Miscellaneous: Today, I looked in my mouse's cage and noticed a tiny weed growing....

By Anonymous - 24/02/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I looked in my mouse's cage and noticed a tiny weed growing. I've been trying to grow a garden for years to no avail. Even my mouse is a better gardener than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 725

You deserved it 10 843

Miscellaneous

Own it

This Charming Man

Don't engage with these people

By Graverobber - 23/11/2018 14:00

Today, as I was fueling my truck, I was asked out to dinner by a 65-year-old retiree. I'm 25. He stormed off and called me a bitch for politely turning him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 952

You deserved it 266

By Dogless - 21/08/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 491

You deserved it 2 600

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 975

You deserved it 29 115

Criminal minds at their best

By loz4151336 - 03/03/2020 12:06

Today, my friends wanted to try to dine and dash at a McDonald's. I had to explain why that wouldn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 188

By Anonymous - 24/06/2009 10:10 - Netherlands

Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 092

You deserved it 3 978

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 05:49 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister got me in deep trouble at the store I worked security for. She "dropped by to say hi" and stole a bunch of things when I wasn't looking. I wasn't arrested, due to lack of any evidence. But my boss didn't care about evidence and fired me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 660

You deserved it 2 021

By anonymous - 20/11/2011 11:31 - United States

Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 636

You deserved it 5 018

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, I invited my boss and his family over for dinner. As usual, I bought his kids Christmas' presents, nothing too fancy though. This year, he had one more that wasn't here last year. So I just pulled something from under the tree to hand him. He opened it on the spot. It was my son's PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 982

You deserved it 52 116

By why - 04/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend convinced my current boyfriend to break up with me because "bros before hoes". They met for the first time last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 294

You deserved it 384

By TheJuggla17 - 22/12/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I put in an application to my local market for a job that I desperately needed. I was talking to the manager, he seemed pleased with my application and said he'll call me. As he walks into his private office, I hear the sound of a paper shredder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 055

You deserved it 2 605

By SexyQueen0905 - 17/05/2011 13:05

Today, my friends were making fun of my clumsiness. I replied that I was not clumsy, and to prove it I was going to go the whole day without messing up. As I said this, I tripped over an extension cord and hit my head on a desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 581

You deserved it 12 000

By hopefulanonymous - 20/11/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 982

By richard - 21/03/2014 16:10 - United States - Redmond

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 907

You deserved it 8 029

Stop being selfish

By Steph - 27/11/2021 16:59

Today, I live in a country where a new variant of COVID has been found and we have to go through all this garbage again, all because some people believe that vaccines are in violation of their rights and that it's their right to risk all of our lives and livelihoods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 514

By BigDT - 28/01/2012 08:35

Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the first time in the past four and a half years a woman has touched my package, and I had to get health issues to make it happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 677

You deserved it 4 041

By nick - 12/05/2010 09:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 218

You deserved it 5 972

By Anonymous - 07/07/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 779

You deserved it 8 982

By NoPrivacy - 26/04/2012 10:44 - United States

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 151

You deserved it 34 631

By AlienZ - 12/04/2009 02:44 - United States

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so I said, "Yeah, that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 202

You deserved it 43 933

By AM - 31/08/2015 21:46

Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 533

You deserved it 1 913

By Thomas - 20/09/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 133

You deserved it 3 426

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 04:30

Today, it was the first day after my promotion. Everyone, including myself, was shocked that I was promoted so quickly. I figured it was because of all the hard work and overtime I'd put in. However, my coworkers figure I'm just sleeping with the boss, and constantly glare and snicker behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 161

Woodland mystery

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 22:58 - Germany

Today, walking in the woods, I heard someone screaming like crazy. First I thought it might be a hurt animal, but then I heard syllables in the screams. When I yelled, “What’s going on there?!” there was only silence. It was so creepy, I’m too scared to walk my dogs there now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 116

By tooearly - 01/01/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 941

You deserved it 3 360

By Anonymous - 23/01/2017 22:00

Today, I went to Sunday school for the first time. The priest assured us we could ask him anything, so I did. When class ended the priest pulled me and my mom aside and asked her to stop bringing me to Sunday school until "she learns not to question the bible and accept what she is told". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 899

You deserved it 716

By Lincoln - 20/01/2009 01:23 - Australia

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 254

You deserved it 2 786

By A-64 - 08/05/2012 20:48 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 325

You deserved it 5 203

Alas, poor Tiddles

By SonOfACatKiller - 19/09/2019 08:00 - United States - Juno

Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 518

You deserved it 118

By Moth_Balled - 15/12/2015 04:50 - Australia

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 403

You deserved it 6 361

Survivalists celebrate Halloween too

By IHaveThePower - 01/11/2021 08:00

Today, in Nevada during Halloween night, I discovered my neighbors have something that sounds an awful lot like an explosive. I can't see anything on fire, but WHY do my neighbors have EXPLOSIVES? FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 147

By Bree - 23/09/2018 03:00

Today, it's my wedding anniversary. I decided to come home early to surprise my husband, but I was the one left surprised. I walked in on him in bed with a teenager. I'm six months pregnant with our second child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 048

You deserved it 290

By CapeRanger - 04/10/2009 18:13 - South Africa

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 827

You deserved it 4 755

By Crotch_Rocket_Rider - 06/10/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 621

You deserved it 7 700

By MenstrualCrampsRuinedMyAcademicFuture - 25/07/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I vomitted on an Oxford professor during my first university interview. They called me "little miss nervous" in my second interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 136

You deserved it 523

FML Uncensored

By Nightmares - 07/08/2012 02:00 - United States

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 493

You deserved it 8 225

Covert failure

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 20:01

Today, I failed school and ghosted all my teachers. Nobody knows, but I'm planning on telling my parents in a week. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 1 100

By qwertyasdfghzxcv - 11/02/2009 22:05 - Canada

Today, I took my dog to the vet and she was diagnosed with obesity. The vet then told me that dogs usually imitate their owners eating and behavior habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 602

You deserved it 27 224

By Oops - 28/08/2017 03:30 - United Kingdom - Bakewell

Today, I had a hotdog. I thought the skin was a bit tough but ate it anyway. After reading the packaging later I found out that each hotdog has an individual plastic wrapper. I ate plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 3 705

By obnum - 18/04/2013 14:37 - United States

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 735

You deserved it 9 217

By mjperfetti84 - 22/11/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 404

You deserved it 6 152

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Top comments

ceepevoy 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 1:41

ur mouse is growing weed plants to cope with his sucky jail celled life XD

ScaryyMary 14

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Friday 25 February 2011 2:32

Don't feel like a dope or be hash on yourself. You'll grow some grass eventually, maybe pot today, maybe pot tomorrow, but someday. Not everybody has a green thumb. Maybe you could ask your friend Mary Jane to hemp you out with your gardening, just take her out to lunch at a local burger joint in exchange for her assistance. It cannabis too hard. All these crappy puns are making Mary-wanna get high now... (Man, I wish I was as clever with these as DocBastard.)

abbi96x 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 1:32

LOL. Gardening mouseee? That's a new one.. :')

babymickeycakes 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 1:33

How is that possible ? Do you have dirt in your mouse cage ?? Do you water the cage ??

Ariannalang 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 3:57

You feed rats seeds and nearly all of the water bottles drip. It happened to my hamsters old cage. I had left it in my garage when my hamster died and about a week later a plant popped up. But OP seriously needs to clean her pet's cage.

smashgrab 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 4:47

Really, clean the damn cage. Stop neglecting your pet, and be fucking responsible. F your pets life is more accurate.

fakeposta 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 8:37

do u know dat shit is better Dan dirt? lol

rjdr 7

Friday 25 February 2011 9:11

ds you know that you appear to be a fucking retard?

ConfusionsLoveMe 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 2:37

That's adorable.

omg36 7

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Thursday 20 September 2012 7:30

Haha yay I'm not the only person who immediately thought of an adorable little mouse gardener

ceepevoy 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 1:41

ur mouse is growing weed plants to cope with his sucky jail celled life XD

irokyoursox 6

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Friday 25 February 2011 1:44

haha its his weed lab

chili_is_good 0

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Monday 28 February 2011 11:02

true and awesome picture!

jordy1993 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 1:47

I wish my pet would grow me some weed.

Hidan_fml 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 1:50

Me too.

tona01 16

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Friday 25 February 2011 2:20

me too :(

Thanatos1206 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 7:05

You mean you guy's pets don't?!

goaliemkl123 8

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Friday 25 February 2011 10:22

yeah. my chinchilla knows how to grow weed. he doesn't smoke tho

Dottiemojzak 9

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Friday 25 February 2011 1:47

I've been raising rats for the past 5 years, and it can happen. Their crap and water from the water dish and sun from the window will do just that. In fact, the rats liked to chew on the weeds and grass :s

Grimmerie 31

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Friday 25 February 2011 10:48

i used to plant oat grass in my rat cage. my rat was dumb as a post, but he loved it. i feed oat grass to my turtle regularly and he's far healthier as a result. i always encourage pet owners to keep plenty of nontoxic, green plants about; i find pets are healthier, happier and much more energetic as a result.