Health: Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/09/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 116

You deserved it 2 937

There's no helping some people

Compromises

People are people

By Anonymous - 04/08/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 288

You deserved it 7 920

Who are you to judge?

By vertigoisarat - 23/02/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up a few things. After looking for condoms for 15 minutes, I asked the cashier where I could find them. She said they keep them behind the counter due to theft. She refused to sell them to me, because they're for customers who might actually need them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 127

By danii - 05/10/2011 03:28 - Reserved

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 095

You deserved it 64 824

By Shamed - 06/09/2011 08:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 524

You deserved it 4 924

By :/ - 03/12/2012 01:57 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 030

You deserved it 3 268

Cats rule the world

By Tony - 02/01/2021 08:01 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my geriatric cat apparently leaked a little before he got to the litter box because when I went to use the bathroom, I slipped on the puddle. My left foot slammed into the kick panel of the cabinet and now my second toe is purple, swollen and tender. I may have broken my toe by slipping on cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 117

By nofriends - 01/06/2011 04:28 - Japan

Today, I wrote in my own yearbook with different styles of handwriting so my mom would think I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 273

You deserved it 15 014

By my kids smell bad - 25/06/2019 06:48

Today, I got into a screaming match with the mother of my kids. I told her they need to bathe more often. According to her, anything more than once a week is excessive and bad for their skin. My kids play sports and smell like puppies from the pound. She doesn’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 304

You deserved it 183

By shoelace18 - 06/09/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 805

You deserved it 5 927

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 10:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 102

You deserved it 43 710

By crippy - 26/06/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 920

You deserved it 3 051

By cuntingbitchofawhore - 06/02/2016 03:11 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 964

You deserved it 2 253

By fuck - 21/04/2012 02:48 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 777

You deserved it 4 045

No coffee for you

By timmyb - 02/03/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I walked into Starbucks for a job application. I asked the manager if they were hiring, as I really need a job. He looked me up and down and replied, "NO!" There was a 'Now hiring' sign in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 261

You deserved it 4 986

By Anonymous - 23/08/2015 12:35 - Australia

Today, while trying to lift a weight bar at the gym, I ended up cracking my rib cage and almost passed out. My friend, who was supposed to be spotting for me, couldn't help until the last second because he'd snuck off to flirt with a pair of guys halfway across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 038

You deserved it 5 629

By DeadBroke - 07/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I was tired of his childishness and anger, so he decided to send me 540 random text messages of scrambled letters in order to mess up my phone as well, as make me pay 20 cents for each message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 465

You deserved it 5 709

By yupppp - 08/08/2011 18:12 - United States

Today, I was talking with my mom about getting my school photos retouched. I believe her exact words were, "They'll take one look at you, and charge me triple." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 100

You deserved it 3 921

By Asshole Parker - 06/09/2016 11:01 - United States

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 276

You deserved it 7 417

By Anonymous - 02/06/2013 04:36 - United States

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 892

You deserved it 15 797

Bad date #3764

By Greenpuppy416 - 04/07/2020 05:02

Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 126

By Fire_Crotch - 14/08/2010 06:27 - Canada

Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 836

You deserved it 48 603

Long list

By Unfortunate - 02/06/2021 16:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after two years of dating. So far this year, I sprained my wrist, my dog died, my best friend of 6 years ended our friendship, I was diagnosed with PMDD, my cat died, I had an ovarian cyst rupture, and I got turned down for every job I applied for. Only 7 more months to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 98

By kanmcdan - 22/04/2019 00:00

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a Snowshoeing date. I felt sick and suggested we turn back. He said I could wait in the car and continued on the date alone. He was gone for hours, while I was stuck alone in a national park with no cell reception, food, or water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 376

You deserved it 378

Rude!

By geo - 26/05/2021 22:01

Today, I’m a cashier and I put a lady’s change on the counter instead of in her hand. She then hissed at me for being rude. When I explained to her that I have never heard that it’s rude to do that, her response was, "Are you kidding me!? You should have been BORN knowing that!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 216

By devilboy - 06/07/2011 11:26 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 985

You deserved it 17 970

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 610

You deserved it 82 868

Betrayal

By Jasper - 29/05/2021 22:01 - United States

Today, I paid my best friend to not tell my girlfriend about having hooked up with another girl while drunk the other night. He told her anyway. Now I have no girlfriend and I’m $500 poorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 2 856

By ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - 24/05/2014 00:09 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 215

You deserved it 3 384

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 16:56 - Canada

Today, I canceled my dental check-up because I'm getting busy at work. Then, as I was flossing, my finger slipped, I heard a "crunch" from one of my fillings, and I now have a killer toothache. It's costing me double to go to the dentist because it's now an emergency call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 997

You deserved it 7 460

By water fail - 28/01/2016 11:42 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, it was an extremely hot day so I hit up the beach for a swim. Just as I entered the water, the first wave approached me. I tried to jump it and lost my footing, managing to dislocate my hip. I had to be dragged from the water by the lifeguards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 351

You deserved it 2 295

By RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) - 17/12/2014 18:47 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 817

You deserved it 6 607

By bluskyz1979 - 17/05/2016 15:32 - United States - Cypress

Today, my boyfriend and I were on a date and he starts complaining about how his back is hurting him. He complains the whole evening. Fast forward to later that night, we are in bed so I ask him if he was feeling OK. He says, "I guess so. I'm just confused about my feelings for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 547

You deserved it 1 001

That's a great look!

By MissQ - 20/06/2020 17:01

Today, I was trying to learn how to whistle. On the elevator ride up to my room, I was experimenting with tongue placement and mouth position. At the height of my facial contortions and probable spitting, the elevator doors opened to reveal the guy I've been crushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 560

By Lauren - 20/08/2012 03:53 - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 586

You deserved it 4 156

All figured out

By Toroka - 29/07/2016 18:59

Spicy

Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 832

You deserved it 1 007

By TronCat8230 - 20/05/2017 12:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 999

You deserved it 2 116

By shilpajayseanfan - 24/02/2009 13:43 - Canada

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 215

You deserved it 54 476

By draegoncode - 26/07/2010 04:34 - France

Spicy

Today, I told my girlfriend of 2 years that I was sexually abused as a kid. She was only the third person I've told. She reacted by breaking up with me because I "might do something" to her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 411

You deserved it 4 499

Is this dude a puma?

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 1 365

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 06:31 - United Kingdom - Evesham

Today, my girlfriend decided that having OCD will help her lose weight. She is now convinced that walking in and out of doorways multiple times will burn fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 999

You deserved it 2 388

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:01

man I woulda punched em back.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:02

Intern much?

Comments

sampimpinthug 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:00

wow that sucks, sorry op

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:01

YDI for getting hit by a car. YDI for complaining about someone who was helping you out.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:04

Youu should have kicked him/her back.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:15

how do they end up punching you? was it a girl and you said to her "WTF arnt you ment to be in the kitchen?" if you did YDI

MissErikaHart 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:52

that sucks that u got hit in the face with a car

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:58

I think you misspunctuated it should say "accidentally"

yuggi1 11

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 17:47

Take it like a man. 

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 18:16

suck it up

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 18:25

Why was the paramedic receiving medical attention?

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 18:31

Hahaha! I like the way you phrased that 34.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 20:24

A boot medic wouldn't do that shit. Unless you stole his skittles or porn. You should write a letter.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 20:45

oh shut up you bitch

KingDingALing 9

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 21:18

I stole your porn, 78... :p

MagneticGuitar 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 23:06

Maybe you just have a puch-able face.

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 1:56

Maybe the paramedic didn't need the medical attention, it seems you needed more!

veggiemeatball 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 4:27

Schitzo... your comment's back. Hahahahaha.

Mars_Bars_Big_Na 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 4:29

did you accidentally cry? or did u accidentally kick his ass?

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 5:50

i call fake

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 6:42

Or a poem, 78

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Thursday 18 November 2010 14:06

ilshtidmcb that's all I have to say

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:00

lol FYL

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:01

Ouch! Shoulda punched him back OP.

Schizomaniac 24

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 17:42

Your profile scares me.

diegomanguelo 5

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Thursday 30 September 2010 3:17

he was just trying to knock u out so that he could take your wallet

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Friday 1 October 2010 2:46

oh ok

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:01

man I woulda punched em back.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 17:46

Let me guess... because youre gangsta?

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 17:58

lmao!

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 18:48

I am pretty gangster myself.

D13g0 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 21:39

52...i bet he could knock you out, the only type of fights you get into are with you sister... just sayin

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 1:26

61 is hot:)

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 4:44

no #52...not because he's gangsta but because it's what a man would do! I mean you seem like the kid who only gets in cyber fights like typing fearlessly and pressing the keyboard with great force!!!!

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Sunday 31 October 2010 13:20

That's a dick move who knows they've could run out of aneasthetics.

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Monday 6 June 2011 0:17

ignorant fuck

shortyshort21 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:02

well now you entire face hurts, lifting the burden of pain off of your jaw

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:03

*like*

yuggi1 11

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 17:52

true. :)

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:02

Bad bad luck

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:02

Intern much?

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:02

Ouch. This might be a case where painkillers are your friend.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 22:21

I don't take painkillers unless I absolutely have too, maybe I'm just weird in that respect... Not to mention, if you take too many you can do more damage to something as you can't feel it hurting at all, even when you're straining it...

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:02

Hey! Be thankful he's there to help. Not an easy job and maybe it wasn't an accident. DUN DUN DUN!

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:03

Shoulda punched back and said it was a reflex an break his jaw :)

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:30

worst thing I ever heard dumbass.

anorexicbarbie 8

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:39

I agree, why would you break his jaw? Dumbass.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:40

true *BAM* ouch WTF. sorry accident :

yuggi1 11

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 17:55

OP probably has bad karma catching up to him.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 18:27

26 + 28 Thats comming from a steroids and an anorexic man yea -.-

stronghand0331 17

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 18:34

nightskyx... maybe your a tad jealous.. hmm

anorexicbarbie 8

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 1:06

He's jealous because we actually think before we post. He's just an idiot. :)

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:03

fail

doublerainbow 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 1:48

You see the double rainbow in your substraight? it's goes all the way across the pic

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 83

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 286