Miscellaneous: Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight... - FML

By gooddeedgonebad - Australia - Upper Swan

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

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Proactive

Sorry…

One-sided

By Enyo - Reserved

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

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By kawaiixalice - United States

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

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By Storm - Canada

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date to an expensive restaurant. After the meal, he got down on his knee and proposed. We've only been dating for two weeks, so I said no. He just silently kept staring me in the eyes, no matter what I said or did. I ended up having to walk home. FML

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By Sherry - United States - Middletown

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

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By Ballshurt - United States

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

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By MyMomIsInsane - United States - Uniontown

Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dover

Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked him and he asked if I'm Chinese. When I said, "No, I'm Taiwanese" he promptly spat in my face and called me a "traitor to the motherland." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to drive the guy I've been seeing for the past few months to the emergency room. So that he could witness the birth of his newest child. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML

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By Insomniac - United States - Wasilla

Today, after rolling my car on the highway, I witnessed several people stop and get out of their cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay, and I was the one who had to call 911 for myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I found a baby squirrel on the pavement and thought I'd try and rescue it. While I googled what to do, it started running around. I tried to grab it, but it ran straight into the path of a car. FML

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By deranged - Ukraine - Pirogov

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the bank to get her new ATM card. As the bank teller gave her the card, he said that the PIN remained the same. Indignant, she cried out, "How do you possibly know my PIN code?" She's 27. FML

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By NeedHeadPhone - Canada

I love that for you

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

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By Joel

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

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By esoog - United States

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

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By tastetherainbow - United States - Katy

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

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By How can you f*** up that bad!? - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Saudi end of the internet, and it was awful…

Today, I was unable to connect to the Internet. After calling support, I was informed that due to a cut cable, the whole country will have no service from that provider for some time. The. Whole. Country. FML

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By Lily - United States

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

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By normal - France - Ambres

Today, it's been two days since my upstairs neighbour's toilet started flooding both our apartments. I have to go to the bathroom with an umbrella. FML

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By Nykole McAllister - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was talking to a nice guy on a dating app and we exchanged numbers. Later, I got a call. It was his wife asking me to stop talking to her husband. FML

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By fyreangel - United States - Warren

Today, I replaced my dating apps with food apps cause at least someone will show up after I use the food apps. FML

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By fml9124 - 28/7/2020 20:00

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Today, my wife filed for divorce. Last month, she was diagnosed with stage 4, terminal, inoperable cancer. We got a second (confirmed) opinion. She has maybe six months left. She told me she doesn't want to spend her last remaining days on this earth with me. Our 33rd anniversary was in May. FML

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By ellieinc - United States - Stacy

Today, my boyfriend bought me Cards Against Humanity because he thinks it would give me some motivation to make friends since I only have one and need three to play. Sad thing is, he's right. FML

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By E - United States

Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 01:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Stranded

Today, my husband found out that not only has he tested positive for influenza A, but also has tested positive for Covid 19. My work won't let me return until I have isolated for 14 days from someone with Covid. Our house is really small. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for a crime that happened 27 years ago. I'm only 21. FML

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By Robyn - Belgium - Stokkem

Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time. I already used the strongest thread and buttons. He's obviously put on some weight around the stomach, but he won't listen to reason and still blames me for my sewing, which is making his pants "turn against him". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Monroe

Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML

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By Anonymous - Tanzania United Republic of

Today, I was driving along when I saw a hot girl walking. I decided to impress her by doing a 180 degree turn. Successfully pulling off my trick, I decided to back up so I could go the right way. Not looking behind, I backed up and smashed into a wall. FML

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By parkertownparadise - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

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By Topher - United States

Today, I got tipped more than I have in my bank account. It was $5. FML

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By Rich - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

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By creepycrawley247 - United States - Ellington

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

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By iMarriedmymother - United States

Today, my wife told me she had stopped taking her anti-depressants a month ago in hopes of increasing her non-existent sex drive. I asked her if it had helped, and was about to suggest she start taking them again for her own wellbeing. She replied with, "Anyway, I'm just not attracted to you." FML

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By so romantic - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

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By poor excuse for a father

Today, my wife is out of the country so my daughter asked me for help. She'd tried waxing her "private bits" but it hurt too much so she left the strip stuck down there for nearly two days. I was so unable to handle the situation, I called my wife crying and begging her to come home and deal with it. FML

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By VahnSeiro - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

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Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#5507631 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:16

Don't even attempt to help her cross the road then. You may not live through the experience.

By Ace132 | 20

#5507633 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:17

No good deed goes unpunished..

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#5507631 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:16

Don't even attempt to help her cross the road then. You may not live through the experience.

Reply

Jemm_fml | 29

#5507700 - Sunday 26 May 2013 17:25

ULTRA EXTREME COMMUNITY SERVICE SPORTS

By chandlerbelacic | 17

#5507632 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:16

Well, I feel bad for the woman, but it was good exercise for you and the man that tackled you! FYL indeed

By Ace132 | 20

#5507633 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:17

No good deed goes unpunished..

Reply

packrat | 26

#5507648 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:23

Damn you. Great minds huh?

Reply

ColdplaySucks | 18

#5507699 - Sunday 26 May 2013 17:24

Thats why I don't do good deeds.

Reply

Freethaawave | 19

#5507751 - Sunday 26 May 2013 18:25

Meanie ^

Reply

Roskie | 16

#5508012 - Sunday 26 May 2013 22:44

Killjoy^

Reply

kaitlynjane | 28

#5508398 - Monday 27 May 2013 5:31

#64, your profile picture is awesome :)

Reply

Kc1001 | 14

#5535136 - Friday 14 June 2013 23:17

'Tis true. I am one of the best and nicest workers in to program that I work in and now I have a shoulder injury that will never heal. nor stop hurting.

By packrat | 26

#5507634 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:17

No good deed goes unpunished.

Reply

mario2012 | 18

#5507674 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:47

There must be a glitch in the matrix because I'm having dé ja vu.

Reply

29dear | 16

#5507925 - Sunday 26 May 2013 20:41

hahaha me too. and I'm surprised the second one hasn't been buried.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#5508031 - Sunday 26 May 2013 23:20

Probably because its a good comment and people can see they were both posted at the same time.

Reply

packrat | 26

#5508503 - Monday 27 May 2013 7:23

56, that makes two of us. :)

By Pleonasm | 34

#5507638 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:20

Wonder how many "no good deed goes unpunished" comments we're going to get here.

Reply

lilhellian | 26

#5507640 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:21

There's two just before you.

Reply

chowE_fml | 4

#5507812 - Sunday 26 May 2013 18:59

No Good Samaritan goes un-tackled.

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5507851 - Sunday 26 May 2013 19:32

No good Pleonasm thread goes
un-pun-ished.

Reply

Lawlsacopter | 6

#5507968 - Sunday 26 May 2013 21:30

No good deed goes unfurnished

Reply

gribbles | 12

#5508232 - Monday 27 May 2013 3:43

No good feed goes unfed.

By cherries62212 | 16

#5507639 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:20

hey. at least you tried. now get back up... and help another little old lady! if you fail three times tho... just stop trying. good luck OP:)

By mattlw | 25

#5507642 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:21

Sounds like you were in the wrong place at the wrong time OP. FYL

By RocketNinjaFish | 12

#5507649 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:24

At least he had good intentions, OP. It was just a misunderstanding.
You did the right thing, that's all that matters :)

Reply

iMuffinKat | 16

#6532412 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 8:14

Yeah...but why would he carry it back up to the old lady so she could carry it down herself again? What?

By Welshite | 39

#5507650 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:25

OP: I'm going to help her!
Man: No, I am!
Old Lady: I just want to reach the sidewalk *cries*
Man: Now look what you've done.
OP: DIE, Good Samaritan! *tosses him down the stairs*

I want to see this happen.

By FitForFun | 11

#5507652 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:26

It makes me wonder when we have gotten to the point that good intentions are so far and in-between that we don't even trust people that could be doing them.

Reply

29dear | 16

#5507927 - Sunday 26 May 2013 20:43

I know. it's sad but I wouldn't let someone else carry my luggage. I'm not a little old lady, but still.

Reply

jem970 | 19

#5508401 - Monday 27 May 2013 5:34

Yeah it's like that banking commercial where they have 50,000 dollars in a suit case and give it to a complete stranger for them to watch while they run and do something. I'm like there is no way! I don't even trust someone to hold my water let alone anything important.