Work: Today, I had to sit and listen to the guy in the next cube brag...

By Greg - United States

Today, I had to sit and listen to the guy in the next cube brag to his wife about the promotion he just received. The promotion my boss told me last week that I was going to get. FML

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35077

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Work

Commando

No Ragrets

BFF for life

By akiza - Japan

Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML

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36421

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2898

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By SharpeOne

Today, I found out that my parents didn't come to my wedding not because they couldn't make it, but rather that my younger brother didn't want to go. FML

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36434

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2554

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By rani - Norway - Oslo

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

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44107

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent my last $50 to get a ticket to take my daughter out for a nice birthday dinner tonight. It wasn't until after I purchased it that I realized the restaurant isn't even open on Mondays. FML

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29828

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By Anonymous

On yer bike

Today, I replaced the fog lights on my car and completely filled my gas tank. $50+ later, the transmission decided it wanted to go out. FML

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1397

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By shamed - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36053

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Alfreton

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Last week, she wrote sweet things like "Love you forever" and "Light of my life" on my arm cast. I have to wait two more weeks until it's taken off. FML

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50937

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By NeverDrinkingAgain - Canada

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

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20619

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2020 04:18 - United Kingdom

Issues

Today, my boyfriend told me I’m clearly turning into my mother. I turned round to have a go at him when I stopped, thought about it, and realised he’s completely right. I’m just like her. Now I’m so depressed, I don’t know if I want booze, a relaxing bath or a really long, ugly crying session. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1480

You deserved it

378

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By lexibabe - United States

Today, I was in the bank with my seven year old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58773

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2756

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By fingerfuckd - Canada

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

166191

You deserved it

13623

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By maebyf - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43891

You deserved it

8343

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

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25098

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd invited the entire graduating class of 2011, and tons of people confirmed that they were going to come. Two hours after the time I'd told everyone to show up, I'm still the only one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48887

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By keelah - United States - Montgomery

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47546

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8512

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By golfstar11 - United States - Savannah

Today, I was doing a presentation in front of my boss. On the last slide, someone had put a picture of a man's cock. I later found out it was my boss who did it. It was his "good reason" to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33973

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2164

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By joeshmoe - United States

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34236

You deserved it

25698

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By getmoneyab - Mexico

Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9782

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By Xtine - United States

Today, while on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up and pissing off several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20556

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46194

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By fuckthat - United States

Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it was not my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it was not my sister either, she said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52417

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By UhhhUhhhRRRick - United States

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, when he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

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55984

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML

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48901

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND...!" FML

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20002

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By spreadburger - United States - Tampa

Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36843

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By hopelesscollegestudent - Canada

Today, I asked my college chemistry teacher for some much-needed help. Instead of explaining anything to me, she scoffed that if I don't understand something, I should "just Google it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23937

You deserved it

2002

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By James - United States

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42397

You deserved it

3093

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By finalssuck - United States

Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21676

You deserved it

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By Fatty - Canada

Today, I was making out with this guy that I like. In an attempt to be romantic, he tried to pick me up and press me against the wall. He couldn't lift me off the ground. FML

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43150

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By thankssiren - United Kingdom - Sandiacre

Today, my friend started his first day of work with me. I thought it'd be fun, but he's been putting on an obnoxious fake French accent and saying "merde" whenever anything goes wrong. Half the women at the office want his dick, and I'm still as single as ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47336

You deserved it

5969

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

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31501

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By Anonymous - United States - Temecula

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46861

You deserved it

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By Bob

A heads up next time maybe?

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2008

You deserved it

826

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11584

You deserved it

1113

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2021 10:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Unreasonable

Today, my father-in-law decided to disown myself and his son, because my husband decided to hyphenate his last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

754

You deserved it

217

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By really? - 28/9/2020 14:02 - United States

Kids

Today, I noticed my daughter’s sullen mood and asked if there was anything I could do to help. With tears in her eyes, she snapped, “Yeah, you can go back in time and keep that appointment you’d made at planned parenthood!” I never had such an appointment and her older brother is a mean asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1378

You deserved it

115

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By Ah piss - United States

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27043

You deserved it

3876

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By Noname - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

156862

You deserved it

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By footfetish - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42413

You deserved it

4547

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38624

You deserved it

2775

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone peed in my physical education locker. The only way someone could've done it is with a ladder. I'm so popular it hurts. FML

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30459

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Top comments

By Andryah | 0

#1017910 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Bastard

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1017908 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Sucks for you. Sorry

COMMENTS

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1017908 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Sucks for you. Sorry

wreckem881 | 0

#1017926 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

well Greg looks like you need to sharpen your career skills a bit

austin_DGAF | 0

#1018088 - Thursday 3 June 2010 21:21

and it looks like you are sitting on a toilet.

p.s. clean up

Tikwichka | 5

#1018097 - Thursday 3 June 2010 21:29

A dirty mirror and finished toilet rolls in the background do not make a good photograph.

wreckem881 | 0

#1018098 - Thursday 3 June 2010 21:30

the only thing needing cleaning up is your attitude, Sir

wreckem881 | 0

#1018101 - Thursday 3 June 2010 21:31

haha at first I mistook you for a guy

KTpants | 0

#1018174 - Thursday 3 June 2010 22:48

lol @ 49

Tikwichka | 5

#1018233 - Thursday 3 June 2010 23:57

To be fair, I am dressed as a Dalek :-P

By Andryah | 0

#1017910 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Bastard

rikard_fml | 0

#1017913 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:25

indeed

nicholaslim | 0

#1017986 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:47

hello there 3, you're cute ;D

irsmeagol | 0

#1018016 - Thursday 3 June 2010 20:17

u fail

matrasveer | 1

#1018018 - Thursday 3 June 2010 20:19

That's so desperate and it's not even her. I'm willing to bet OP's raise... oh wait..

austin_DGAF | 0

#1018095 - Thursday 3 June 2010 21:26

So 31, how is the whole hitting on girls over FML working for you?

Petey_devil | 0

#1018162 - Thursday 3 June 2010 22:39

3 is fake. that picture is all over ads for "real people" dating sites, like ads on myspace.

iJasper | 8

#3043627 - Friday 5 August 2011 10:13

58, You still use Myspace?

By bodoquito89 | 0

#1017916 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:27

how did he get it when you'd been told it was for you?

By Stefany713 | 0

#1017917 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:27

and the thread-jacking begins >:D

By lanester25 | 0

#1017918 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:27

I'd key his car bastard

By lisaaaar | 0

#1017919 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:28

unless if it was in writing then it wasn't yours :x. just sayin

By kbobcat | 0

#1017920 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:28

thats sucks, and 1 and 3 are very pretty

RedPillSucks | 31

#1017967 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:42

I feel slighted...
*sigh*

By mikagesouji | 0

#1017921 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

That really sucks.

By buggybeauty | 0

#1017922 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

fyl!!

By rakume | 0

#1017924 - Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

that sux. well at least you still have a job