By concernedsis - United States - Atlanta Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML I agree, your life sucks 25554 You deserved it 1825 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imalilangel05 - United States Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML I agree, your life sucks 102026 You deserved it 5773 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By InDeepBlue Today, I took the bus home from work for the first time in my life. It was pretty crowded, so I immediately sat in an empty seat. Then, I felt something wet. It was puke. A lot of it, in fact. FML I agree, your life sucks 1562 You deserved it 395 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hot_mess88 - United States Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML I agree, your life sucks 52980 You deserved it 2569 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By clutzasaurus - United States - Odessa Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 49622 You deserved it 3419 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jedi - United States Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML I agree, your life sucks 54212 You deserved it 2721 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DrakeScott - United States Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML I agree, your life sucks 39897 You deserved it 5821 258 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, while waiting on the platform, a blind man asked out loud for some help getting into the subway car. I helped him through the doors and into a seat. I decided to sit down as well. Twenty minutes later, I realized I was on the wrong subway line. FML I agree, your life sucks 27632 You deserved it 6889 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Newtown Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML I agree, your life sucks 18575 You deserved it 34774 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By aninc - United States - Boise Today, I found out that a strong orgasm can trigger my girlfriend's PTSD. FML I agree, your life sucks 2256 You deserved it 214 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United Kingdom - Oxford Today, while riding my bike in the rain to a counselling appointment about my depression, my shoelace came untied and got caught around my pedal, causing me to go flying off my bike directly in a huge muddy puddle right in front of a busy street of people. No one offered to help me. FML I agree, your life sucks 19018 You deserved it 1677 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rose - United States - Tenino Today, I was at the mall with my friend. A lady came up to us and told my friend that she could be a model. Then the lady looked at me and said, "Oh... Nice shoes." FML I agree, your life sucks 28459 You deserved it 2642 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By taob - China - Nanning Today, I was walking up some stairs, and I told the guy in front of me to be careful, as the handrail was loose and well-worn. I then put my hand on it, and promptly fell backwards down the stairs with a piece of handrail still in my hand. FML I agree, your life sucks 21307 You deserved it 6428 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML I agree, your life sucks 67000 You deserved it 4684 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whatswrongwithit?:( - United States - Chicago Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML I agree, your life sucks 33317 You deserved it 3617 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML I agree, your life sucks 1394 You deserved it 482 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bambi113 - United States - Pittsburgh Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML I agree, your life sucks 12862 You deserved it 904 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Revere Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML I agree, your life sucks 15245 You deserved it 1091 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By J - United States Today, at lunch I ordered a coke. The waiter replied "diet coke?" and I corrected him saying, "No, regular coke." He shook his head and said again, "diet coke." FML I agree, your life sucks 54081 You deserved it 8799 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Paul Williams - United States Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML I agree, your life sucks 34293 You deserved it 4461 214 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alexman1985 Today, while paying a $60 tab on drinks for a girl, a guy grabs the money-clip out of my hand and runs. I start to chase after him; the girl trips me, then runs after him. The bartender calls the cops; not to catch the thieves, but to report me for not paying. FML I agree, your life sucks 58016 You deserved it 4962 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By plzstop - United States - West Lafayette Today, I'm a college student. Just like every other goddamn day, my roommate set about twenty alarms a good two hours before she even needs to get up. She just sleeps through the first hour or so of alarms while I wake up. I've been waking up at 6 a.m., even though my first classes are at 9. FML. I agree, your life sucks 14462 You deserved it 1330 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MonCoiffeurAdoré Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 34909 You deserved it 2116 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/3/2021 11:02 Worst threesome ever Today, I finally got pulled into a threesome with the girl I've loved for years and another friend. She led the interaction with, "You only get to touch her" then, "I just wish [her ex] was here" and finished with, "OK, it's weird with you here, you can just go." FML I agree, your life sucks 477 You deserved it 105 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stupidgirlll - United States Today, I was excited about showing off my new haircut. All my friends thought it looked really good and it made me look older. What did my boyfriend think? He said I look like a little girl and he was afraid to kiss me in public because he didn't want someone to think he was a pedophile. FML I agree, your life sucks 48123 You deserved it 7359 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Unreality - United States Today, I discovered my fiancé has been telling everyone else we are just friends, yet last night he wanted me to go with him to pick up my engagement ring. I'm supposing the wedding will be a surprise to everyone. FML I agree, your life sucks 31931 You deserved it 3544 143 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoMagicMike - United States - La Crescent Today, I was assigned to work on a huge project with Michael. Michael refers to himself in the third person, constantly mumbles unintelligibly to himself, doesn't smile, laugh or make eye contact, and refuses to address me directly. I'll be stuck with him for about four months. FML I agree, your life sucks 24642 You deserved it 2317 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By myheart75 - Australia Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML I agree, your life sucks 31448 You deserved it 5856 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GildedByVices - Australia Today, on Xmas Eve, my eight-year-old and ten-year-old children and I sat down to watch 'Mr. Stink', an Xmas film about a scruffy, stinky tramp. When he first appeared on screen my children both exclaimed in unison, "He looks like you, dad!" FML I agree, your life sucks 6305 You deserved it 688 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ssydneyy - United States - Lakewood Today, I was working as a character at an amusement park. I was walking with another character and we went over to a baby girl. She smiled and laughed at my co-worker. When she saw me, she started screaming and crying. FML I agree, your life sucks 22938 You deserved it 3002 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 05:03 - United States Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks Today, I started the internship of my dreams. The company has nothing for me to do, so I sit and stare at the clock. FML I agree, your life sucks 951 You deserved it 92 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By visn - United States Today, a real estate agent showed my house to some buyers. I found out when I exited the shower, fully nude, to them in the hallway. FML I agree, your life sucks 45825 You deserved it 5265 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bit_fluff - 20/10/2020 02:01 Splashed out Today, I decided to redye my hair. And the sink, and the wall, and the toilet seat, and the tub. FML I agree, your life sucks 451 You deserved it 781 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By swmmr - United States Today, my dad suggested that as an alternative to buying me new school clothes that actually fit, I should just join the swim team, lose some weight, and wear my stuff from last year. FML I agree, your life sucks 26368 You deserved it 14053 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Murfreesboro Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML I agree, your life sucks 38553 You deserved it 3108 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Superman - United States - Bellflower Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML I agree, your life sucks 24003 You deserved it 1899 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wtf fml - United States - Hesperia Aaand blocked. Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML I agree, your life sucks 5312 You deserved it 489 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Joey - United States - Apo Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmothers items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML I agree, your life sucks 18951 You deserved it 2578 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dogless - United States Today, I found my pit bull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He had peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60 dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML I agree, your life sucks 28091 You deserved it 6600 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By failingyetagain - United Kingdom - Barrow Upon Soar Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML I agree, your life sucks 24249 You deserved it 4490 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By two-hours-to-pick-up - Australia Today, I was in a fancy department store. I was wearing my travel backpack. I was turning around after paying at the checkout and my backpack hit a metre-tall display covered with necklaces. It went crashing to the floor, hitting another display table laden with jewelry that collapsed under it. FML I agree, your life sucks 29976 You deserved it 10742 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jen1097 | 25 #6528778 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:06 Let's hope it's just gossip... Send a private message 264 4 Reply
By Warmonger_Smurf | 29 #6528820 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:40 Did he also do it in a drug test cup? Send a private message 223 3 Reply
By jen1097 | 25 #6528778 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:06 Let's hope it's just gossip... Send a private message 264 4 Reply
Reply IAmzephyr | 22 #6528885 - Friday 5 February 2016 3:04 with all these downvotes, looks like you're getting shrekt Send a private message 8 25 Reply
Reply Dale_shackleford | 13 #6528920 - Friday 5 February 2016 4:34 At least your pun is ogre Send a private message 8 17 Reply
By Thoricsteam20 | 24 #6528784 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:09 They're all a couple of jerk offs Send a private message 14 29 Reply
Reply Garrett2818 | 21 #6528905 - Friday 5 February 2016 4:05 They're all two jerk offs? Send a private message 6 11 Reply
By chuka81 | 27 #6528788 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:12 I've heard of peeing to mark your territory. Not much different from jerking of really. Send a private message 9 33 Reply
Reply krazy789 | 28 #6528868 - Friday 5 February 2016 2:38 .... What?? Send a private message 13 4 Reply
Reply supr_sexy | 9 #6529492 - Friday 5 February 2016 21:05 OP's brother is trynna mark his territory. Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By isuckwithnames | 22 #6528797 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:18 It Takes balls to do jerk off in every house you visit. Send a private message 15 27 Reply
Reply heartofhannah | 28 #6528911 - Friday 5 February 2016 4:26 You tried Send a private message 3 10 Reply
By weird_adult | 27 #6528798 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:19 Is your brother a hound dog by any Chance? Send a private message 2 34 Reply
Reply LyricaSilvan | 29 #6528817 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:39 I think you mean "horn dog." Send a private message 21 3 Reply
By nickie_94 | 18 #6528800 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:20 You might want to warn your brother about those rumors Send a private message 40 1 Reply
By silky_mitts | 11 #6528802 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:20 Probably happens a lot in Georgia Send a private message 5 26 Reply
By Kaoticwolf | 17 #6528814 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:36 there's a kid named Ben that jacks off everywhere just hope it's not him Send a private message 18 4 Reply
By nerovetsrethca | 20 #6528819 - Friday 5 February 2016 1:40 I hope it's just a rumor. But maybe tell or ask your brother about it. Rumors most of the time start with something little and gets bigger and faker everytime its passing someone. Send a private message 27 2 Reply
Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked... I agree, your life sucks 221 You deserved it 43 4 Comments
Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML I agree, your life sucks 272 You deserved it 28 3 Comments