Geek: Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from... - FML

By starboi - United States - Weaver

Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML

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Boozehound

Body issues

Call CPS!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 08:02 - United States - Ann Arbor

How's your hovel?

Today, I was cooking in my Airbnb and grabbed a pan, only to find it had some kind of beetle and droppings all over it. I realized soon after that the whole place was infested, but the person in charge of maintenance won’t answer my messages. FML

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By StupidCar - United States

Today, I spent 600 dollars to have my brakes fixed on my car, they weren't squeaking. I got my car back and now the brakes squeal and my air conditioning won't work. I just spent 600 dollars to break my car even more. FML

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By useless bosses - Australia - Sydney

Today, the people who gave me no training or instruction on how to do my job tried to fire me, because asking for clarification apparently means I'm incompetent. FML

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By Holly Jolly - United States

Today, I spent the day crying, and ate McDonald's for my Christmas dinner. FML

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By demotivator - Romania - Timisoara

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

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By singingseattlite - United States

Today, I was at a symposium at which my colleague was a co-chair. She and a new acquaintance asked me how it was going. I joked that the discussant's only job at this conference was to be an asshole. The acquaintance was the symposium's discussant. The topic was Rude Behavior at Work. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

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By thechimpchapter - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

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By running scared - Norway

Today, I found out that my violent ex has moved to my country for the sole purpose of tracking me down. I know this because my former boss called and told me she gave him my address. She loves the idea of us getting back together because, "You are such a cute couple!" FML

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By calgarygal

Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has been sterilizing by boiling in our shared coffee maker, is a menstrual cup. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old brother and 3 of our dogs to a school playground nearby. When we got there, one of the four of them pooped in the field. It wasn't one of the dogs. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

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By Shelle - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my mother-in-law purchased matching Christmas presents for myself and my sister-in-law to open together in front of everyone. Guess who are now the proud owners of matching metal tampon cases. FML

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By Love stinks - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

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By hcfan - Australia

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me to stuff my bra before going to a party with him and his friends because he didn't want to be embarrassed. FML

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By Dan - United States

Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML

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By Jack

Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in his cubicle. The first thing I see on the screen when he logs me onto it is an anime porn game with tentacles. My boss walks by, stares at me and then laughs uncontrollably. FML

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By OhDear - United States

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

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By *cough* *cough* you're a dickface - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw what I thought was a cobweb right behind my head where I sleep. I went to wipe it off and part of the sheetrock dented in. On further inspection, they were holes in the wall. Termites started coming out of them like something out of a horror movie. My husband is out of town for the next few weeks, and I'm extremely bug-phobic. FML

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By badenoughflowers - United States - Ben Wheeler

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

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By

Today, all of my friends stopped messaging me. I checked their Snapchat and Instagram accounts and saw that they were all at a party. When I confronted them, they assured me I was invited and should join them. When I arrived at the address, the house was empty. They gave me the wrong address. FML

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By melmel - United States - Cumming

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

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By ziggers10 - United States

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

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By Serire - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

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By Nigel - United States

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

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By runfattyrun - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I got a gym membership for Christmas, from 3 different people. I think my family's trying to tell me something. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

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By Busted - United States

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I have an abscess in my bellybutton which causes me extreme pain and discomfort when I sit down. I am a receptionist. FML

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By retard99 - Canada

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

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By crappyeve - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was having a Christmas Eve party and my sewer got backed up. Everyone had to go home and now I have to wait until Monday to get it fixed. It's a 15-minute drive to the local McDonald's to take a crap. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2020 05:04

Liquid fun

Today, after 25 years, I quit drinking. It wasn’t worth it. My life and everyone around me still sucked. So I started up again. FML

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By Nicoli - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

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By clash - France

Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML

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By pissedoff - United States - Benton

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my mother told me she's planning on taking the next two weeks "off". She is unemployed and on disability, and spends her days on the couch watching Netflix. Off from what? FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Nice outing

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

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Top comments

By sirdannyboy1 | 20

#6728492 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:03

"Use the force, Spock."

By AstroTurfMatador | 11

#6728597 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 8:57

Uh oh, you overhead someone say some harmless comment that didn't even concern you. How the hell is this an FML?

COMMENTS

By Bliepje | 22

#6728491 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:02

isnt he??!!! hahaha im kiddin... but i dont think its that big of a deal. Maybe she just into that stuff

Reply

TheLemonMan | 24

#6729151 - Wednesday 28 December 2016 20:57

I think she would be MORE likely to know if she was 'into that stuff'.

Reply

Bliepje | 22

#7381697 - Friday 30 December 2016 12:34

i mistyped and couldn't correct it anymore. Ment to say: isnt into that stuff

By sirdannyboy1 | 20

#6728492 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:03

"Use the force, Spock."

Reply

Ultimate_Batman | 28

#6728496 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:08

"Use the force Harry" - Gandalf

Reply

raven_of_azarath | 32

#6728569 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 7:14

"Live long and use the force, Harry" - Gandalf

By zaidthunder1 | 27

#6728493 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:04

Is it a coincidence OP is from Alabama?

Reply

maritime1992 | 5

#6728518 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:56

No. it's 2016. get more creative with your jokes.

By RichardPencil | 29

#6728498 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:16

Lt. Uhura was a woman!!!

Reply

Rawrshi | 25

#6728507 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:31

They were likely referring to Worf, Lt. Geordi La Forge, or Lt. Tuvok if they didn't just mix up the names of the series.

By doubledee8 | 16

#6728499 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:16

"Spock, I Am Your Father"

By Rawrshi | 25

#6728501 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:21

Beam me up, Daddy.

Reply

URBeingLied2 | 23

#6728736 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 19:34

I never did see the triple x version of those movies . . .

By RichardPencil | 29

#6728504 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:30

Up Scotty me beam. Bazinga!

By RpiesSPIES | 27

#6728505 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:31

Tell her yes, and Yoda is what Voldemort turned into after his Avada Kedavra backfired thanks to Yugi Moto's Mirror Shield.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#6728506 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:31

No, he's that guy who helps Harry Potter destroy the one ring and save the land of Narnia.

By Soninuva | 41

#6728508 - Tuesday 27 December 2016 5:35

'I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of [fans'] voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.'