Work: Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into...

By Anonymous - 14/07/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 611

You deserved it 6 211

Work

Age difference

Seize the means

I'm not lovin' it

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 802

You deserved it 3 702

By notready - 15/10/2013 06:49 - Australia

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 872

You deserved it 6 764

By Anonymous - 30/04/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 019

You deserved it 7 958

Fix up, look sharp

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to my husband why putting on dirty underwear after a shower defeats the purpose. We had this discussion in the middle of me giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 656

You deserved it 9 455

By RandomTurtle109 - 19/03/2016 12:40 - United States - White River Junction

Today, I woke up late, got ready within 10 minutes and drove to work. I walked in and apologized to my boss. He said, "Go Home, it's your day off..." Walk of Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 919

You deserved it 3 596

By Pugsley - 30/08/2019 14:02 - Australia

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 322

By CantPublish - 15/01/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, during swimming in PE, I kept noticing a stinging feeling on my scrotum. Every time I jumped into the water I would feel a sharp stab. After the full hour of hell, I went to the bathroom and looked in my new trunks. The designer had left their sewing needle in the crotch netting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 879

You deserved it 4 966

SORRY!

By imsorry - 14/01/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 092

You deserved it 7 766

Tough love

By Anonymous - 09/08/2020 05:01

Today, I spent over an hour trying to get my niece to sleep and nothing worked. Then my husband got home and yelled, "Listen brat, either sleep now or be buried in the cat's litter box." It worked. She giggled, ran to bed and 30 seconds later she was snoring. What? How? Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 359

Weird compliment, but OK

By prettyconstipated - 09/03/2021 14:02

Today, while buying laxatives at a store, the cashier loudly declared that I'm "too pretty" to be constipated. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 83

By daddyslittlegirl250 - 05/05/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 044

You deserved it 83 922

By 11lyss1 - 23/05/2011 04:26

Today, I opened my new clothing store. My only customer was my mom and the only reason she came in was to tell me that someone stole my sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 828

You deserved it 3 540

By lyfisdyno - 12/09/2013 00:16 - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 73 844

By aerythia - 08/12/2012 16:12 - United States - Nashville

Today, it's my birthday and my ex husband texted me at midnight to tell happy birthday. Too bad he couldn't have texted my new husband to remind him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 5 486

F*** my overweight life

By Xibalba - 01/09/2020 14:02

Today, my 5-year-old daughter drew a picture of our family. A typical drawing for a 5-year-old. Sticks and straws. One had two round shapes on its chest. "Is that mommy and is that one me?" I asked. "No daddy," she said. "You’re this one," she said while pointing out the one with boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 424

By limping - 24/01/2014 23:10 - Canada

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 46 615

You deserved it 9 049

By jreed509 - 03/07/2011 05:25 - United States

Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 714

You deserved it 4 102

By MynameisntToby - 10/12/2009 03:26 - United States

Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her my umbrella and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says "Thank you Toby," and then refuses to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough for a nearby cop to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 934

You deserved it 2 787

No balls activity

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 12:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that thing away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 663

You deserved it 630

By GillyPirate - 10/11/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 626

You deserved it 2 534

Seems fair

By Anonymous - 20/09/2017 20:00

Today, so far, 3 of my employees have requested tomorrow off because of "emotional damage" due to Toys 'R' Us closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 506

You deserved it 332

By WiltedFlower - 31/07/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 153

You deserved it 6 354

Logic

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 04:01

Today, according to my boyfriend, it’s not cheating if he doesn’t love the other woman, so if it’s just sex, it’s not cheating and I shouldn’t be upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 121

By Rusty - 03/07/2015 19:02 - United States - New City

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 969

You deserved it 2 650

By Hurrikhan - 23/03/2013 11:43 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 180

You deserved it 3 473

By lalala - 14/06/2011 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 788

You deserved it 3 680

By Handuh15 - 31/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was sitting with my best friend and we were watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 2 992

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 12:03 - Israel

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 872

You deserved it 4 868

By Fiancé problemsss - 05/01/2014 07:11 - United States - Billings

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 687

You deserved it 4 343

Benjamin Button

By TooYoungForThis - 03/09/2019 20:00

Today, my father was helping me move into college. When we arrived, the students helping people move in mistook me for one of the parents. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 125

By really - 26/03/2017 00:00

Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 188

You deserved it 341

Because I'm worth it

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 02:01

Today, I discovered a cat turd in a bath towel from most recent batch of laundry. I was wondering why my facemasks for the whole work week smelled so strange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 162

By coloneltushfinger - 12/06/2019 16:00

Today, I did the best at-home manicure I’ve ever had. I took my time and it looked like it was done professionally. As soon as I put on the top coat and waited for it to dry, my stomach rumbled and I had to run to take a dump. The polish smeared everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 333

By Ladyfarquard - 21/07/2019 04:03

Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 523

By davetherave1983 - 09/09/2015 05:09 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 775

You deserved it 5 156

By fatass - 20/04/2015 17:01 - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 449

You deserved it 7 856

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 17:58 - Vietnam

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 739

You deserved it 4 340

By meyo555 - 02/06/2011 09:45 - United States

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 210

You deserved it 4 759

By yeastly - 09/07/2012 19:54 - United States - Amery

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 948

You deserved it 33 729

Romance isn't dead

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 02:01

Today, it's been six months since I gave birth, and no matter how many times we've tried, my post baby body just doesn’t arouse my husband anymore. We still love each other, but for him to get a boner these days he has to watch a few minutes of porn first then keep his eyes closed during sex so he doesn’t go soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 139

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Top comments

maverick21703 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:15

Its a 5 year old. You can drive and stay up past 10. you win.

HaveYouMetTed_fml 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:07

f**** him ! at least you baked ;)

qtips402 7

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:02

haha fail xD

PenelopeClearwat 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:12

fail indeed(: ^

tashbash 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:13

he's probably just jealous that you can make better brownies than him!

vlovesp 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:15

what a douche.. lol

Averizzle 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:16

It's not even hard to make fucking brownies. Ydi for being a tool op.. -.-

Shookitup 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:21

Epic fail ^.^

StopTheFuckinCar_fml 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:38

yeah, not gonna lie there's been people who've fucked up brownies & it made me wanna throw them in their face. I hate when people make brownies & they suck & give them to people anyway. YDI, taste your shit before subjecting everyone else to your ass brownies.

Thabb 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:56

Maybe his daughter could give you lessons?

eazyeeze 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 17:10

Next time, just get on your knees and suck his dick. Then ask if his 5 y/o brat can do that better than you

ladies_man217 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 17:11

shouldve used a brownie mix

losers_inc 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 17:44

really? like really? You're 33 yet you're crying on an fml (predominately targeted to a youthful audience) about your boss liking his daughters brownies more? get over it sweetheart

sabatical 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 17:49

shit on his coat!

My2864 1

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 17:52

what does age has anything to do with the taste of te brownies? you either follow the recipe or you dont lmao it aint that hard fyl that you cant make brownies

Justforlolz 14

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 18:00

Lol #37 win. sides just cuz your 33 or whatever doesn't mean you could bake a decent brownie. besides the kid probably uses one of those easy ovens for kids.

deafeningsilence 8

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 18:04

37- hahaha. I laughed because I noticed OP is a male....

E1337ist 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 18:08

lol @ 47

BabyDacey 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 18:40

haha i love burnt brownies!!!

Einstein714 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 18:48

thanks Alan, we baby boomers like to play to

OhWowFYLindeed 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 21:10

Pwned! >:D

noobgang7 5

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Thursday 15 July 2010 2:18

Ouch, FML. Your ego must be so badly bruised that you just want to give up baking... Who the Hell cares if she can make better brownies? Your life is not fucked.

erwinbear 0

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Thursday 15 July 2010 7:46

hahahaha #67 ftw.

TurboTalon 0

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Thursday 15 July 2010 10:32

This is why I plate anything baked I take in and taste test it beforehand.

sircletus 0

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Thursday 15 July 2010 12:25

seriously why do you care about your brownie cooking skills that much

SMOKEWEED420420 0

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Friday 16 July 2010 22:21

I LOVE BROWNIES

Shookitup 0

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Monday 26 July 2010 15:22

I would make another batch and put weed in it and give it to your boss, just to fukk with their day ^.^

HaveYouMetTed_fml 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:07

f**** him ! at least you baked ;)

qtips402 7

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:10

haha cmon you ever tried to make muffins? you take the mix, add water and its its done!

qtips402 7

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:34

haha fail i read muffins xD

sabatical 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 18:01

you forgot the oven! damn the muffins! XD

qtips402 7

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Thursday 15 July 2010 4:49

oh yeah thats right I forgot the oven >:O i should be ashamed about myself :P so ya third step, put the muffins or brownies or wtv in the oven for 14minutes and 30 sec (or if u like burnt brownies like babydacey, let them 30 minutes they should be... erm... crispy :D

sabatical 0

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Thursday 15 July 2010 8:54

yay!

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:08

YDI for not knowing how to cook, even if you are a man.

F_MY_L1FE 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:10

good try though. It's the though that count.

420smoke420 3

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:13

you should have put marijuana in them and ten everyone would have been happy

qtips402 7

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:15

yeah i'm sure that the 5 year old girl cant make this kind of brownie :p

SMOKEWEED420420 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 17:56

I taught mine to

maverick21703 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:15

Its a 5 year old. You can drive and stay up past 10. you win.

twinny_sc 13

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 18:43

haha so true!

moodybaby 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:16

lol #8 & thats so mean, hes so ungrateful. Unless they really tasted like crap :(

GermanBoy0_0 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:17

Shouldve grabbed a brownie and shoved it down his throat

lolwtfwasthat 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:18

good game

Jimboom 11

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 16:18

If he didn't like them then he shouldn't have had one. Tell him where he can stick his 8yr olds brownies! Either that or like #8 said. Make special brownies next time and then everyone will love them, also a perfect time to ask for a raise after that. ;-)