By PUA - 15/03/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks 39 214
You deserved it 6 569

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Ex-Marine used Slash on the wild enemy Boyfriend! It was super effective!


Ex-Marine used Slash on the wild enemy Boyfriend! It was super effective!

Damnit! I meant to put neuter not slash!

Sparks808 10

What about this FML made you think Pokemon? Lol, but go dad, he's just looking out for his daughters' best interests. If you want to protect junior, don't hurt his daughter ;)

I was playing pokemon red on my Original big brick of a Gameboy and well ya... the rest is history haha

hellbilly205 17

Should be a lesson dont **** with the military...we know how to get the point across (yes, i know it said marine)

12, His daughters best interests would be to let her experience life, including the heartache and painful times that go along with it. OP, don't bother with the idiot. He's all words.

It's kind of sweet in a messed up way.

67) were you referring to yourself in the last sentence of your comment?

...I'd need to have said something threatening for that to make sense. Good try though.

Blacksabbath211 9

I kinda got the hiccups from laughing so hard at this, I don't know why though xD. Thank you for making my day, sir :-D

That's not looking out for his girls best interests, that's being controlling and scary. Did she ask for his help? Also, what... so the dad is gonna bury this guys dick in a tree trunk?

No such thing as an Ex-Marine...Once a Marine always a Marine

MrBoredGuy 1
monkeysareyummy 0

I am playing Pokemon Crystal on my gameboy and I am trying to get to Mt. Silver but someone is blocking my way. How do I get him to move? Any one know how?

176 - Chop off his dick with a machete and he'll move.

Should have replied, "Oh, so she told you how big it is?" And then run. Fast.

OHai15 12

Is ur girlfriend's dad name Chuck Norris by any chance?...

176-Get all badges u can get, search every building u haven't visited, and talk to a lab person from the Prof. if u find one(should be close to silver mt.) and also everyone else, btw, do u have the master ball? If not, find rockets' hideout.

hellbilly205 17

207 you really think chuck norris needs a machete to chop off a dick?

iwanturbf 1

Omg when I read this I could have sworn it said mustache!!!

atomica96 0

Her father just wants to set some rules so he doesnt get careless or foolish and break her heart. Yeah this world is full of jerks and crap but that doesnt mean the bf needs to be one.

rofflewaffle 9

Use the term former Marine. An ex-Marine is somebody who got kicked out and no longer deserves to wear the title. He earned the right to the name, so show him some respect.

Notice how everybody's disliking your comment? Yeah, shut the **** up.

Ha, all words? Clearly you've never met a real marine before.

MetalxSoldier 26

Can't blame a man for trying to watch out for his daughter. I would do the same.

Now we wait to see if OP's love to save for his penis is greater than crazy dad's daughter.

My own father has told me many times that he'll simply look my guy in the eyes and say, "I'm not afraid to go back to jail."

To be fair, we have to take size into consideration here.

burninnapalm 5

I'll be honest. Some douche bag ever comes knocking for my daughter, I would do the same thing. Semper Fi!

You look like you're 10 years old ;o no offense

My dad is into archery, his method was to hit the bull's eye with three arrows in a row with my bf standing beside him. No words were needed, the look on the bf's face said enough.

I'm 6 foot 6 and 280 pounds. I used to answer the door whenever a date came over to pick up my daughters. Enough said!

"Son", sounds like he's got high expectations as well - well you're in for the long haul OP.

whoresatthedoor 2

I think its about time to leave the country

linkinpark98 23

Grow a beard, and change your name.

On the bright side...he seems to think your wedding tackle is the size of a tree stump. Every cloud...

Omg!!!!1!!!1 love thiz comment soooooooo much

Shit Toronto people say... Or Scarborough/Rexdale/Brampton. Only they say dead after a joke. Either way, this is not the place!

5 I couldn't find you on Facebook D= add me my name is Matt Zax ;D

haycassidy 7

Haha! That was sooo funny! I'm literally laughing out loud! NOT.

Woo! Another comment that I have lost brain cells from!

Sisseyy 0

Acting like a dick, makes you dickless. Huh.

Well at least it's normal for a father to love his daughter even when it's sorta deathly

I bought a shotgun, just so I could clean it, whenever some horny douche bag comes to pick up my daughter. While leering ay him, I mention that I also own remote land in Montana and a shovel. Seems to be working.

You seem just like my girlfriend's father. Every time I'm at her house he makes it a point to show me his newest gun and tell me about his lake house where screams can't be heard. I'm not joking.

64, Thats when you tell him about how that would have been really useful to you had you not finished recovery for your nymphomania and anger management issues. Fortunately, the doctor said you're legally fine so long as you stay on your pills. She may be forbidden from seeing you again, but at least you get a laugh out of it and avoid ending up in a family full of morons.

GMS1 7

I know my gf's dad pulls the same shenanigans, I laugh it off...if things go bad stay with her just to piss him off.

beast_adh4 6

64 or you can say ill have to visit there with your daughter some day and the you get the hell out of dodge

Shadow_Phantom 26

Technically, I think he can get in trouble for threatening that; more so if he actually follows through with it... Also, FYL.

No shit he's gonna get in trouble for cutting off op's dick

wlddog 14

No judge on the planet would convict a father for scaring the hell out of his daughters latest boyfriend. Shoot, he could probably actually do it and simply tell the judge you attacked his daughter. Point of the story is, don't try to have a one night stand with a girl who's dad will defend her honor.

PInK_ExCiTeD 7
PistolWhiper93 0

Well duh!!!!! You dumb b****!!!

PistolWhiper93 0

Really u think we didn't know that yeesh, this guy needs to get a true life.

"Point of the story is, don't try to have a one night stand with a girl who's dad will defend her honor." But why should the dad defend her honor (on this way)? Isn't she responsible for her own honor, her own life?

perdix 29

It's pretty flattering that he thinks you're sporting a tree stump! He could have snapped a pencil in half, and not wasted the trip out back.