Love: Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first...

By obnum - 18/04/2013 14:37 - United States

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 735

You deserved it 9 217

Love

Broken heart

Don't go to Sunn O))) concerts, kids

Skincare

By syn1734 - 16/10/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me "she has a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So, I hurried home only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 075

You deserved it 3 408

By Alice - 01/08/2009 08:15 - United States

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 363

You deserved it 10 826

By mirrorfad - 29/01/2010 05:49 - France

Today, my mum got upset with me for getting my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 481

You deserved it 3 226

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 23:22 - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 070

You deserved it 5 113

By legwarmer - 31/12/2010 19:21 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my fiancé, we were talking about how we'd rather die, if given a choice. I said, "I want to die in my sleep next to you." His response? "It'd be sexier if you were on top of me with your face between my legs." Cute, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 482

You deserved it 6 517

By mexicandelicacy - 04/03/2012 03:09 - United States

Today, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family. I got stuck trying to decide whether I should get the fajitas or the tacos. I ended up getting the tacos because I didn't want the fajitas to come in sizzling, and I didn't want to "make a scene". My social anxiety has hit a new low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 623

You deserved it 6 240

What should I do?

By Anonymous - 08/12/2019 20:00

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 134

You deserved it 548

Sorry, I…

By mel - 18/01/2011 07:05 - United States

Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 902

You deserved it 8 277

By dollfacee - 09/07/2015 16:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 578

You deserved it 2 331

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 08:21 - United States

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 860

You deserved it 5 545

By Me - 31/05/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, while at work, a rather large woman came in and ordered a cheeseburger. When asking if she would like to supersize it, she took her purse, smacked me, and told me she wasn't fat, and how rude I was for calling her supersized. I was just doing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 209

You deserved it 4 705

By too cool - 01/07/2014 03:59 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 306

You deserved it 3 336

By K - 16/02/2011 02:40 - United States

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 474

You deserved it 2 807

By haappynewyear - 01/01/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 941

You deserved it 6 071

By DrunkParents - 31/03/2015 23:32 - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 775

You deserved it 2 714

By Billz - 10/04/2019 00:00

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. I moved in a couple of bags and realized I really needed to poop. It’s been 10 minutes since I realized I hadn’t brought the toilet paper in yet. No one to bring me any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 742

You deserved it 439

By Toomuchisoutofcontrol - 21/01/2017 08:00

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend. I'm usually in control and do my own thing. He tried taking control and I ended throwing up on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 426

You deserved it 979

By anonymous - 27/01/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the reason I don't want to stay overnight at his house is because I still occasionally wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 882

You deserved it 8 264

By Likian5 - 05/12/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 788

You deserved it 2 801

By ihatespiders - 05/08/2014 12:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 778

You deserved it 18 808

By Anonymous - 17/01/2013 00:53 - United States - Wahiawa

Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 581

You deserved it 4 587

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home, she thanked me over and over again, and then said, "Thank god you have no life!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 661

You deserved it 4 485

By thatsucks - 28/02/2009 11:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285 584

You deserved it 142 549

By morgan_love11 - 05/06/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "volcano face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 295

You deserved it 4 826

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 06:47 - United States

Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 132

You deserved it 9 000

By GamerGirl - 30/01/2010 15:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating so I broke up with him. As revenge he threw my PS3 and XBox out of the window when I wasn't in our house. I got those consoles out of the spare money my three jobs had brought in - the same three jobs I had to get because he refused to get a job of his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 016

You deserved it 8 681

By kyle - 05/06/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 821

You deserved it 3 691

Stuck in the middle with you

By dadlife - 08/06/2021 04:01

Today, I heard my wife and daughter arguing. My wife took away my daughter's phone and laptop for being disrespectful. My daughter screamed, calling her mom a fat cow. My wife simply said, "Yeah, well you’re gonna look exactly like me when you grow up!" Now they’re both locked in rooms, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 71

By UsedForSurgery - 28/10/2017 01:30

Today, after having surgery, I called my family to tell them I was out, safe, and on my way home. The first thing they asked was if they could "borrow" some of my pain meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 727

You deserved it 214

By Sua - 19/09/2013 06:15 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my English teacher handed back my creative story assignment with a 74% on it. Apparently, she docked 10% because I had an unrealistic, overly dramatic plot line. That plot line was based on my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 252

You deserved it 4 280

Slipping up

By Drai Gray - 24/06/2019 14:12

Today, I'm finally dating the girl I've been fawning over for years. So what do I do? I accidentally called her by her sister's name during a conversation, which might seem like a small mistake, except I used to sleep with her sister, and she's been having a hard time getting over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 3 236

By fuuu. - 19/03/2012 12:39 - Hong Kong

Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 210

You deserved it 2 555

By ryuken23 - 14/02/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, after breaking down in front of my therapist over some really sensitive issues, she decided to also break down. Not about my story but about her own life. I'm not being paid to comfort and console my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 003

You deserved it 2 910

By Anonymous - 20/05/2010 11:04 - Canada

Today, I shaved my legs and pits for the first time this summer. It took 3 disposable razors and an hour to get the job done. I've clearly been single for far too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 838

You deserved it 47 151

By KTK - 18/02/2009 01:00 - United States

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brothers girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 832

You deserved it 3 389

By Bethany - 20/01/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 383

You deserved it 15 793

By Welp - 03/07/2016 12:39 - Romania

Today, I found out that my company used a nice photo of my coworkers and me for their corporate website, in efforts to make their office seem fun and relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't just fired every single person in the photo, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 250

You deserved it 1 091

By Mothering - 11/07/2011 09:25 - Australia

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 109

You deserved it 12 544

By Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 003

You deserved it 7 198

Fault

By problemchild - 02/11/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say, "Yes she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 568

You deserved it 3 715

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Top comments

lincolnkite 6

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:51

Kewl story bro.

lalala1896 6

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:51

Your've got yourself a keeper ;)

lalala1896 6

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:51

Your've got yourself a keeper ;)

TheElBurrrito 21

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Thursday 18 April 2013 19:26

Keeper also begins with K...

sailorzoe 14

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Thursday 18 April 2013 19:28

Run dude, run far away.

euphoricness 28

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Thursday 18 April 2013 19:34

Not just a keeper, but a Kat Keeper!

SassieCat6 16

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Thursday 18 April 2013 20:12

48- not just a Kat Keeper, but a Kewl Kat Keeper!

ElementaryEdGuy 18

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Thursday 18 April 2013 20:44

I can see this being a TLC show. "Hi. I'm your girlfriend, and these are my cats. Kosh, Kana, Kohn David, Kessa, Kinger..."

HiIAmKevin 8

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Thursday 18 April 2013 20:51

OP, did you get to pet her kitty?

KyraJFoxx 14

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Thursday 18 April 2013 20:54

Especially if she's into playing dress up.. krazy kat lady during the day , sexy Cat Woman at night. Hopefully SOME thing more comes out of it for you OP , good luck !

Mr_Satan 11

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Thursday 18 April 2013 22:28

Yea.... a keeper far far away.

9lashes 15

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Thursday 18 April 2013 23:36

-45 just cuz shes a weird cat lady doesnt mean you ditch her thats messed up! unless you allergic to cats then keep a safe distance d:

chosha_fml 25

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Friday 19 April 2013 0:11

Except for the bit where cats have to be kept away from a newborn. :)

pmadNess 14

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Friday 19 April 2013 2:21

105- Krazy Kat ladies get ditched... That's why they wind up crazy old cat ladies who live alone...

thresh037 4

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Friday 19 April 2013 3:24

Yeah, in the basement

lincolnkite 6

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:51

Kewl story bro.

Bakarra 22

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Thursday 18 April 2013 19:02

OPs girlfriend is probably just a fan of Mortal Kombat, and cats ofcourse...

Bakarra 22

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Thursday 18 April 2013 19:18

Because in mortal kombat everything is spelled with a "k" jeez...

Incredidanny 5

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Thursday 18 April 2013 19:33

What about Scorpion?

SoulAmeliorate 16

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Thursday 18 April 2013 20:27

47 - sKorpion DUH!

SomeRandomGuy15 18

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Thursday 18 April 2013 21:03

Does that means 'Johnny Cage' is a typo?

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Thursday 18 April 2013 21:21

Johnny Cage isn't from the realm of Kombat. He just went to fight in the tournament.

SomeRandomGuy15 18

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Thursday 18 April 2013 23:59

Doesn't stop Kurtis Stryker from having 'K' in his name.

pmadNess 14

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Friday 19 April 2013 2:22

77- Johnny (K)age

kyletk 7

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:52

cat woman and not in the good way!

Cartera 10

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Thursday 18 April 2013 19:03

Kat*

SomeRandomGuy15 18

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Thursday 18 April 2013 21:05

*Kewl Kat

groovycrazyjoe 18

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Thursday 18 April 2013 21:52

she has lot of pussy definitely a keeper :-)

jerzjay 17

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Thursday 18 April 2013 23:15

GTFO Op.... Now!

cieloalicia 16

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Friday 19 April 2013 3:02

I know 17 is a lot, but come on, she sounds like she's got a spunky personality and a sense of humor!

wlddog 14

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Friday 19 April 2013 16:55

142 - How many kewl kata do you have???

wlddog 14

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Friday 19 April 2013 21:46

Should have been kats,,,,

cieloalicia 16

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Monday 22 April 2013 22:47

173- just one :) His name is Floyd.

tommyfox 19

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:52

How kute!

s0m3guy2010 21

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Thursday 18 April 2013 19:14

K,mon! Kids kan't keep keeping kats kompulsively.

CobraLazerFace 21

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Thursday 18 April 2013 21:13

Kutest Kewl Kats

eur0 14

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Friday 19 April 2013 3:36

ku klux kittens

meow_jess 11

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:53

Hey be happy! Cats are awesome :3

Quiet_one 22

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Thursday 18 April 2013 22:10

While I agree that cats are awesome pets, 17 is a tad excessive. I'm sensing a potential episode of Hoarders in this girl.

laden_swallow09 34

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Friday 19 April 2013 5:38

I'm thinking more along the lines of Animal Cops.

NissanDriftKing 4

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Saturday 20 April 2013 3:56

Dogs are better :P

dragonflyy_86 7

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:53

did you told her she was a krazy kat lady

delaneyluke 5

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Thursday 18 April 2013 19:40

tell* her

dragonflyy_86 7

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Saturday 20 April 2013 3:49

you don't TELL me !!!

alllisonnn 13

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:53

I sense a new reality show. "17 Cats and Counting."

SynysterNero 20

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Thursday 18 April 2013 20:41

More like on this season of animal hoarders we discuss the krazy kat woman.

trumpet27 1

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Thursday 2 March 2017 15:21

yes

Snowkeys 11

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:53

I can only imagine the smell of that litter box.

Axipiter 24

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Thursday 18 April 2013 20:38

Litter boks.

KLeePrice 11

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Thursday 18 April 2013 21:28

And fur!!!

naxeeb 33

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:54

You're in for so many scratches and awkward night-time stares :P

Axipiter 24

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Thursday 18 April 2013 21:57

*skratches.

error404n0tf0und 21

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Friday 19 April 2013 16:24

you're in fur

Squirrel1256 15

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Thursday 18 April 2013 18:54

Hope you're not a dog person.

chosha_fml 25

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Friday 19 April 2013 0:14

I'm a cat person and it still sounds like hell.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 914

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 1 110

What should I do?

Sorry, I…

Stuck in the middle with you

Slipping up

Fault

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