Kids: Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up... - FML

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 563

You deserved it 3 043

Triage

Sounds lovely

Litter

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, I was in lying in bed with my boyfriend while he was asleep. He is going to school to be a doctor, and it appears that he says anatomical terms while asleep. My boyfriend can make me feel stupid in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 316

You deserved it 25 885

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 06:22 - United States

Today, a hobo threw up on my car while at a red light. He then asked me for money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 989

You deserved it 2 445

By Jason - 05/02/2018 15:30 - United States - Kenai

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is actually a man. Not a transgender person, I'm okay with that, but an actual gay man who gets a kick out of pranking other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 434

You deserved it 976

By Phoellie - 28/08/2009 11:43 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 875

You deserved it 5 180

By littlepsychgirl - 29/09/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 408

You deserved it 2 918

Thanks for your help

By wowthanksworld - 22/03/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, I was on the subway when I felt like I was going to faint. I got off the train at the next stop, walked to a bench, but fell over and passed out. When I woke up, I looked around at at least 25 people, who had stepped around me, passed out, in the middle of the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 018

You deserved it 3 253

Food for thought

By Michael - 20/03/2021 05:02 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while assisting my 2 year-old with potty training, she stuck her hand in her own poop, and when I wasn't expecting it, put her fingers in my mouth. Ever wondered what a green blowout tastes like? I don't have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 135

By siikman313 - 12/09/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 510

You deserved it 3 932

By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 600

You deserved it 4 071

Ah yes, homophobic jokes, so funny

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 05:01

Today, I was working at my desk when a colleague came over to my desk and said, “You loiter in gay bars”. I started having a panic attack because I thought he'd found out and would out me to my wife. Only when he began cracking up laughing did I realise it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 1 886

By sheryl_m - 09/04/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I came home expecting a surprise party. It was my birthday and I had overheard my friends planning it all week. Nobody was there. It turns out the party they were planning was for my friend's dog's birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 047

You deserved it 4 525

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 10:46 - United States

Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 961

You deserved it 51 460

By girlsgottagotoo - 26/06/2016 20:52 - United States - Covina

Today, I passed a cashier when I came into a store. Later I passed him again as I was leaving, and he asked me if I needed help finding something because I had been in the store for a while. I told him I had been browsing upstairs, but in reality, I had been in the restroom the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 548

You deserved it 1 504

By Anonymous - 14/04/2013 13:29 - United States

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 820

You deserved it 4 407

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 19:33 - United States - Little Rock

Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 784

You deserved it 3 669

Weird reason, but OK

By Anonymous - 30/01/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, sitting in my car, an hour into a four-hour trip. The reason? I haven't been lifting with him at his gym during the COVID-19 pandemic. The kicker? We were headed back after a stay-cation with his mom, because yesterday was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 82

By OytoBeAfather - 16/05/2012 03:05 - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 925

You deserved it 4 239

By jlover42 - 01/05/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 781

You deserved it 18 314

By "axon Impulse" - 15/05/2017 12:00

Today, a reliable source informed me that my suspicions that I would soon be fired were wrong! Instead, my boss plans to make my life miserable until I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 460

You deserved it 223

By Alejandroc - 20/01/2012 01:46 - Honduras

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 085

You deserved it 3 450

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 827

You deserved it 40 995

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was facebook stalking this really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 533

You deserved it 44 473

By suckishbf - 28/04/2011 02:41 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend's present to me was that he actually flushed the toilet AND put the seat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 807

You deserved it 6 735

By stupidtoothpick2 - 16/08/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 183

You deserved it 8 456

By fired - 23/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 184

You deserved it 65 219

By sam - 02/05/2010 00:12 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 254

You deserved it 47 407

By Anonymous - 06/10/2016 18:59 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my toddler son walked up to my older daughter and kissed her chest, then said, "I kissed the boob." I have no idea where he learned that word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 873

You deserved it 976

Body shaming ain't cool

By grotesque sexy - 05/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend refused to have sex with me because I have ass acne. The reason I have ass acne is from working out to lose weight. I was trying to lose weight because he wouldn't have sex with me because I was too fat. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 482

By Anonymous - 12/03/2016 14:13 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, after struggling to get something out of my eye, I kept my eye open long so it would start to water. My mother in law noticed and said, "Aww, do you need a therapist again?" She knows full well I struggle with chronic depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 567

You deserved it 1 570

By Gee... Thanks - 03/09/2014 01:35

Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 708

You deserved it 5 643

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 21:23 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 609

You deserved it 1 636

By R - 28/10/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 608

You deserved it 61 455

By NickC - 28/11/2009 10:16 - Malaysia

Today, after burning all my past-papers, books and notes in celebration of finishing maths forever, I found out I have to re-take my maths exam to get the minimum grade for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 221

You deserved it 50 434

Godammit Ursula!

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my sister has been telling people I’ve been dead for the last 3 months, to cover up the fact she used me to commit identity fraud. We’re identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 19:00

Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 582

You deserved it 445

By RainbowSuck - 07/02/2017 16:00 - Canada

Today, after passing various interviews and tests, I was given a great job pending a pre-employment medical test. Now I'm jobless and colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 119

You deserved it 682

By MBrabs1996 - 19/12/2018 05:00

Today, despite the schedule saying I was off, I found out I’m supposed to be working because my boss changed the schedule without my knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 480

You deserved it 215

How appropriate

By ohgod - 14/08/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my one year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 481

You deserved it 7 917

By M95 - 03/03/2010 19:11 - Norway

Today, I'm a 15 year old boy who is bald. Why am I bald? My little brother thought it would be funny to put glue in my hair gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 689

You deserved it 4 836

Missing the one

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had a dream where I was with my last girlfriend, from five years ago. Nothing dirty. Just leaning on each other, talking, and smiling. Woke up and felt like she was really here, and now I miss her as much as when she had to leave the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 100

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Top comments

bulletsinthewind 21

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:08

All in the name of science

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:13

Did the flame get sucked in?

Comments

SoloAutotunE 17

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:07

Remember, boys will be boys

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:31

I think it's more like: stupid people will be stupid people

TH_Insomniak 15

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:45

I do that stuff and I'm actually very smart. I just like to do stupid THINGS. know the difference.

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Sunday 27 December 2015 19:34

There's a reason why natural selection is a thing ;)

TH_Insomniak 15

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Sunday 27 December 2015 20:19

I guess that's why I'm still alive huh. just smart enough to do stupid things and still get by with it.

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Sunday 27 December 2015 20:54

You may be getting away with doing idiotic things now, but just wait.

MrSassypants 32

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Sunday 27 December 2015 20:58

#22 If it makes you feel any better, if you eventually do get killed doing something stupid, no one would be around to say "I told you so."

TH_Insomniak 15

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Sunday 27 December 2015 21:51

oh I've been punished for it multiple times, broken bones and all, I'll admit to the "I told you so thing" wouldn't bother me at all. if I die, you guys'll definitely be right! lol, but until then, Ima enjoy myself

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Sunday 27 December 2015 23:36

#15 you out emphasis on the wrong word

TacoloverSWE 23

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Monday 28 December 2015 0:43

"Stupid is as stupid does" -Forrest Gump

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Monday 28 December 2015 23:19

Actions speak louder than words. If you actually do stupid things like that, then u couldn't be that smart

gorgeous_vixen95 12

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Tuesday 29 December 2015 10:06

Why did this get disliked?!? It's so true and halarious!!

bulletsinthewind 21

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:08

All in the name of science

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:08

Did the flamethrower backfire?

xx000o 27

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Monday 28 December 2015 12:05

Did you leave him at the ER?

LalapaloozaChick 14

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:10

did he get it on video?

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Sunday 27 December 2015 19:31

You know he did. It'll show up on YouTube before long.

Edumcg 24

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Monday 28 December 2015 5:17

At least he will appear on FailArmy.

KhaleesiDannie 26

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:10

I love the smell of burnt intestines in the morning

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:41

you are being so pathetic !

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Sunday 27 December 2015 20:34

Your face pisses me off

the_real_dvd 21

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Sunday 27 December 2015 20:40

Not sure why so many thumbs down. Maybe people aren't getting the Apocalypse Now reference? Excellent movie.

MmmPinkTacos 11

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Sunday 27 December 2015 22:15

#23....why? at least she's confident enough to put a pic up of herself, unlike other people

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Sunday 27 December 2015 22:59

Khaleesi, I think you have a beautiful face.

KhaleesiDannie 26

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Monday 28 December 2015 1:25

Thank you very much DVD Taco and Sun you're very kind

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Monday 28 December 2015 4:47

burnt anus is better

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Monday 28 December 2015 7:57

._.

VonBlitzkrieg 27

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Thursday 31 December 2015 0:23

But it's an indication that he's definitely not a Targeryan.

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:13

Did the flame get sucked in?

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:14

I hope his dreams didn't 'go up in flames'.

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:14

Did you argue at all? I hope it didn't get heated. I don't mean to be cheeky. I just can't help thinking that your son will now be the butt of many jokes. All in all, I hope he's okay and no one thinks of him as an asshole because this whole situation stinks.

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:38

You tried too hard

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Sunday 27 December 2015 23:46

how do you know? maybe they didn't have to put very much thought into it. I thought it was fun to read.

Lalala579121 27

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:22

Well, he almost became a Darwin Award recipient.

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Sunday 27 December 2015 18:24

The important question is: how old is your son?

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 112

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 95