Kids: Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 40

28/02/2014 20:01

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 235

You deserved it 3 645

Mother of the year

Late term

Fake it til you make it

17/02/2014 17:36

Today, I was at work at the airport. I got called up to a plane's cargo hold, and thought I'd finally learn how to use the loader. Turns out they just needed me to weigh something down, effectively making me ballast. Then my boss told me to get the hell off, after which I hit my head hard climbing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 099

You deserved it 4 437

30/06/2009 19:55

Today, I was shopping for rings with my fiancée. We spent over 2 hours selecting the perfect ring and diamond to match. When filling out the paperwork I discovered I left my wallet at home. She had to pay the 20% down payment for the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 184

You deserved it 51 935

11/12/2016 16:23

Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at Wal-Mart. This would have been fine had he not broken up with me because he was "moving to Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 303

You deserved it 734

18/01/2017 10:00

Spicy

Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, whom I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 566

You deserved it 1 601

22/12/2012 01:16

Spicy

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 654

You deserved it 8 922

18/05/2012 11:49

Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 989

You deserved it 2 737

08/07/2018 15:00

Today, my mother-in-law screamed at the top of her lungs in front of our friends and family that I was stealing her baby away from her. I'd only suggested we go home because he had a migraine. Her baby is 24 years old and has been married to me for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 389

You deserved it 269

01/02/2012 19:31

Today, I flew to England to visit my boyfriend, who has been working there for the past three months. I went to his hotel and waited for him; he never showed up. I called one of his colleagues to ask him what was going on. He had no idea what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 945

You deserved it 3 831

27/05/2013 04:05

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 620

You deserved it 4 375

11/03/2009 20:29

Spicy

Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one smallest penis I have ever seen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 799

You deserved it 9 552

02/12/2010 23:43

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 504

You deserved it 8 354

23/11/2012 01:34

Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 613

You deserved it 2 056

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 23:00

Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 219

Technically Correct: The Best Kind of Correct

By Sufia - 28/10/2017 19:51

Today, my teacher called me "stupid and ignorant" for referring to myself as Asian. I'm from Pakistan. Pakistan is in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 451

You deserved it 303

Still a better love story than The Matrix

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 20:01

Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 1 400

08/03/2009 21:02

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 471

You deserved it 19 248

30/05/2009 05:04

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 285

You deserved it 4 641

Student Hell

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 04:00

Today, I'm studying in another city. My tutor hates me because of my looks and accent. I have no friends, computer or internet outside of uni. I live in a room I rent at an old couple's house. Due to a flimsy door, I hear everything they do or say, and vice versa. I can't move from the bed. If I do, their dog, who guards my door, starts barking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 149

You deserved it 177

12/07/2016 14:10

Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 546

You deserved it 1 161

23/04/2013 08:17

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 999

You deserved it 4 677

01/03/2010 02:15

Spicy

Today, I had just finished riding my bike when I ran into the girl I am secretly in love with. While I walked over to her I got an erection through my spandex biking shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 241

You deserved it 10 950

16/08/2009 04:31

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 875

You deserved it 2 667

Tetchy

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 19:58

Today, my partner got mad at me for forgetting to turn off the bedroom light when coming back from brushing my teeth, and has chosen to sleep in our spare bedroom over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 192

Date grape

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 08:02

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 209

27/07/2015 12:58

Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 977

You deserved it 2 220

Works with podcasts as well

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 16:00

Today, I realised I get really attached to characters in long-running TV shows, because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 128

24/08/2016 12:16

Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 452

You deserved it 965

04/12/2011 05:35

Spicy

Today, I was driving my drunk best friend and his "new friend" back to his house. Halfway, this new friend started to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 353

You deserved it 3 870

Not. Helping.

By It's-only15-lbs-extra - 14/12/2017 15:00

Today, because of my full-time job, full-time courses, studying for the GRE, anxiety disorder, insomnia, and a recent pet death, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. My mother texted, "Looking through old photos, you were so skinny, what happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 373

You deserved it 431

23/11/2008 16:44

Today, I bought my new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it, in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippy, and it exploded on the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 957

You deserved it 8 548

Downhill from here

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 15:00

Spicy

Today, I'm in a relationship in which the sex was great and constant at the beginning. Now it’s so quick, bad and inconsistent, it’s like going at it with a virgin who doesn’t even know how the clit works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 166

07/06/2009 11:41

Spicy

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 292

You deserved it 79 298

03/11/2010 00:57

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 404

You deserved it 9 563

24/02/2010 14:18

Today, I was very sick, and my boyfriend was taking care of me at his parents' house. I was laying on the couch, innocently watching a movie while he rubbed my feet, when his stepmother came home from work. She freaked out, accused us of having it off on her couch, and kicked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 537

You deserved it 2 572

Travel gift

By Anonymous - 22/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 2 766

02/08/2015 05:19

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 619

You deserved it 3 482

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 02:01

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my parents, who are in their late 50s, having sex. That's not the worst part, it's understandable; we all have needs. However, I walked in on them doing it on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 123

06/10/2014 15:05

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 613

You deserved it 5 215

25/02/2010 01:26

Today, a friend of mine commented that I "have a lot of confidence for a fat girl". Ummm... thanks? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 580

You deserved it 4 483

13/08/2018 06:00

Today, I went to the ER due to intense headaches. My partner was unable to go with me so he called his father to drive me. My father-in-law now knows that every time I orgasm my head feels like it will explode. He also knows that it happened 4 times last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 986

You deserved it 386

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Top comments

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:06

Some parents make me want to scream

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:07

Time to fill up hundreds of water balloons and bombard them when they leave the house. What? You're just a kid at heart. ;)

Comments

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:06

Some parents make me want to scream

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Saturday 1 March 2014 2:26

Parents like that shouldn't have become parents

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Saturday 1 March 2014 5:02

Totally agree!! Kids will be kids, true but that's not the way kids are supposed to act. She should not be teaching her kids that kind of stuff is ok to do.

ChevyRedneck85 13

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Saturday 1 March 2014 5:24

And when I put my foot up his ass my response would've been. adults will be adults

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Saturday 1 March 2014 6:57

tine for op to find a new home

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Saturday 1 March 2014 9:58

Or... You know... No? Why would OP move because of a little shit, there's plenty of entertaining ways to fix the problem without packing up and leaving

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Sunday 2 March 2014 18:07

Like getting your (or other) kids to burn their house, that'll teach 'em...

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Sunday 2 March 2014 22:30

88-Kids will be kids, eh?

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:07

Time to fill up hundreds of water balloons and bombard them when they leave the house. What? You're just a kid at heart. ;)

XSimpleDesignX 18

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:13

I think OP needs to babysit for a family member and have the kid bombard his neighbor with water balloons and give the same response. This is, assuming OP doesn't have kids of his own.

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:45

I like the way you guys think.

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Saturday 1 March 2014 2:26

And kids will be kids right?

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Saturday 1 March 2014 2:28

It would take quite a while to have enough pee for a hundred.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Saturday 1 March 2014 5:11

fill them with bleach!

Narttu 20

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Saturday 1 March 2014 8:19

Yes, let's throw poison at the neighbours...

ThomasBombadil 31

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Saturday 1 March 2014 10:59

Let just enough air out of his bike tires that it is hard to pedal and do the same to her car tires.

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:12

It sucks when parents use that excuse.

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:12

It frustrates me to no end that some parents absolutely refuse to discipline their kids. Then when they turn into spoiled teenagers they wonder where they went wrong.

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:12

Total water fight is on now. Time to spray them with a hose when they come out of their house tomorrow morning.

warsun 27

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Saturday 1 March 2014 3:34

Coming out with the big guns already? Damnnnnnn

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Saturday 1 March 2014 3:35

It's on like donkey kong beeyotch^ haha.

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:14

Throw water at her and say "men will be men!"

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:16

Payback's a bitch. Just like she is.

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Saturday 1 March 2014 5:04

That's hilarious!

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Saturday 1 March 2014 21:01

@Jessj958 Say it with a like, not a comment.

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Monday 3 March 2014 15:53

That's so funny!

SaucyGirl106 18

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:16

Hose the kid before he leaves for school. Let the mother deal with the mess. You could've played nice but the time for niceties are over.

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:21

wow what a bitch she is. that sucks though, i hope you had time to change clothes.

lotr4 18

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Saturday 1 March 2014 1:25

Parents need to discipline their kids more; it's getting so out of hand.