Miscellaneous: Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke... - FML

By Whitley - 04/11/2010 15:17 - United States

Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke from my stove burner, but thought I spilled something in the burner. No big deal. Later, this horrible smell started coming from the stove. My husband took the stove apart, only to find that I had fried a mouse as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 401

You deserved it 4 056

Mama's boy

Dementia or hate? You decide

Huge balls

By Alec - 10/12/2012 07:01 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 721

You deserved it 1 903

But he's only 5

By Anonymous - 18/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 679

Knock out

By Anonymous - 25/02/2020 14:00

Today, I treated myself to a Thai massage. The masseuse was so aggressive and intense, she left me with injuries on my hands and back. I paid $60 for someone to hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 324

And you like him why exactly?

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, the guy I like happened to be munching on biscuits while he was talking to me. The biscuit crumbs were literally falling out of his mouth like a waterfall as he was speaking and munching. The crumbs were landing in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 249

By LETMEOUT! - 18/09/2017 04:30

Today, despite being claustrophobic and avoiding lifts at all costs, I had to use the lift at work to carry boxes of paper to the 3rd floor. It broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 288

By Eric Forrest - 24/02/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 102

You deserved it 23 915

Interpreter blues

By Aleksandar Veljović - 25/11/2020 05:01

Today, at the hospital, I had to tell someone he was going to die because I was the only one to speak his language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 54

By Imaman - 28/05/2011 04:09 - United States

Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 770

You deserved it 4 471

After vacation

By Anonymous - 23/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 313

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 20:32 - United States

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 776

You deserved it 3 154

By nothing is sacred - 23/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 464

You deserved it 483

By tiredofthis - 10/10/2012 17:38 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 913

You deserved it 1 996

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 07:18 - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 243

You deserved it 51 181

By anonymoose - 30/05/2013 00:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, in the middle of our one year anniversary dinner, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend showed up declaring her love for him. They left together and I had to take the bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 193

You deserved it 3 355

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 18:31 - United States - Springfield

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 762

You deserved it 1 871

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 02:22 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 032

You deserved it 1 583

Sounds reasonable

By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 06:00

Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 193

By Jim - 11/01/2012 01:32 - Belgium

Today, I told a co-worker to "lighten up, and stop wearing black all the time, it makes you look depressed." I didn't know his father had died the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 298

You deserved it 41 646

By spoton - 26/01/2017 16:00

Today, I sliced my finger on the register drawer. Not wanting to freak out my customer, I stuck my hand in my pocket and finished giving them change. Now I look like I period-bled through the front of my pants. Only 10 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 721

You deserved it 835

By stupidity - 25/05/2012 19:30 - Switzerland - Geneva

Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 38 885

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 5 337

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 22:00

Today, while working as a line cook, one of the servers sincerely asked me, "What sauce goes on a chicken bacon ranch sandwich?" I replied, a little incredulously I'll admit, "…Ranch." She then totally lost her cool and went full-blown adult temper tantrum because I was, "mean to her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 606

You deserved it 385

By Jon - 05/05/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 481

You deserved it 47 284

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 07:53 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 338

You deserved it 4 490

By Anonymous - 26/04/2017 12:00

Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably wipe herself from the inside out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 640

You deserved it 363

Played yourself

By nano123 - 17/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 513

By hey-o - 23/02/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. off my hair. When I got there I decided to get my upper lip waxed for the first time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up for our date I asked if he noticed anything different about me, the first thing he said was "I see you got rid of you mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 164

You deserved it 10 781

By Anonymous - 15/10/2009 11:29 - Canada

Today, I found out that, because I'm a student, the employees I train make more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 093

You deserved it 2 362

But mah grandbabiiiiiiiiez

By Anonymous - 20/10/2021 02:00

Today, my mother found out that my fiancée broke up with her last boyfriend because she didn't want kids and he did. She's now demanding that I either change her mind, or call things off with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 96

By Wow - 23/12/2018 16:00

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 544

You deserved it 134

By fencernick - 22/04/2009 10:40 - United States

Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 593

You deserved it 9 419

By mrrichkid - 06/03/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 937

You deserved it 3 681

By KPKallery - 05/06/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 622

You deserved it 11 708

By brownunderwear - 14/12/2011 03:45 - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 705

You deserved it 7 857

By Anonymous - 15/03/2013 04:01 - United States - Appleton

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 228

You deserved it 9 650

By Jim - 31/07/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital for wrenching pains in my abdomen. It turns out I have the largest "non removable" kidney stone my doctor has ever seen. It's the size of a fucking walnut. I have to pass the thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 100

By lonelyguy - 28/11/2009 03:02 - Puerto Rico

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 755

You deserved it 8 027

By Anonymous - 27/09/2014 02:46 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 031

You deserved it 3 493

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 618

You deserved it 4 728

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 07:39 - Australia

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 178

You deserved it 5 949

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Miss_Represented 0

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:03

salmon patties and boiled cabbage... That was you're first mistake...

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:47

You fried a mouse? That's disgusting! What the hell is wrong with you, you fucking sicko??! You should have sauteed it in lemon butter with some shallots and garlic. Dumbass.

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 18:59

omg that's nasty. *barf*

harryman_bamf 0

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:11

fick deine Lebe, op

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:46

if it's not burned, and well cooked, have a taste xD

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:48

So... did you eat it?

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:56

That is nasty. Salmon patties, yuck.

NonExistentCok 0

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 20:10

how can u eat salmon patties with cabbage and a DEAD MOUSE??? 

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 22:18

I'd rather have fried mouse than boiled cabbage..

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 22:29

That mouse couldn't possibly have done the stench... that was the cabbage...

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 22:31

lol something like this happen to me when I was making brownies. I preheated the oven and heard a loud pop. My friend hid his beer in the oven so his alcoholic roommate wouldn't get it. I am a beer killer D:

tj79 3

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 0:59

just put ketchup on it

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 1:56

not many people know this but rats and mice have such good hearing that they can hear planes flying above them when underground and wherever else you find em. fun fact.

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 5:38

more like f*ck the mouse's life!!!

Elixa 0

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 6:45

well.... did the mouse have a big dick at least?

Send a private message

Sunday 26 December 2010 11:06

yummy I know wat im having for dinner :)

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:00

YDI

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 6:05

why does op deserve it? it's not like anyone could have known...

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 7:06

That happened to me one time... awful...

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 7:15

2 was trying to be 1 by typing a useless comment like "YDI" to get it on here quickly. #2 you fail and you also look like you're like 9 years old. Do your parents know you're on this site?

triple_double 1

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 7:34

104 should your parents know you're on this site? hey mom, can I read fmls pweitty pweese?? i'm sure mom knows you're reading fmls, son.

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 9:36

ok, firstly, I'm 18 and is in university getting a law degree. and yes I know I look young for my age. secondly, if I smell smoke and aiisnt100% sure what it I's I would check it out..

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 9:38

wow the last bit messed up xP I meant, "and isn't 100% sure what it is, I would check it out"

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:02

Did you eat it? :D

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:07

I hope she did. Can't waste food like that. People starvin out there! hide ya kids.

Penguinman909 7

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 20:24

Om Nom Nom Nomz?

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 3:40

better hide ya wife and hide yo husband too, 'cause they rapin' errbody out heya...

thecrazyasian 3

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 7:32

yuummmyyy

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 November 2010 12:15

haha

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:03

I got a bucket of chicken last night with a fried mouse also WTF is goin on

Miss_Represented 0

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:03

salmon patties and boiled cabbage... That was you're first mistake...

redheadregect 0

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:44

agreed

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:52

My first thoughts exactly!

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 20:11

Yeah, tell me again about the mouse option? I'm thinking I might go with that, and a nice Chianti...

cmac86 23

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 8:45

my thoughts exactly. I was imagining the smell was what they were cooking in the first place. I can't imagine the mouse was too much worse of a smell.

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:03

Was it any good?

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 3:50

Fuck.

hatepineapple 14

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:04

Why can't you just use beef like everyone else?

hannahcrogers131 4

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:05

gross, but sorry......

omfgTACOsYeSs 0

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:06

good job. :/ poor mouse

Send a private message

Friday 5 November 2010 7:47

my thoughts exactly.

JUST_STFU_N_GTFO 0

Send a private message

Thursday 4 November 2010 19:07

Ewwww! Lady use mouse traps for once. Or better yet, get a cat. =

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 18

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 149

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 102