Work: Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 20

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 131

28/09/2010 14:03

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 035

You deserved it 2 438

Broken heart

Kids are hard work

The step before rat-licker

Sage advice

By jcc - 24/02/2009 08:31

Today, I'm reading in the subway sitting one leg over the other. An old lady sits down next to me. After quietly examining me for about two stations she leans over to me and whispers in my ear: "Girl, sitting like all the time will make you end up with a crooked c**t". I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 504

You deserved it 5 543

Same joke, different year

By joleezad5 - 02/08/2021 11:01

Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 146

You deserved it 2 458

Redecorating

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 17:12

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months moved into my apartment. I had never been to his place because his roommate was a drug addict, so it came as quite a surprise when he brought three taxidermied cats with him, insisting that I let him mount them in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 957

You deserved it 12 317

11/02/2009 22:05

Today, I took my dog to the vet and she was diagnosed with obesity. The vet then told me that dogs usually imitate their owners eating and behavior habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 597

You deserved it 27 217

Got a little a carried away there, Skippy

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 14:00

Today, one of the houses had actors with chainsaws. I ran away screaming and slammed into a wall. So much for being macho this Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 1 261

26/01/2015 19:17

Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a "free stuff" sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 623

You deserved it 13 470

16/10/2011 12:47

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 329

You deserved it 2 564

04/12/2008 11:16

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 3 714

29/03/2013 01:13

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 113

You deserved it 18 793

11/06/2011 00:14

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 163

You deserved it 7 678

07/08/2009 23:35

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 069

You deserved it 4 333

05/01/2010 14:06

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 480

You deserved it 34 996

30/06/2016 17:33

Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 829

You deserved it 686

05/12/2015 14:54

Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis and bought a mercedes along with a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 173

You deserved it 1 546

03/02/2009 19:34

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 102

You deserved it 8 486

Keep out

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 13:57

Spicy

Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 90

03/04/2017 22:00

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 027

You deserved it 402

05/06/2013 04:22

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 833

You deserved it 4 182

29/06/2016 18:21

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 571

You deserved it 644

Oh no, she's back

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 18:01

Today, I learned that the respondents on the Suicide Hotline recognize me, and not fondly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 163

01/02/2012 16:11

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 339

You deserved it 3 765

24/06/2012 13:57

Today, I received an acceptance letter to Juilliard. After showing it to my mom, she tells me I can't attend because Robin Williams graduated from Juilliard, and he now has too much facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 960

You deserved it 2 238

07/11/2015 14:33

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 437

You deserved it 2 674

30/10/2009 07:45

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 971

25/02/2010 22:30

Spicy

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year old boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 149

You deserved it 7 892

08/04/2011 15:03

Today, is my birthday. Everyone forgot except my stalker. He rang the door bell the second it turned 12:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 485

You deserved it 3 976

01/05/2016 17:19

Today, I went on a camping trip. I already had a bad back, and then the guy in charge took us on a hike. My shoes were too small, and now I'm hobbling around with a bad back and foot. Every time I limp, it hurts my back, but if I walk normally, it hurts my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 337

You deserved it 5 272

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 61

07/02/2012 02:08

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single and jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 063

You deserved it 42 101

Depressing

By Anonymous - 16/08/2013 04:24

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 191

You deserved it 4 846

20/05/2012 18:20

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 999

You deserved it 3 098

17/06/2019 15:03

Today, the worst part about not having a sense of smell is that I can’t tell if anyone ate pizza without me. Unless I see an empty box in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 250

22/06/2011 04:03

Today, I was sitting next to a lady on an airplane who was very overweight. She fell asleep on me, and violently bled from her nose upon take off and landing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 016

You deserved it 3 047

14/10/2013 01:14

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 181

You deserved it 3 705

22/07/2009 11:29

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 630

You deserved it 3 811

01/11/2015 15:12

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 226

You deserved it 1 312

12/04/2016 02:30

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 297

You deserved it 3 738

06/02/2010 05:09

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 2 878

21/10/2010 19:22

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 357

You deserved it 8 994

18/10/2015 00:49

Spicy

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 028

You deserved it 18 862

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:06

wait naked that's how I roll.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:15

If you are alone in a office and soaked, you should have brought a vibrator and had a wild fap-a-thon while you wait for that phone call.

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:03

first

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:05

FIRST!!!

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:06

NOPE I WIN!

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:04

ha

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:06

wait naked that's how I roll.

TransitionCovery 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:59

first to reply to this comment!!!

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 20:07

The person isn't going to call for another 7 hours? If so, come back later. If they're calling at some point during the day, then leave after the call. Also, you can easily miss the call even when you're there. What if you have to go to the bathroom? Overall, calm down, I say.

sugarr0babby0 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 20:28

Well that sucks.

KingDingALing 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 21:17

22 is a faggot for his comment.

MissErikaHart 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 22:02

call some1 and have them bring u some clothes

natvv 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 22:48

Maybe your peers just wanted to see you with your clothes wet down ;P

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 September 2010 1:51

And they also wanted to see you while they were invisible.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 September 2010 5:45

agree with 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 September 2010 10:54

#24, I think she means she has 7 hours left of work, and in those 7 hours an important call is going to made that she has to be there for.

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:06

get a fucking life, both of you.

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:07

wow wat the

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:10

Well if you're really the only one at work then you could just walk around naked... I bet that would also make your customers more satisfied; you win twice! :D

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:10

wwiiinn

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:10

Nobody is there but you, right? Shuck the clothes and take the calls in the buff. Who's gonna know.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:15

If you are alone in a office and soaked, you should have brought a vibrator and had a wild fap-a-thon while you wait for that phone call.

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:35

win.

Send a private message

Friday 1 October 2010 3:22

perdix, how is that job you got? Just wondering- not creeping or trolling. Idk I'm bored. But seriously.

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:19

I have a feeling op has a FUUPA.

doublerainbow 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 September 2010 1:43

And she has a double rainbow all the way across her FUPPA

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:24

call forwarding to your cell and go home.

couth 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 September 2010 19:25

On a more clothed note, that sucks. FYL.