Today, I learned that all of the anonymous Valentine's gifts...

By Mister_Triangle - 31/10/2012 06:45 - United States

Today, I learned that all of the anonymous Valentine's gifts I received throughout high school were sent out of pity by my sister. FML

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Mister_Triangle Say more :

Well I've been out of high school for over a year now and my other sister (who knew for some reason) let it slip while we were discussing valentines day. I played it off like I already knew, but I secretly died a little inside.

Valentine's slay

Caring

Miscellaneous

Boozehound

Great boyfriend

Time for the ER

By Anonymous - 9/5/2020 14:00

Dad jokes, part 43884

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad, who it turns out is such an anime nerd he decided to overplay the "idiot overprotective dad" character all afternoon, including making the dramatic faces, playing theme music from his phone, and at one point threatening my genitals with an oversized foam battle axe. FML

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By idonthavereligion - 29/5/2015 04:16 - United States - Palmer

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

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By issy - 21/9/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2019 04:00

Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML

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By desperategurl - 21/8/2012 08:39 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was so desperate for any kind of male romantic attention that I googled "prison pen pals", and I'm considering writing to one. FML

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By moonlight77 - 11/1/2019 14:00

Today, I deliberately snapped a pic of myself and edited it to add to my story, in order to make my ex think I have a life on a Saturday night. FML

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By no touching - 6/3/2015 14:03 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, at a music festival, some douche unzipped the back of my skirt, exposing my Ninja Turtle undies to everyone before running off. FML

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By grabber - 9/8/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

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By hurts - 4/5/2009 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them I impale my forearm on a knife that's sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the landscaping job I started three weeks ago is actually for an illicit business run by a hippie who pissed away the entire payroll to fund his drug habit. He has no way of coughing up the $900 he owes me. I'm broke as hell, and my electricity is now going to get cut off. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 01:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

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By first time at McDonald's in months... - 27/3/2013 05:04 - United States

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

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By tingleballs - 28/4/2016 14:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

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By Joshua Sheldon - 19/9/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

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By Crissylove10 - 18/1/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I bought a fake "wedding ring" at Target to play a prank on my parents. They kicked me out, saying my "fiancé" can take care of me now. There is no fiancé, and I just lost my job. FML

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By Why Me - 20/10/2014 03:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

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By charma - 11/7/2009 13:14 - United States

Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML

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By mypoolisstilldirty - 16/2/2012 16:26 - Australia

Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet and my wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2016 10:05

Today, my girlfriend contacted me. She said she'd thought over her feelings over our temporary break in the relationship, and she wanted to try again. Being my stupid, self-loathing self, I asked her so many questions on if she was sure or not that she went back into doubt and revoked the offer. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2014 15:38 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I'm so broke that I had to call in sick to work because I couldn't afford to pay my bus fare. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2018 13:00 - United States - Buffalo

Thanks.

Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 18:23 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up to a small fire on my roof, burning up small twigs and branches. The cause? Last night, I threw a sparkling firecracker up very high, only to have it blown onto my roof by the wind. It's going to take $2,000 to fix the damage. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2018 15:00

(facepalm)

Today, while working roadside assistance, I arrived to a bewildered client who couldn't find their spare tire. The vehicle in question was a Jeep. I pointed out the spare, but was corrected as "that's just for decoration." FML

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By nannynomore - 10/3/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, my boss had to leave the house for a little while. She asked me to take any messages she got. I answered the phone and lady calling said she was returning her call about the opening for a nanny position. I am the current nanny. I found out I am being fired by the new nanny. FML

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By pigeons_suck - 11/5/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

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By ohdeardarling - 14/6/2009 13:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

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By BadLuckLad - 22/10/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

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By GotGasNotLuck - 5/5/2015 10:50 - Australia - Girraween

Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2009 08:14 - Canada

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2009 13:09 - Canada

Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

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By RosesAreRed - 15/2/2013 06:07 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML

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By feiedbutter - 7/12/2013 14:55 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

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By nothreat33 - 18/1/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML

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By lonethong15 - 8/8/2014 22:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

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By Shock91 - 11/9/2019 02:02 - China - Beijing

Milky Milky

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 00:29 - United States - Wooster

Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML

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By Frenchgirl - 16/9/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 19:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

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By Joboi23 - 7/3/2018 19:00

Today, I matched with a woman on Tinder with whom I'd already talked on another dating app. The conversation had died out pretty quickly, so I was surprised she gave me a second chance. Her first message was to tell me how boring I was on the other app. FML

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Top comments

By mathew17986g | 2

#3518406 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:30

At least you know someone cares :D

By danishbagel | 3

#3518413 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

Well at least she was being nice.

Comments

By Rose8u | 2

#3518405 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:30

Well, at least you know she cares for you......

max_wilder | 9

#3518450 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:38

Thats nice of her

Buttsexpirate | 9

#3518529 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:55

"Happy valentines day you friendly boyfriend having young lady!
p.s stop leaving your dirty panties on the bathroom floor. I keep stepping on your crunchy panties. It's gross"

Love, anonymous!

EvilPotato | 14

#3518611 - Monday 31 October 2011 12:35

Well, (insert pity/and or witty comment here).

SCREAM4meeee | 0

#3518752 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:16

That must have been awkward to find out.

zombicidal | 11

#3518773 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:22

pity love leads to pity sex. YAY for wincest

fanceh | 10

#3518843 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:40

Forever alone.

dre_bro11 | 12

#3518861 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:43

And OP, up until now, your self esteem was probably boosted by the gestures.

Daralea | 21

#3519176 - Monday 31 October 2011 15:27

I agree Rose. I actually find that quite sweet.

RadikulRam | 16

#3520259 - Monday 31 October 2011 19:13

@#19 how the fuck are you so socially inept?

youngjekal | 0

#3520658 - Monday 31 October 2011 20:59

Who sends valentine's in October?

22cute | 17

#3521425 - Monday 31 October 2011 23:07

You should thank her instead of whining about it.

mathew17986g | 2

#3522501 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 3:19

Yeah your right! Who sends valentine's in October???? 0.0

Mister_Triangle | 21

#3523472 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 9:46

The cards weren't sent in October, I just learned about who really sent them.

youngjekal | 0

#3526207 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 21:10

Oh wait my bad i didn't read it right

By mathew17986g | 2

#3518406 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:30

At least you know someone cares :D

airforce987 | 20

#3518880 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:49

The awkward moment when the first two comments are the same...

tellithowitis | 13

#3518899 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:57

The awkward moment when nobody cares...

airforce987 | 20

#3520088 - Monday 31 October 2011 18:37

The awkward moment when you realize that what you said isn't awkward...

natashax21 | 5

#3521519 - Monday 31 October 2011 23:22

That awkward moment when I feel like interrupting yall's awkward moment.

Mister_Triangle | 21

#3523447 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 9:35

The awkward moment when the OP responds to a combo

airforce987 | 20

#3525516 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 18:16

That awkward moment when you can't figure out how to say "^win" without breaking the combo and then succeeding...

By leadman1989 | 15

#3518408 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:30

How did you find out?

Mister_Triangle | 21

#3523442 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 9:33

My other sister let it slip accidently

margie2194 | 12

#3527036 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 23:42

OP Your picture goes with this fml. It's okay im team forever alone too!

By danishbagel | 3

#3518413 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

Well at least she was being nice.

KoolKidFly | 0

#3523505 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 10:18

Wouldn't an IRL Pip-boy be sick?!?!?!!

By mathew17986g | 2

#3518420 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:32

haha same comment in different words.

By FailBear920 | 19

#3518425 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:33

Cunt punt her and then thank her!

By kroekdog | 7

#3518427 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:33

Wah wah waaah

By jerry2011 | 4

#3518430 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:33

Very nice sister you have got...... Feel happy for that

You_Need_Soap | 6

#3518833 - Monday 31 October 2011 13:34

You have (drop the got)

abceasyas123abc | 12

#3518997 - Monday 31 October 2011 14:44

Or he could have added 'there' at the end.
Whatever floats his boat, really.

By TagYourIt | 0

#3518445 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:38

That sucks OP, but how did you find that out now in October?

Marcella1016 | 29

#3518476 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:43

Yeah that's really sweet...I mean FYL for not really having a secret admirer...but your life is awesome (YLIA?) for having a sister who cares enough to do something like that just to make you feel good :)

But like everyone else asked...how'd you find out?? Kind of ruins the warm and fuzzy picture if she yelled the truth at you in a fight or something lol

Elphieba | 4

#3518547 - Monday 31 October 2011 12:01

Or OP walked in on her writing some.

Mister_Triangle | 21

#3523453 - Tuesday 1 November 2011 9:39

Well I've been out of high school for over a year now and my other sister (who knew for some reason) let it slip while we were discussing valentines day.

I played it off like I already knew, but I secretly died a little inside.

By superjewwwwww | 0

#3518466 - Monday 31 October 2011 11:41

At least she loves you