Intimacy: Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for... - FML

By frustrated - Hong Kong

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55944

You deserved it

5905

Tweet

Share

Taking stock

Do me a solid

How smelly is your piss?

By hellangelrose - France

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35245

You deserved it

4065

Tweet

Share

By WTF - United States - Bloomington

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30902

You deserved it

2152

Tweet

Share

By wtf - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43214

You deserved it

2883

Tweet

Share

By giantsfan2010 - United States

Today, after working and saving up money for an entire year, I bought a 2001 VW Cabrio. I showed it to my friends, they all laughed at me and told me it was a girl's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18480

You deserved it

28543

Tweet

Share

By Rosey - United States - Manson

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43035

You deserved it

3329

Tweet

Share

By considering murder - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I finally put the finishing touches on a huge project after 8 months of gruelling work. My boss had used the promise of a 5-figure bonus to motivate me. When I casually brought the bonus up later in the day, my boss just said "Gratitude's its own reward, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23801

You deserved it

1763

Tweet

Share

By Jenny

Stalker or coincidence?

Today, I went grocery shopping at the store near my house. Upon checking out, I look up to see that my cashier is none other than the woman I went on a date with a few months ago, and whose calls and texts I ignored after she began to obsess over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1324

You deserved it

665

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, while I was sitting in the living room with my mother, my phone rang. She immediately exclaimed, "I'm not calling you! Why is it going off?" She was serious. My own mother doesn't believe people talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1676

You deserved it

165

Tweet

Share

By nobodyreadsmyemails - Canada

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8909

You deserved it

43985

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52566

You deserved it

6081

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48586

You deserved it

6369

Tweet

Share

By KJS - United States

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24209

You deserved it

7045

Tweet

Share

By Hide -n- Seek - United States - Grand Prairie

Hide and Seek

Today, someone left a note on the front door saying "Let's play Hide and Seek". Who ever left the note apparently took my tires off my truck and scattered them. So far, I found one in my pool, and 2 outside my neighborhood. I still can't find the last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2314

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By ineedaraise - Canada - London

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29605

You deserved it

2307

Tweet

Share

By Zinfandel - United States

Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17138

You deserved it

36783

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to perform with my Orchestra at an event. I hadn't eaten at all because I had to get my blood sugar tested. During the middle of a song I passed out. No one helped me and no one stopped playing "because the song wasn't over and they didn't want to ruin the performance." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31584

You deserved it

6232

Tweet

Share

By really? - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43436

You deserved it

24092

Tweet

Share

By Sam - France

Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42377

You deserved it

11205

Tweet

Share

By connor1701

Today, I went to put my coat on to go out. I put my hand in my pocket, not knowing there was a mouse sleeping in there. I squeezed it, it bit me and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6288

You deserved it

625

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 23:01

They're everywhere

Today, I started a new job. I was in a meeting, all day, training under a guy. This was the same middle-class-gravyboat guy who has no idea what he's doing, attributes things to false-positive root causes, and is defensive whenever someone knows more than him. I left my last job because of this type of guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1130

You deserved it

194

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58214

You deserved it

23500

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38219

You deserved it

7116

Tweet

Share

By andromeda80 - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26395

You deserved it

2794

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/5/2021 17:01

Toilet drama

Today, I'd always thought the scene in Scrubs when JD passes out while pooping was hilarious, until it happened to me. I recently found out I have a heart defect that can cause me to pass out if my blood pressure rises, and yes, I did pass out on the toilet and woke up covered in my own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1067

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

By savanna(: - United States

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28036

You deserved it

17812

Tweet

Share

By apav - Australia

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85785

You deserved it

24363

Tweet

Share

By Rachel - 27/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Fun fun fun

Today, I spent my entire day building various zoos in Zoo Tycoon, and then releasing all of the animals to see them chase people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

371

You deserved it

750

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Dunkirk

Today, thanks to puberty, I have an acne rash around my mouth. Rumors are already flying around school saying I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13594

You deserved it

923

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37183

You deserved it

26371

Tweet

Share

By unknown - 26/4/2021 21:30

Priorities

Today, I was feeling depressed. I overheard my mom crying on the phone. She said, “If my daughter kills herself, who’s going to do the dishes?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1063

You deserved it

60

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35541

You deserved it

4863

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4530

You deserved it

279

Tweet

Share

By LoveLost

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14161

You deserved it

2733

Tweet

Share

By babyeaternomnom - Canada - Brampton

Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27804

You deserved it

2316

Tweet

Share

By need_cash_now - United States

Today, six weeks before my wedding, my mother decided to claim that she never agreed on paying for it and that she doesn't think she will. Now I have six weeks to scavenge enough cash for the wedding she planned in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54175

You deserved it

4430

Tweet

Share

By nochance - United States

Today, I received a card in the mail. It was from my vet's office. Written inside was "We send our sympathy during this trying time." I haven't been home in three days. I can't find my dog and my mother won't talk about it. My dog was 7. She hated that dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72501

You deserved it

2733

Tweet

Share

By Keesha - 18/3/2021 19:30 - United States - Loveland

Kinky

Today, my mother bitched at me for spending $200 on a new clothes I needed for my new job as a bank teller. I then received a notification on my phone that my mother's lingerie order was shipped. She spent $800 on teddies and crotchless panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1027

You deserved it

61

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17998

You deserved it

3785

Tweet

Share

By WhyICantHaveNiceThings

From the bottom of my... stomach?

Today, I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to interview someone I’ve greatly admired for years and grew up watching. I was naturally nervous, but I didn’t expect to be so nervous I would throw up on him in the first 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4053

You deserved it

445

Tweet

Share

By armybrat - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting my neighbors kids for the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping around like a horse, oh, and a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21483

You deserved it

59753

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By johnnyub40 | 0

#250884 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:03

Agreed #5...get over it and get back to business.

By iheartsnapple | 0

#250855 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

well that sucks

COMMENTS

By iheartsnapple | 0

#250855 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

well that sucks

Reply

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6546800 - Saturday 27 February 2016 21:11

6 months?!? The FML should be the you waited that long and your boyfriend probably didn't

By FreddyLunch | 0

#250856 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

Pwnd!

By cuberto | 0

#250859 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

HAHAHA A PA SYSTEM RUINED YOUR SEXYTIME, that sucks big time.

By iloveericmaynor | 0

#250865 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:57

most of those in hotels are only for the staff. did they actually make you leave or did you continue

By moony_fml | 0

#250872 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:59

why is it "fml"? it was only a test. If it would had been a real fire...now that would be a "fml"

Reply

124livelovelaugh | 0

#2794282 - Friday 1 July 2011 0:48

I agree

By johnnyub40 | 0

#250884 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:03

Agreed #5...get over it and get back to business.

By XantesFire | 0

#250885 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:03

So?

By gaby904 | 0

#250893 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:06

I think this is an FML because she was right about to orgasm and that loud annoying voice came on.. it could be very distracting! I dont blame her for being pissed.. so FYL

By melikeulongtime | 4

#250915 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:11

pfff? And? This blows.

By redbluegreen | 40

#250917 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:12

Nothing sexier then being interrupted, yes?