By soontobedumped - 15/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
I agree, your life sucks 31 740
You deserved it 4 837

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Sounds like your dad just cares about you a lot. It's a good thing ;)

The good news is your dad cares about you and wants to protect you. The bad news is your boyfriend may now be scared shit less and may be considering the option to break up with you, and running away to another country so he won't be murdered by that psychotic killer that is you father . But if your boyfriend does stay by your side then you know he is a keeper. :)

Comments

Sounds like your dad just cares about you a lot. It's a good thing ;)

as scary-sounding as it was I still said "aw, how sweet"

Don't worry, it's just between him and your dad's plot to scare him. If he dumps you, he's not worthy.

If your boyfriend stays with you, you know your dads got doing something right :)

My brother is like that :)

A good thing until her boyfriend leaves the country.

your dad is so cruel and vicious I would never let him near my animals he might choke them or something If he would do this to your boyfriend he seriously need sykeatrick help because that's not normal to think or have at all I only say this for the best ok just be careful when ur around him he might snap like a shell and ur boyfriend should flee the country as well

122-ever heard of punctuation? I got a little confused trying to read your comment. But I think I've figured it out.

"only to hear the words 'sex-crazed f*ck' and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me." For your boyfriend's sake, let's hope neither of you like it rough.

122, "sykeatrick" made my day.

122's comment looks a little like this: DisosienendjdksoaoaosksjejkdxiifnsenOMGjdkkskwnedndjksDADjdxkisekendnCRUEL jdkdkskedbbdnxkzANIMALSjdjdixnsndndjkxisksnfnxnzkksksdkkxkdksppapwpqekrnfk kdosoalslskdSYKEATRICKajpspspwpqpeirjdmnfkspaoe. That was a little stupid. Here come the thumbs downs!

122- not only do you need punctuation help you also need to learn how to use spell check.

Come on guys, be nice, you must really need some sykeatrick help if you're going to make fun of someone over a few punctuation errors .

1 that is bullshit, fine he cares, but the poor boyfriend, how the fuck can their relationship progress with that kind of fear going on, any sexual stuff is between HER and the BOYFRIEND, not her fucking dad. Some parents need to learn to get a fucking life sometimes.

I agree. As disturbing as it sounded that your father was willing to stick bamboo shoots under the guy's fingernails if he ever tried to hurt you, at least he was being protective. Could be worse... Could be a dad sitting outside cleaning a shotgun and then loading it as he steps into the house.

22 thumbs up. Surprise mothafucka!

The good news is your dad cares about you and wants to protect you. The bad news is your boyfriend may now be scared shit less and may be considering the option to break up with you, and running away to another country so he won't be murdered by that psychotic killer that is you father . But if your boyfriend does stay by your side then you know he is a keeper. :)

or he's scared of what will happen if he breaks up with her and can't leave the country

3, Or he likes to stick it to other peoples parents who think they can tell him what to do. Realistically, if all he cares about is getting in her pants he will stick around because he wouldn't give a crap about the father. Conversely, someone who may want to stick around for a relationship would obviously be constantly uncomfortable around such a twat of a father and may consider it too much of a risk staying around such a volatile person for such a long time.

...and subsequently have revving chainsaws taken to your family treasures. REBELLION IS NOT AN OPTION. |the kid|

If he flees the country, leave it to me. I'll be waiting for him.

Wow.... That sucks. U should tell ur BF that he shouldn't worry and that he was just over exaggerating

Ooh bamboo?! Sounds like your dad has some CrAzY ideas! I suggest giving your boyfriend the ol' Vietnamese war prisoner treatment. Hell! Even McCain endulged in it so much that he can barely use his arms! It's a miracle he still has hairless palms and crystal clear vision...

I thought my father was exaggerating.. Until...

My dad punched my dog to death....

I took a cock to the ass. Trolzor :P

159 - wait, what

OUCH THAT WOULD HURT

EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU ARE USING ALL CAPS. THAT SHIT IS FUCKING ANNOYING AND MAKES ME THINK THAT YOU ARE YELLING.

Hence the threat part..

Dude what's your problem no need to be all pissy!

What I'm try to say is that would hurt and yeah sorry I didn't notice my caps was on.

No shit Sherlock

Worst movie "Calvin" ?

How about those Broncos? haha but really that is too bad about your dad. But seriously, Tebow fans finally have to shut up

Boyfriend of two weeks seems a little early to me.. But your father is protective, in today's world.. Probably doesn't hurt.

Bamboo shoots under your nails doesn't hurt? Your the manilest man ever.

They meant it doesn't hurt to have a protective father.

16 I don't think he was referring to the bamboo when he said "probly doesn't hurt"

Idiotic comment huh? Well isn't that an adorable needless little insult.

Your username is a needless little insult

35, The word obvious exists for a reason. Like for example if I were to say "obvious sarcasm". Please stop attempting to change definitions of well established words.

My username though? Really?? We moved to attempting to insult usernames? LMAO! Ok ya got me! I bow to your unrivaled vicious username assault! I'm bored here.

61- I'm glad you're bored, because that means you will GTFO. Really, the comment section is a better place without imbeciles like yourself.

61, well you started it :|

65- he has his good moments, just this wasn't one of them. So we should all stop being assholes. Or something. I don't fuuucking knooooooow

71- Lose a little bit of your composure at the end? Made me chuckle though. This thread needed a comment like yours to settle things down..

If it weren't for trolls would FML comments be any fun to read?

112- Without trolls, the comment section would simply be full of logical responses and it would lack petty internet fights. So no, it would then be incredibly boring.

Wow this thread went up, down, and around. Made for a very interesting read. Love it!

What is this " troll " of whom you speak of?

171- 'Tis me. But I am not sure, for I don't fuuuuuuuuckingg knowwww

I guess I'd start scanning the yard for bamboo shoots. And start removing them. |the kid|

Why do you always write "thekid" after every comment you post? I'm sorry, but i don't think anybody cares what people call you...

^Keep your assumptions about everyone else to yourself. No one cares.

Because he want's to, is his comment. Lulzies...

Actually it's not that uncommon. Makes it slightly more personal. On the forum I frequently visit we do the same. Michael

Yea, but I don't think FML is a forum.

......And in one brutal comment, Thelsland just made my top 10 fav commenters. :) PS: Nice/harsh visuals. ;)

TheIsland, you should change |The anger management kid| to |The male KaySL|. |A_TEEN|

OK, guys, if you must know, it's not because I absolutely insist on having my pen name popularized via FML. It's something I'd been putting below the other things I've written (poetry, etc.), and naturally, it made the transfer to FML. I'd actually taken it away for some time, but some clamored for me to bring it back. They'd even "corrected" my posts when it wasn't present. Fuckbuckets and cream, I'm a sympathetic sonofabitch. |the kid|

Probably something I would say if I had a daughter.

I would be heading for the hills after that confrontation

And that is why you will never get married.

Continuation of 36's comment "...to someone who has an unstable father".

Downtime won't get married either it looks like.

Does it? Oh. You should tell my girlfriend then, because I don't wanna be the one to break that news.

None of you will ever get married if you sit on this website commenting all freaking day.

#12 will most certainly get married.

Well, hopefully your boyfriend is a nice guy who will never have to see your father go through with his threats because he treats you well.