Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from... - FML

By Acesup111 - 2/3/2011 05:24 - United States

Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from college. My grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and told me how proud she was that I was able to make it so far in spite of being autistic. I am not, nor have I ever been autistic. FML

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Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Vultures

Abuse

By Anonymous - 28/7/2013 17:38 - Slovenia - Ruse

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

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By agh marriage - 11/10/2012 05:56 - Australia - Albany Creek

Today, I was placed firmly in the friend-zone. By my wife. We've been married 10 years. She doesn't want a divorce, she says it'd be too "time-consuming." FML

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By Enni - 27/8/2016 08:47

Today, my husband told me that, "a girl's orgasm serves no purpose". FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 12:44 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

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By AnalProbe - 12/3/2017 18:00

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

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By Disappointed - 10/9/2012 04:26 - United States - Angleton

Today, the girl I've secretly loved for years finally noticed me. That is, after I ran over her foot with my truck. FML

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By Whatswrongwithme? - 3/11/2013 09:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2018 01:30

Today, I decided to not hang in the library after school like I usually do. When I got home, I found my father cheating on my mother with my girlfriend, who said she was gay. FML

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By stanDman - 19/1/2009 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was jerking one off and my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes... that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

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By Jason - 12/8/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

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By Skittlezzz0901 - 21/3/2017 19:00 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2014 02:26 - United States - San Luis Rey

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

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By sounfair90 - 27/5/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

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By HereForJAMMF - 9/11/2016 17:50

Today, I've actually developed a crush on a guy I never intended to crush on, and also can't have. For one he's married and utterly devoted to his wife. And even if that weren't true, he's so far out of my league I need binoculars to see him. And to top it all of? He's fictional. FML

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By fukingtigans - 29/7/2015 15:30 - Croatia - Rupalj

Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

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By Merserve - 9/7/2020 02:00

Shackled

Today, I went over to confront my parents about how my siblings always get to visit and all I do when I’m over is work on their house or take care of grandma. My mom was very upset. Then she snuck out with my sister, leaving me to take care of grandma until she got back. FML

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By Username - 4/8/2011 09:15 - United States

Today, my twit of a husband admitted to falling for an internet scam involving a dead foreign politician, the promise of a share in millions of dollars currently stuck in a bank, and him having wired a large amount of our money to "bribe an official". FML

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By unlucky - 31/5/2016 19:05 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went to a party. After asking several people about the ingredients in a cake, I took one bite and ended up in the hospital with a severe reaction to the nuts that "definitely weren't" in it. FML

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By notahero - 9/1/2015 04:40 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

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By Catscratch - 1/9/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2016 10:12 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I finished a 700-page book for my law exam. It was the wrong book. FML

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By Grossedouttt - 4/7/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 20:00

It never ends

Today, I had a "nightmare" where I found out I had more homework than I originally realized, and spent the entire dream doing homework. There is no escape. FML

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By jazzie7719 - 28/9/2014 19:26 - United States - Arlington

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

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By brhorton02 - 6/4/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

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By cacheson - 5/6/2020 23:00

The Good Fight

Today, my husband and roommate went out to protest for the second day in a row. I have an anxiety disorder, so I can't go. I’m just stuck here watching videos of the fires and violence, wondering if they will even come home. FML

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By airrinw_33 - 21/1/2013 03:55 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML

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By cheated - 6/7/2019 22:03

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

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By Alex Kiwi - 2/4/2020 20:00

Preemptive strike

Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML

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By 464424 - 5/5/2012 06:24 - United States - Dayton

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

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By balls - 2/10/2015 05:49 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

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By pyroman1127 - 16/5/2011 19:34 - United States

Today, I gave a girl answers to a test. She said she would give me something pleasurable in return. She gave me a Twinkie, saying, "I know how much fat people love twinkies." FML

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By justgreatgirl - 11/6/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

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By BERNDTOAST - 27/3/2015 15:27 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I fell asleep in class... And woke up hour later. My teacher let me sit there till I woke up to see what my face would be like waking up to a new class. FML

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By shield1123 - 29/9/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2012 20:15 - Canada

Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML

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By farf - 20/5/2015 18:47

Today, I received 46 emails from co-workers who were using reply-all to tell everyone else not to use reply-all. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2009 17:03 - United States

Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML

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By dirtyfoot - 18/1/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

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By an adorable devil - 21/3/2016 06:52 - United States - Houston

Today, my new bunny decided she is only going to eat carrots. If I put anything else in her food bowl, she viciously attacks the bowl until all of the food has spilled out. FML

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Top comments

By Ariasmake_1 | 0

#2140804 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 11:59

your grandma rules! how awkward are you that your grandma thinks you're autistic ?

By jhjbnnj | 0

#2140817 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:04

maybe that's just her way of telling you you're her special little boy ;)

COMMENTS

By banz28 | 0

#2140798 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 11:56

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

iBanana | 17

#2141016 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 13:27

Maybe they know something you don't?

Reply

Sadochan | 0

#2141098 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 13:59

Same here.

Reply

PeteyPablo12308 | 20

#2141337 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 15:17

Same here.

Reply

zinoxity | 23

#2141741 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 17:30

1 - I read this. Big whoop.

Reply

mr_miyagi | 0

#2144715 - Thursday 3 March 2011 9:06

i read it more. bigger whoop

Reply

Temi25 | 6

#2148007 - Friday 4 March 2011 1:54

maybe ur grandma has alzhiemerzas

By ScaughtieHolden | 11

#2140801 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 11:56

*nor have I ever been autistic.

Reply

Blazingcrono | 6

#2140864 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:20

It's correct in its usage. Don't question the OP >:|

Reply

instnt1nfction | 16

#2141030 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 13:38

that wasn't a question and they moderated the fml after he commented

Reply

Jay1D | 0

#2141038 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 13:40

I don't get how someone ca just loss there autism...

Reply

ChrisLTC | 3

#2141059 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 13:46

#2 do you like Justin Bieber by any chance?

Reply

RobbieD95 | 0

#2141339 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 15:17

#45 Why would you think that?

Reply

Giana4598 | 0

#2141388 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 15:32

#14 XD lol

Reply

sloppyflow | 1

#2141719 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 17:17

#2 ur like Ron weasley from Harry potter + Justin bieber

Reply

wlaaf | 0

#2143766 - Thursday 3 March 2011 4:54

omgg stop it with the freaken corrections! seriously people who need to correct every little things are so annoying!

Reply

countryboyj17 | 0

#2144093 - Thursday 3 March 2011 6:24

omg* thing*

Reply

Lustuu_fml | 14

#2144783 - Thursday 3 March 2011 9:39

#120 +1
#2 +1

Reply

lolitaababy | 0

#2145037 - Thursday 3 March 2011 11:38

#45 I thought that was a picture of Justin beiber >_<

hahahahah #14 ^__^

Reply

nervewurrba | 0

#2700629 - Friday 17 June 2011 8:55

ehh grammar nazi :P

By FallonFerSure | 6

#2140802 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:00

lmao!!!

Reply

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2143784 - Thursday 3 March 2011 4:58

So, I guess OP's just a regular retard?

By Ariasmake_1 | 0

#2140804 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 11:59

your grandma rules! how awkward are you that your grandma thinks you're autistic ?

Reply

Chrispywind | 0

#2141196 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 14:34

now OP can use this pretend autism to make there grand parents buy them expensive gifts!

Reply

T3P33_fml | 0

#2141430 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 15:47

"look granny, I spelled my name right! can I have 50 bucks?"

Reply

clicketyclick | 9

#2144441 - Thursday 3 March 2011 8:08

Autistic doesn't = stupid.

By insanesna1l | 0

#2140813 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:02

you're special :-)

By jhjbnnj | 0

#2140817 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:04

maybe that's just her way of telling you you're her special little boy ;)

By x_Cupcakes | 0

#2140822 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:06

Wow.

By locachick101 | 0

#2140826 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:07

haha that's funny but hey at least your going to college right and don't worry your grandma is old lol

By chili_is_good | 0

#2140828 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:08

I am lost for words...

By juliaaalove | 8

#2140839 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 12:11

mm

Reply

MaximilianMarche | 0

#2141859 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 18:12

haha. it looks like u have half a retard in your pic lol

Reply

mwjessica | 0

#2156037 - Sunday 6 March 2011 17:42

Lol.