Miscellaneous: Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight... - FML

By gooddeedgonebad - Australia - Upper Swan

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

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Taking stock

There's no helping some people

Rich people problems

By Anonymous - United States

Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

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By furious at five in the morning - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

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By no - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

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By Dean Roberts - 1/2/2021 13:01 - United States - Cedar Falls

Compassionate management

Today, my manager said it was my choice to have surgery on my arm and that I shouldn't complain, everyone goes through pain. She's right, but I was born with a birth defect in my wrist. The surgery was going to happen sooner or later, I didn't want to be born this way. FML

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By Mutton - 8/3/2021 17:01

Too passionate for me

Today, during one of my wife’s very infrequent amorous moments, she headbutted me and split one of my front teeth in half. I now have two teeth where there used to be one, and I can see the exposed nerve in the crack. Yes, it’s as excruciating as it sounds FML

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By kal - United Kingdom

Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML

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By Etherealskye1023 - 14/12/2020 11:01 - United States - Douglassville

Great parenting, dude

Today, my dad told me that I'm nothing but a burden because I can't work, and disability is worth nothing. It's not my fault I ended up in an abusive foster home that left me with spinal cord damage. FML

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By curly_eyelashes - Canada - Windsor

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

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By Sharon - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, my own dog bit me quite severely when I was in the middle of teaching a dog obedience class. Everyone had a good laugh at me and in the past few hours 4 of them have contacted me to let me know they won't be attending future lessons and that they'd like to get their money back. FML

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By Hesintrouble - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

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By abrazama - United Kingdom

Today, I went down to my accommodation office in fiery wrath, demanding that something be done about my three-days-cold shower. Looking dubious, they sent someone back with me. As soon as we got there he looked at me with deep pity and pulled the cord in the corner that activated the hot water. FML

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By Anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bed while half-asleep. FML

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By downgirl - United States - Norman

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2021 20:01

Long road ahead

Today, I came out to one of my best friends as non-binary, and told him (with their permission) that some of our friends were trans. He told us that we were all idiots and refuses to accept us. We've known him since 3rd grade. FML

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By itchy itches - 23/8/2020 05:05 - United States

Box of magic

Today, my neighbor brought home a box of kittens he found in the park. Instead of calling animal control, he decided to keep them. Besides the incessant meowing throughout the day and night, a massive horde of fleas decided to migrate through his light sockets and into my nice clean apartment. FML

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By Username - France

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

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By future burger flipper - United States - Whitewater

Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML

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By BarbieKen - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

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By noodlesandmilk - Australia - Canberra

Today, my step-brother went grocery shopping alone for the first time. He came home with Ramen and 14 bottles of chocolate milk, which will expire by the 20th. My step-dad is insisting we eat it so it doesn't go to waste. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Aspley

Today, for my birthday my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

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By ewwww - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

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By creepedasfuck - United States - Limington

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

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By .............. - Germany - Wadgassen

Today, my friend set up a profile for me on an adult dating site as a surprise. It was a surprise alright. The picture he set as my avatar was one of me stark naked, which I sent to my ex shortly before he dumped me. FML

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By LustyDragon

Today, my husband won't shave his beard, despite the fact it grows in wiry and looks like pubic hair. He is now accusing me of "not loving him for who he is." FML

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By overseasbummer - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my wife and I had an argument serious enough to end our marriage, while overseas on vacation, with my whole family present. Three more days of awkward tension until we get to fly home and it all ends. FML

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By why?? - United States

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

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By Buyingagun

Take care

Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML

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By observant - United States

Today, my mom was giving me a long lecture about being aware of my surroundings, because you never know what's out there. While she was talking, I noticed a drug deal going down in the Walmart parking lot. She didn't notice. FML

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By rashree - United States

Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory." When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, "last time, I just peed on you in the shower." FML

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By Jessica - United States - Brighton

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

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By Lennie Mcfish

Today, I confessed my love to my crush over text. Later, she posted the message I'd sent her on Facebook and wrote "look at the pathetic man". The post had over 50 laugh reacts. FML

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By sick - United States

Today, I was at the nursing home I work at, and my boss asked me if I'm serious about my job, telling me that I've been acting strange and not working hard enough. She wants to drug test me. The real reason I'm not 100% is because I have a stomach ulcer from the stress of working there. FML

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By

Selfish

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Coraopolis

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 04:56

The joys of public transportation

Today, I was on the subway and there was a guy yelling, "Regret your sins and devote yourself to God right now." Another man got up from his seat and told him, "I work 12 hours a day and all I want is to go home and rest, you shut the fuck up or I'll make you meet God personally." FML

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Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#5507631 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:16

Don't even attempt to help her cross the road then. You may not live through the experience.

By Ace132 | 20

#5507633 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:17

No good deed goes unpunished..

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#5507631 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:16

Don't even attempt to help her cross the road then. You may not live through the experience.

Reply

Jemm_fml | 29

#5507700 - Sunday 26 May 2013 17:25

ULTRA EXTREME COMMUNITY SERVICE SPORTS

By chandlerbelacic | 17

#5507632 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:16

Well, I feel bad for the woman, but it was good exercise for you and the man that tackled you! FYL indeed

By Ace132 | 20

#5507633 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:17

No good deed goes unpunished..

Reply

packrat | 26

#5507648 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:23

Damn you. Great minds huh?

Reply

ColdplaySucks | 18

#5507699 - Sunday 26 May 2013 17:24

Thats why I don't do good deeds.

Reply

Freethaawave | 19

#5507751 - Sunday 26 May 2013 18:25

Meanie ^

Reply

Roskie | 16

#5508012 - Sunday 26 May 2013 22:44

Killjoy^

Reply

kaitlynjane | 28

#5508398 - Monday 27 May 2013 5:31

#64, your profile picture is awesome :)

Reply

Kc1001 | 14

#5535136 - Friday 14 June 2013 23:17

'Tis true. I am one of the best and nicest workers in to program that I work in and now I have a shoulder injury that will never heal. nor stop hurting.

By packrat | 26

#5507634 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:17

No good deed goes unpunished.

Reply

mario2012 | 18

#5507674 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:47

There must be a glitch in the matrix because I'm having dé ja vu.

Reply

29dear | 16

#5507925 - Sunday 26 May 2013 20:41

hahaha me too. and I'm surprised the second one hasn't been buried.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#5508031 - Sunday 26 May 2013 23:20

Probably because its a good comment and people can see they were both posted at the same time.

Reply

packrat | 26

#5508503 - Monday 27 May 2013 7:23

56, that makes two of us. :)

By Pleonasm | 34

#5507638 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:20

Wonder how many "no good deed goes unpunished" comments we're going to get here.

Reply

lilhellian | 26

#5507640 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:21

There's two just before you.

Reply

chowE_fml | 4

#5507812 - Sunday 26 May 2013 18:59

No Good Samaritan goes un-tackled.

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5507851 - Sunday 26 May 2013 19:32

No good Pleonasm thread goes
un-pun-ished.

Reply

Lawlsacopter | 6

#5507968 - Sunday 26 May 2013 21:30

No good deed goes unfurnished

Reply

gribbles | 12

#5508232 - Monday 27 May 2013 3:43

No good feed goes unfed.

By cherries62212 | 16

#5507639 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:20

hey. at least you tried. now get back up... and help another little old lady! if you fail three times tho... just stop trying. good luck OP:)

By mattlw | 25

#5507642 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:21

Sounds like you were in the wrong place at the wrong time OP. FYL

By RocketNinjaFish | 12

#5507649 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:24

At least he had good intentions, OP. It was just a misunderstanding.
You did the right thing, that's all that matters :)

Reply

iMuffinKat | 16

#6532412 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 8:14

Yeah...but why would he carry it back up to the old lady so she could carry it down herself again? What?

By Welshite | 39

#5507650 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:25

OP: I'm going to help her!
Man: No, I am!
Old Lady: I just want to reach the sidewalk *cries*
Man: Now look what you've done.
OP: DIE, Good Samaritan! *tosses him down the stairs*

I want to see this happen.

By FitForFun | 11

#5507652 - Sunday 26 May 2013 16:26

It makes me wonder when we have gotten to the point that good intentions are so far and in-between that we don't even trust people that could be doing them.

Reply

29dear | 16

#5507927 - Sunday 26 May 2013 20:43

I know. it's sad but I wouldn't let someone else carry my luggage. I'm not a little old lady, but still.

Reply

jem970 | 19

#5508401 - Monday 27 May 2013 5:34

Yeah it's like that banking commercial where they have 50,000 dollars in a suit case and give it to a complete stranger for them to watch while they run and do something. I'm like there is no way! I don't even trust someone to hold my water let alone anything important.