Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Add a comment
Top comments
COMMENTS
By
Trembelwick
| 5
Ex-Marine used Slash on the wild enemy Boyfriend!
It was super effective!
It was super effective!
Reply
Trembelwick
| 5
Damnit! I meant to put neuter not slash!
Reply
Sparks808
| 10
What about this FML made you think Pokemon? Lol, but go dad, he's just looking out for his daughters' best interests. If you want to protect junior, don't hurt his daughter ;)
Reply
Trembelwick
| 5
I was playing pokemon red on my Original big brick of a Gameboy and well ya... the rest is history haha
Reply
hellbilly205
| 17
Should be a lesson dont fuck with the military...we know how to get the point across
(yes, i know it said marine)
(yes, i know it said marine)
Reply
downtime
| 12
12, His daughters best interests would be to let her experience life, including the heartache and painful times that go along with it.
OP, don't bother with the idiot. He's all words.
OP, don't bother with the idiot. He's all words.
Reply
77777771
| 12
It's kind of sweet in a messed up way.
Reply
spazz666
| 18
67) were you referring to yourself in the last sentence of your comment?
Reply
downtime
| 12
...I'd need to have said something threatening for that to make sense. Good try though.
Reply
Blacksabbath211
| 9
I kinda got the hiccups from laughing so hard at this, I don't know why though xD. Thank you for making my day, sir :-D
Reply
MrBobby_fml
| 7
That's not looking out for his girls best interests, that's being controlling and scary. Did she ask for his help?
Also, what... so the dad is gonna bury this guys dick in a tree trunk?
Also, what... so the dad is gonna bury this guys dick in a tree trunk?
Reply
172pilot
| 20
No such thing as an Ex-Marine...Once a Marine always a Marine
Reply
MrBoredGuy
| 1
Well said. Semper Fi
Reply
monkeysareyummy
| 0
I am playing Pokemon Crystal on my gameboy and I am trying to get to Mt. Silver but someone is blocking my way. How do I get him to move? Any one know how?
Reply
friedchickenpie
| 14
176 - Chop off his dick with a machete and he'll move.
Reply
vizkiz
| 12
Should have replied, "Oh, so she told you how big it is?"
And then run. Fast.
And then run. Fast.
Reply
OHai15
| 12
Is ur girlfriend's dad name Chuck Norris by any chance?...
Reply
BostonBruinsFan
| 8
176-Get all badges u can get, search every building u haven't visited, and talk to a lab person from the Prof. if u find one(should be close to silver mt.) and also everyone else, btw, do u have the master ball? If not, find rockets' hideout.
Reply
hellbilly205
| 17
207 you really think chuck norris needs a machete to chop off a dick?
Reply
iwanturbf
| 1
Omg when I read this I could have sworn it said mustache!!!
Reply
atomica96
| 0
Her father just wants to set some rules so he doesnt get careless or foolish and break her heart. Yeah this world is full of jerks and crap but that doesnt mean the bf needs to be one.
Reply
rofflewaffle
| 9
Use the term former Marine. An ex-Marine is somebody who got kicked out and no longer deserves to wear the title. He earned the right to the name, so show him some respect.
Reply
Tripl3platinum
| 4
Notice how everybody's disliking your comment? Yeah, shut the fuck up.
Reply
desoto96
| 9
Ha, all words? Clearly you've never met a real marine before.
By
xii_clueless
| 0
Oh the joy of fatherly love ;]
Reply
MetalxSoldier
| 26
Can't blame a man for trying to watch out for his daughter. I would do the same.
Reply
Insane_Tea
| 15
Now we wait to see if OP's love to save for his penis is greater than crazy dad's daughter.
Reply
DeviousAngel
| 13
My own father has told me many times that he'll simply look my guy in the eyes and say, "I'm not afraid to go back to jail."
Reply
_LE4RN_
| 4
To be fair, we have to take size into consideration here.
Reply
downtime
| 12
56, Forever alone then?
Reply
burninnapalm
| 5
I'll be honest. Some douche bag ever comes knocking for my daughter, I would do the same thing. Semper Fi!
Reply
MattZAX
| 8
You look like you're 10 years old ;o no offense
Reply
bunny911
| 16
56- Your father owns!
Reply
bunny911
| 16
My dad is into archery, his method was to hit the bull's eye with three arrows in a row with my bf standing beside him. No words were needed, the look on the bf's face said enough.
Reply
phatdaddy62
| 23
I'm 6 foot 6 and 280 pounds. I used to answer the door whenever a date came over to pick up my daughters. Enough said!
Reply
Ecklcakes
| 15
"Son", sounds like he's got high expectations as well - well you're in for the long haul OP.
Reply
miniman524
| 0
shutup
By
whoresatthedoor
| 2
I think its about time to leave the country
Reply
linkinpark98
| 23
Grow a beard, and change your name.
Reply
ClassyCommando
| 13
On the bright side...he seems to think your wedding tackle is the size of a tree stump. Every cloud...
By
DestinyandLove
| 0
Don't Fucking Kill Me!!! XD deeeaadd
Reply
FirstTigerHobbes
| 13
Omg!!!!1!!!1 love thiz comment soooooooo much
Reply
claire3791
| 5
BANG!!!!!!
Reply
KeyboardWarrior
| 10
Shit Toronto people say... Or Scarborough/Rexdale/Brampton. Only they say dead after a joke. Either way, this is not the place!
Reply
MattZAX
| 8
5 I couldn't find you on Facebook D= add me my name is Matt Zax ;D
Reply
haycassidy
| 7
Oh hey! It's a duck!
Reply
Jiplo
| 18
Haha! That was sooo funny! I'm literally laughing out loud! NOT.
Reply
TacoTrop
| 10
Woo! Another comment that I have lost brain cells from!
By
Sisseyy
| 0
Acting like a dick, makes you dickless. Huh.
By
jtthegr8
| 26
Well at least it's normal for a father to love his daughter even when it's sorta deathly
By
kainpwnsu
| 19
I bought a shotgun, just so I could clean it, whenever some horny douche bag comes to pick up my daughter. While leering ay him, I mention that I also own remote land in Montana and a shovel. Seems to be working.
Reply
teague95
| 16
You seem just like my girlfriend's father. Every time I'm at her house he makes it a point to show me his newest gun and tell me about his lake house where screams can't be heard. I'm not joking.
Reply
downtime
| 12
64, Thats when you tell him about how that would have been really useful to you had you not finished recovery for your nymphomania and anger management issues. Fortunately, the doctor said you're legally fine so long as you stay on your pills.
She may be forbidden from seeing you again, but at least you get a laugh out of it and avoid ending up in a family full of morons.
She may be forbidden from seeing you again, but at least you get a laugh out of it and avoid ending up in a family full of morons.
Reply
GMS1
| 7
I know my gf's dad pulls the same shenanigans, I laugh it off...if things go bad stay with her just to piss him off.
Reply
beast_adh4
| 6
64 or you can say ill have to visit there with your daughter some day and the you get the hell out of dodge
By
SpaceMann_fml
| 2
Protective dad of the year goes to....
By
Shadow_Phantom
| 26
Technically, I think he can get in trouble for threatening that; more so if he actually follows through with it...
Also, FYL.
Also, FYL.
Reply
BruisedGiraffe
| 15
No shit he's gonna get in trouble for cutting off op's dick
Reply
wlddog
| 14
No judge on the planet would convict a father for scaring the hell out of his daughters latest boyfriend. Shoot, he could probably actually do it and simply tell the judge you attacked his daughter. Point of the story is, don't try to have a one night stand with a girl who's dad will defend her honor.
Reply
PInK_ExCiTeD
| 7
Wow trip killer -.-
Reply
PistolWhiper93
| 0
Well duh!!!!! You dumb b****!!!
Reply
PistolWhiper93
| 0
Really u think we didn't know that yeesh, this guy needs to get a true life.
Reply
DjeePee
| 24
"Point of the story is, don't try to have a one night stand with a girl who's dad will defend her honor."
But why should the dad defend her honor (on this way)? Isn't she responsible for her own honor, her own life?
But why should the dad defend her honor (on this way)? Isn't she responsible for her own honor, her own life?
By
perdix
| 29
It's pretty flattering that he thinks you're sporting a tree stump!
He could have snapped a pencil in half, and not wasted the trip out back.
He could have snapped a pencil in half, and not wasted the trip out back.
Reply
KiddNYC1O
| 20
Lmao.
It was super effective!