Today, I mentioned on Facebook that I'll be out of town over... - FML

By Anonymous - 23/8/2013 22:52 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I mentioned on Facebook that I'll be out of town over the weekend, because I am attending my grandmother's funeral. I soon got comments saying "Pics or it didn't happen" and "Killed her for the inheritance, eh?" followed by a solitary "LOLLL". FML

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Boozehound alert

They're everywhere

Not gonna happen

By Anonymous - 11/1/2016 21:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to my roommate's friend rustling in the attic without permission to be there. When I asked how he got in with all doors and windows locked, he simply said, "It's a secret." FML

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By Jenna - 3/7/2012 23:20 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML

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By Lifes_a_bust - 8/8/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

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By f - 31/1/2011 05:47

Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML

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By LustyDragon - 5/6/2017 14:00

Today, my husband won't shave his beard, despite the fact it grows in wiry and looks like pubic hair. He is now accusing me of "not loving him for who he is." FML

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By Rojo - 14/8/2018 03:30

Today, I was notified that my work is cutting my pay almost in half. I just renewed my long-term lease on an expensive apartment because I was able to afford it before this morning. Now I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it. FML

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By NotASquirrel - 12/3/2016 05:29 - United States - Bronx

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

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By wtf?! - 30/5/2020 05:00

Purple rain, purple rain

Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML

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By karengoeswest - 16/8/2018 15:00

Today, my coworker was talking about how he's met the man of his dreams and they've been dating for 3 months. He showed me a picture of them at Niagara Falls last weekend. His new boyfriend is my husband, who was supposedly on a business trip in Boston. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2012 21:41 - Canada - Orillia

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

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By unlucky - 5/8/2009 16:29 - South Africa

Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML

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By not a phobe - 16/7/2020 08:02

Misunderstood

Today, my son told our whole family and all our friends that I kicked him out for being gay. I kicked him out because on more than one occasion he got drunk and sneaked random men in the house while he was supposed to be watching his younger siblings while I worked nights. They believed him. FML

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By DanJames24 - 5/6/2020 14:00

Family jewels

Today, while on the bus, I had to stand as all the seats were taken. I was standing behind a group of small girls who were messing around with their bags. As they were swinging them, one hit me square in the nuts with her elbow. The girl said, “Wise up, I hardly touched you.” I missed my stop. FML

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By JFC! - 31/3/2011 01:07 - United States

AAA, hello?

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

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By thatonekid - 27/7/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

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By TukTuk - 27/10/2014 21:18 - Germany - Weinb?hla

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

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By poopydaddy - 3/5/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 15:34 - United States

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

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By bad luck? - 19/1/2012 05:44 - Australia

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

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By dad - 3/3/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

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By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 18/9/2018 13:30

Today, I went on a date with a guy and he kept winking at me. I thought it was really sweet until later that night he told me he had Tourette's. FML

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By Koko - 7/4/2016 16:07 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

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By makeitstop - 4/8/2011 13:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

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By Having a pretty sister sucks. - 19/8/2013 01:36 - United States - College Station

Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML

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By FailingMyCourse - 7/2/2016 03:36 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my university had not accepted the internship I did when I was in college. They placed me in the same bank I interned in, with the same bank manager that I flipped the middle finger at after finishing my internship. FML

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By not the scalpel - 15/9/2012 07:36 - United States - Paso Robles

Weird

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

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By marsbar - 15/3/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 07:19 - United States - Reno

Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML

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By Groomzilla? - 28/4/2015 05:32 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, less than a month from our wedding, my fiancé told me that he doesn't trust me and will be cancelling our wedding and new apartment lease if I don't give him all the names, numbers and addresses of my exes. All because I received a text from a wrong number that said, "Hey baby." FML

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By DirtyCharmed - 1/11/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML

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By Samantha - 31/5/2009 12:44 - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2017 01:30

Today, a stranger yelled, "Non-believers shouldn't wear these!" He then took my rosary and ran off. It belonged to my dead brother. FML

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By newswithabitofbite - 28/8/2014 10:31 - Australia - Richmond

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2018 03:30

Today, I found my vibrator that I didn't know was missing... underneath my dad's mattress. FML

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By Immafail - 20/12/2016 18:32

Today, my mother decided to "help me" by throwing out the stack of papers on my desk. Unfortunately, those were all my notes for my final exams. FML

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By hamsterlovinn - 6/6/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

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Top comments

By cannotthinkofone | 10

#5641093 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:13

You have very insensitive "friends"!

By loldatssad | 12

#5641096 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:15

You need new friends.

COMMENTS

By cannotthinkofone | 10

#5641093 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:13

You have very insensitive "friends"!

Reply

TrueTriage | 16

#5641128 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:21

Well this might get buried and I understand how OP must feel right now. If anything they are just jokes made WAY to soon I don't think people genuinely are being this cruel, if they are well.... This is the Internet and its tough to get around trolls sometimes even in FB

Reply

K410 | 18

#5641247 - Saturday 24 August 2013 6:11

Welcome to Facebook.

Reply

vipirius | 18

#5641266 - Saturday 24 August 2013 6:23

11. I'm pretty sure there's no appropriate time to make those jokes.

Reply

ThatsMyPie | 20

#5641358 - Saturday 24 August 2013 7:45

33 - I agree, but people will make them regardless. The internet is chaos and this is a result.

Reply

iBanana | 17

#5641395 - Saturday 24 August 2013 8:11

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

ariiewilliams | 17

#5641922 - Saturday 24 August 2013 18:36

They are huge assholes for saying that about the situation you're in.

Reply

Hayte123 | 2

#5642118 - Saturday 24 August 2013 20:25

"I'm the kind of guy that laughs at a funeral, can't understand what I mean then you soon will" -Barenaked Ladies (band)

Reply

ScruffyFML | 10

#5642156 - Saturday 24 August 2013 21:06

OP, do unto others as they do to you.

Reply

Bcfrmkc816 | 17

#5642699 - Sunday 25 August 2013 6:05

As many have said I am sorry for your loss. And hope you will be ok.

By loldatssad | 12

#5641096 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:15

You need new friends.

Reply

ColdplaySucks | 18

#5641222 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:52

You might want to consider adding real friends instead of people you know. It might lesson the friend count (not like that shit matters) but you won't get asshole posts like that.

Reply

OzzyTheGiant | 14

#5924180 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 23:43

second it

By Jjimen1654 | 9

#5641097 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Shrike | 22

#5641116 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:18

Woop woop! Anti-Facebook hipster detected!

Reply

Jjimen1654 | 9

#5641126 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:21

I like facebook for keeping in touch with family and just close friends. Most people add random strangers to their facebook and thus get these types of responses. Thats why i said this post isnt very surprising. :)

Reply

megstiel | 16

#5641161 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:28

Just wondering, is your username pronounced hymen?

By jstorie95 | 8

#5641098 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:15

Wow some friends you have

By jc10x | 8

#5641107 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:16

Either you are a known liar or your "friends" are real assholes.

By brittyboo123 | 35

#5641108 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:16

Wow, what great "friends"
Sorry for your loss.

By SuperPizzaMan_fml | 11

#5641121 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:19

It wasn't too bad up until the LOLLL..

Reply

p00p0nt0ast | 10

#5641646 - Saturday 24 August 2013 13:47

No, it was bad the whole way

By revolution4ever | 14

#5641131 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:23

What is wrong with people? I bet if they lost a family member and you posted that they'd be completely pissed at you.

Reply

aJaguarinRed | 9

#5641828 - Saturday 24 August 2013 17:00

Or they'd post pics and say," Grandma's dead! I'm rich, b**ch!"

By hcollins1 | 18

#5641139 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:24

Sorry for your loss OP. My best friends grandfather had died the other day and I'm going to his funeral tomorrow. They're all like my other family and they all consider me as their daughter/granddaughter/sister. :(

Ignore your insensitive 'friends' and delete those people that have made those comments. I have you and your family in my prayers.

By korbynsawesome | 3

#5641140 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:24

ugh. first world problems. are you surprised that someone in the world didn't care? news flash: everyone dies. you're not special. & when you put your personal life on facebook you're subjecting yourself to everyone's opinions. whether they care or not. you did it to yourself. get over it.