Work: Today, I had to sit and listen to the guy in the next cube brag...

By Greg - 03/06/2010 15:45 - United States

Today, I had to sit and listen to the guy in the next cube brag to his wife about the promotion he just received. The promotion my boss told me last week that I was going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 099

You deserved it 2 611

Work

Hiding from the drama

The Ex

Bad data

By sore - 21/01/2009 01:08 - Australia

Today, I sliced my arm open on the weekend, patched it with a fabric bandaid. Had an allergic reaction to the bandaid, arm now swollen, blistering and keeping-me-awake itchy. Pharmacist's advice? "Oooh, that looks bad. Better put a bandaid on that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 612

You deserved it 2 459

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 248

You deserved it 43 866

By Walking in a Winter Wonderland - 12/09/2016 10:51 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my dandruff got so bad that when I sneezed on the bus, it created a "blizzard" of dandruff, covering me, and two others in it. I'm now known as "Winter Wonderland". FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 285

You deserved it 2 867

Renovations

By Anonymous - 01/01/2021 19:59 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Today, after buying an old house that lacks plumbing a few weeks ago, I’m still crapping in a bucket in the barn. My two favorite Christmas gifts are still 2 pieces of rubber to dampen the noise from my new sewage pump and a used ceramic toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 303

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 304

You deserved it 30 241

By gallstones - 09/07/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 162

You deserved it 3 824

By Dina - 23/11/2008 09:24 - France

Today, whilst chatting with my mum on MSN, she unintentionally sent me an animated emoticon of a penis jerking off repeatedly. I don't even want to know the type of conversation she was having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 631

You deserved it 2 863

By lousy - 31/01/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 000

You deserved it 3 849

By bbns - 14/01/2009 11:57 - Germany

Today, I organized a party, invited a girl I've been secretly in love with for years, as well as a friend of mine who brought along an unknown mate of his. The party was fine, although the unknown mate threw up all over the floor. Now, the girl is dating that unknown mate and is in love with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 286

You deserved it 2 732

By Lukev7 - 12/09/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, was my first day at Military School. When our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood. To which the commander wasted no time in adressing in front of the rest of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 900

You deserved it 5 567

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 01:55 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 852

You deserved it 1 989

By Puppylove - 26/02/2013 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 847

You deserved it 10 248

By yegworstdrivers - 20/12/2018 10:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I fell violently ill half an hour into a flight. I got sick so suddenly that I projectile vomited all over my clothes and the seat in front of me, and to top it all off, I also got diarrhea. Eight more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 638

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 13:00

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 831

By broken finger - 18/07/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 321

You deserved it 12 002

Stinky neighborhood

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 22:01

Today, I came home to a terrible smell in the apartment. Three hours, and a scoured kitchen later, I took the trash out. The smell was not my apartment, but from just across the alley: a neighbor had moved and emptied their fridge. Six more days of sunned milk until pickup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 47

By Neverthebride - 22/05/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 541

You deserved it 3 807

BO Central

By jess - 16/12/2020 06:02 - United States - Denver

Today, I was loudly asked if I'd rubbed poop all over myself this morning. I shower three times a day, brush my teeth for 10 minutes twice a day, and wear copious amounts of antiperspirant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 1 643

Livin' the dream

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 05:01 - Australia

Today, and for the last few days, I’ve been playing farming life simulator games. It dawned on me that my fictional farmers will probably be more successful and social and rich and energetic than I ever will be in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 202

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 20:28 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 284

You deserved it 1 726

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 23:31 - United States - Iowa City

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 607

You deserved it 4 131

By ShowerGirl - 30/04/2013 07:54 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 589

You deserved it 5 666

By WalkingTalkingCarrot - 27/06/2011 02:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my 15 year old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 938

You deserved it 5 098

By Anonymous - 19/06/2013 15:29 - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 054

You deserved it 3 593

By dumpedovergame - 06/07/2009 10:51 - United States

Today, I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 267

You deserved it 33 786

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 00:58 - United States

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 312

You deserved it 10 212

Nice guy DESTROYED by FACTS and LOGIC

By Anonymous - 07/09/2020 04:02 - United States - Akron

Today, after a year and a half, I finally cut things off with my ex completely because I was starting to have feelings for someone else. Right after I cut my ex off, the other girl that I liked cut things off with me, and threw my ass in the friendzone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 762

By madamefuxalittle - 08/07/2014 20:52 - United States - Stratford

Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 739

You deserved it 4 586

By Tag - 31/08/2013 04:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 887

You deserved it 2 719

By Fatty - 28/12/2011 07:57 - United States

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 463

You deserved it 4 864

Hungry boi

By jesstracy - 04/10/2017 09:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 809

You deserved it 1 139

Sounds like a catch

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 08:06

Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 312

By rozsrredd - 08/07/2014 05:41 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 961

You deserved it 4 156

Real housewives

By restraining orders are just paper - 20/03/2021 23:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. The constant harassment, threats and stalking by my ex-wife have finally driven her away. This is the third time this has happened. My ex physically beat the other two up, and now she’s scared away the one I wanted to marry. The courts have done nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 95

By Danielle - 09/04/2011 23:00 - United States

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 299

You deserved it 27 274

By pained - 02/05/2014 00:23 - United States

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received does not actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing balance and slamming my injured toe into objects and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 283

You deserved it 4 703

Parenting gone feral

By hungry - 22/10/2019 04:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 269

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 532

You deserved it 4 964

Pants on fire

By Lucille - 07/09/2019 00:01

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 279

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 06:27 - United States

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 277

You deserved it 3 102

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Top comments

Andryah 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Bastard

Petey_devil 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 22:39

3 is fake. that picture is all over ads for "real people" dating sites, like ads on myspace.

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Sucks for you. Sorry

wreckem881 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

well Greg looks like you need to sharpen your career skills a bit

austin_DGAF 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 21:21

and it looks like you are sitting on a toilet. p.s. clean up

Tikwichka 5

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Thursday 3 June 2010 21:29

A dirty mirror and finished toilet rolls in the background do not make a good photograph.

wreckem881 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 21:30

the only thing needing cleaning up is your attitude, Sir

wreckem881 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 21:31

haha at first I mistook you for a guy

KTpants 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 22:48

lol @ 49

Tikwichka 5

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Thursday 3 June 2010 23:57

To be fair, I am dressed as a Dalek :-P

Andryah 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:23

Bastard

rikard_fml 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:25

indeed

nicholaslim 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:47

hello there 3, you're cute ;D

irsmeagol 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 20:17

u fail

matrasveer 1

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Thursday 3 June 2010 20:19

That's so desperate and it's not even her. I'm willing to bet OP's raise... oh wait..

austin_DGAF 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 21:26

So 31, how is the whole hitting on girls over FML working for you?

Petey_devil 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 22:39

3 is fake. that picture is all over ads for "real people" dating sites, like ads on myspace.

iJasper 8

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Friday 5 August 2011 10:13

58, You still use Myspace?

bodoquito89 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:27

how did he get it when you'd been told it was for you?

Stefany713 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:27

and the thread-jacking begins >:D

lanester25 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:27

I'd key his car bastard

lisaaaar 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:28

unless if it was in writing then it wasn't yours :x. just sayin

kbobcat 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:28

thats sucks, and 1 and 3 are very pretty

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:42

I feel slighted... *sigh*

mikagesouji 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

That really sucks.

buggybeauty 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

fyl!!

rakume 0

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Thursday 3 June 2010 19:29

that sux. well at least you still have a job

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 58

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 59

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 123

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