By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Noise Annoys

Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5 a.m., which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7 a.m. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10 a.m. Just let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2112

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

Taking stock

Every little helps

Fragile

By LifeSucks

Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3952

You deserved it

192

Tweet

Share

By not gay in AL - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46275

You deserved it

5456

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34993

You deserved it

3046

Tweet

Share

By Mycardoesn'tevenwork - United States

Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21903

You deserved it

1504

Tweet

Share

By katta2009 - United States

Today, my grandmother died. No one called me to let me know she passed. I found out because people kept writing RIP on her Facebook wall. My siblings and I weren't even mentioned in her obituary with the other grandchildren, but they did remember to mention her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36248

You deserved it

2572

Tweet

Share

By lorena_v

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2303

You deserved it

3722

Tweet

Share

By mintyfresh - United States

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9210

You deserved it

119798

Tweet

Share

By A continent away - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41912

You deserved it

13701

Tweet

Share

By Alex - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46343

You deserved it

4137

Tweet

Share

By Baboosh - Canada

Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42010

You deserved it

13886

Tweet

Share

By nice education you've got there - United States - Monroe

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

I agree, your life sucks

37246

You deserved it

7270

Tweet

Share

By babyfatt - Australia

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12540

You deserved it

27117

Tweet

Share

By Danielle - 2/8/2020 08:08

Crushed

Today, I was disassembling a tent after a week of camping when I felt a crunch under my bare foot. I lifted up the tarp I was standing on to find a now squashed mouse. Mice are my favorite animals, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go camping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1240

You deserved it

455

Tweet

Share

By UniqueKay

Today, on our way home, my cousin, step dad and I noticed a man trying to kidnap a young girl. As good citizens, we called the police so they could catch the man. Nine police cars showed up at my house because dispatch told them we were the kidnappers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1910

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By whatjusthappened - United States - Federal Way

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44057

You deserved it

4902

Tweet

Share

By killingmyselfimmediately

Today, I had the flu and couldn't go to school. My dad called in and told them that I couldn't be there because I have an itchy anus. Not only that, but my birthday's tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2476

You deserved it

200

Tweet

Share

By blondie875 - United States

Y'all need fiber.

Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3412

You deserved it

1310

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39146

You deserved it

4555

Tweet

Share

By jai90 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50108

You deserved it

3805

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48896

You deserved it

4328

Tweet

Share

By ladygrey

Today, my daughter informed me that she hates everything about her appearance and wants to get every possible plastic surgery when she’s older. She’s 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1743

You deserved it

211

Tweet

Share

By me - United States

Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30004

You deserved it

3559

Tweet

Share

By OnCompanyTimeToo - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35195

You deserved it

9297

Tweet

Share

By Big_gulps_huh - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I realized I am more confident running a million-dollar piece of construction equipment than I am around people of the opposite sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3512

You deserved it

426

Tweet

Share

By ufhdafuhds - Egypt

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks

138456

You deserved it

14366

Tweet

Share

By ihatewalmart - United States

Live Laugh Love

Today, while at work, I saw a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said, "Yep… that just happened," and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27954

You deserved it

3184

Tweet

Share

By Twitchy - Bahamas

Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32676

You deserved it

3134

Tweet

Share

By sihehe - 28/4/2020 05:00

Hide and seek

Today, my cat got diarrhea. My house is under renovation at the moment. I can smell it, but I don't know where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1498

You deserved it

182

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/2/2021 04:53

You sure it was your birthday?

Today, it was my birthday. My partner of 9 years, and father of my two children, bought me a set of headphones for him to use on the treadmill. Didn’t wrap them, didn’t say happy birthday to me, didn’t tell my kids it was my birthday and worked on the yard all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1001

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By 0ros - United States

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29605

You deserved it

4343

Tweet

Share

By James4929 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32235

You deserved it

4037

Tweet

Share

By FML_Elle - United States

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28839

You deserved it

2289

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but in fact, it wasn’t her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21965

You deserved it

108743

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was staying at my friend's house, which is next door. Our houses are the same layout, only mirrored, so tonight when I got out of bed in the dark I instinctively turned to my left, thinking I was entering the bathroom, and fell down the stairs. Three of my teeth are missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3332

You deserved it

402

Tweet

Share

By christinabear - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18838

You deserved it

88640

Tweet

Share

By hatemyjob - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31026

You deserved it

43608

Tweet

Share

By Cop-er-Pot

Today, I realized that my work life is far less stressful than my home life. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3492

You deserved it

284

Tweet

Share

By lyss - United States - New Prague

Today, my 4-year-old daughter asked me when I was going to be skinny like her daycare lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2489

You deserved it

344

Tweet

Share

By salt. - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34085

You deserved it

2620

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32688

You deserved it

3869

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lucie91_fml | 12

#7785247 - Sunday 24 March 2019 20:38

why everytime i open fml there is always these ads with full volume on? even if my volume was off... whats happening to this site...?

By davidfong | 14

#7785236 - Sunday 24 March 2019 20:02

This is why god blessed us with coffee and if your off today then put some Jamison in it.

COMMENTS

By davidfong | 14

#7785236 - Sunday 24 March 2019 20:02

This is why god blessed us with coffee and if your off today then put some Jamison in it.

By lucie91_fml | 12

#7785247 - Sunday 24 March 2019 20:38

why everytime i open fml there is always these ads with full volume on? even if my volume was off... whats happening to this site...?

Reply

PandaPrincess4 | 22

#7785337 - Monday 25 March 2019 5:54

I thought it was just me!

Reply

Koios | 30

#7785538 - Monday 25 March 2019 15:33

I didn't know FML was the reason my volume kept maxing out. I might need to uninstall then

By Peaches1914 | 13

#7785261 - Sunday 24 March 2019 21:01

Time to get noise-cancelling earplugs, military style or recording studio quality

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7785346 - Monday 25 March 2019 6:52

What time do you get to sleep that getting woken at 5 a.m. leaves you dead on your feet? Maybe get an earlier night?

By zuckerburg | 21

#7785503 - Monday 25 March 2019 13:37

Normal working people that contributes to society in a meaningful manner, get up at 5am. Stop being cunty and suck it up buttercup. Sleeping in is for losers without jobs... then again, beggars are up early begging way before princess gets up in the morning it seems