Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person...

By ajdown - 17/6/2011 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

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Transportation

Understandable

The end of the road

My body, my choice

By jaci - 24/7/2016 15:27 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML

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By T___T - 12/9/2015 01:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that no, my period arriving several days late doesn't mean I have AIDS. FML

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By nurse - 3/11/2010 12:08 - Reserved

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

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By lame - 31/12/2010 05:02 - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy starts talking to me, then suddenly loses interest. Afterwards, I see the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

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By Noname - 22/1/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I got a mailer from Adam and Eve with a bunch of hard core porn ads inside. I have been getting these since i ordered a Pirate porn video a few months ago. I was gone for a few weeks overseas. My mother-in-law was getting the mail. FML

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By legwarmer - 31/12/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my fiancé, we were talking about how we'd rather die, if given a choice. I said, "I want to die in my sleep next to you." His response? "It'd be sexier if you were on top of me with your face between my legs." Cute, honey. FML

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By Nearis - 16/2/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I received a call from the police about a car accident that I was a witness to. As the only witness who stopped to help, I was remembered by the other cars involved. They're blaming me for the accident. The cops want to talk. FML

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By Godi - 10/12/2009 19:00 - United States

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

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By lalibear - 3/5/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 02:00

Fresh air

Today, my parents actually kicked me into the back garden and made me sit outside for an hour so they could have sex without having to worry about me hearing them go at each other like a pair of 15-stone rabbits hopped up on Viagra. FML

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By AshleyRose24 - 23/11/2013 08:02 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I had to have a talk with my stalker. After telling him not to snapchat me, not to text me, and that I'm not interested, all he said was "I think persistence is going to be key here." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2013 16:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

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By Leash - 23/10/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street in downtown Charleston where there are a lot of horse-drawn carriage tours and I decided to pick up some litter. Some of it was in a puddle of water, but after I picked up the trash, I realized the puddle was horse urine. FML

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By coleslaw - 3/2/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML

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By Uhmm... - 13/5/2011 23:06 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML

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By shitty situation - 28/1/2013 23:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

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By no salt, no burning, just STFU - 8/3/2015 14:41 - United States

Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML

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By acnebutt - 27/8/2011 22:30 - United States

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

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By anonymous - 27/1/2012 15:26 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML

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By Kelly - 23/7/2020 02:01

Polly wants it

Today, at work, I booked a vet appointment for an African Gray to get a birth control implant. I didn’t even know that was a thing and I definitely never thought that a parrot would have a more active sex life than me. FML

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By horny21 - 21/2/2010 08:19 - Canada

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2012 11:53 - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

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By Anon - 1/5/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday. I roll over in bed and ask my boyfriend if we can go out to the park to have a picnic, considering the lovely weather. He looked up at me and said, "You wish I loved you that much." He rolled back over and slept until 3 p.m. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

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By drugbaby - 18/12/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML

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By stupidboss - 31/3/2016 03:23 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

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By Jessica - 19/3/2011 21:13 - Romania

Today, at 21 years of age, my doctor confirmed that I am, indeed, going bald. It wouldn't be such a bad thing, even expected, if I wasn't a woman. FML

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By fukinlonely - 12/1/2015 12:53 - United Kingdom

Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

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By helpfulmom - 26/7/2009 18:39 - Canada

Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:50 - Canada

Today, while driving home, I was so lonely I turned on my GPS, even though I knew the way, so it would feel like I had someone to talk to. It made me feel better. FML

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By hatemylife - 19/7/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

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By RandomTurtle109 - 19/3/2016 12:40 - United States - White River Junction

Today, I woke up late, got ready within 10 minutes and drove to work. I walked in and apologized to my boss. He said, "Go Home, it's your day off..." Walk of Shame. FML

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By no compassion - 16/4/2013 10:50 - United States - Aurora

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

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By Jen - 26/11/2018 07:30 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my son decided he wanted roasted marshmallows. It would've been fine, except he put the entire bag into the oven I had preheating for pizza and caught it on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2014 17:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

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By asdfghjkl - 7/4/2018 19:00

Today, it took me four tries to find the right position to swipe my debit card. My mom screamed "Oh, for God's sake, why don't you ever get it right the FIRST time?" She then apologized to the cashier for having "such a stupid child". FML

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By chocofreak - 10/5/2009 10:23 - United States

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

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By victimboi - 5/6/2009 19:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a taxi home from work. Only having notes in my wallet, I told the taxi driver that I'd run inside my house and come back out with the change for the journey. He agreed, but only if I left my bag as collateral. It seemed fair. An hour later, I realized my wallet was missing. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 01:00

Second time

Today, I woke up with a rash on my face after just getting over a bad cold. I was told by the doctor that it was a staph infection spread by wearing a face mask. The face mask I wore so people wouldn’t catch the cold from me. FML

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Top comments

By thehoneybadger | 10

#2705063 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:17

That guy shouldn't be travelling... unless he's got a flight phobia, he sounds like he has a serious stomach bug.

By perdix | 29

#2705699 - Saturday 18 June 2011 3:14

Maybe if you showered, wiped and wore deodorant, people around you would not get sick from your stench.

COMMENTS

By MilkShakez | 0

#2705020 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:13

atleats your seat buddoes are not fat

MilkShakez | 0

#2705057 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:17

That was a typing fail, my bad :(

pertained | 12

#2705192 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:28

lol, Atleast they didn't Chunder literally everywhar

herrobear | 0

#2705221 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:33

On the bright side, if he throws up any more than he already has, he'll probably die before hour one...oh wait

miraggg | 1

#2706066 - Saturday 18 June 2011 4:27

at least it wasnt projectile vomit all over your lap

zendaddy0 | 0

#2706180 - Saturday 18 June 2011 4:49

in what circumstance would that not be a problem!?!?!?!?

ThanksKarma | 0

#2707005 - Saturday 18 June 2011 6:16

That smell must be awful.

torio123 | 27

#2708183 - Saturday 18 June 2011 11:49

oh I suck at flying. I spew pretty much every 10 minutes. I always feel sorry for teh people sitting next to me :D

iSitt | 0

#2709434 - Saturday 18 June 2011 17:43

don't worry, he'll soon be out of ammo

jassi101 | 5

#2713380 - Sunday 19 June 2011 4:54

Lol...

By Jimmyd0t | 0

#2705047 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:16

wtf -_- I feel your pain OP, fyl

By redneck0328 | 5

#2705050 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:16

you gonna eat that hot dog?

By thehoneybadger | 10

#2705063 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:17

That guy shouldn't be travelling... unless he's got a flight phobia, he sounds like he has a serious stomach bug.

obnum | 19

#2705247 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:37

agreed

Alysin | 14

#2705358 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:57

sounds like zombies, ....time to ready the chainsaw!

deefan101 | 11

#2706231 - Saturday 18 June 2011 5:02

yes totally agreed! 

By kyanisaurus | 0

#2705114 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:21

butt plug?

By ripgeorgecarl1n | 7

#2705160 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:25

I've never seen anyone use one of those, and I fly a lot!

shybear15 | 0

#2705444 - Saturday 18 June 2011 2:19

haha... I love your pic

eminemchick | 19

#2705688 - Saturday 18 June 2011 3:12

agreed, ur pic is win:D

By Cheylea | 10

#2705164 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:25

Eww I feel your pain...

By SirBedevere | 0

#2705176 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:26

Why not give him the good ole American sue?

SirBedevere | 0

#2705187 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:28

Why not*

demonspeed | 0

#2706811 - Saturday 18 June 2011 5:54

I'm not sure if this was supposed to be a jab at Americans but if so I'll sue you buddy! no really wtf are you trying to say?

By smexehXredhead0 | 0

#2705206 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:30

Nasty! Ask if you can move!!!

kendallhi | 9

#2707096 - Saturday 18 June 2011 6:29

haha I love your pic

By Saltime | 0

#2705215 - Saturday 18 June 2011 1:32

When they run out of sick bags, are you going to lend him your hat?

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2705837 - Saturday 18 June 2011 3:38

Something tells me he will have already used his hat. considering that he would be constantly puking and will eventually puke up his intestines which would most likely make OP puke or faint of shock, which in both cases there would be no use for a hat for the very ill passenger. Unless you can use the hat for the previous stated intestine problem.