Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight... - FML

By gooddeedgonebad - 26/5/2013 09:19 - Australia - Upper Swan

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

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Work name

No one likes a smart-ass

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By astraboy - 21/5/2009 09:11 - Australia

Today, I spent 3 hours making a birthday card for my boyfriend, delicately cutting each letter out of printed coloured paper. He used it as a coffee coaster. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2013 15:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 08:09 - Canada

Today, my brother and I drove 3 hours to pick up our puppy. The woman we bought him from said not to put him in the cage for the ride home as he would pee for sure. She recommended I put him on my lap. Not only did he shit on the seat backing out of her driveway, he pissed on me an hour later. FML

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By holywowz - 17/5/2017 18:00

Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2014 00:09 - United States - Kent

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

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By lalalasmiles06 - 4/9/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2013 13:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

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By jaeilssanguh - 26/11/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

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By broke - 16/11/2016 03:08 - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

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By 2old4thiscrap - 8/12/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2016 21:35 - United States - Middleboro

Today, my daughter posted a poem on Facebook about how her father and I abused her for years. It's a complete lie and an obvious attempt to impress her boyfriend, whom she thanked for "rescuing" her. I've received several hateful messages already, along with threats to report me to CPS. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 22:20 - United States

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

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By not_fakingit - 22/9/2013 04:26 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

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By drivingmecrazy - 13/12/2016 16:54 - United States - Stamford

Today, my mom once again yelled at me for "driving erratically". She texts while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway, but apparently driving through a yellow light is "reckless". FML

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By bad dad - 5/6/2019 06:00

Today, trying to be a good co-parent, I asked my ex if he’d like to go to the circus with our kids and I. His new girlfriend of a whopping five days said it made her uncomfortable. He stood us up. FML

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By madeline9322 - 20/12/2016 03:15 - Canada

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2015 09:59 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2011 22:52 - United Kingdom

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

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By shit streak - 21/4/2020 20:00

KoBabe

Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML

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By prickly - 11/10/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

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By new name - 6/11/2012 22:03 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

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By mom - 26/4/2018 15:00

Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML

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By srloin - 21/9/2011 16:42 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said I looked like ET and made me pose next to a full scale model of him while she took a picture. She's showing her friends the picture and they agree. FML

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By anonymous - 26/3/2013 18:31 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML

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By theRoomie - 2/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

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By anonymous - 24/2/2015 11:50 - United Kingdom - Lancaster

Today, whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend, she received a flirty message from her ex on her phone asking if she wanted to go to the cinema. She replied, knowing I could see the screen. The messages were signed with a love heart and about 15 kisses. She claims they are still just friends. FML

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By owl + bungee cord - 7/1/2014 20:38 - United States - Herndon

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2011 05:52 - United States

Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started to undo his pants. My reward was him waking up and kneeing me in the eye. FML

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By blinded - 11/2/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I went to get a facial. I forgot my contact case so I put them into paper cup. My beautician thought it was leftover water from someone else, and threw my only pair of vision aid away. I scuttled home half blind. FML

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By Nasu Johi - 6/9/2018 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, as a CNA, I had to go through the belongings of a patient. His phone rang and I answered - it was his boss. As I explained, he cut me off and said to "drop the act" and "he better be there now or he's fired". He was pronounced dead-on-arrival. FML

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By Stuckism - 15/9/2009 17:16 - Malaysia

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line tells me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I've got a headache, my legs are stiff and my date must think I stood her up. The tech finally arrives, pries the door open, then rudely asks, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

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By inappropes - 29/10/2017 01:30

Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML

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By authentic - 18/2/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, my tattoo artist boyfriend of five months gave me my first tattoo in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was supposed to be a heart with my name in script. He spelled my name wrong. FML

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By FMLer - 27/5/2011 20:57 - United States

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

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By screamer - 2/9/2012 06:41 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

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By Why - 24/4/2016 18:59 - United States - Marlborough

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

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By fuckina - 29/11/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, I was speeding a little on the highway. I thought I saw a police car, so I slammed on my brakes, causing the person behind me to rear end me. The "police car" I saw was just a broken down car on the side of the road. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

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By Noname - 16/3/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

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By Triumvirate - 16/10/2010 05:26 - United States

Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML

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Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#5507631 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:16

Don't even attempt to help her cross the road then. You may not live through the experience.

By Ace132 | 20

#5507633 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:17

No good deed goes unpunished..

Comments

By Welshite | 39

#5507631 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:16

Don't even attempt to help her cross the road then. You may not live through the experience.

Reply

Jemm_fml | 29

#5507700 - Sunday 26 May 2013 17:25

ULTRA EXTREME COMMUNITY SERVICE SPORTS

By chandlerbelacic | 17

#5507632 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:16

Well, I feel bad for the woman, but it was good exercise for you and the man that tackled you! FYL indeed

By Ace132 | 20

#5507633 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:17

No good deed goes unpunished..

Reply

packrat | 26

#5507648 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:23

Damn you. Great minds huh?

Reply

ColdplaySucks | 18

#5507699 - Sunday 26 May 2013 17:24

Thats why I don't do good deeds.

Reply

Freethaawave | 19

#5507751 - Sunday 26 May 2013 18:25

Meanie ^

Reply

Roskie | 16

#5508012 - Sunday 26 May 2013 22:44

Killjoy^

Reply

kaitlynjane | 28

#5508398 - Monday 27 May 2013 5:31

#64, your profile picture is awesome :)

Reply

Kc1001 | 14

#5535136 - Friday 14 June 2013 23:17

'Tis true. I am one of the best and nicest workers in to program that I work in and now I have a shoulder injury that will never heal. nor stop hurting.

By packrat | 26

#5507634 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:17

No good deed goes unpunished.

Reply

mario2012 | 18

#5507674 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:47

There must be a glitch in the matrix because I'm having dé ja vu.

Reply

29dear | 16

#5507925 - Sunday 26 May 2013 20:41

hahaha me too. and I'm surprised the second one hasn't been buried.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#5508031 - Sunday 26 May 2013 23:20

Probably because its a good comment and people can see they were both posted at the same time.

Reply

packrat | 26

#5508503 - Monday 27 May 2013 7:23

56, that makes two of us. :)

By Pleonasm | 34

#5507638 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:20

Wonder how many "no good deed goes unpunished" comments we're going to get here.

Reply

lilhellian | 26

#5507640 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:21

There's two just before you.

Reply

chowE_fml | 4

#5507812 - Sunday 26 May 2013 18:59

No Good Samaritan goes un-tackled.

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5507851 - Sunday 26 May 2013 19:32

No good Pleonasm thread goes
un-pun-ished.

Reply

Lawlsacopter | 6

#5507968 - Sunday 26 May 2013 21:30

No good deed goes unfurnished

Reply

gribbles | 12

#5508232 - Monday 27 May 2013 3:43

No good feed goes unfed.

By cherries62212 | 16

#5507639 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:20

hey. at least you tried. now get back up... and help another little old lady! if you fail three times tho... just stop trying. good luck OP:)

By mattlw | 25

#5507642 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:21

Sounds like you were in the wrong place at the wrong time OP. FYL

By RocketNinjaFish | 12

#5507649 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:24

At least he had good intentions, OP. It was just a misunderstanding.
You did the right thing, that's all that matters :)

Reply

iMuffinKat | 16

#6532412 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 8:14

Yeah...but why would he carry it back up to the old lady so she could carry it down herself again? What?

By Welshite | 39

#5507650 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:25

OP: I'm going to help her!
Man: No, I am!
Old Lady: I just want to reach the sidewalk *cries*
Man: Now look what you've done.
OP: DIE, Good Samaritan! *tosses him down the stairs*

I want to see this happen.

By FitForFun | 11

#5507652 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:26

It makes me wonder when we have gotten to the point that good intentions are so far and in-between that we don't even trust people that could be doing them.

Reply

29dear | 16

#5507927 - Sunday 26 May 2013 20:43

I know. it's sad but I wouldn't let someone else carry my luggage. I'm not a little old lady, but still.

Reply

jem970 | 19

#5508401 - Monday 27 May 2013 5:34

Yeah it's like that banking commercial where they have 50,000 dollars in a suit case and give it to a complete stranger for them to watch while they run and do something. I'm like there is no way! I don't even trust someone to hold my water let alone anything important.