laying down on my couch. My friend IM's me on my laptop to watch a video. It turned out that the video was one of those scary pop up's. I got so scared I dropped my laptop. The screen had a big crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46416

You deserved it

10605

Tweet

Share

By Insomniac - 28/7/2012 09:56 - United States - Wasilla

Today, after rolling my car on the highway, I witnessed several people stop and get out of their cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay, and I was the one who had to call 911 for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34445

You deserved it

2430

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/4/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks

131339

You deserved it

8223

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/10/2009 19:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39125

You deserved it

3259

Tweet

Share

By cbrocks - 16/10/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, it was the first day of fall break from college, and I was really excited to sleep in and relax the entire weekend. Apparently my boss caught wind of my happiness and scheduled me 8am-2pm each day of break, "seeing how I don't have anything else to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33042

You deserved it

3853

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/2/2017 15:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5094

You deserved it

887

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like. He thought long and hard, then said "Sarah Jessica Parker." I gasped and told him that I find her extremely hideous. He replied "So do I." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36312

You deserved it

8856

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 1/11/2009 13:37 - France

Today, my dad called me for the first time in weeks. All he wanted to tell me was that Ashlee Simpson got fired from Melrose Place. Then he hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32366

You deserved it

2579

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/7/2011 22:52 - United Kingdom

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60076

You deserved it

3554

Tweet

Share

By zain - 4/6/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49775

You deserved it

3672

Tweet

Share

By BrokeStudentTryingToDoSomethingNice - 2/12/2016 06:31

Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all the post and gifts they have been sending her. For a special birthday / Christmas, I'd splurged on an expensive, interactive mystery game where you are mailed clues over the course of 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10787

You deserved it

1511

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/6/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59045

You deserved it

13670

Tweet

Share

By robm - 26/7/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32217

You deserved it

4633

Tweet

Share

By joarasmi - 1/6/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4392

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By MILF - 16/4/2014 22:03 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64786

You deserved it

6667

Tweet

Share

By lonely - 12/4/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31963

You deserved it

7652

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/4/2012 14:50 - United States - Cabin John

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29084

You deserved it

3203

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 22:21 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42416

You deserved it

3070

Tweet

Share

By RBergman - 25/4/2015 20:05 - United States - Basin

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for public sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43486

You deserved it

3323

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 13:00

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2309

You deserved it

814

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/10/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11651

You deserved it

61342

Tweet

Share

By fuck's sake - 16/4/2016 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18957

You deserved it

2050

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38755

You deserved it

4092

Tweet

Share

By Tyto - 3/3/2017 14:00 - United States - Lewes

Today, I learned that the only reason my girlfriend stayed with me is because I drove us to school every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6798

You deserved it

567

Tweet

Share

By Sleepless - 5/2/2019 00:00

Today, my dad and I had to move in with my mom. There's only two tiny rooms, and my aunt lives there along with her dogs and my cat. The dogs have tried to kill my cat, I have to share the bed with my mom, who snores BAD, and I haven't slept in two days. I work early all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2199

You deserved it

266

Tweet

Share

By starfishedasshole - 30/3/2014 16:50 - United States

Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49860

You deserved it

4296

Tweet

Share

By deli Shoppe - 27/6/2012 04:39 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9336

You deserved it

38324

Tweet

Share

By branwen5 - 9/10/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my husband is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until he gets a job to pay child support. He hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44548

You deserved it

3812

Tweet

Share

By talkingtoaretard - 25/1/2012 05:00 - United States

Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13922

You deserved it

35805

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/9/2013 17:42 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my son asked me if slavery was ever abolished. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46747

You deserved it

7363

Tweet

Share

By SeriouslyMakeItStop - 21/3/2014 11:09 - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47184

You deserved it

8996

Tweet

Share

By stolenbike - 14/6/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49695

You deserved it

3914

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/4/2016 05:49 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister got me in deep trouble at the store I worked security for. She "dropped by to say hi" and stole a bunch of things when I wasn't looking. I wasn't arrested, due to lack of any evidence. But my boss didn't care about evidence and fired me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22584

You deserved it

1974

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 01:00

Everyone knows my secret.

Today, I was hanging out with my little sister (11 years old) and she turns to look at me, out of the blue and flat out, and asks me "what kind of porn do you watch?" So, then I told her I watch girlxgirl. Now, my whole Catholic family knows I'm bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

812

You deserved it

2839

Tweet

Share

By Christmasloverandstuff - 25/12/2012 17:45 - United States

Today, my extended family came over for Christmas. I forgot to get a present for my extremely sensitive aunt. I took a gift from my re-gift pile and wrapped it quickly. Little did I remember that it was the same gift she gave me last year. She noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13843

You deserved it

42304

Tweet

Share

By hannah - 15/9/2012 22:16 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35085

You deserved it

7527

Tweet

Share

By Jason - 14/2/2018 15:00

Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5077

You deserved it

615

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/7/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10814

You deserved it

19027

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 26/6/2016 03:50 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13472

You deserved it

7214

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By dawood_k | 27

#6226387 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:20

Be honest...
How long did you watch them go at it

By jarrettd | 27

#6226390 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:22

Or, you could stand at the window and make the face that my profile pic makes. Once someone sees this look through their window they'll buy you and themselves new curtains.

Comments

By fsomelife | 26

#6226381 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:16

And brain bleach. And new eyes.

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#6228592 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 9:11

What if their hot? That's a free show! Haha.

By CThomp48 | 10

#6226383 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:16

And some therapy.

By MegaExplosives | 17

#6226384 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:17

Hopefuly they don't have any super awkward kinks.

By WCARlover | 34

#6226386 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:19

Your neighbors thought that maybe they'd give you more show options D:

By dawood_k | 27

#6226387 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:20

Be honest...
How long did you watch them go at it

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#6226823 - Monday 9 March 2015 19:02

And did you pick up any new ideas or techniques?

By Silvermaye | 25

#6226388 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:21

At least you aren't Ross, and your new neighbours are your best friend and sister!

By Steffi3 | 40

#6226389 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:21

Or maybe inform them, so you don't have to sit watching tv with the curtains closed all the times.

By jarrettd | 27

#6226390 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:22

Or, you could stand at the window and make the face that my profile pic makes. Once someone sees this look through their window they'll buy you and themselves new curtains.

Reply

firefox9778 | 20

#6226392 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:23

Or just stare back. Haha

Reply

soulcrusher11 | 16

#6226912 - Monday 9 March 2015 20:30

best idea ever. lol.

By ZY1431 | 24

#6226394 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:24

the smell of bleach in your future i sense.

By hammonds92 | 21

#6226398 - Monday 9 March 2015 11:29

Right...I bet your pretending Netflix add a hustler selection has you pull your chair to the window lol