Miscellaneous: Today, I listened to a voice mail from my mom about how she misses... - FML

By taylor124 - United States

Today, I listened to a voice mail from my mom about how she misses me and cant wait to see me when I get back from vacation. Thinking she hung up, my mother then had a conversation with my aunt about how quiet the house is without me and how she'd be blessed if I didn't come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39952

You deserved it

2860

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Commando

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By gallstones - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54128

You deserved it

3819

Tweet

Share

By BadMurderer - Mexico

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45885

You deserved it

3846

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Brazil - Itaja?

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22848

You deserved it

1570

Tweet

Share

By iluvcoconutrough - New Zealand

Today, at school I was sitting with a friend outside, talking about irregular periods and unshaven legs. Ten minutes into the conversation, a teacher sticks her head out the window above us and tells us to leave. We were distracting a classroom who were trying to finish a test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38893

You deserved it

22338

Tweet

Share

By hnickell93 - United States - Visalia

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34722

You deserved it

12759

Tweet

Share

By daragnan - United States

Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39368

You deserved it

3063

Tweet

Share

By goodbyefriend - United States - Worcester

Today, after a few weeks of smuggling a baby caterpillar into work every day just to make sure it ate and stayed alive long enough to turn into a butterfly, it finally did. Before it could fly free, a bird turned it into a snack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29374

You deserved it

5992

Tweet

Share

By Snotmyfault - United States

Today, at the age of 22 I started eating my boogers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7552

You deserved it

49236

Tweet

Share

By Nate - 21/12/2020 11:02

Born to run

Today, I can’t divorce my lazy, unemployed, shopping-addicted, cheating wife because her father is one of the best, sleaziest, underhanded divorce lawyers in our city. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1048

You deserved it

150

Tweet

Share

By jodibut - United States

Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36615

You deserved it

8012

Tweet

Share

By pot, meet kettle - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35869

You deserved it

9770

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Germany

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

54517

You deserved it

3616

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after 38 years of never meeting my dad, and paying a private investigator thousands of pounds over several weeks of searching, I found him living 2 floors down in the same block of flats. He’s the grouchy downstairs neighbour I’ve hated for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5928

You deserved it

440

Tweet

Share

By figures - United States

Today, I got a card from the jewelry store thanking me for purchasing an engagement ring a year ago and wishing me and my fiancée a long and everlasting marriage. Too bad my fiancée took off with the pizza delivery boy 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37543

You deserved it

2377

Tweet

Share

By shaverguy - United States

Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39694

You deserved it

13540

Tweet

Share

By YAABOIII - United States

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61094

You deserved it

8780

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Irvine

Today, my dad and I had an hour-long conversation. When he was getting up to leave my room he said, "Good talk Chelsey." My sister is Chelsey. So I corrected him. He thought I was joking. My father can't tell my sister and I apart. We are not twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40261

You deserved it

2517

Tweet

Share

By prayforme - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8021

You deserved it

62769

Tweet

Share

By thosedamnkids - United States

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43240

You deserved it

2627

Tweet

Share

By sigh - United States - Charlotte

Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21717

You deserved it

2509

Tweet

Share

By girlmeetsworld - United States

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53036

You deserved it

13605

Tweet

Share

By alison89430 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9876

You deserved it

953

Tweet

Share

By Doglover

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3812

You deserved it

923

Tweet

Share

By Jetlagged

Today, I'm stuck at the airport overnight, because my phone didn't update its time zone after flying in, so I watched my train leave, thinking mine wasn't due for another hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3436

You deserved it

1849

Tweet

Share

By apenglishstudent - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15144

You deserved it

70686

Tweet

Share

By GyroUpgraded - United States - Portland

Today, after driving to three drug testing clinics that were approved for my job, each one declined me saying they dont do testing anymore. Now I have to drive another 25 miles to see if someone will say, "You're clean." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11780

You deserved it

921

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43249

You deserved it

21727

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - West Babylon

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40241

You deserved it

7154

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Nice outing

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2201

You deserved it

679

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I overheard my co-workers referring to me as "Uncle Fester". This is apparently my nickname around the office, and has been for nearly three years. I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28452

You deserved it

2738

Tweet

Share

By stupidbug. - Canada

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11947

You deserved it

36869

Tweet

Share

By stupidsantaclaus - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my friend, when my four year old nephew came in, asking who I was talking to. I told him it was Santa Claus, so he insisted on talking to him. I handed over the phone and I hear, "Santa is fake. Grow up." I spent the next two hours with a screaming child proving Santa exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15841

You deserved it

41808

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States - Livonia

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13276

You deserved it

1994

Tweet

Share

By A.Summers - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45898

You deserved it

11449

Tweet

Share

By DocShadow - United States - New York

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47553

You deserved it

8797

Tweet

Share

By AloneAtPerkins - 26/11/2020 03:58 - United States - West Bend

Sticky situation

Today, I drove all the way to another state and dealt with Chicago traffic on the way just to learn to drive stick. I couldn't learn, because the truck was suddenly unavailable, and when it was available again, whoever had it last lost the keys. Guess I gotta make another trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

637

You deserved it

84

Tweet

Share

By Mary - United States

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43226

You deserved it

6780

Tweet

Share

By miss cranky pants - United States

Today, my gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being "too tight." I'm 24. After the explanation of having been pretty inactive in over a year, she exclaimed, "Damn, girl, we really need to find you a boyfriend!" Yeah, tell me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38318

You deserved it

4702

Tweet

Share

By limeychefboy

Today, I was on my motorbike 200km from home in the middle of nowhere when I needed to poop, so I found a wooded area and did my thing. As I was climbing back up, I knocked my helmet from its perch and watched it roll right into what I’d just left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3616

You deserved it

2195

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37859

You deserved it

5411

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By CheshireHalli | 19

#507120 - Saturday 22 August 2009 14:36

Um, because OP was on vacation, doeesn't mean that they paid for it. They might have went with an academic group, or with a friend... FYL OP for what your mom said...

By wow18 | 3

#507475 - Saturday 22 August 2009 18:38

It's so annoying when people on here start bashing anyone 18 or over for still living with their parents. Just because the law in this country says that parents don't HAVE to support their kids after that age does not mean everyone should automatically be ready to move out. Also a person's frontal lobe(front part of the brain that helps us make rational decisions) isn't even done growing completely at that age, so it's okay to be living with your parents even until your early 20s as long as you're all mature enough to respect each other.

To the original poster, I'm sure she misses you but probably does like the little bit of quiet and free time to herself. Everyone likes to be alone at some point so consider this as her vacation for herself and don't take it seriously.

COMMENTS

By imblue | 0

#507024 - Saturday 22 August 2009 12:20

First

By imblue | 0

#507027 - Saturday 22 August 2009 12:22

You son of a bitch...

By fml_always_ | 0

#507038 - Saturday 22 August 2009 12:32

hey, at least she was nice enough to lie

By lexiBRo | 0

#507040 - Saturday 22 August 2009 12:34

OP doesn't necessarily have to move out but perhaps should be more considerate of the people living there. If you are old enough to go on vacations without your parents there is no excuse for you behaving immaturely and making such a noticeable presence in the house.

By imblue | 0

#507044 - Saturday 22 August 2009 12:37

#6 is gay and a butch.

By Fyourface | 0

#507050 - Saturday 22 August 2009 12:42

i really dont get what is the big deal about commenting first. get a life guys

By visage | 0

#507095 - Saturday 22 August 2009 14:05

Take that as a hint. How old are you, and if you can afford an extended vacation why haven't you moved out? If you go back lay low, because what your doing now is obviously annoying the life she'd rather live.

Reply

Mr_Eated | 0

#507218 - Saturday 22 August 2009 16:21

#11 hit it on the head. Growing up means taking responsibility and moving out. Maybe fewer vacations would allow rent to be paid somewhere. I imagine you'll get along better once you start living like an independent adult. Now, if by vacation you meant "camp" and you're under 18, your mom is a douchebag. If not...Get the hell out already.

By CheshireHalli | 19

#507120 - Saturday 22 August 2009 14:36

Um, because OP was on vacation, doeesn't mean that they paid for it. They might have went with an academic group, or with a friend... FYL OP for what your mom said...

By Kervik | 0

#507124 - Saturday 22 August 2009 14:43

It was probably a joke - all parents say they're happy the house is a lot quieter when their children have left.

By Qup | 0

#507145 - Saturday 22 August 2009 15:18

what a hypocrite. don't go home and take a little break yourself