Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son... - FML

By HeMayHaveSomeIssues - 28/2/2014 20:01 - Denmark

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45194

You deserved it

3626

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Lockdown is driving us down

Bad news

By furryfriend - 16/9/2014 18:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37996

You deserved it

3941

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/1/2012 07:34 - United States

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54014

You deserved it

3768

Tweet

Share

By diplomaless - 14/9/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I found out the high school I have been doing at home for the past 3 years isn't accredited and doesn't count for anything. I'm 18 and starting high school as a freshman next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61345

You deserved it

19565

Tweet

Share

By hkkilla - 16/3/2010 17:40 - United States

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26753

You deserved it

10499

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39138

You deserved it

4550

Tweet

Share

By fartje - 25/1/2015 18:21 - Netherlands

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer blatantly farted as I sat down, then she sneered, "Making yourself comfortable, I see..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32530

You deserved it

2441

Tweet

Share

By Unsatisfied - 16/12/2009 06:15 - Canada

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29898

You deserved it

4639

Tweet

Share

By michael - 14/2/2012 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7175

You deserved it

41820

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 03:34 - United States

Today, I was just about done with my late-night shift at Ralph's. As I was about to put up my "Closed Lane" sign, an elderly women starts putting items on the conveyor belt. The cost was $14.79, and she paid with pennies. It took her ages to count them all, and I wasn't being paid overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31534

You deserved it

3974

Tweet

Share

By ip7 - 31/3/2015 19:24 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16918

You deserved it

21008

Tweet

Share

By msleea - 6/5/2015 04:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30383

You deserved it

3819

Tweet

Share

By Rosie - 13/6/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36199

You deserved it

5214

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/2/2017 06:00 - United States - Lakeville

#winning

Today, I placed $20 in a slot machine at a casino and in a matter of 5 minutes lost it all. My sister then sat at the same machine, put her $20 in and quadrupled her money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5060

You deserved it

1953

Tweet

Share

By lifesux - 31/12/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40237

You deserved it

3808

Tweet

Share

By UkuleleTime - 10/6/2015 05:25 - United States - Garner

Today, I worked in a shoe store. As I was removing the shoes off an older man I felt a squish, and pulled back my hand to see brown and yellow. The man then looked at me and said, "Looks like I missed a spot." Dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25991

You deserved it

1827

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/9/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34326

You deserved it

3578

Tweet

Share

By really? - 28/5/2013 08:09 - United States - Highland

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59667

You deserved it

3434

Tweet

Share

By iceman123432 - 2/9/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45030

You deserved it

4214

Tweet

Share

By Crystal Crackles - 6/12/2018 05:00

Today, I used my rear windsheild wiper and it shattered a large hole in the glass where the rotating part is. No one can repair the window until tomorrow afternoon. It's snowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2423

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By speechless - 2/11/2010 17:20 - Canada

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28824

You deserved it

3725

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/8/2020 02:07

Father material

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1689

You deserved it

551

Tweet

Share

By Loose Goose - 24/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2618

You deserved it

621

Tweet

Share

By puppylove - 5/5/2020 08:00

Zoning out

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

422

You deserved it

1656

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2013 17:03 - United States - Norman

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38092

You deserved it

20163

Tweet

Share

By of course - 20/4/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. needing a drink. Not only did my cat wake everyone up when I tripped over him, but I also spilled a whole gallon of milk on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1658

You deserved it

477

Tweet

Share

By Joey - 6/2/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41569

You deserved it

2453

Tweet

Share

By Allie - 29/10/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said, "Last week was the most embarassing time of my life, we're over." He was of course referring to the seizure that I had due to my epilepsy at Olive Garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47945

You deserved it

2788

Tweet

Share

By notadoorman - 25/7/2014 18:16 - United States - Elmont

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50999

You deserved it

3999

Tweet

Share

By paulwatson93 - 17/5/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11317

You deserved it

51571

Tweet

Share

By donutsex - 5/8/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53738

You deserved it

8929

Tweet

Share

By Never Been Arrested - 1/3/2016 21:44 - United States - State College

Today, I was once again mistaken for an escaped convict. I live near a women's correctional facility and apparently my nursing scrubs look a lot like their prisoners' uniforms. The cop made me late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20207

You deserved it

1272

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/5/2016 03:18 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I nearly got shitcanned for falling asleep on the job. The only reason I was so dead tired was because my idiot roommates decided to get high last night and loudly argue for hours about stupid crap like "Is it gay to screw a clone of yourself?" I got less than 2 hours of sleep because of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13886

You deserved it

1866

Tweet

Share

By rejected - 28/3/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

156775

You deserved it

28767

Tweet

Share

By ohdeargodthatswrong - 9/1/2010 13:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25237

You deserved it

6124

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 22:05 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43614

You deserved it

4383

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/7/2020 05:01

Collateral damage

Today, my sweet, nonviolent boyfriend found out my daughter's asshole boyfriend had hit her, so he rugby-tackled him so hard, it ripped the door right out of the frame and into the garden. I never knew he had it in him, so I'm proud, but now we've got to fix the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1626

You deserved it

271

Tweet

Share

By AtLeastTheyreClean - 27/1/2017 19:28 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after hours of protesting and tantrums, I finally got my kids to clean their rooms. They're all really proud of themselves and enjoying all the extra space. I'm stuck with the three extra loads of laundry they found in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5889

You deserved it

2077

Tweet

Share

By madgf - 30/1/2010 20:55 - France

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to skip school with him. His mom came home early. I had to hide in his closet and wait 6 hours for her to go to her book club meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12335

You deserved it

38324

Tweet

Share

By kana__ - 21/1/2015 16:26 - Japan

Today, my sister got her retouched wedding photos. Apparently one of the things she had the professional do was edit me out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34196

You deserved it

2632

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/12/2015 14:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my girlfriend takes creepshots of me sleeping, and my mom likes them on her Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22021

You deserved it

2136

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By glowbaby | 15

#5871955 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:06

Some parents make me want to scream

By smokecloud_ | 37

#5871957 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:07

Time to fill up hundreds of water balloons and bombard them when they leave the house. What? You're just a kid at heart. ;)

COMMENTS

By glowbaby | 15

#5871955 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:06

Some parents make me want to scream

Reply

falconjade | 19

#5872058 - Saturday 1 March 2014 2:26

Parents like that shouldn't have become parents

Reply

Jessj958 | 19

#5872176 - Saturday 1 March 2014 5:02

Totally agree!! Kids will be kids, true but that's not the way kids are supposed to act. She should not be teaching her kids that kind of stuff is ok to do.

Reply

ChevyRedneck85 | 13

#5872201 - Saturday 1 March 2014 5:24

And when I put my foot up his ass my response would've been. adults will be adults

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#5872285 - Saturday 1 March 2014 6:57

tine for op to find a new home

Reply

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5872365 - Saturday 1 March 2014 9:58

Or... You know... No?

Why would OP move because of a little shit, there's plenty of entertaining ways to fix the problem without packing up and leaving

Reply

nurchok | 15

#5873416 - Sunday 2 March 2014 18:07

Like getting your (or other) kids to burn their house, that'll teach 'em...

Reply

Sandman366 | 6

#5873591 - Sunday 2 March 2014 22:30

88-Kids will be kids, eh?

By smokecloud_ | 37

#5871957 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:07

Time to fill up hundreds of water balloons and bombard them when they leave the house. What? You're just a kid at heart. ;)

Reply

XSimpleDesignX | 18

#5871975 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:13

I think OP needs to babysit for a family member and have the kid bombard his neighbor with water balloons and give the same response.
This is, assuming OP doesn't have kids of his own.

Reply

cakefete2 | 30

#5872022 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:45

I like the way you guys think.

Reply

paigexox0 | 37

#5872057 - Saturday 1 March 2014 2:26

And kids will be kids right?

Reply

strike2867 | 13

#5872059 - Saturday 1 March 2014 2:28

It would take quite a while to have enough pee for a hundred.

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5872184 - Saturday 1 March 2014 5:11

fill them with bleach!

Reply

Narttu | 20

#5872328 - Saturday 1 March 2014 8:19

Yes, let's throw poison at the neighbours...

Reply

ThomasBombadil | 31

#5872399 - Saturday 1 March 2014 10:59

Let just enough air out of his bike tires that it is hard to pedal and do the same to her car tires.

By zwhite2712 | 12

#5871970 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:12

It sucks when parents use that excuse.

By lex1459 | 38

#5871971 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:12

It frustrates me to no end that some parents absolutely refuse to discipline their kids. Then when they turn into spoiled teenagers they wonder where they went wrong.

By olpally | 32

#5871972 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:12

Total water fight is on now. Time to spray them with a hose when they come out of their house tomorrow morning.

Reply

warsun | 27

#5872109 - Saturday 1 March 2014 3:34

Coming out with the big guns already? Damnnnnnn

Reply

olpally | 32

#5872110 - Saturday 1 March 2014 3:35

It's on like donkey kong beeyotch^ haha.

By ItsMeDiegoG | 8

#5871978 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:14

Throw water at her and say "men will be men!"

By IllestRated | 17

#5871984 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:16

Payback's a bitch. Just like she is.

Reply

Jessj958 | 19

#5872180 - Saturday 1 March 2014 5:04

That's hilarious!

Reply

Helpfulman | 17

#5872807 - Saturday 1 March 2014 21:01

@Jessj958 Say it with a like, not a comment.

Reply

fourmoons | 6

#5874267 - Monday 3 March 2014 15:53

That's so funny!

By SaucyGirl106 | 18

#5871986 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:16

Hose the kid before he leaves for school. Let the mother deal with the mess. You could've played nice but the time for niceties are over.

By idioticmess | 15

#5871994 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:21

wow what a bitch she is. that sucks though, i hope you had time to change clothes.

By lotr4 | 18

#5872000 - Saturday 1 March 2014 1:25

Parents need to discipline their kids more; it's getting so out of hand.