Miscellaneous: Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 101

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 40

28/02/2015 19:53

Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a radio show about sex fetishes. Can't wait to look him in the eye as I pay him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 830

You deserved it 2 786

Walk on the wild side

No Gods, No Masters

Legalize it!

27/07/2009 08:12

Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 465

You deserved it 8 458

25/12/2014 03:48

Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 072

You deserved it 3 191

28/03/2014 20:11

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 573

You deserved it 3 257

Price of love

By that kind of girl - 02/04/2014 00:02

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 209

You deserved it 4 928

Cool prank bro

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 11:02

Spicy

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 554

You deserved it 3 542

24/08/2019 06:18

Today, I accidentally pulled out six of my eyelashes. It's noticeable. Very noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 345

26/06/2009 16:51

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 762

You deserved it 29 700

03/02/2009 17:08

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 703

You deserved it 3 848

Reverse Uno

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 20:01

Spicy

Today, while trying to be sexy for my fiancé by going to change his background photo to a naughty pic of myself, I found out he's been actively cheating on me. For almost a year, with multiple women. When confronted, he tried telling how hard me finding out was for HIM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 119

10/01/2015 22:12

Spicy

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 3 011

13/12/2018 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me saying I don’t make her happy, I don’t make her laugh, that she feels she is settling for me and that she is not being pleased sexually. Even though she has always said I did all of that and that we could work through anything. I was going to propose... FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 020

You deserved it 330

17/11/2013 17:46

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 506

You deserved it 3 100

24/12/2016 13:49

Today, on Christmas Eve, as I was getting my car loaded for the holiday rounds to the in-laws and parents, my car decided now was the time to break down. I recently put in over $1000 fixing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 196

You deserved it 580

Open your eyes

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking some "me time" when my neighbor drove past and saw me. What I failed to realize was that my dog had pushed the shades open for my body to be right on display. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 305

18/01/2009 21:50

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 031

You deserved it 2 393

02/10/2010 22:07

Today, I went to pick up my car from where I parked it last night. I walked over to my parking spot only to find a vegetable stand there in its place. Apparently, that's the location of the Saturday Market and they had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 852

You deserved it 25 539

11/02/2011 03:21

Today, I woke up to a repairman at my door who was simply supposed to turn my water back on in my apartment. Two hours and 5 repairmen later, all I have now is a large hole in my ceiling. Still no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 727

You deserved it 2 356

24/07/2014 21:54

Today, I woke up from a nap to find my little brother playing some games on my phone. A few hours later I come to find he had deleted all 500 pictures from my trip to Europe last month. He needed more space to download the games. Mom says he's too young to understand what he did wrong. He's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 586

You deserved it 5 491

30/09/2012 00:11

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 988

You deserved it 2 170

Sprain in the ass

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 16:02

Today, after two months of recovering from a sprained ankle, the doctor told me I was fully healed. On the way to my car from the doctor's, I stepped on some leaves, which were covering a small hole. A hole big enough for me to trip on and give me another sprained ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 95

Mama's boy

By vacay no way - 14/07/2021 06:01

Today, I was asking my husband to help me finalize plans for our upcoming vacation. He, however, would rather pout and sulk because I don’t want him to bring his mom along. She’s been with us on our last few trips and it’s hard to get any alone time. I’m considering just going alone at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 126

04/01/2010 05:05

Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 716

You deserved it 44 342

17/12/2015 02:47

Today, I was at an amusement park with friends. We wanted to get a picture of all four of us, so we asked a nice-looking man to take it for us on my brand-new iPhone 6s. He took something. Unfortunately, it wasn't a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 7 495

05/09/2009 04:23

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 658

You deserved it 76 693

Foot in mouth

By oopsjsp90 - 25/09/2021 18:08

Today, I told a lady that came into my clothing store that I thought her abstract looking necklace was pretty. She responded, "Oh… That's actually a pipe that goes into my lung." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 369

You deserved it 8 653

27/06/2019 20:00

Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 700

09/09/2013 22:05

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 003

You deserved it 12 689

19/09/2016 14:03

Today, because of the gas crisis in my state, we had to stop taking delivers at the pizza place I work at. Someone asked if we could walk it to them. My manager agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 760

You deserved it 807

24/02/2012 19:18

Spicy

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 702

You deserved it 37 789

08/08/2014 22:53

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 681

You deserved it 3 896

09/10/2011 03:53

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 373

You deserved it 6 753

TMI FML

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 06:01

Today, I had to take a photo of my asshole after I sat on a rusty nail, causing considerable pain. Thankfully, no major damage was done. Unfortunately, the photo synced up to my mum's iPad, since it's linked to my Apple ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 352

01/09/2011 01:55

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the "expensive" store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 984

You deserved it 4 520

09/05/2009 04:54

Today, my boyfriend took me to his grandfather's funeral. At the reception, his family members insist on hearing me play piano. After getting positive reactions, I dive into one of my favorites, Rustle of Spring. In 2 seconds everyone bursts into tears. That was Papa's favorite too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 182

You deserved it 4 506

15/04/2012 07:03

Spicy

Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 125

You deserved it 13 640

Romance

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 03:59

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 775

You deserved it 4 624

11/07/2009 05:06

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 084

You deserved it 3 476

28/08/2013 00:32

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 566

You deserved it 2 912

23/08/2012 07:56

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 179

You deserved it 2 788

17/08/2019 06:02

Today, I found out that after using several types of birth control, and being paranoid about pregnancy, I've been infertile for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 933

You deserved it 177

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Sunday 1 March 2015 12:48

Hopefully, he wasn't expecting a tip. From you, anyway

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Sunday 1 March 2015 12:55

I don't know about everyone else... but me personally I would have asked him to change the station or turn it off.

Comments

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Sunday 1 March 2015 12:48

Hopefully, he wasn't expecting a tip. From you, anyway

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Sunday 1 March 2015 17:08

Actually, looks like OP should just be happy that he wasn't offering her a tip.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Sunday 1 March 2015 19:49

This sounds like Chatterbox FM from GTA3...

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Sunday 1 March 2015 12:48

Then don't look him in the eye

Sheepalicious 20

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Sunday 1 March 2015 12:52

Ask him to sit on your chest!

MrDonSalvetti 27

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Sunday 1 March 2015 12:58

What? Why would she do that? O.o

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Sunday 1 March 2015 13:03

Was there an 'h' missing there #3? :)

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Sunday 1 March 2015 13:09

Laughed at your comment for a good 3 minutes, #3.

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Monday 2 March 2015 13:28

I keep rereading the comment inserting h's in random spots. I can't find it...

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Sunday 1 March 2015 12:55

I don't know about everyone else... but me personally I would have asked him to change the station or turn it off.

jerryj 27

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Sunday 1 March 2015 14:51

Not me. I do love a good awkward situation once in a while.

commanderstiff 19

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Sunday 1 March 2015 15:43

To make it worse, I would have asked him to turn in up.

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Sunday 1 March 2015 12:55

50 Shades of Fake Taxi

GrimReefer66 29

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Sunday 1 March 2015 13:14

I wonder how many girls avoid taxis now? Or how many want to go back?

patrickalamo 47

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Sunday 1 March 2015 12:59

Yes look deep into his eyes that will teach him a lesson as you pay him.

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Sunday 1 March 2015 13:07

Hey I mean he could have been moaning along too.

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Sunday 1 March 2015 13:15

Why not ask him to change the radio station..

BlockOfRedStone 25

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Monday 2 March 2015 0:35

@25 As someone who lives in a rural area and has never been in a cab, I have to ask - Why can't you ask him to change the station? Is there a fee? Is it rude?

lastunusedname 11

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Monday 2 March 2015 16:57

No, he'll just tell you to fuck yourself and deal with it.

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Sunday 1 March 2015 13:19

Is it loveline? Because that show is pretty entertaining

Dick_diamond 22

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Sunday 1 March 2015 13:47

Are they at least interesting fetishes being discussed? You could learn a thing or two.. If not, FYL