Valentine's slay, Caring and Miscellaneous: Today, I learned that all of the anonymous Valentine's gifts...

By Mister_Triangle - United States

Today, I learned that all of the anonymous Valentine's gifts I received throughout high school were sent out of pity by my sister. FML

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Mister_Triangle tells us more :

Well I've been out of high school for over a year now and my other sister (who knew for some reason) let it slip while we were discussing valentines day. I played it off like I already knew, but I secretly died a little inside.

Valentine's slay

Caring

Miscellaneous

Triage

Statistics

Dicks aplenty!

By levi Glasscock - United States

Today, my mom called me and said, "I made your sister laugh so hard she peed her pants." I got home and noticed she also peed on my bed. FML

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By crazygirl10 - United States

Today, both my parents were at work so I was home alone. My boyfriend had wanted to surprise me and take me out to lunch. He found me dancing on my kitchen table singing "Like a Virgin" at the top of my lungs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of pee all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

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By cheesfactor - Bulgaria - Rousse

Today, my wardrobe door jammed, and I couldn't change out into some nice clothes for my date. On the way there, my car broke down. Not wanting to be late and make a bad impression, I scuttled the rest of the way, only to find I'd been stood up. FML

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By rahrahcakes - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML

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By musicman2005 - United States

Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML

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By onlyslightly - United States

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

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By MotherNatureMustDie - South Africa

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium - Schepdaal

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

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By Anonymous

Yeah, that probably wouldn't work

Today, a coworker was telling me he was lonely and needed someone special in his life. I replied, "Why don't you find yourself a girlfriend?" He looked at me weird and said, "I'm gay." FML

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By superscrewed - United States

Today, I discovered that my supervisor has been submitting completed projects to our manager on time for everyone on the team but me. She has been deliberately making it appear as though I am weeks behind on my projects, when in reality I am one of the first ones done every month. FML

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By ChePow - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

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By JTBastry

Today, after graduating from culinary school, I was turned down by Chipotle, Jersey Mike's, and McDonald's entry-level jobs because I didn't have enough experience. FML

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By gnownayrgnow - United States

Today, I decided to be extra nice to my girlfriend by washing all the dishes and folding all the clothes. She thought I was being "too nice" and hypothesized that I was cheating on her. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Nuremberg

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

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By sadgirl - United States - Edmond

Today, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family. The first thing my mom said to him was, “Oh, you can do so much better. Like a paint huffer or a crack whore.” She was serious, and my entire family nodded in agreement. FML

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By dooommage - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

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By MI3 - United States - Oakland

Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that not all black people are lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML

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By easily amused - United States

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

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By fannylover - United States

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Euless

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

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By Heyme - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I crunched my pen and crushed my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

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By Sprinkles - Australia

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When I came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

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By jenA - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

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By straightlyconfused - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2021 00:30

Don't be an asshole

Today, the only person I know that ever traveled with me told me he doesn't enjoy the experience and thinks I'm an asshole, so I don't have a travel buddy any more. Every affordable trip requires two people. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after we got home from the doctor's office, my mom checked the voicemail. Loud and clear, we both heard my boyfriend's break-up message. My parents had already forbidden me from dating. FML

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By nolongerengaged - United States

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

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By VeryLoved - 28/4/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Great parenting

Today, after a year of staying at home, I finally went out. I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe, so my mum decided to scream at me and slap me so I'd become "normal". FML

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By Gwayhir - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Flemington

Today, I realized how weak I truly am when I tore a muscle in my hand trying to discreetly fix a wedgie. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke my arm, and posted a picture of my X-ray on Facebook to show everyone how bad the break is. Nobody even asked me if I was OK. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I called my daughter a wimp and insisted her pain can't be that bad. She left in tears. Later, I got a call from her doctor informing me that she has trigeminal neuralgia, one of the most painful diseases known to man. I'm an asshole. FML

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By Burning Love - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

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By tracy4191 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

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By bezoar10 - United States

Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML

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By Sam

Today, my 5-year-old daughter innocently asked a lady how much money she makes. In response, the lady bent down and slapped my daughter so hard she fell on her butt and cried. Then she slapped me for "not raising her right". FML

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Top comments

By mathew17986g | 2

#3518406 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:30

At least you know someone cares :D

By danishbagel | 3

#3518413 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

Well at least she was being nice.

COMMENTS

By Rose8u | 2

#3518405 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:30

Well, at least you know she cares for you......

max_wilder | 9

#3518450 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:38

Thats nice of her

Buttsexpirate | 9

#3518529 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:55

"Happy valentines day you friendly boyfriend having young lady!
p.s stop leaving your dirty panties on the bathroom floor. I keep stepping on your crunchy panties. It's gross"

Love, anonymous!

EvilPotato | 14

#3518611 - Monday 31 October 2011 12:35

Well, (insert pity/and or witty comment here).

SCREAM4meeee | 0

#3518752 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:16

That must have been awkward to find out.

zombicidal | 11

#3518773 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:22

pity love leads to pity sex. YAY for wincest

fanceh | 10

#3518843 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:40

Forever alone.

dre_bro11 | 12

#3518861 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:43

And OP, up until now, your self esteem was probably boosted by the gestures.

Daralea | 21

#3519176 - Monday 31 October 2011 15:27

I agree Rose. I actually find that quite sweet.

RadikulRam | 16

#3520259 - Monday 31 October 2011 19:13

@#19 how the fuck are you so socially inept?

youngjekal | 0

#3520658 - Monday 31 October 2011 20:59

Who sends valentine's in October?

22cute | 17

#3521425 - Monday 31 October 2011 23:07

You should thank her instead of whining about it.

mathew17986g | 2

#3522501 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 3:19

Yeah your right! Who sends valentine's in October???? 0.0

Mister_Triangle | 21

#3523472 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 9:46

The cards weren't sent in October, I just learned about who really sent them.

youngjekal | 0

#3526207 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 21:10

Oh wait my bad i didn't read it right

By mathew17986g | 2

#3518406 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:30

At least you know someone cares :D

airforce987 | 20

#3518880 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:49

The awkward moment when the first two comments are the same...

tellithowitis | 13

#3518899 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:57

The awkward moment when nobody cares...

airforce987 | 20

#3520088 - Monday 31 October 2011 18:37

The awkward moment when you realize that what you said isn't awkward...

natashax21 | 5

#3521519 - Monday 31 October 2011 23:22

That awkward moment when I feel like interrupting yall's awkward moment.

Mister_Triangle | 21

#3523447 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 9:35

The awkward moment when the OP responds to a combo

airforce987 | 20

#3525516 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 18:16

That awkward moment when you can't figure out how to say "^win" without breaking the combo and then succeeding...

By leadman1989 | 15

#3518408 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:30

How did you find out?

Mister_Triangle | 21

#3523442 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 9:33

My other sister let it slip accidently

margie2194 | 12

#3527036 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:42

OP Your picture goes with this fml. It's okay im team forever alone too!

By danishbagel | 3

#3518413 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

Well at least she was being nice.

KoolKidFly | 0

#3523505 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 10:18

Wouldn't an IRL Pip-boy be sick?!?!?!!

By mathew17986g | 2

#3518420 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

haha same comment in different words.

By FailBear920 | 19

#3518425 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:33

Cunt punt her and then thank her!

By kroekdog | 7

#3518427 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:33

Wah wah waaah

By jerry2011 | 4

#3518430 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:33

Very nice sister you have got...... Feel happy for that

You_Need_Soap | 6

#3518833 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:34

You have (drop the got)

abceasyas123abc | 12

#3518997 - Monday 31 October 2011 14:44

Or he could have added 'there' at the end.
Whatever floats his boat, really.

By TagYourIt | 0

#3518445 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:38

That sucks OP, but how did you find that out now in October?

Marcella1016 | 31

#3518476 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:43

Yeah that's really sweet...I mean FYL for not really having a secret admirer...but your life is awesome (YLIA?) for having a sister who cares enough to do something like that just to make you feel good :)

But like everyone else asked...how'd you find out?? Kind of ruins the warm and fuzzy picture if she yelled the truth at you in a fight or something lol

Elphieba | 4

#3518547 - Monday 31 October 2011 12:01

Or OP walked in on her writing some.

Mister_Triangle | 21

#3523453 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 9:39

Well I've been out of high school for over a year now and my other sister (who knew for some reason) let it slip while we were discussing valentines day.

I played it off like I already knew, but I secretly died a little inside.

By superjewwwwww | 0

#3518466 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:41

At least she loves you