Well im not your father but Happy Birthday!!!!

As far as you know...

O.o good point sir buttttt im not an asshole I wouldn't forget

But #1 is a lady, so they would have had to be to be OP's mother? O.o

14, I feel like you missed the joke mate :)

hmm I dont remember having children. well im a crappy parent then

That's just shitty..

And happy Birthday by the way!

A vicious cycle of people being mad at each other!

To get him back put a fake spider on his phone

Your dad sure is a special kind of asshole, huh?

A bleached asshole

hahahaha

Ah parents

Happy birthday, OP! I'm sorry it seems to not have gone as nicely as you'd hoped, but I'm sure despite his pride, your father is wishing you a happy one as well

Your dad is an asshat but happy birthday

Hey it's my birthday too! Happy birthday OP!