Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to... - FML

By coyote - Japan

Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

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Family values

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

The sweet smell of success

By Sheezey - United States

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML

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By annonoymus - Australia

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriends father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML

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By Haitwun - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

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By doodoobref - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

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By BaldingQuick - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. This was after I saved several paychecks to afford to give her a weekend away for her birthday. Why did she end things so quick? Because apparently I'm balding faster than her Dad. I'm 20. FML

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By lumi - United States

Today, I received in the mail a hockey puck autographed by recent hall of fame addition Steve Yzerman. When asked, I had to explain to my 4 year old brother that someone famous had written his name on it. Later, I discovered that my brother decided it needed his name on it too. FML

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By takingthebus - United States

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

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By avatarnicole9 - Canada

Today, while going for a walk, I saw two bunnies next to the road. Apparently, I was scarier than the oncoming traffic, because one of them decided to sprint into the road as I walked by. I could hear its bones crunch as it got hit by a car. FML

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By Deweyboy

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

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By fthislyfe - Netherlands

Today, in an amphitheater, someone hit the back of my head. As I turned around, the guy apologized and said he mistook me for his friend. I changed seats, and after a while, I got hit a second time. He was wrong again. FML

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By PaePae - United States - Columbia

Today, I found out that I'm sensitive to the NuvaRing. It felt like I was a buffet for fire ants. FML

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By IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed - Mauritius

Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me. FML

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By mstannyngdogevr - United States - Orlando

Today, my fiancé and I moved into a new home a few houses away from our previous one. We were excited about not hearing our roommate's dog howling non-stop anymore. We can hear him from the new house. Very clearly. FML

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By slenderman908 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I overheard my parents fighting about who has been the most loyal. I found out my Dad has cheated twice, and is still the most faithful of the two. FML

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By Abcporn - United States - Portland

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

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By nja - 12/7/2020 23:01

Socializing

Today, it's the first day in 14 weeks I've got dressed up and gone out anywhere other than to go food shopping. Shame it’s to attend a funeral. FML

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By I'm stupid - United States - Naperville

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

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By Anonymous - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

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By kiddoc - United States

Today, I was happily playing with my young niece and nephew. Their grandmother was watching and said, "You are so good with children! Why don't you have any?" My husband died 3 months ago. FML

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By Mal2222 - United States

Today, at work, a man walked up the escalator with his chubby kid next to him and asked me where the shoe section was. I said, "For you or your son?" He said, "For my daughter." FML

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By MeanMother - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

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By NowABlonde - United States

Today, I decided to lighten my hair. I applied the dye and waited 20 minutes. When I went to wash the dye out, the water wouldn't turn on. After my head started to burn, I called the landlord in a panic. Turns out there was a water main break and the entire city block doesn't have water. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML

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By not_relaxed - United States

Today, I returned from vacation. Because of rain, I spent 3 days sitting in a hotel room, watching a TV with bad reception. I'm now less relaxed that if I'd have just stayed home, because that wouldn't have cost me $500, and my TV has more than 15 channels. So much for my first vacation in 5 years. FML

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By J.O.S - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML

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By SeeTony - United States

Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML

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By ginny - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

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By bezoar10 - United States

Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML

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By stupid - United States

Today, I saw a spot on my computer screen. I tried to use my finger to rub it off. Then, I tried using my nail. Then I tried to windex it off. I continued scratching at it with my nail. A half hour and one scratched screen later, I realized the spot was part of the webpage I was looking at. FML

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By frankfukhergood - Canada

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

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By Deirbhile - United States

Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML

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By Rizzle - New Zealand

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

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By Couch Potato - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I slept on the couch last night. She also seems to have forgotten that we had an argument last night, after which she stormed into our bedroom and locked me out. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fayette

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

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By Anonomous - United States - Plainfield

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

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By SheaLili - United States

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

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Top comments

By drakem | 7

#1339191 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:23

aw that sucks

By OnlyAvailableID | 28

#1339204 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:24

That's gotta be painful.

FYL, OP, quite unfortunate series of events.

COMMENTS

By drakem | 7

#1339191 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:23

aw that sucks

Reply

fishertruck | 0

#1339208 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:25

I'm sorry op fyl

Reply

iTaylor | 0

#1339218 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:25

oh poop.

Reply

nikkidancer321 | 0

#1339221 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:25

that's the worst. sorry op

Reply

drakem | 7

#1339226 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:26

I see what you did thar.

Reply

woopsy | 0

#1339241 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:29

im srry! but on the bright side ... the surgery went well!!!

Reply

TransitionCovery | 0

#1339247 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:31

Drink some Yakult.

Reply

quent10 | 0

#1339256 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:34

EEEEeeeeyyyulllllllz

Reply

the4starr | 3

#1339267 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:36

6- no offence but your profile looks a bit like you're doing a poop.. :S just thought it was funny

Reply

fable_fayebee | 0

#1339317 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:58

Sounds like you have a crappy life

Reply

chenoa_fml | 0

#1339327 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:01

ughh hives are sooo uncomfortable, I've felt your pain. that's how I learned I am allergic to penicillin when I was elementary school age :D

Reply

iTaylor | 0

#1339333 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:03

oh sure, 18, no offense taken

Reply

Slappyzezima | 0

#1339340 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:06

18 is probably 10 years old and laughes whenever his friends make poop jokes on the playground. or Dan Nickerson.

Reply

allenrotstein | 0

#1339379 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:20

Fuck this! We don't need this many details...

Reply

A_50cal_goes | 0

#1339404 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:28

BOOM Headshot!!!

Reply

rkcraig53 | 0

#1339433 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:35

Quit already!
Nobody wants to know about you BM FAIL!

Reply

2kool4skoolyo | 0

#1339463 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:51

I thought that girls don't poop. something smells fishy ...

Reply

DarkHelmet | 10

#1339476 - Thursday 2 September 2010 17:52

Yeah reading that just made me feel a shit load better about my day which until 2 mins ago I thought was bad. Thanks OP...and yes FYL

Reply

homicidaltendenc_fml | 0

#1339499 - Thursday 2 September 2010 18:00

Yea I agree...no one wants to hear this. And iTaylor is hot, don't make fun of her haha.

Reply

imonaboat79 | 2

#1339506 - Thursday 2 September 2010 18:03

terrible, fyl fo sho.

Reply

mini8_fml | 0

#1339585 - Thursday 2 September 2010 18:42

@18 first of all.. it doesnt look like she is pooping.. and i really hope thats not how you poop! if it is so, then you seriously need some potty training!!

Reply

coolsteve | 0

#1339697 - Thursday 2 September 2010 19:28

pics of your lady parts or it didn't happen

Reply

kruzito | 0

#1339805 - Thursday 2 September 2010 20:07

eat mexican food

Reply

mona_is_here | 10

#1339837 - Thursday 2 September 2010 20:20

64 is a WIN:)

Reply

riceplum | 0

#1339846 - Thursday 2 September 2010 20:22

try taking the buttplug out xD

Reply

skroal | 7

#1339909 - Thursday 2 September 2010 20:48

No "shit" you didn't poop.

Women don't poop.

Reply

Baker_FoCo | 0

#1339976 - Thursday 2 September 2010 21:22

Hopefully it won't turn out like that anal part in Zack and Miri. *shudder*

Reply

Lopop72 | 0

#1340092 - Thursday 2 September 2010 23:07

Fj?

Reply

luckytexan | 7

#1340247 - Thursday 2 September 2010 23:48

wow, fyl for sure!

Reply

STr8_CaLi_d0p3 | 4

#1341043 - Friday 3 September 2010 3:01

74- I wish I had a joint like that!!

Reply

jjpavo | 0

#1341777 - Friday 3 September 2010 6:07

GIRLS DONT POOP (sarcasm)

Reply

Bag3l | 0

#1342224 - Friday 3 September 2010 7:51

I see what u did there 9.

YDI for not eating your fucking veggies.

Reply

kelzen | 0

#1343128 - Friday 3 September 2010 10:46

lolololololol rofl hehehehorse

Reply

NoFatAssOnaStick | 0

#1349001 - Saturday 4 September 2010 7:52

I once had the same, but if you can still write a FML you're not even halfway of the pain. oh and eat kiwi's

By OnlyAvailableID | 28

#1339204 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:24

That's gotta be painful.

FYL, OP, quite unfortunate series of events.

Reply

zavala96 | 0

#1920592 - Sunday 2 January 2011 10:20

OP-that doesn't happen to pretty girl
only to fugly girls

Reply

ZeroIce | 12

#3351498 - Monday 26 September 2011 22:12

lol love the picture -2

By Vanbilsen | 4

#1339210 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:25

cool story bro but still that sucks

By yolie_fml | 0

#1339223 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:25

How awful! :(

By NFL333 | 0

#1339238 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:28

my perscription anal sex

Reply

coolsteve | 0

#1339724 - Thursday 2 September 2010 19:31

brilliant

Reply

acrostice | 0

#1339793 - Thursday 2 September 2010 20:02

10 win

Reply

TheAwkwardTurtle | 0

#1339902 - Thursday 2 September 2010 20:47

hahaha nasty! fyl op

Reply

Becks3_fml | 0

#2876847 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:45

yes yes!!

By triggerit | 5

#1339258 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:34

poor girl without right to poop

By aliyah26 | 0

#1339260 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:34

what a mess it's goin to be when u regulate

By SeedlessMe | 13

#1339262 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:35

Wow. That really is Terrible! I'm so sorry girl-- Sleep it off, it's pretty much all you can do.. :(

By WiseGuy79 | 14

#1339264 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:36

Lol @ 10
Op try eating at McDonalds it's better than any laxative out there lol

Reply

ScaryyMary | 14

#1339555 - Thursday 2 September 2010 18:25

Don't you mean Taco Bell?

Reply

WiseGuy79 | 14

#1339659 - Thursday 2 September 2010 19:18

Yeah Taco Bell would be better lol You think they have them in Japan?

Reply

ScaryyMary | 14

#1339708 - Thursday 2 September 2010 19:29

Since it's in Japan... old sushi might be a better option.

Reply

craphappened | 4

#1339930 - Thursday 2 September 2010 20:58

lots of wasabi. Plus Nato. Which is fermented beans, for those who don't know.

Reply

BigBagel | 0

#1343231 - Friday 3 September 2010 11:10

eat mos burger people in japan won't know what u mean by taco bell. Tako? ok! you'll end up not getting taco bell

Reply

cadillacgal79 | 32

#5909234 - Wednesday 9 April 2014 13:00

actually 50 I've never gotten gassy from eating Taco Bell, I guess some people handle their food differently.

By bobulant | 0

#1339281 - Thursday 2 September 2010 16:40

FYL.. Try some Epsom salts dissolved in warm water. Salty..but effective.