Miscellaneous: Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 09:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying goodbye to my mother, the last thing she said to me was "Don't turn gay". I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 754

You deserved it 11 129

Own it

Leave us alone

Hiding from the drama

By Littlethings1 - 31/03/2016 17:07 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my hair got stuck in my umbrella. I asked for help from passers-by, but all I got was weird looks as they hurried past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 130

You deserved it 1 882

By LOLOLOLOL - 20/08/2012 08:55 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I watched as some idiot made a bad U-turn and I laughed. I then turned into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 393

You deserved it 37 634

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 17:18 - Germany

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 814

You deserved it 42 197

By -____- - 05/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 228

You deserved it 7 381

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 498

You deserved it 24 923

By taxed - 02/02/2010 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out that I owe the IRS money due to my previous job not taking enough taxes out. I am broke, unemployed, and was counting on a big refund so I could pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 955

You deserved it 4 925

By helosthisshit - 01/11/2014 14:26 - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 855

You deserved it 4 316

By HaleyDrew08 - 26/06/2010 03:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried giving myself a bikini wax for the first time, and I'm pretty sure I didn't do it right. Now I'm laying on my couch with a wet rag and ice inbetween my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 926

You deserved it 20 068

By Anonymous - 23/07/2010 00:39 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 772

You deserved it 16 828

911 is a joke

By ouch - 25/12/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and somehow managed to pull a back muscle. I’ve been naked for 3 hours, scared to move because it hurts so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 160

Keeping it in the family

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 15:01 - Jordan - Amman

Today, my dad tried to hook me up with someone. It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 68

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 900

You deserved it 9 877

By MrZhang - 23/06/2009 03:34 - Australia

Today, I had an interview with IBM. For a week I did extensive research and preparation for the interview. At first the interview was going really well. I was hitting all the marks. Then just as a final casual question she asked with a smile "What does IBM stand for?". I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 361

You deserved it 26 473

By Estee1024 - 24/01/2014 05:28 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 47 919

You deserved it 5 616

Sleep deprivation-induced psychosis

By C…… - 06/12/2021 11:01

Today, It’s the middle of the night and I just watched a Kenny G documentary, and found it absolutely fascinating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 204

Nice

By mandiballz - 12/01/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I was saying goodbye to my 5 year-old son before dropping him at my mom's, as I was leaving for two days, and told him I would miss him. He said, "l won't miss you, I never miss you when you are gone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 735

You deserved it 4 437

By xXxXxTOBIxX - 22/07/2013 11:49 - United States - Raleigh

Today, while relaxing in a chair in a shop, a man approached me and said, "You have no idea how many times I've farted in that chair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 596

You deserved it 4 573

By Rainman - 14/06/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 768

You deserved it 14 276

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 014

You deserved it 55 151

By itsme - 08/07/2019 04:00

Today, we got a letter regarding my sister's college career and an appointment she was required to go to. This seems fitting, since she's a senior in high school, or at least she would be if she hadn't passed away a little over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 764

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 18/02/2014 19:49 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Kingshill

Spicy

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 172

You deserved it 19 227

Eat the rich

By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - 01/06/2017 15:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving up to a Four Seasons, not to stay, but to attend a work event that was already paid for. I did look a little out of place in my Toyota Corolla amongst the luxury SUVs, but was nonplussed when a man came up to me, knocked on my window, and said, "The Motel 6 is over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 753

You deserved it 423

By fmlguy - 10/12/2010 03:19

Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 241

You deserved it 86 132

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 13:56 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, while at work, my ex-boyfriend came in. I pretended not to see him, hoping he would just pass on by. No such luck. He stopped to tell me that he was there for orientation. My company hired him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 990

You deserved it 3 222

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 810

You deserved it 5 603

By thinking of military school - 23/10/2016 20:35

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 407

You deserved it 3 601

Cultural appropriation

By Christinne - 26/06/2021 04:01

Today, I had to explain to my mom what an 'LGBT ally' is and that it is entirely possible for a straight cis girl to support the LGBT movement. She thought I was a lesbian because I have rainbow colored and LGBT memorabilia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 516

By Oops - 27/08/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 833

You deserved it 36 956

By jflac - 24/12/2014 12:03 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 879

You deserved it 2 828

By my first job - 06/04/2016 20:02 - Canada - Westerose

Today, after working for 12 hours in the cold rain on muddy terrain, my coordinator drove down a hill and didn't come back. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, forced to walk two hours uphill back to HQ to find him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 106

You deserved it 1 155

By Anonymous - 15/05/2012 10:49 - Egypt

Today, after winning a major photography competition with the prize of an expensive workshop with a top photographer, I learned that my crazy stalker has paid the £250 workshop costs, and will travel 5 hours just to be there with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 235

You deserved it 2 025

Waste of time

By Anonymous - 11/08/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a guy. He didn't last 30 seconds before finishing, Then his car wouldn't start. I ended up walking home after a hook up that wasn't worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 816

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 093

You deserved it 7 997

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 16:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 156

You deserved it 8 246

Can he fix it?

By Chelsy - 11/09/2019 12:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 186

Pretty much

By JustAScreen - 15/01/2022 19:59 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I was at a family birthday, and was excitingly telling my aunt about my new career in IT Security and Data Management. Her response was, "So you just look into a screen all day?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 79

Mystery

By Death_Arc_Angel - 22/01/2021 09:09 - Trinidad and Tobago - Fyzabad

Spicy

Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract herpes. I don't even know how I got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 188

You deserved it 9 116

The arrogance of youth

By reese - 11/06/2020 05:03

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 515

By InvAzn - 14/12/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 477

You deserved it 2 306

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Top comments

aback 4

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:10

"Too late!" you cried as you flounced out the door.

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:16

Just went through a similar situation...going into my 3rd year of college and my mom knows im gay. She isn't accepting of it but is working through it...but lately we were speaking and the last thing she said was, "We're so proud of you...Don't blow it by being gay"

Comments

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:06

Maybe your momma's psychic. Miss Cleo anyone?

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:07

Must be.

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:15

Look at the bright side, at least your boyfriend's getting some ass

dfvervbthbrgvefc 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:58

YDI for being gay

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 17:38

Well at first I thought it was a guy and I thought to myself, YDI, but since it's a girl, I say it's okay. OP you have my permission to be gay.

monster_tamer 11

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 17:52

What the heck does it make a difference if OP is a boy or girl? o.0 Being gay is perfectly alright no matter who you are.

containsnosoy 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 17:57

Oh 38, I truly hope you're being sarcastic.

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 18:38

Well the good thing is you can honestly say, "I won't."

MsTs1 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 19:09

OP, are you at least hot? cuz if you are, im more than fine with you being gay, infact, i would bow down to you.. but if youre one of those fat, ugly bitches, then fuck you

MsTs1 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 20:45

no being gay is not perfectly alright, what are you, gay? cuz that sounds just like a fagget shit would say, now go commit suicide u mistake of a child, u mutant of life, u offspring of shit. fuck you now go die you shit!

xxBFMVAAMIWxx 18

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Wednesday 12 February 2014 11:33

OP is female... -_-

big24 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:08

http://all-the-exgirlfriends.info/?uid=25166

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:09

Are you a top or a bottom?

kk611 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 17:07

the OP is a girl...

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 17:38

um.. so left or right? is that what it is?

Pandachewchew12 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:09

She probably knows that. It's a way to say "Don't come back home!"

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Friday 10 May 2013 5:55

good one,dude.

aback 4

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:10

"Too late!" you cried as you flounced out the door.

Intellectualist 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:11

lmao!

Lg11 3

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 17:04

LOL

repyourcliche 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 19:54

hahahahahaha, good one.

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:13

Oh cruel irony, eh?

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:16

Just went through a similar situation...going into my 3rd year of college and my mom knows im gay. She isn't accepting of it but is working through it...but lately we were speaking and the last thing she said was, "We're so proud of you...Don't blow it by being gay"

madethisaccount 12

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Sunday 26 February 2017 0:04

"...blow it"

ChurchofFagenism 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:18

You put East Sussex, so I'm assuming you've either gone to Sussex or Brighton university. How could your mother not have known!?!? I go to Sussex, am straight, and it pisses me off that all the fit blokes there are gay and the straight ones are mingers, but look on the bright side, the girl to boy ratio at both those unis is around 3:1, so you won't be short of prospects lol!!!

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:46

Brighton freshers week woopwoopwoop

ChurchofFagenism 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 18:18

hahaha yeah! pier party tonight, woohoo!!

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 19:01

Yes, but are the girls hot there?

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:20

why haven't you told your mum already?.

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 16:20

yabadabadoo! have a gay 'ol time then.

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 411

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 708