Work: Today, I had to sit and listen to the guy in the next cube brag...

By Greg - United States

Today, I had to sit and listen to the guy in the next cube brag to his wife about the promotion he just received. The promotion my boss told me last week that I was going to get. FML

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35068

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Work

Fairytale ending

The sweet smell of success

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - United States - Eugene

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

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54661

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By kennarama - United States

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

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29501

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By Anonymous - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, and pretty much every day, my co-worker takes off her shoes while working. The smell of her feet makes me dizzy. I don't know if she's oblivious to the fact that her feet stink, or she just doesn't care. It's affecting the quality of my work. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 23:01 - United States - Southfield

Grown-ass man

Today, my mom got angry that I moved stuff in the freezer, and banned me from even opening it in future. I’m in my 30s, I fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, and now I've lost freezer privileges. FML

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1035

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Kilkenny

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

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By Anonymous

Tonight, on First Dates…

Today, I discovered that pictures really make a person look more attractive than they really are. Besides the downgrade in attraction, we got to spend the next two hours playing an awkward game of 20 questions. This from a guy that wanted nudes right away. So much for online charm. FML

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By Makeitdance - United States - Pleasanton

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

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47363

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By Igor - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

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By lonely-mind - United States - Jackson

Today, my thighs started chafing 3 hours before the end of my work shift. Now they burn no matter what I do. I still have an 8-hour shift tomorrow and I can barely walk. To make it worse, my mom's only words of advice involved me losing weight so it "doesn't happen again". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2548

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24072

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 10:58

Big boss man

Today, I have a doctor’s note confirming that I'm high risk for Covid and should only work from home. My boss still demands I come to the office, even though the only person I meet there is the guy who sterilizes the door handles. FML

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By sexyswollen - Netherlands

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

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By TabbyCat87 - United States - Lamar

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22512

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By Bilze - United States - Burke

Today, I was reading a book on paper for the first time in maybe a month. I had to stop at a word I did not recognise. Because I'm so used to using a Kindle, I tried to get the definition by pressing it. I had my finger on the word for a few seconds before I realised it was paper. FML

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8604

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By Mark - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

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48587

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By treehugger - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

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8027

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By IdiotNursingStudent - United States - Belton

Today, I was reviewing for a major nursing school exam I have this week. I panicked because none of the material seemed familiar, and figured that I must've missed something during class and now had to catch up. After 4 hours, I finally realized that I'd been studying from the wrong textbook. FML

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By Official_Person - United States

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

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By proudparent - Canada

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

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27319

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By Anna L. - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway". Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

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By committedandalone

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend about where we want to live when I graduate. He says he doesn't know what he wants and his mother wouldn't approve of us living together. We've been together 3 years with the understanding we would live together once I graduated my Master's. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I called in sick to my job. I'm already on shaky ground there, but I was honestly sick. I happened to call in during the mandatory departmental meeting. Apparently, I was supposed to go in a half-hour early. I called in thirty minutes late, during a required meeting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

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By WOCOACH - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my hate for my mother-in-law now outweighs my love for my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3634

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

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By Promo girl - Australia

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

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27241

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By crazydog - United Kingdom

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

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29571

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By crushed - 23/5/2020 02:00

What about me?

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

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1581

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By keimA

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1169

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By Wisconsin love - United States

Let me Slytherin

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

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45853

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Monica

She used me

Today, I discovered my friend will be upstaging my birthday by hosting another birthday party shortly afterwards. Not for her of course, but in honor of her favorite actor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1681

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By hardtoignore - United States

Today, after reading about seduction techniques, I wore shades and a brightly colored shirt to a club to attract female attention. However, the sunglasses rendered me almost blind, and I tripped over a step, crashed into tables, and thanks to the shirt, everyone saw it happen in glorious technicolor. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML

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By krfenton8

Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

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By nmaidkieavg

Today, I got pulled over for a traffic violation. Thinking I could get away with it, I spoke with a French accent. The officer then asked me a question in perfect French. I got a ticket. FML

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Top comments

By Andryah | 0

#1017910 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Bastard

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1017908 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Sucks for you. Sorry

COMMENTS

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1017908 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Sucks for you. Sorry

wreckem881 | 0

#1017926 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

well Greg looks like you need to sharpen your career skills a bit

austin_DGAF | 0

#1018088 - Thursday 3 June 2010 21:21

and it looks like you are sitting on a toilet.

p.s. clean up

Tikwichka | 5

#1018097 - Thursday 3 June 2010 21:29

A dirty mirror and finished toilet rolls in the background do not make a good photograph.

wreckem881 | 0

#1018098 - Thursday 3 June 2010 21:30

the only thing needing cleaning up is your attitude, Sir

wreckem881 | 0

#1018101 - Thursday 3 June 2010 21:31

haha at first I mistook you for a guy

KTpants | 0

#1018174 - Thursday 3 June 2010 22:48

lol @ 49

Tikwichka | 5

#1018233 - Thursday 3 June 2010 23:57

To be fair, I am dressed as a Dalek :-P

By Andryah | 0

#1017910 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Bastard

rikard_fml | 0

#1017913 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:25

indeed

nicholaslim | 0

#1017986 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:47

hello there 3, you're cute ;D

irsmeagol | 0

#1018016 - Thursday 3 June 2010 20:17

u fail

matrasveer | 1

#1018018 - Thursday 3 June 2010 20:19

That's so desperate and it's not even her. I'm willing to bet OP's raise... oh wait..

austin_DGAF | 0

#1018095 - Thursday 3 June 2010 21:26

So 31, how is the whole hitting on girls over FML working for you?

Petey_devil | 0

#1018162 - Thursday 3 June 2010 22:39

3 is fake. that picture is all over ads for "real people" dating sites, like ads on myspace.

iJasper | 8

#3043627 - Friday 5 August 2011 10:13

58, You still use Myspace?

By bodoquito89 | 0

#1017916 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:27

how did he get it when you'd been told it was for you?

By Stefany713 | 0

#1017917 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:27

and the thread-jacking begins >:D

By lanester25 | 0

#1017918 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:27

I'd key his car bastard

By lisaaaar | 0

#1017919 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:28

unless if it was in writing then it wasn't yours :x. just sayin

By kbobcat | 0

#1017920 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:28

thats sucks, and 1 and 3 are very pretty

RedPillSucks | 31

#1017967 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:42

I feel slighted...
*sigh*

By mikagesouji | 0

#1017921 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

That really sucks.

By buggybeauty | 0

#1017922 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

fyl!!

By rakume | 0

#1017924 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

that sux. well at least you still have a job