Kids: Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste... - FML

By Stellarum - 18/08/2014 15:13 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 559

You deserved it 4 216

Vulture

Run, run away pronto

What have you got yourself into?

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 768

You deserved it 3 471

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 912

You deserved it 2 909

By dreamteam - 08/02/2010 11:24 - United States

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 339

You deserved it 12 364

It's toast

By Crying - 16/04/2017 02:00

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 709

You deserved it 355

By Sack - 10/11/2011 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 387

You deserved it 6 058

By whoanoa - 10/03/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 372

You deserved it 3 195

By Natalie - 02/03/2010 22:05 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 359

You deserved it 5 220

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with really sore abs; not from working out at the gym, but because I've been coughing for 3 days straight and nothing is helping. Now every time I cough, it physically hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 118

Can't win

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 02:00 - Australia

Today, I got yelled at for staying in my room too long; got yelled at for going out of my room; got yelled at for staying at a friend's place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 67

Rich people problems

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 05:01

Today, I got a gift from my wife. It was a beautiful watch. The same exact watch I'd sold to our local jewelers for 6k. She bought it for 10k. When I told her, she said, "Hmmm, I thought it looked familiar." There goes 4K from our joint account. I could’ve thought of 4000 ways to spend that money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 628

By DumbassRoaster - 10/07/2016 19:44 - United States - Fairview

Today, I was woken up by my dad and my dog barking at each other, and my dad yelling, "I am the Alpha male!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 522

You deserved it 1 714

By kezbabes - 03/05/2014 18:15 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was driving my grandpa to the store because his car is in the shop. I was well within the speed limit, but he kept yelling at me for "speeding", then accused me of trying to give him a heart attack, and eventually pulled the e-brake, getting us rear-ended. He refuses to apologise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 023

You deserved it 3 900

By bob - 11/08/2011 12:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 862

You deserved it 5 451

By JohnBlack - 12/06/2012 03:56 - United States

Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 373

You deserved it 3 941

By Dora - 12/10/2009 13:21 - Canada

Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 172

You deserved it 7 956

By Anonymous - 04/12/2015 20:36 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 003

You deserved it 2 915

By f'ed_over - 19/01/2009 11:12 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 291

You deserved it 2 415

Ad break

By Remy - 17/06/2021 16:01

Today, I had the brilliant idea of scanning my PC in the afternoon, because Malwarebytes told me I might have malware and it's been running hot and slow lately. Five and a half hours later, the scan is 1.3% complete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 148

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 22:24 - United States

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 126

You deserved it 4 365

I'm not, but…

By Queerbait - 05/11/2015 06:52 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend's mother insisted she's not homophobic, but however people only 'turn gay' because they were sexually abused, or are 'making it up to get attention'. She informed me I'm the former and my girlfriend is the latter. Uh huh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 2 398

These boots are made for walking

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 295

By Anonymous - 03/03/2013 05:15 - United States - Hayward

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 530

You deserved it 3 149

Incomprehensible

By Anonymous - 24/02/2020 02:00

Today, I arrived in Tokyo and went to stay overnight in a teeny airport cabin hotel with shared bathroom facilities. I used the little wicker baskets to put my clothes on and when I came out of the shower, I found someone had stolen my favorite top. Who steals dirty clothes?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 904

You deserved it 334

I want to smell feet

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 14:01

Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 124

By lprocter1982 - 08/11/2011 03:17 - Canada

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 321

You deserved it 2 950

By frenchienyx - 13/05/2019 00:00

Today, I was in Brooklyn for a meeting. I parked my car but my iPhone didn’t save my location. Where is my car? Called NYPD. No car towed. I had to walk 3 hours in the rain to find it thanks to the “Panic” button. So glad I found my car, but the “Loud Panic” button didn’t want to stop for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 1 983

By Meowit - 07/09/2014 03:06 - United States - Livonia

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 578

You deserved it 3 190

By Lolrus - 28/03/2009 16:50 - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 061

You deserved it 5 738

Pampered

By Pinsky - 04/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, the 61 year-old Vice-President of our company complained about a blister to four landscapers working outside in the July heat, for 10 minutes. He then made me carry his lunch bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 71

By wowzersthatsucks - 29/06/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 206

You deserved it 5 917

By loserman67 - 18/07/2016 12:04

Spicy

Today, I was told that the $8,500 bill for my new water well grew to $11,000 because of a fair amount of overtime. I learned that the men I hired to drill the new well at our home were spending the overtime drilling my daughter as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 699

You deserved it 2 921

By Droolgirl - 26/05/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 154

You deserved it 46 403

By gross. - 28/04/2013 03:25 - United States - Greenville

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 412

You deserved it 6 120

By theuglyone - 22/08/2013 03:00 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 063

You deserved it 5 833

By Username - 19/06/2011 09:51 - Australia

Today, I saw myself on the news. I was one of the random passers by they had filmed for their story on the "Fat Epidemic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 600

You deserved it 25 337

By minder97 - 17/10/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 508

You deserved it 2 700

Don't leave my baby boy

By Julia - 17/03/2021 02:01

Today, after a year of unemployment due to my industry shutdown, I finally got a job offer. It involves overseas travel. After being cooped up a year, I'm thrilled! My boyfriend's mother is willing to pay my rent and bills for me to stay home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 126

By Wetarse - 15/03/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 4 389

By lonelyharts86 - 13/06/2012 14:50 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 749

You deserved it 3 751

Summer's here and the time is right…

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 18:30

Today, I was on my way to work and wearing a tank top when I suddenly walked through 10 feet of sprinklers and got completely soaked. A cop flagged me down in front of a bunch of people, because apparently I matched the description of a "suspect". He stared at my boobs the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 149

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Top comments

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:33

Well when life gives you lemons..

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:34

Please tell her to stop.... :/ That's nasty as fuck.

Comments

cleavers_143 11

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:33

oh

Soviet_American 29

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:37

I can't even? It left me thinking,"wut?" But hey, not my place to judge.

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Monday 18 August 2014 20:58

Nasty

julianthegreat 5

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Monday 18 August 2014 21:00

When life gives you lemons shove 'em down your bra and work it girl!!

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:33

Well when life gives you lemons..

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:33

Make lemonade

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:34

... give them to this girl.

thatoneninjadude 14

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:36

Do you eat your scabs?

cleavers_143 11

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:37

throw them at people

Rawrshi 25

Monday 18 August 2014 19:41

You make apple juice and let the world wonder how the fuck you managed that?

jerryj 27

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Monday 18 August 2014 20:17

When life gives you lemons, make scabonade.

pessimistprime 4

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Monday 18 August 2014 20:26

...You make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons!

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Monday 18 August 2014 22:50

Don't make lemonade! Makes life take the lemons back! Get MAD! Make it rue the day it decided to give CAVE JOHNSON lemons! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'm the guy that's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I'll have the guys make a combustible lemon that'll BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!

The_Burrito_Guy 6

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 4:03

Fuck all logic and make orange juice

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 10:09

I don't need your handouts! I'm an adult!

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:33

That is extremely disturbing... I wonder if its a health risk.?

knoxxx 22

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:41

Scabs are basically just platelets and protein, so I doubt it. Unless you're picking yourself raw.

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Monday 18 August 2014 20:43

depending on the age its a sign of some mental disorder, maybe severe OCD, or bipolar. If they're like less than 10 its a gross habit their parents need to discourage.

Gittoh 21

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 22:58

why bipolar? but deff OCD. Dermatillomania/aka Skinpicking.

Shemermergbergin 7

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:34

Did you at least tell her they aren't to be eaten?

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:34

Yum

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Monday 18 August 2014 22:01

Tastes like chicken.

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:34

Please tell her to stop.... :/ That's nasty as fuck.

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:35

Oh

HeadlessSparrow 20

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:35

at least she didn't offer you some.

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Monday 18 August 2014 20:24

Greedy ass kid

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:35

What. The. Fuck. 0_0

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 5:44

That's all i could think of. So disgusting. My brain can't deal with what i just read.....wtf.....

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Monday 18 August 2014 19:35

Don't knock it till you try it! I mean, I would rather not, but... to each their own? Lol

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 144

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 91