Miscellaneous: Today, I mentioned on Facebook that I'll be out of town over... - FML

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I mentioned on Facebook that I'll be out of town over the weekend, because I am attending my grandmother's funeral. I soon got comments saying "Pics or it didn't happen" and "Killed her for the inheritance, eh?" followed by a solitary "LOLLL". FML

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Walk on the wild side

Two states of matter

Facts over feelings

By Alex - United States

Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML

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By Lulu - United States - Imperial

Today, I came home to a noise complaint letter taped to my apartment door. I haven't been home in over a month. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at work, we ran out of receipt paper. Someone paid for $3 in gas and asked for a receipt. I explained that the company we order our paper from sent us toilet paper, not receipt paper. He got mad and said that he was never coming back. Twenty minutes later, he was back to get $3 more in gas, wanting a receipt. FML

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By Baby Face

Today, I was at work refreshing the shelves when a man turned the corner and said, very surprised, "You look 12!" A few weeks back, two people did the same thing, only they said I looked 9. I'm almost 21 years old, and just very short. Starting to get just a little self conscious here. FML

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By Natasha - 20/2/2021 21:30

Revenge

Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML

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By Creeped Out

Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

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By screwed - United States

Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML

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By Depirama - France - Bron

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

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By BigHelp - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

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By YankeeDoodle - Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML

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By skyphoenix - United States

Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

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By laurenraeee - United States

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML

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By poop - Canada - Toronto

Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2020 08:01

The price is wrong

Today, I have to pay a $20 customs fee on the replacement charging cord for my tablet pen, bringing the total up to $60 I’ve paid for this $4 cord. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test. FML

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By JB - United States

Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML

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By Rashbeard

Rash beard

Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Whoops

Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML

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By Nick - France

Today, I got tased, with the same taser I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML

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By TheNotSoGoodDay - United States - Charlestown

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

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By _schaden_freude - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

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By WellFineThen - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, at work, a woman screamed at me and called me a bitch because I refused to refund something we give away for free. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Havertown

Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML

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By thiswouldonlyhappentome - Aruba

Today, I finally found out what that weird smell in my apartment was. My ex-boyfriend had been breaking into my apartment and hiding rotting fruit all over the place. I found this out when a ceiling panel fell and a swarm of fruit flies attacked me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Anyway, here's Wonderwall

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

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By devdevdev - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer, too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML

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By sirensaresexy - United States - Long Beach

Today, I got on a two hour train ride to go to a concert. I had been so caught up in handling the train tickets that halfway to the concert, I realized I had left the concert tickets on my dresser. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 05:03

The other stage of grief

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

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By ¬_¬ - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband was leaving on a long business trip to Germany. As he's leaving, my daughter starts crying. 'Dont leave me with her !' she says. 'Take me with you !' FML

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By Eodowoiono - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, as a joke, my friend put my bus money in the vending machine. Not only did the machine not return my money, it wouldn't give me an item in return. FML

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Top comments

By cannotthinkofone | 10

#5641093 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:13

You have very insensitive "friends"!

By loldatssad | 12

#5641096 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:15

You need new friends.

COMMENTS

By cannotthinkofone | 10

#5641093 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:13

You have very insensitive "friends"!

Reply

TrueTriage | 16

#5641128 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:21

Well this might get buried and I understand how OP must feel right now. If anything they are just jokes made WAY to soon I don't think people genuinely are being this cruel, if they are well.... This is the Internet and its tough to get around trolls sometimes even in FB

Reply

K410 | 18

#5641247 - Saturday 24 August 2013 6:11

Welcome to Facebook.

Reply

vipirius | 18

#5641266 - Saturday 24 August 2013 6:23

11. I'm pretty sure there's no appropriate time to make those jokes.

Reply

ThatsMyPie | 20

#5641358 - Saturday 24 August 2013 7:45

33 - I agree, but people will make them regardless. The internet is chaos and this is a result.

Reply

iBanana | 17

#5641395 - Saturday 24 August 2013 8:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

ariiewilliams | 17

#5641922 - Saturday 24 August 2013 18:36

They are huge assholes for saying that about the situation you're in.

Reply

Hayte123 | 2

#5642118 - Saturday 24 August 2013 20:25

"I'm the kind of guy that laughs at a funeral, can't understand what I mean then you soon will" -Barenaked Ladies (band)

Reply

ScruffyFML | 10

#5642156 - Saturday 24 August 2013 21:06

OP, do unto others as they do to you.

Reply

Bcfrmkc816 | 17

#5642699 - Sunday 25 August 2013 6:05

As many have said I am sorry for your loss. And hope you will be ok.

By loldatssad | 12

#5641096 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:15

You need new friends.

Reply

ColdplaySucks | 18

#5641222 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:52

You might want to consider adding real friends instead of people you know. It might lesson the friend count (not like that shit matters) but you won't get asshole posts like that.

Reply

OzzyTheGiant | 14

#5924180 - Wednesday 23 April 2014 23:43

second it

By Jjimen1654 | 9

#5641097 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

Shrike | 22

#5641116 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:18

Woop woop! Anti-Facebook hipster detected!

Reply

Jjimen1654 | 9

#5641126 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:21

I like facebook for keeping in touch with family and just close friends. Most people add random strangers to their facebook and thus get these types of responses. Thats why i said this post isnt very surprising. :)

Reply

megstiel | 16

#5641161 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:28

Just wondering, is your username pronounced hymen?

By jstorie95 | 8

#5641098 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:15

Wow some friends you have

By jc10x | 8

#5641107 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:16

Either you are a known liar or your "friends" are real assholes.

By brittyboo123 | 35

#5641108 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:16

Wow, what great "friends"
Sorry for your loss.

By SuperPizzaMan_fml | 11

#5641121 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:19

It wasn't too bad up until the LOLLL..

Reply

p00p0nt0ast | 10

#5641646 - Saturday 24 August 2013 13:47

No, it was bad the whole way

By revolution4ever | 14

#5641131 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:23

What is wrong with people? I bet if they lost a family member and you posted that they'd be completely pissed at you.

Reply

aJaguarinRed | 9

#5641828 - Saturday 24 August 2013 17:00

Or they'd post pics and say," Grandma's dead! I'm rich, b**ch!"

By hcollins1 | 18

#5641139 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:24

Sorry for your loss OP. My best friends grandfather had died the other day and I'm going to his funeral tomorrow. They're all like my other family and they all consider me as their daughter/granddaughter/sister. :(

Ignore your insensitive 'friends' and delete those people that have made those comments. I have you and your family in my prayers.

By korbynsawesome | 3

#5641140 - Saturday 24 August 2013 5:24

ugh. first world problems. are you surprised that someone in the world didn't care? news flash: everyone dies. you're not special. & when you put your personal life on facebook you're subjecting yourself to everyone's opinions. whether they care or not. you did it to yourself. get over it.