Miscellaneous: Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time....

By lizard - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

British Broadcasting Corporation

On yer bike

By Anonymous

Today, I hit a new low in my diet. There was a danish sitting on the table in the break room at work, and I wanted it. At the end of day, one of the guys threw it into the dumpster. Guess who just ate a dumpster danish. FML

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2441

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By Ilikeurfmls - 6/9/2020 05:05

Delusions

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents I think I'm suffering from schizophrenia. They refused to discuss it after telling me, "It's all in my head." FML

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1490

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By Kronic - United States

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14275

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By somethingblue - United States - Lowell

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day... and woke up with food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70027

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By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29644

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1734

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By "ZeroG57"

Today my friend invited me to an afro-indigenous event. Eager to learn more about my roots, I tagged along. The bean bag toss and warrior dance was fun, until the Q&A came and it was clear that the focus wasn't the African diaspora but "consistent ritualized self-improvement". Yup, it's a cult. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4085

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By Arachnofail - France - Goussainville

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22099

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By Username - United States

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

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41773

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By aerythia - United States - Nashville

Today, it's my birthday and my ex husband texted me at midnight to tell happy birthday. Too bad he couldn't have texted my new husband to remind him. FML

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32551

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By Jo - United States

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some loser's car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

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33828

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By Janice

RIP in peace

Today, while working as a bank teller, a woman came in with a $100k check. I commented, "Wow, I really could do with one of these!" She responded, "It's a life insurance check. I'd rather have my son back," and teared up in front of me. FML

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1919

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By Grace - 14/11/2020 23:02

Don't touch me, bitch

Today, I found out that when you try to pick up my cat, its response is to let out the most stinky fart it can. FML

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659

You deserved it

162

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By daddy-o - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34680

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my husband that when I get my birth control taken out later this year, I would like to take a break from it for a while. He just said, "Condoms are too expensive and I don't want to waste $2 every time we do it." FML

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22913

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By Anonymous - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

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53631

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By unpatriotic - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44279

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By Rants

Today, we've had some auditors with us and I chat with some of them during the day. It's Friday so I asked one of them until what time they were working. It was late and I loudly exclaimed, "That's so late! Your bosses have no hearts!" The auditor then points to their table where the boss is sitting. Glaring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1504

You deserved it

716

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By dangeronpa

Today, I broke my glasses. My eyesight is horrible, I can’t see things that aren’t super close to my face. I'm supposed to drive to another state tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1591

You deserved it

189

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By princesss_14 - United States - Seguin

Today, I got a whistle key finder from my grandma for Christmas. This would have been nice if I could actually whistle. FML

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32975

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By Agamar - United States - Skokie

Today, I was so sleep deprived that while making instant oatmeal, I poured the oats into the garbage and put the empty packet in a bowl, then microwaved it for 2 minutes. FML

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20170

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20141

You deserved it

34477

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By im_not_me - Australia

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on Facebook. She's in the forces, and it was her birthday. I asked her if she liked the flowers I sent her. She thanked me, then asked if she could remove our relationship status. When I asked why, she said, "It's not like we're really going out anymore." FML

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38322

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2702

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By elcee1987 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

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24882

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By eeelise5296 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

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41291

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!

Today, I was writing an essay while sleep-deprived. In between actually writing, I started typing my thoughts. It was only after I’d submitted the essay that I realized that I hadn’t deleted the random words. My teacher can see my early-morning rambling about potatoes. I have no way to delete it. FML

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3313

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

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13892

You deserved it

54149

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Saint Gallen

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

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58302

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

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42888

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By Anonymous - United States - Marshall

Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML

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26833

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By Anonymous - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

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58526

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By Username

Today, I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication due to the high level of stress that I experience at my job. Unfortunately, I cannot afford the medication because I do not make enough money at said job. FML

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35571

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By Carebeareatu - 13/3/2020 15:00

Keeping up appearances

Today, my friends gave me a complete makeover, which included clothes from their wardrobe, to prepare me for an upcoming job interview. I was then declined the position, because apparently, I "looked too wealthy" to need the job. FML

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1704

You deserved it

112

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By Anonymous - United States - Syracuse

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

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52799

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24092

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By wetandhungry - United States - Houston

Today, I came home to find water dripping from the ceiling in my apartment laundry room/pantry. All of my groceries were ruined. Maintenance's suggestion? "Put a bucket under it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9633

You deserved it

698

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By notonasoccertam - 6/9/2020 10:09 - United States

Harsh

Today, I made my school's soccer team. I told the coach that since I have diabetes, I might need to sit out occasionally. He promptly erased my name and said he didn't accept "slackers." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1425

You deserved it

183

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By Anonymous - Germany - Munich

Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29833

You deserved it

2577

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By charmed

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14173

You deserved it

1897

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By firstdate - United States

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36136

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5286

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By LolaBell - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

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35544

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Top comments

By InnocentLies | 0

#1945330 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:16

Wait, what if he meant it as a compliment..?
:p

By THEmuffinpan | 0

#1945332 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:16

I read that in kind of a, "You're prettier than he said" way.

COMMENTS

By kayiscoolllll | 6

#1945315 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:12

oops! :(

kellanlvr | 1

#1945389 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:23

what's the fml here?

Person000 | 0

#1945575 - Sunday 9 January 2011 10:12

no no no, I have done that before. he meant to say " he didn't nearly describe how pretty you" are or something like that. give him a break he is old.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1945774 - Sunday 9 January 2011 11:07

OP has a sandy vagina.

natirixoxo | 0

#2256829 - Monday 28 March 2011 22:23

lol just say "you aren't either"

dylansomething | 0

#3095627 - Friday 12 August 2011 20:37

old people can be brutaly honest.

By Sweetie2u | 1

#1945322 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:13

ouch

By InnocentLies | 0

#1945330 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:16

Wait, what if he meant it as a compliment..?
:p

FYLDeep | 25

#1945412 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:27

Why wouldn't he say, "You're way prettier" instead of "You're not nearly as pretty" then?

InnocentLies | 0

#1945433 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:35

Because he choose* to say it like that ?
Gah typo. ._.

jess6blondie9 | 2

#1945578 - Sunday 9 January 2011 10:12

I honestly doubt that he meant that as a compliment.

whippymcdumb4zs | 0

#1945727 - Sunday 9 January 2011 10:52

he might have a slight case of senility, causing what he wants to say and what he is saying to be completely different

By THEmuffinpan | 0

#1945332 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:16

I read that in kind of a, "You're prettier than he said" way.

starshine21 | 0

#1945395 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:24

i agree

dragonaair | 5

#1945441 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:36

Maybe he was saying it jokingly? Like, you cant be nearly as pretty as he described.

lBMTHl | 0

#1945558 - Sunday 9 January 2011 10:07

As did I. Where is the FML here?

dragonaair | 5

#1950711 - Monday 10 January 2011 12:39

Or maybe OP is bitching and the grandfather said afterwards "Because you're beautiful!"

By InnocentLies | 0

#1945347 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:17

Hehe you got ninja'd.
;)

By maybaybe | 0

#1945364 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:20

Gotta live the elderly :)

maybaybe | 0

#1945400 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:24

*love

unidentified_sta | 5

#1945415 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:30

Hm... Yeah the elderly need to live too. Keeps things alive by mockin' the youngins.

maybaybe | 0

#1945630 - Sunday 9 January 2011 10:30

haha xD

lexielovesyou | 0

#1947266 - Sunday 9 January 2011 21:15

ahaha agreeed. ^.^

By jazzy514 | 7

#1945422 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:32

he must be senile

By dragonaair | 5

#1945427 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:34

At least he won't perv on you. Unless he likes ugly chicks...

backdownbreh | 0

#1945471 - Sunday 9 January 2011 9:44

you be perfect then (:

Zya_fml | 8

#1945541 - Sunday 9 January 2011 10:04

haha, 17 win

jess6blondie9 | 2

#1945555 - Sunday 9 January 2011 10:06

Ouch! hahah.

maybaybe | 0

#1945745 - Sunday 9 January 2011 10:56

haha #17 harsh but funny.

Darkangelxx1234 | 0

#1946004 - Sunday 9 January 2011 12:47

Ahaha ! 17 = Winn (:

dragonaair | 5

#1952549 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 0:17

I must agree, that is pretty funny #17

feyz_fml | 4

#1961010 - Thursday 13 January 2011 7:41

it's funny because it's true

By perdix | 29

#1945528 - Sunday 9 January 2011 10:01

Consider the alternative: . . . took my hand and said, "Wow, you're much prettier than he described you" and guided it to his Viagra-engorged paleo-pole.

Would you have preferred that?

flybye | 0

#1945739 - Sunday 9 January 2011 10:56

Lol. There isn't a comment of yours that hasn't made me laugh or shake my head in total disdain. Bravo :P

Aerious | 0

#1946762 - Sunday 9 January 2011 18:14

OP would've gotten some action at least.

By ilpapagrande | 16

#1945829 - Sunday 9 January 2011 11:24

I guess what really matters here is your boyfriend's opinion, no matter how delusional and skewed it is.