Intimacy: Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered... - FML

By PLU - 27/01/2011 00:57 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 874

You deserved it 5 690

Leave us alone

Our house, in the middle of our street

Sorry…

By Anonymous - 19/08/2018 20:30

Today, I was diagnosed with a tumor and had to cancel on the holidays with my crush of 4 years. He is taking another girl with him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 407

You deserved it 176

By kookoocatlady - 01/11/2016 04:31

Today, I kept my cats indoors to be safe on Halloween, making sure to keep the food full and litter boxes clean. After dinner, I got dressed up and spent two hours at a party. When I got home, there was a large, rancid butt-loaf waiting on my bed. Unappreciative little fuckers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 802

You deserved it 1 576

By kibblegirl - 06/06/2019 00:01

Today, I was so hungry that my mouth started watering during a dog food commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 263

By sick and lonely - 27/08/2016 03:19 - United States - Rockford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 230

You deserved it 1 121

Vicious bastards

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 22:01 - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Today, I decided to go for a jog to try and get fit. I definitely got my exercise in, because I was mercilessly chased by a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 856

You deserved it 2 683

Chill out, Mom

By poor girl - 27/06/2020 05:03

Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 108

By tardspawn - 05/04/2015 15:38 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 516

You deserved it 3 968

By chubbyreddevil - 31/01/2012 06:12 - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 687

You deserved it 2 380

By sharpie2792 - 15/02/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I fought back with words against a bully. He cried, and I got detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 009

You deserved it 2 941

By Anonymous - 20/02/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 170

You deserved it 2 563

One law for thee…

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 13:59

Today, my boss called me while I was working from home to bitch me out over being away from my computer for 49 minutes, when my lunch break is only 45 minutes, thus wasting another 13 minutes. My boss is known for spending hours online gaming from home during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 95

By big mouth - 26/09/2012 11:40 - New Zealand - Northland

Today, at work, I saw a van in our car park with "Hurlz Wagon" painted on its side. Laughing, I told the customer who owned it that I loved the name, and I asked was there a funny vomit story behind it. She didn't laugh, and told me it was her family name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 941

You deserved it 9 157

By hot4donny - 12/11/2010 02:40 - United States

Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 994

You deserved it 26 898

By gb - 18/08/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 501

You deserved it 8 834

By coloneltushfinger - 12/06/2019 16:00

Today, I did the best at-home manicure I’ve ever had. I took my time and it looked like it was done professionally. As soon as I put on the top coat and waited for it to dry, my stomach rumbled and I had to run to take a dump. The polish smeared everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 333

By jacey chreyest - 14/02/2014 21:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 623

You deserved it 4 990

By bigcityfail - 07/05/2011 11:54 - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 736

You deserved it 3 284

By stuck - 07/11/2012 15:00 - United States - California

Today, I paid a locksmith $100 after I locked myself out of my apartment. All he did was hit it, and it flung open. It wasn't locked, it'd just got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 254

You deserved it 23 899

By Rin - 15/01/2010 08:02 - United States

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 441

You deserved it 6 158

By sick - 06/10/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, I got up and left for work despite being really sick, because I had a big meeting. Halfway to work, in deadlocked traffic, my boss texts me to let me know he's rescheduling the meeting to tomorrow because of personal conflicts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 780

You deserved it 2 824

Halloween came early

By umm..WHAT?? - 22/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I woke up in horror to see that my 34-year-old cousin, who was spending the night, was watching me sleep. Once he noticed that I was awake, he quietly left the room. I told my mom, who then told me not to tell anyone and pretend that it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 662

You deserved it 3 871

By qwerty - 05/05/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 145

You deserved it 9 108

Neverending story

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 11:01

Today, it's my birthday. We were supposed to be going to a nice Italian restaurant at 6.30 p.m. Instead, the whole region is going into a snap lockdown from 6 p.m., due to the recent community transmissions of Covid-19. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 104

By holler - 15/09/2011 04:22 - Japan

Spicy

Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 046

You deserved it 3 130

By woodre - 02/09/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I was emptying a bag of grass from my lawn mower when I saw pieces of what used to be a 50 dollar bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 106

You deserved it 6 163

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/08/2020 10:02 - Australia - Murarrie

Today, my son accidentally damaged another kid in the face with a baseball bat, while blindfolded trying to hit a piñata. Except there was no piñata, or blindfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 1 216

By yblamemebiatch - 16/03/2016 10:56 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out a colleague spread lies about me because she somehow thinks I'm to blame for the hot guy at work not wanting to date her. Perhaps she should blame his fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 957

You deserved it 1 299

By Samipearl - 12/11/2010 14:06 - United States

Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 421

You deserved it 6 372

By tori210 - 15/08/2017 16:00

Today, I was walking out of work. I felt like everyone was staring at me but brushed it off. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had toilet paper sticking out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 388

You deserved it 677

By Anonymous - 24/09/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 721

You deserved it 13 611

By Peepants - 03/03/2016 23:03 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I really had to pee during one of my college lectures. I finally worked up the nerve to leave the room while he was lecturing, and ran frantically to the bathroom. Once in there, the urge intensified to the point I couldn't hold it. I peed my pants while standing in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 940

You deserved it 4 675

Travelling light

By intrepid_traveller - 19/08/2021 03:01 - Finland - Parola

Today, after spending the night anxiously waiting for a negative COVID test result which would allow me to travel, I got to the airport in the morning, despite delays, and finally realized that my wallet is sitting on my couch at home. I'm on the plane now. There's no going back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 335

Who said life was better before ?

By none - 17/01/2009 23:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1 p.m., smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4 a.m., jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 119

You deserved it 46 161

By Noname - 10/03/2009 15:46 - United States

Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 210

You deserved it 69 441

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 20:23 - United States

Today, I met a girl who was just as socially anxious as me. We spent the whole night staring at each other, then quickly looking away when the other person saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 704

You deserved it 2 641

Thanks Texas

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 10:59

Today, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: either get an abortion, or he’ll move out to go work for his brother, and good luck chasing him up for child support because his brother lives abroad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 230

By not that kinda squirting - 30/04/2019 14:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 381

You deserved it 461

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, after begging for over an hour, I had to pay my sister $20 to wax my back for me so my bra would stop painfully pulling at the hair I repulsively seem to be growing there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 989

You deserved it 4 652

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:20

atleast the "nice" was thrown in there... :-

bummervacation 10

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:19

"Your bitch?" People still use that phrase? I thought it died along with "Hater" when 2010 ended. Oops, guess I was wrong.

Comments

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:13

first!

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:14

Stop whining and take that as a compliment. Bitch. -_-

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Thursday 27 January 2011 10:01

Is it me or can I picture his brother saying "nice" in like that surfer voice or the idiot from "dude, where's my car?" kind of voice?

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Thursday 27 January 2011 10:37

It was more of an Italian accent for me, try it.

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Thursday 27 January 2011 15:52

it's a Canadian accent... "eh"?!?!? the brother's an idiot, maybe op's boyfriend too if he didn't do anything after hearing that

kazumaslayer666 3

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Thursday 27 January 2011 18:28

borat very nice!

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Sunday 15 November 2015 7:22

I read it in an Irish accent before I read the OP was from Canada...

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:17

I agree with #2

bummervacation 10

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:19

"Your bitch?" People still use that phrase? I thought it died along with "Hater" when 2010 ended. Oops, guess I was wrong.

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Thursday 27 January 2011 10:10

No joke. I thought "epic fail" , the lame Soviet Russia jokes, Justin Beiber whoring, and the obsession of attention whores wanting to be the first commenter on an FML all died off in 2010 as well. Now I know I was dreaming. A vast majority of our civilization has yet to move on.

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Thursday 27 January 2011 11:09

in soviet Russia, stupid slogan / tendency / people never die.

z620 0

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Friday 28 January 2011 5:29

well that explains it, they live in Canadia

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Friday 6 April 2012 5:12

*Canada

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Sunday 22 April 2012 10:28

I really appreciate the Justin Beiber part of this post:)

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:20

atleast the "nice" was thrown in there... :-

ParadoxInABox 0

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Thursday 27 January 2011 11:52

Agreed. Take it as a compliment.

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:21

#4 I agree! Can't stand it when people say hater.

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:25

hater...

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:57

dont be hatin!

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Thursday 27 January 2011 10:00

I hate haters :)

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Thursday 27 January 2011 11:04

don't be hating on hatred, hater :)

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Thursday 27 January 2011 19:54

Haters gonna hate!

CrazyLaughs4Me 17

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Wednesday 18 June 2014 5:38

What a hater. You hating on the hatred of haters because they hate

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:23

I hope you said something like, "Is this your brother? Damn, I thought you said he was good looking."

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:35

Lol!

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Thursday 27 January 2011 13:51

^ LOL win.

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Thursday 27 January 2011 15:51

y? he basically told the boyfriend that she was good looking and that he approves of her. y u gota be a bitch about it?

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:28

Aside from the offensive language, he said you were a "catch". for the compliment about you being a hottie, you totally deserve it ;)

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:37

I think we can all agree that your boyfriend's brother is a douche, but you're not dating him so who cares?

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Thursday 27 January 2011 11:11

agree

ekky 3

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Friday 28 January 2011 2:47

i dont agree, u douche!

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Friday 4 February 2011 13:50

you said "I think we all agree" right under someone who said they didn't

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Thursday 27 January 2011 9:47

threesome?

MissFukMyLuck 0

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Thursday 27 January 2011 16:24

fail

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 20

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 171