Love: Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants:... - FML

By bigcityfail - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

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Understandable

Dementia or hate? You decide

Serious times

By Terry - United States

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML

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By Mmorgan771 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

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By Jan - United States

Today, my mother topped someone's story of their child's problems by saying I'm on drugs. This resulted in people showing up to stage an intervention for me. She made the whole thing up and I've never used drugs, but no one believes me. FML

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By anonymous - France

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I ended up in the hospital due to a severe acid reflux attack. I knew I had acid reflux for years, but was never allowed to get it checked out. Why? My dad told me I was too young to have it and that I was making it up. I now have to see a specialist. FML

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By creeped_out_ - United States

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML

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By XxDiabolikalXx - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldnt have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriends excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He isn't laughing. FML

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By facepalm - United States

Today, my brother called me a clueless idiot after I told him that odometers measure distance traveled, not a person's body odor. FML

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By toomuchlove - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

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By "Growlithe1395"

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

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By jensoulstealer - 16/3/2020 20:17

The Omen 4

Today, my year and a half old daughter has discovered the joy of temper tantrums. She is now throwing them constantly. Everywhere. Anytime. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML

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By Completely Innocent - United States

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

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By thatonegirl.SBS. - United States - El Cajon

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been seeing another girl behind my back. The kicker is that he told her I was his lazy sister and had just moved in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML

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By forever alone - Trinidad and Tobago - San Fernando

Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML

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By Benji - France

Today, my 19 year old girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I'm immature. I'm 30. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Burbank

Today, I was driving a little over the speed limit, when I saw a cop car waiting to join the road ahead of me. I quickly hit the brakes so they wouldn't have a payday with me. I hit the brakes too hard, lost control and almost ended up on someone's lawn. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got home from working late and decided to write a cute email to my girlfriend since I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was about to finish it off when my door swung open, and in a panic, I opened another tab to hide my email. It was porn. FML

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By oh my fucking god - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

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By Fmylife - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

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By doodoobref - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

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By eleonor - France

Today, I sent a text message to my boyfriend, saying "Come over in an hour, I love you." An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was my ex, looking happy and still as taken with me as before, with a bunch of roses. I'd got the wrong number. My ex and my boyfriend have the same name. FML

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By - France

Today, I'm 20 years old and never been kissed. FML

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By dating a pussy - United States - Maryville

Scream

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

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By frenchpop1960 - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

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By Anonymous - Cura?ao

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

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By ygma - United States - Mansfield

Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML

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By baron - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 10:58

Big boss man

Today, I have a doctor’s note confirming that I'm high risk for Covid and should only work from home. My boss still demands I come to the office, even though the only person I meet there is the guy who sterilizes the door handles. FML

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By shockedgirl - United States

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

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By crapped on - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

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By jdot747 - Canada

Today, I posted a question on a forum asking if my week old nipple piercing would get hooked on anything easily. People assured me that it would be fine. An hour later I had to climb over a wall to get something and in lowering myself down I forgot about it and dragged my nipple along the wall. FML

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By ForeverAlone - United States - Watertown

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

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By mahanaaa_23 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#2473362 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:52

Get revenge. Make him cheat on her with you. I know you're a dude, so you might have to go gay to pull this one off. You'll blindside her. The element of surprise is a big part of effective vengeance.

By jennifer93 | 0

#2473343 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:52

awkward...I wonder if she knew you lived there...if so, that's just cruel

COMMENTS

By staceysgenesis16 | 0

#2473319 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:50

wow. i think id move out at that point. lol.

Reply

littlemissFYL | 5

#2473503 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:05

Full House!

Reply

Brandnewuser | 0

#2473635 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:26

Most of the time people sign a lease.

Reply

Bassmasterclassi | 2

#2474110 - Saturday 7 May 2011 21:27

I'd agree unless they live under me then I'd have the loudest sex and make sure the ceiling above them shakes.

Reply

netherflame | 0

#2475268 - Sunday 8 May 2011 1:21

^--- what he said

Reply

BrokenDreamer24 | 14

#2475370 - Sunday 8 May 2011 1:35

I'm going to go with 32 on that. Make her feel bad about what she lost.

Reply

minecraft_fml | 4

#2477136 - Sunday 8 May 2011 7:18

tell the guy that she ceased on you with him

Reply

minecraft_fml | 4

#2479878 - Monday 9 May 2011 1:32

*cheated
damn iOS autocorrect!

Reply

raven02 | 0

#2483940 - Monday 9 May 2011 19:36

no perfect just bang her all this time o no hold on she cheated on you sorry

By DropDead77 | 11

#2473321 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:50

That sucks!

By mommyhazell | 0

#2473324 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:50

yea that does suck :(

By ImInABox | 6

#2473331 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:50

If they're anywhere near your apartment.. Have mad hot sex every night. It'll drive them away!

Reply

BahahahLOL | 0

#2473744 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:40

You'd know all about that you horny yellow sponge.

Reply

redhedsaysrawr | 18

#5275948 - Monday 24 December 2012 14:34

Oh he has tons of kinky imaginaaaaaaaaaation

By jennifer93 | 0

#2473343 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:52

awkward...I wonder if she knew you lived there...if so, that's just cruel

Reply

mayoral26 | 0

#2473606 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:23

yeah that's super awkward if she knew you lived there...

Reply

epfdwefc19 | 0

#2473789 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:47

especially since its an ex girlfriend

By CaptainPickles72 | 18

#2473360 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:52

If your a petty son-of-o-bitch make it look like she's cheating on her fiance with you for revenge. Or............................threesome!

By perdix | 29

#2473362 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:52

Get revenge. Make him cheat on her with you. I know you're a dude, so you might have to go gay to pull this one off. You'll blindside her. The element of surprise is a big part of effective vengeance.

Reply

parxxx | 0

#2473540 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:11

ah hahaha

Reply

MrsBieber4Life | 0

#2473764 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:43

hahaha that's not a bad idea!

Reply

alex1432 | 9

#2474251 - Saturday 7 May 2011 21:51

^this

Reply

niggsby | 0

#2478856 - Sunday 8 May 2011 19:03

Lmao win

By ollie179 | 21

#2473387 - Saturday 7 May 2011 19:55

your hated

By ambowew | 7

#2473466 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:02

Time to break in and replace their Nutella with shit.
Then you can chuckle evilly from your apartment when you hear their yells of disgust.

Reply

SunDropGirl | 0

#2473874 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:56

hahaha win^ this made me laugh and it's a kind of stupid idea.. but it still made ne laugh

Reply

AboveTheRest | 6

#2476872 - Sunday 8 May 2011 5:55

lmaoooo

By Capt_Oblivious | 10

#2473487 - Saturday 7 May 2011 20:04

Just tell him you're glad to donate your used toys to the less fortunate.