Work: Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to...

By missmolliss - United States - Norfolk

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

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Work

Proactive

Gratitude walks

This ain't working out

By southernpride93 - United States

Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML

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By Anonymous - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

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By don’tletthembite - 4/5/2020 02:00

Gifts for the whole family

Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 08:06

Easy listener

Today, on the phone, my boyfriend was complaining about the heat. When I told him that it wasn't hot where I live, at all, but that I had trouble sleeping due to stress, he replied, "Because of the heat, right? What else can it be?" FML

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By Jamie - United States

Today, to get back at me for our recent breakup, my ex put a "9/11 was an inside job!" bumper sticker on my car. I work for the government in New York City, and I just got a text saying that my manager wants to talk to me. FML

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By Lola

Today, my boyfriend bought us three kittens. Today, I also discovered that I am allergic to cats. My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted the cats more than me. FML

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By John - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

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By ksa - Poland - Katowice

Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

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By - France

Today, I marked 600 emails in my gmail inbox as spam and it will take me hours to go through and unmark them. FML

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By weddingblues - United States

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

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By lonelyharts86 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 20:02

Clumsy

Today, I was making Cup Noodles for breakfast. After microwaving it for 3 minutes, I carefully grabbed the cup to pour some water out, but my hand gave out and some water spilled on it. Now I have a burned hand and no noodles. FML

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By mountainmetal983 - 5/3/2020 18:00

The serpentine movement of life

Today, the serpentine belt broke on my truck a mile away from work, 30 minutes before I needed to be there. This caused me to be 45 minutes late. I got written up for being late. The tow truck then took my truck to the wrong mechanic shop. Now I have to pay another tow truck bill to get it to the right shop. FML

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By Kate - United States - Exton

Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML

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By Maxime - France - Paris

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

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By nickname - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML

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By NotoriousSRJ - Canada

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

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By far23 - United States

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

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By Gennifer - United States - Hackensack

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I told my husband I want to lose the baby weight I put on with my recent pregnancy, and once I succeed I will go on a clothes shopping spree. To this he remarked, "So either way I'm spending money; either on food or on clothes." FML

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By patate

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

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By thewhompingwillow - United States - Springfield

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

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By yummy(: - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML

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By LimpMcgee - United States

Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML

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By CHStennis_4 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

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By Anonymous

Boom, headshot!

Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

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By ManInPain - United States

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

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By KrissyBearr - United States

Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

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By mom - United States - Spring

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

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By saddened97 - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML

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By owned - United States

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

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By wayne - New Zealand

Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML

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By dishwasherforlife - United States

Today, I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test, where you put down your skills, experience and education level and then it finds you jobs based on your abilities and areas of knowledge. No lie, the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML

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By FreshDonuts - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

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Top comments

By Lagalette | 19

#6332630 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:54

Maybe you should have wait a few weeks after applying to these jobs before leaving but sorry OP ! Hope you find a job you like where you live now!

By KitchenPig | 16

#6332627 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:53

One door closes, another opens.

COMMENTS

By CosmicElk | 26

#6332619 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:50

Damn, sorry OP, i guess luck just doesnt pan out sometimes!

By SpartyOnWayne | 18

#6332621 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:52

What's done is done. Best thing you can do now is to just find a great job at your new location :)

By igg125 | 30

#6332622 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:52

Hope you got a job where you are currently at.

By dakatabg | 31

#6332623 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:52

Too late

By Lucario227 | 22

#6332624 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:53

Talk about poor timing

By JerryClark | 17

#6332625 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:53

Aww I'm sorry OP! These things happen to people all the time and there's nothing we can do about them

By idxntgiveafxck | 17

#6332626 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:53

Well ain't that some shit

By KitchenPig | 16

#6332627 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:53

One door closes, another opens.

mds9986 | 24

#6332840 - Friday 26 June 2015 16:01

For me doors are usually slammed in my face.

False_Stupidity | 41

#6333956 - Saturday 27 June 2015 23:49

Or you can just open the first door again...

By ilmanator | 7

#6332628 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:54

tragic

By Lagalette | 19

#6332630 - Friday 26 June 2015 8:54

Maybe you should have wait a few weeks after applying to these jobs before leaving but sorry OP ! Hope you find a job you like where you live now!

Sangue0608 | 26

#6332713 - Friday 26 June 2015 10:35

You assume that OP didn't take any time to wait for a response?

Bree12345 | 15

#6332818 - Friday 26 June 2015 15:10

The op probably did wait lol.. I know at the job I have now, when I applied, they called me back a month later for the interview

alwaysstabbing | 19

#6332930 - Friday 26 June 2015 18:52

you dont move just because you got no respond for a month....