Intimacy: Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for... - FML

By frustrated - Hong Kong

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

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Dangling modifier

Goodbye phone

Pleased to meet you

By rawr_fml001 - Canada - Brampton

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML

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By alopez1994

Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

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By mareda - United Kingdom

Today, I flew to England to visit my boyfriend, who has been working there for the past three months. I went to his hotel and waited for him; he never showed up. I called one of his colleagues to ask him what was going on. He had no idea what I was talking about. FML

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By Sarah - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

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By Anonymous - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

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By moron - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML

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By musicthief - United States - Finleyville

Today, I saw my music teacher, who I considered one of my role-models, on TV. Too bad it was because she'd robbed a church. FML

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By tittyboomboom - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

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By mazzer - United Kingdom

Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML

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By Airplane crap - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

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By telefucked - United States

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

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By Crap - United States - Seminole

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

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By Betchsadface - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

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By bananna - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

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By ashleyramsay - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a shop known for its hardcore sex toys. We happened to run into one of my university lecturers and her wife discussing butt plugs with a member of staff, and then saw my aunt and uncle at the register. FML

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By me - United States - Wyandotte

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

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By Cookie_monster - Canada - Toronto

Today, getting ready to go out, I turned on my straightener. After 5 minutes, I start straightening one big strand when I realize I'm smelting plastic into my hair. Turns out I'd left it on a plastic box. Of course, plastic never comes out, so I had to cut it out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

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By The Drew - United States

Today, after completely refilling my almost empty gas tank, I witnessed the price flip from $3.69 per gallon to $3.59. FML

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By fmlprobot - United States

Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

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By Exil - United States

Today, I had to call patients that we hadn't seen in a long time. Most of them were dead. FML

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By runner - United States

Run run run

Today, I went for a run in a new pair of shoes that left me with huge blisters. As I finished cleaning them up so they could heal, I limped to my bed to take a nap. I was woken by the fire alarm. My building was having a drill and we couldn't use the elevators. I live on the 9th floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Limavady

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Huntsville

Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

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By iross - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

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By Abcporn - United States - Portland

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

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By oppafucktardstyle - United States - Waterloo

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

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By Dumbfounded - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

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By Anonymous

Head, meet wall

Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML

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By Dante178 - United States

Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

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By Soulara89 - United States - Orlando

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

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By Gina - Thailand

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2020 18:03 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Clean up in aisle 5 please

Today, I cleaned up the entire kitchen after sending the kids to school. I decided to have a nice cup of tea, and then knocked the tea over into the bin and the bin cabinet, the hardest and grossest thing to clean. FML

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By nenette - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2020 05:08

Targeted

Today, I woke up and went down to my apartment's underground garage/laundry area to do my laundry and noticed my family's car in the back of the lot, as far away from the garage door as can be, had been broken into. The other, more expensive cars around the garage were untouched. FML

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Top comments

By johnnyub40 | 0

#250884 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:03

Agreed #5...get over it and get back to business.

By iheartsnapple | 0

#250855 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

well that sucks

COMMENTS

By iheartsnapple | 0

#250855 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

well that sucks

Reply

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6546800 - Saturday 27 February 2016 21:11

6 months?!? The FML should be the you waited that long and your boyfriend probably didn't

By FreddyLunch | 0

#250856 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

Pwnd!

By cuberto | 0

#250859 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

HAHAHA A PA SYSTEM RUINED YOUR SEXYTIME, that sucks big time.

By iloveericmaynor | 0

#250865 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:57

most of those in hotels are only for the staff. did they actually make you leave or did you continue

By moony_fml | 0

#250872 - Monday 1 June 2009 15:59

why is it "fml"? it was only a test. If it would had been a real fire...now that would be a "fml"

Reply

124livelovelaugh | 0

#2794282 - Friday 1 July 2011 0:48

I agree

By johnnyub40 | 0

#250884 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:03

Agreed #5...get over it and get back to business.

By XantesFire | 0

#250885 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:03

So?

By gaby904 | 0

#250893 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:06

I think this is an FML because she was right about to orgasm and that loud annoying voice came on.. it could be very distracting! I dont blame her for being pissed.. so FYL

By melikeulongtime | 4

#250915 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:11

pfff? And? This blows.

By redbluegreen | 40

#250917 - Monday 1 June 2009 16:12

Nothing sexier then being interrupted, yes?