Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for... - FML

By - 24/3/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5am, which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7am. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10am. Just let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2066

You deserved it

136

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Live dumping

Child labor

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 13:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have our first kiss with each other, but my dog decided to let one rip, stinking up the whole room. My boyfriend still doesn't believe it was my dog who did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47645

You deserved it

4319

Tweet

Share

By UnluckyGroom - 9/6/2012 23:04 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8103

You deserved it

59413

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/6/2013 15:20 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68621

You deserved it

4645

Tweet

Share

By DontGive2Fox - 5/3/2019 04:00

Today, I had my first job interview and didn’t have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn’t speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2129

You deserved it

1567

Tweet

Share

By okaythen - 4/10/2013 09:37 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55139

You deserved it

3669

Tweet

Share

By Idontknowwhattodo - 27/8/2013 10:17 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though, the insurance will cover it. However, it won't cover all the items she damaged crashing into a garage sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42894

You deserved it

3476

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/8/2019 02:00 - Germany - Wuppertal

Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By Titanic - 7/12/2008 08:46 - France

Today, the girl I've been hitting on for months on MSN and that I'm about to meet told me "I know you are in love, and you know I'm not". Erm, no, I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24877

You deserved it

5102

Tweet

Share

By wowsucks - 30/1/2010 09:40 - United States

Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29728

You deserved it

4073

Tweet

Share

By steven - 24/6/2009 15:33 - Canada

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20942

You deserved it

112259

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/6/2015 15:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27179

You deserved it

1846

Tweet

Share

By carolinagirl - 4/4/2011 16:23 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom and dad got a divorce. They didn't tell me, they just changed their relationship status on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48580

You deserved it

3546

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/3/2015 05:36 - United States - Mendham

Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun. When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog. They believed her and think I need psychiatric help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35712

You deserved it

2372

Tweet

Share

By bonbon789 - 27/3/2014 18:10 - United States

Today, I wanted to eat my last bowl of sugary cereal before starting my new diet. I fell down the stairs with the full bowl in hand. Message received, universe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42547

You deserved it

8050

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 04:46 - Australia

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently somebody saw me, I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18027

You deserved it

27988

Tweet

Share

By helpme - 24/11/2015 06:34 - United States - Annapolis

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25477

You deserved it

4600

Tweet

Share

By thebravelittletoaster - 20/3/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22268

You deserved it

9811

Tweet

Share

By Stingraybeemonster - 7/4/2016 08:51 - Thailand

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18320

You deserved it

2258

Tweet

Share

By Anonynonynon - 13/2/2015 19:05 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31659

You deserved it

2405

Tweet

Share

By Peachtree - 4/6/2018 15:00

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3546

You deserved it

375

Tweet

Share

By crosscountryfatigue - 19/9/2018 12:00

Today, with one week left until I fly to my new apartment, movers loaded my belongings and happily drove off. They even loaded my unpacked, inflated air mattress. Looks like I'm sleeping on the floor for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2499

You deserved it

354

Tweet

Share

By thatswhatsup66 - 20/3/2012 19:01 - United States - Greer

Today, I was at a restaurant, and I saw my friend. When we made eye contact, I made a creepy face at her and twitched my arms to make her laugh. A woman looked over said sadly, "Oh my God, that poor girl!" She thought I was "special." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12671

You deserved it

26808

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/8/2011 11:29 - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16367

You deserved it

42873

Tweet

Share

By jdch_99 - 3/11/2012 05:34 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26637

You deserved it

1727

Tweet

Share

By Teamarie - 11/8/2009 15:21 - United States

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52698

You deserved it

20781

Tweet

Share

By Lonely At Griffith - 17/6/2019 13:02

Today, well into my second year at university, I still haven't made a single friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1815

You deserved it

272

Tweet

Share

By ApolloandDixie - 23/12/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10163

You deserved it

35195

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 2/3/2014 08:44 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52377

You deserved it

7246

Tweet

Share

By Nochnoii - 7/10/2009 20:07 - Belgium

Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31540

You deserved it

13159

Tweet

Share

By geeb - 23/2/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9543

You deserved it

36346

Tweet

Share

By what.....? - 31/8/2012 23:40 - United States

Today, at college, we had a substitute philosophy teacher, because our professor is on bereavement leave. During his presentation, the sub managed to segue from the early works of Immanuel Kant straight into "the myth of the vaginal orgasm." I'm still shocked and highly confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21785

You deserved it

2101

Tweet

Share

By whoops - 11/4/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at the grocery store. I purchased $200 in groceries and went to put them in my car. I then realized I drove my motorcycle today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19361

You deserved it

88593

Tweet

Share

By gotmon3y - 7/4/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15878

You deserved it

81570

Tweet

Share

By Mrs.Slyfox - 28/6/2011 09:53 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he'd resolved all the issues with his ex and is getting back together with her. Normally I could tolerate this if it weren't for the fact that I just moved to a different country to live with him, and turned down a university and a scholarship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35190

You deserved it

58236

Tweet

Share

By forever alone - 12/5/2013 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20586

You deserved it

74195

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/8/2014 13:31 - United States - Akron

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48194

You deserved it

7314

Tweet

Share

By Fat Jon - 29/10/2015 19:43 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21636

You deserved it

2781

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/8/2017 00:30 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, after weeks of complaints and an engineer call-out for our photocopier, it turns out that all faults are user errors, and it's now my job to 'idiot proof' the printer. The people I work for are all educated on a Master's / PhD level and are responsible for cancer patient treatment at a major hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3790

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By Caci Johnson - 15/10/2017 04:30

Today, I sat down at my computer for the first time in a week, and discovered that my cat threw up all over my keyboard. I needed to write up an important document but the chunks were stuck down in the keys, effectively locking it up and making it useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3520

You deserved it

584

Tweet

Share

By random - 13/5/2013 15:06 - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46456

You deserved it

23100

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lucie91_fml | 12

#7785247 - Sunday 24 March 2019 20:38

why everytime i open fml there is always these ads with full volume on? even if my volume was off... whats happening to this site...?

By davidfong | 14

#7785236 - Sunday 24 March 2019 20:02

This is why god blessed us with coffee and if your off today then put some Jamison in it.

COMMENTS

By davidfong | 14

#7785236 - Sunday 24 March 2019 20:02

This is why god blessed us with coffee and if your off today then put some Jamison in it.

By lucie91_fml | 12

#7785247 - Sunday 24 March 2019 20:38

why everytime i open fml there is always these ads with full volume on? even if my volume was off... whats happening to this site...?

Reply

PandaPrincess4 | 22

#7785337 - Monday 25 March 2019 5:54

I thought it was just me!

Reply

Koios | 30

#7785538 - Monday 25 March 2019 15:33

I didn't know FML was the reason my volume kept maxing out. I might need to uninstall then

By Peaches1914 | 13

#7785261 - Sunday 24 March 2019 21:01

Time to get noise-cancelling earplugs, military style or recording studio quality

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7785346 - Monday 25 March 2019 6:52

What time do you get to sleep that getting woken at 5 a.m. leaves you dead on your feet? Maybe get an earlier night?

By zuckerburg | 21

#7785503 - Monday 25 March 2019 13:37

Normal working people that contributes to society in a meaningful manner, get up at 5am. Stop being cunty and suck it up buttercup. Sleeping in is for losers without jobs... then again, beggars are up early begging way before princess gets up in the morning it seems